After getting a grand total of three hours of sleep, I’m awake. I’ve never been more grateful to be back home. And this is the first time in years that I’ve dared to call anyplace home…
Jonathan rolled over and yawned. It was early yet, and he wasn’t altogether sure why he was awake. Then he remembered last night. Jess taking Christian and leaving. He knew no one else had gotten a good night’s sleep but him - and that was only because Jonathan had an amazing ability to sleep no matter what was going on. Nate had been up pacing half the night. Liam was quieter, but Jon had been able to make out the rise and fall of his voice as he prayed for so long that Jon had eventually dropped off.
Because he really was concerned, Jon got his cell and scrolled through the numbers until he found the one saved as GC, for Grand Central. He didn’t care that it was barely seven in the morning and he might wake someone up. Sometimes, things took priority. Deep down, Jon needed to know where Jess and Christian were. If they were safe.
So he called, startled when it was picked up after half a ring.
“Hello?”
“Jess?” he asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” she answered, wishing she could prop her eyelids open manually. She was exhausted.
Christian had been up, and sick in multiple senses of the word, during the three hours she had attempted sleep. Now that it was time for her to be up, he finally slept. Jess supposed she should be grateful for that. He needed rest. The poor little guy had a rough night.
“Hey, it’s Jonathan. Glad you’re back.”
He busied himself trying to figure out what the heck to do to make Nate’s coffeemaker do its thing. He’d never made a pot himself, but knew that if Nate was ever going to need coffee, today would be the day.
“Thanks,” Jess said, yawning, too tired to even be embarrassed for her actions last night.
She walked over to take care of the empty pizza boxes on the table. The dessert plate still held melted tiramisu and soggy lady fingers. Jess threw that out too.
“How’s Christian?” Jon asked hesitantly.
“He’s really sick,” Jess admitted, growing queasy at the mere thought of it. “I can’t take him to preschool that way.”
“If you need somebody to watch him, I can do it,” Jon offered. He had finally found the filters and was meticulously scooping spoonfuls of Nate’s new Thanksgiving blend coffee beans into one of them. That stuff could wake you up even if you were dead. He poured water in, turned it on and waited, while Jess’s silence consumed the other end.
Jess was touched by his offer, but skeptical. “Do you have experience with children? Ever watch your niece and nephew or anything?” she wondered, scraping the ruined dessert into the trash.
Jon thought about this, as he watched what looked like plain water filter down back into the coffee pot. He furrowed his brow. “Not really, I guess. I mean, I’ll probably go home and take them trick-or-treating on Halloween,” he ventured. He thought it best not to mention that he was massacring perfectly good coffee as they spoke.
“That’s really nice of you to offer, but I can figure out something,” Jess decided.
Jon turned the machine off, and scooped the coffee beans out with a spoon. Then, he looked at the rest of Nate’s coffee choices, realizing belatedly that all the times Jon saw coffee being made, it was already ground by the time it was in the filter. That pumpkin flavor had actually been pretty good. He picked it out and replaced a few scoops of that, dumping the little bit of water from the pot and starting it over. He watched intently, relieved when a warm, fall scent filled the room.
“Well,” Jon rationalized. “You’ve got to go to class, or you’ll fall behind, and you’ve got to go to work or you’ll get fired. Everybody else has a life on Tuesdays except for me.” Pausing, he considered for a moment, and then decided to let her in a little.
Jess waited in front of their own coffeemaker - inhaling the aroma and thanking God for caffeine.
“I don’t have experience with kids, but I know how to take care of people when they’re sick. Christian’s not just a kid, he’s a person. I’ve got an aunt that’s been really sick. She’s got cancer and everything. So I’m used to it. I mean, it still grosses me out, but I can take it,” Jon finished quietly.
Jess made one of those sympathetic humming sounds.
“I’m sorry your aunt’s sick,” she offered.
“Me, too,” he echoed. “Listen, what if I came a little early. Let him get used to me a little? I know he was kind of freaked out when Liam had him before. So we can get used to each other, and you can see how we, you know, interact.”
Jess sighed, remembering Morgan’s words in the church. She was starting to trust them. And she knew Jon deserved a chance - just like they all did - to prove himself.
“All right, come on over,” she said, relenting.
--
Jon stood in the girls’ kitchen a while later, patiently listening as Jess gave pages-worth of instructions. What to do if Christian’s temperature went up. What to feed him if he was hungry. What to say if someone called asking for Jess. But Jon filed it all away figuring he could use it, either to surprise Anna and watch Kendall and Quinn, or when he and Ashley got married and had their own kids.
“I won’t be able to pay you, I’m sorry,” Jess apologized, thinking again of last night in the church.
Before they left, Jess wrote a note and left it on the inside of the front door. In it, she identified herself and apologized for breaking the window. Without being asked, Morgan wrote out a check, put it in an envelope labeled WINDOW, and placed it in the offering plate in the sanctuary.
Jon held up a hand. “Jess, I don’t want your money. I mean, I love it, don’t get me wrong, but this is just a favor. Free of charge.”
Jess smiled, grateful for his selflessness. “Now, you have my work number. If you get overwhelmed, just call me, and I can come home.”
Jon recognized the look in her eyes. Too similar to the one she had when she was sharing about being left at the theater by her mom. “Jess, don’t worry. I’m not going to leave him.”
“Thank you,” she said, and he pretended not to hear the catch in her voice.
Christian woke up for a few minutes so Jess invited Jon in to say hello. The kid really did look rough. Tired and listless, like he had no energy and felt like crap.
“Hey,” he offered quietly. “I’m gonna stay with you while your mom goes to class and work and stuff, okay?”
Christian nodded.
Jess smoothed his curls. “I showed him where the 7Up is, and how you like your toast. So if you’re hungry, Jon can make that for you. He’s just going to sit with you, until I come back, so you don’t feel lonely, okay?”
“Okay,” Christian nodded, feeling better inside about Jonathan being there, even though he still felt yucky-sick. He was too tired, so he closed his eyes. But he opened them again when he thought of something. “Are we staying here now?”
“Yes, baby. We’re staying. And Legend and Morgan and Libby and Emily are here, too. You can go to sleep.”
Jess and Jon stepped out, and Jess rushed around getting dressed for work, since she would have to go straight there after class. She grabbed her books, as Jon sat at the table, thinking about what he could have for breakfast.
Reading his thoughts, Jess nodded at the kitchen in general. “Make yourself at home. Help yourself to anything you can find to eat.” Grabbing her coat, Jess headed for the door, not looking forward to the bike ride to campus.
“Jess. Think fast,” Jon called softly, tossing his car keys to her.
She glanced at him, surprised.
“Take it. I’ll be here. And come back here for BS,” he said. “I left Liam a note that we’d have it here.”
Jess nodded, “I will. Thanks.” Then, she made herself leave, before Jon could see the tears his generosity had brought to her eyes.
--
Morgan heard Jess leave and shot out of bed. She had an eight o’clock class. She rushed to get dressed, before realizing she had collapsed in bed fully clothed the night before. She grabbed her journal, figuring she’d write on the run today.
She stopped short when she got to the kitchen, seeing Jonathan sitting at the table. He was eating a muffin and drinking coffee from one of Emily’s crazy orange and purple mugs, and he appeared deeply engrossed in the sports section of the paper. Jon glanced up, hearing footsteps, and tossed a muffin at Morgan.
“Did you ever go home?” she asked, taking a bite and appreciating Libby’s good taste. Chocolate-chip muffins were almost as good as chocolate-chip cookies. Chocolate had caffeine in it, too. God knew she needed some of that.
“Yeah, but I called this morning to see what was up. Jess said Christian’s still sick so I offered to be on kid-duty.”
Morgan nodded, quickly draining one cup of coffee and pouring herself a second one, finally feeling herself perk up a little. “Cool,” she managed.
“Oh, and BS is here today,” Jon added. “Pass that on if you see anyone else.”
--
Coby arrived at Grand Central before anyone else. He needed to see Jess, and know she was okay. Unfortunately, Jonathan answered the door, inviting him in like he owned the place.
“Go say hi to Christian,” he urged, once Coby was inside. “He’s getting stir-crazy and says he’s bored, but I think he’ll wear himself out before too long.”
So, Coby made his way to the room Christian shared with Jess, trying not to feel weird about it. But he found he didn’t, especially when he saw that it resembled a little kid’s room more than it did an adult woman’s. A huge Lego project sat in one corner. Clothes littered the floor, as did Christian’s backpack and little stuffed pig.
“Coby,” Christian called very soft because that’s what happened when you got sick. “Can you get Bacony for me? He keeps jumping over there.”
Chuckling, Coby bent down and retrieved the stuffed animal, tossing it lightly to Christian who lay on the futon, tangled in sheets and blankets. “There you go,” he said, sitting down on the edge.
Christian quick climbed into Coby’s lap to test out his scratchy beard. That was only one of his favorite things about Coby. The other ones were that he had a cool motorcycle, he could throw a baseball far, and the last one was that Coby made him and his mom feel very good and safe inside.
“Still scratchy,” Christian decided, feeling tired. He didn’t have that much excitement inside. That’s because being sick used it all up.
He was still in Coby’s arms when Christian started to fall asleep. He could feel himself being moved all around and then he was on his pillow again. Coby’s hand moved real gentle on Christian’s hair, through all his curls.
--
By the time he came back out, Coby saw everybody else had arrived, including Jess, whom he hadn’t seen since she left the night before.
“Hey,” he said, walking up slowly. She looked run into the ground, but hopeful. Hope wasn’t something Coby had seen on her face yet.
Jess smiled. “Hey, how’s he doing?” she asked, clutching the clay handprint she’d picked up from preschool. It was so small and perfect. Jess imagined a time her own hand had been that size.
“He’s fine. Bacony was a little unruly though,” he said ruefully. “Jumping across the room.”
Jess nodded, laughing. “He’s been doing that lately.”
“I’m glad you’re back,” Coby said seriously.
“Thanks.”
Liam waited patiently while the talking fizzled out and nodded at Jess with a little smile. As it happened, God had given him the perfect idea for Bible study in a house with sleeping kid. They were going to write letters to each other.
Around him, Liam could hear all kinds of conversations. How Libby and Aaron had plans to go to McDonald’s for Happy Meals so that Christian could have the toys. Morgan and Nathaniel swapping stories on how he was going to be swamped by schoolwork and dish duty, and how Morgan had plans to ditch it all and take mental health days, going away to ski and snowboard. Between her brothers’ accident, and last night, Liam guessed she’d had enough drama to last a while.
“Hey, so what are we doing today?” Jon asked.
Liam waited until silence fell, and then explained. “I think we’re just going write some letters.”
“For what?” Libby asked, confused.
“Writing letters can be cathartic,” Liam said, keeping his volume low, respecting the fact that there was a child sleeping.
“What’s cathartic?” Nate whispered, elbowing Libby and grinning.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. But I don’t think Liam knows either, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“You weirdos. It means, like, healing,” Emily substituted, grinning.
Unaware of the side-conversation, Liam continued, “So, I thought we could each pick someone in this room and write a letter to them. It can be someone you know you’ve offended,” Liam made himself look at Jess as he spoke. “Or it doesn’t have to be deep at all.” Wordlessly, he passed out notebook paper, and Jess got up for pens and pencils.
Then, silently, they all got to work.
--
Coby,
Thank you for not being afraid to act in the face of a crisis. It meant a lot not to be the only one looking for Jess and Christian last night. I think you’re a great person, and I’m really blessed to know you. Jess is a lucky girl.
Morgan
--
Hey Morgantown,
So I don’t know where that came from, but I kind of like the sound of it. From the first minute I saw you standing on your kitchen table cleaning off the ceiling I knew I’d found a kindred spirit. Thank God for that, I’d hate to be the only daredevil. On a serious note, thanks for bringing Jess and Christian home. I don’t know what you said, but I can see a change in her. As someone who cares very much for her, I appreciate that.
Coby
--
Liam,
My mom’s sending new brownies soon. So here’s what I’m thinking. If you and Nate want some, I’ll set one aside, in a secret location, at a secret time. Whoever wants it has to find it and whoever finds it first gets to eat it. Deal?
How’s that for catharsis?
PS This will only work if you tell Nate about the plan.
Jon
--
Jonathan,
I never liked you. And that’s the truth. Ever since I met you, I thought you were selfish and spoiled…until today, when I saw you with Christian. I’m sorry for judging you so harshly and wrongly.
Love,
Libby
--
Dear Libby,
You have quickly become one of the best friends I’ve ever had. Thank you for teaching me to paint, making me laugh, and doing all the things a best friend should do. Liam apologized for the whole Joey mix-up. I think Joey called him. So that’s good. Let’s get together soon and study your Spanish.
Nate
--
Nate,
I judged you. More than I want to admit to you, I judged you when you came out. I guess I’ve led a pretty sheltered life, because I’ve never known anyone like you, and I never wanted to. But now that I know you, I realize there is more to a person than orientation. You don’t judge me just because I’m straight so why should I judge you because you’re not. Now that I know you, I’m so glad I do.
Legend
--
Dear Legend,
As you know, I suck at writing letters, but here goes. I miss you. I’m glad we can still see each other as often as we do. It would be pretty lonely if I didn’t have you, Jess and Christian here with me. So thanks for staying close.
Aaron
--
Aaron,
I think our team is gonna take it. What do you think?
Bryan
--
Bryan,
I wanted to thank you for taking me to church with you. You never made me feel dumb and you always answered all my questions - even the ones that turned out to be really dumb, like, where is Jesus in the middle of all the stuff about God the Father and Mary, when it’s like, Jesus is the whole reason for Communion and everything. Thanks for taking me up to get a blessing even though I couldn’t take Communion. I really liked learning about your church and your faith. There’s something very deeply respectful about it that I like. I wish I could be as confident in my faith as you are in yours. You are really amazing.
Emily
--
Dear Emily,
I’m sorry if we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. I’m really sorry Christian ruined your bedspread. Also, I never meant to hurt your feelings when you left that mess before. I never did apologize for that, so I am now. I just wanted you to clean up after yourself, and if you can’t, or it’s too big for you, ask for help, don’t just leave it there for someone else to clean. Anyway, I didn’t write this to rag on you. I love you, and I want you to know that. Your excitement and love for life always lift my spirits.
Thanks for everything you are.
Love,
Jess
--
Dear Jess,
I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t even want to take the time to read this, but I hope you do, so I can tell you that I’m sorry for playing such a big part in driving you away. I did a lot of praying last night, and I realized something. If it were Libby in your situation instead of you, I would hate to think that somebody was out there treating her the way I’ve been treating you.
I let my anxiety about your situation get in the way of my perception of what was really going on. You’re a great mother, and I really admire the job you do with Christian. I know life hasn’t always been easy for you, but you don’t let that stop you. I hope you never will. If you ever need anything, I’d be glad to help you in any way I can.
Liam
--
“So your brother wrote me a great letter,” Jess offered, on her hands and knees in Libby’s room. She was doing her best to get the paint out of the awkward places it managed to get - like on the hardwood floor.
It was Wednesday night, and they had put Emily on Christian-duty, as Morgan was busy packing for her big skiing and snowboarding trip. She would leave as soon as she had everything she needed. Legend was on a quick trip home to visit her parents.
Libby stared at her comforter, in shock over the bit of information. “He did?”
“Yeah.” Jess nodded, still surprised herself. “He apologized, and said he thinks I’m a great mother. You didn’t know that?”
“Wow. That’s great. No, he doesn’t tell me anything,” Libby said thoughtfully, taking what was left of her red and orange acrylic paint and creating tiny flowers sprouting out of Christian’s sunset.
“I think I’m gonna pass up Emily’s offer to shop for a new blanket,” she said, decidedly adding a little flourish to each flower.
Jess jumped up. “What are you doing?!”
“Making flowers,” Libby said sweetly. “I think I really like it this way anyway,” she said, admiring the painting. “It just…needs something…” she mused. Leaning over, she whispered a request in Jess’s ear.
--
Jess and Libby stood in the doorway to Christian’s room, stifling giggles.
“Okay, Christian.” Emily said importantly. “I’ll be the giant and you be Jack. You just lie there, and I’ll tower over you like this,” Emily demonstrated.
“You do that all the time already,” Christian pointed out. “And what about Bacony? He wants to be in the play, too.”
Emily thought about this. “Okay, he can be the hen you stole from the old woman’s house.”
Christian shook his head stubbornly. “I would never steal from an old woman. That’s wrong. If she wanted Bacony, I would just let her have him.”
“Hey, Christian,” Libby said, recognizing the spark of temper flaring in Emily’s eyes. She never did well if her performers gave her a hard time. “Can you come here for a minute?”
He nodded. He was glad to see his mom and Libby. Emily was getting too bossy. Christian held his arms up and Libby lifted him up and carried him to her room.
First, Christian felt bad inside. He thought Libby was going to be mad at him about the paint, but she wasn’t.
“I saw the handprint you did at school and it gave me an idea for my blanket you painted. Usually, we wouldn’t do this, but it’s like an art project now. So I was wondering if I painted your hands, would you put your handprints on my blanket?”
Christian’s eyes got very big. He looked at his mom for her to say okay, but she was busy talking to Emily about shopping.
Emily was excitedly telling Jess about the new bedding that he had found while on break at her retail job just that day. “Just think,” she went on, touching the new comforter reverently. “If this hadn’t happened, I would have never had the opportunity to splurge on this. Just thought I’d share, since, you know, my excitement lifts your spirits.” Emily smiled endearingly.
Jess shook her head, blinking at the garishly pink polka-dotted spread.
“Mom!” Christian exclaimed, swaying a little on his feet. “Look at my hands! We should do this on our blanket, huh, Mom? You would really like that!” Christian nodded, feeling very sure he was right.
“Okay guys, I’m heading out,” Morgan called, coming down the hall. She’d said goodbye to Legend earlier, and gotten people to cover her eleven to eleven shift the next day, though she offered it to Jess first. She even knew what her classes would be covering.
“You can’t leave yet!” Libby demanded. “Christian and I have to wash our hands so we can hug you!” She hustled out, with Christian in her arms.
“Wow, this is some project,” Morgan said, admiring the comforter.
“Did you see mine?” Emily asked, pointing. “I bought it today. Perfect timing, huh?”
Morgan laughed, hugging her. “Sounds perfect to me. You take care, and I’ll see you when I get back.”
Next, Morgan wrapped her arms around Jess and hugged her tightly. “I love you. If you need anything, call me, and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”
“I will,” Jess promised. “You have fun and be safe.”
“So Christian and I were talking,” Libby announced coming back across the hall, with Christian resting comfortably in her arms. “And we decided we should do a whole house handprint-blanket. Or like, a whole Madness one. We should make Liam spearhead it. He’d go nuts,” she smiled, as Morgan leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Tell Liam and the other guys I said bye too,” she told Libby.
“And you, maka hiamoe,” Morgan said tenderly, knowing that sleepyhead was appropriate these days for their sick little trooper. “You feel better soon, okay?” Morgan pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Okay,” Christian promised, wrapping his arms around Morgan’s neck. “Aloha, Morgan,” he said, waving. Christian knew that word of Hawaii meant hello and goodbye both.
“Just watch,” Emily quipped laughing. ’By the time you guys move out, he’ll be bilingual.”
Jess gave Morgan one more fierce squeeze, while. “We’re never leaving,” she said softly.
Finally, Morgan made herself let go of Jess and Christian and walk to the door. She looked back once at the people she had come to love as sisters and a baby brother. Then, she walked away, and out of the apartment.
But Morgan left with confidence, knowing she was leaving Jess and Christian not in a hotel or an abandoned church, where they were in danger of being hurt or kicked out.
She was leaving them in a safe place.
The home they all shared, where a mess was a sunset, and a child’s handprint was art.
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