After getting a grand total of three hours of sleep, I’m awake. I’ve never been more grateful to be back home. And this is the first time in years that I’ve dared to call anyplace home…
Jonathan rolled over and yawned. It was early yet, and he wasn’t altogether sure why he was awake. Then he remembered last night. Jess taking Christian and leaving. He knew no one else had gotten a good night’s sleep but him - and that was only because Jonathan had an amazing ability to sleep no matter what was going on. Nate had been up pacing half the night. Liam was quieter, but Jon had been able to make out the rise and fall of his voice as he prayed for so long that Jon had eventually dropped off.
Because he really was concerned, Jon got his cell and scrolled through the numbers until he found the one saved as GC, for Grand Central. He didn’t care that it was barely seven in the morning and he might wake someone up. Sometimes, things took priority. Deep down, Jon needed to know where Jess and Christian were. If they were safe.
So he called, startled when it was picked up after half a ring.
“Hello?”
“Jess?” he asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” she answered, wishing she could prop her eyelids open manually. She was exhausted.
Christian had been up, and sick in multiple senses of the word, during the three hours she had attempted sleep. Now that it was time for her to be up, he finally slept. Jess supposed she should be grateful for that. He needed rest. The poor little guy had a rough night.
“Hey, it’s Jonathan. Glad you’re back.”
He busied himself trying to figure out what the heck to do to make Nate’s coffeemaker do its thing. He’d never made a pot himself, but knew that if Nate was ever going to need coffee, today would be the day.
“Thanks,” Jess said, yawning, too tired to even be embarrassed for her actions last night.
She walked over to take care of the empty pizza boxes on the table. The dessert plate still held melted tiramisu and soggy lady fingers. Jess threw that out too.
“How’s Christian?” Jon asked hesitantly.
“He’s really sick,” Jess admitted, growing queasy at the mere thought of it. “I can’t take him to preschool that way.”
“If you need somebody to watch him, I can do it,” Jon offered. He had finally found the filters and was meticulously scooping spoonfuls of Nate’s new Thanksgiving blend coffee beans into one of them. That stuff could wake you up even if you were dead. He poured water in, turned it on and waited, while Jess’s silence consumed the other end.
Jess was touched by his offer, but skeptical. “Do you have experience with children? Ever watch your niece and nephew or anything?” she wondered, scraping the ruined dessert into the trash.
Jon thought about this, as he watched what looked like plain water filter down back into the coffee pot. He furrowed his brow. “Not really, I guess. I mean, I’ll probably go home and take them trick-or-treating on Halloween,” he ventured. He thought it best not to mention that he was massacring perfectly good coffee as they spoke.
“That’s really nice of you to offer, but I can figure out something,” Jess decided.
Jon turned the machine off, and scooped the coffee beans out with a spoon. Then, he looked at the rest of Nate’s coffee choices, realizing belatedly that all the times Jon saw coffee being made, it was already ground by the time it was in the filter. That pumpkin flavor had actually been pretty good. He picked it out and replaced a few scoops of that, dumping the little bit of water from the pot and starting it over. He watched intently, relieved when a warm, fall scent filled the room.
“Well,” Jon rationalized. “You’ve got to go to class, or you’ll fall behind, and you’ve got to go to work or you’ll get fired. Everybody else has a life on Tuesdays except for me.” Pausing, he considered for a moment, and then decided to let her in a little.
Jess waited in front of their own coffeemaker - inhaling the aroma and thanking God for caffeine.
“I don’t have experience with kids, but I know how to take care of people when they’re sick. Christian’s not just a kid, he’s a person. I’ve got an aunt that’s been really sick. She’s got cancer and everything. So I’m used to it. I mean, it still grosses me out, but I can take it,” Jon finished quietly.
Jess made one of those sympathetic humming sounds.
“I’m sorry your aunt’s sick,” she offered.
“Me, too,” he echoed. “Listen, what if I came a little early. Let him get used to me a little? I know he was kind of freaked out when Liam had him before. So we can get used to each other, and you can see how we, you know, interact.”
Jess sighed, remembering Morgan’s words in the church. She was starting to trust them. And she knew Jon deserved a chance - just like they all did - to prove himself.
“All right, come on over,” she said, relenting.
--
Jon stood in the girls’ kitchen a while later, patiently listening as Jess gave pages-worth of instructions. What to do if Christian’s temperature went up. What to feed him if he was hungry. What to say if someone called asking for Jess. But Jon filed it all away figuring he could use it, either to surprise Anna and watch Kendall and Quinn, or when he and Ashley got married and had their own kids.
“I won’t be able to pay you, I’m sorry,” Jess apologized, thinking again of last night in the church.
Before they left, Jess wrote a note and left it on the inside of the front door. In it, she identified herself and apologized for breaking the window. Without being asked, Morgan wrote out a check, put it in an envelope labeled WINDOW, and placed it in the offering plate in the sanctuary.
Jon held up a hand. “Jess, I don’t want your money. I mean, I love it, don’t get me wrong, but this is just a favor. Free of charge.”
Jess smiled, grateful for his selflessness. “Now, you have my work number. If you get overwhelmed, just call me, and I can come home.”
Jon recognized the look in her eyes. Too similar to the one she had when she was sharing about being left at the theater by her mom. “Jess, don’t worry. I’m not going to leave him.”
“Thank you,” she said, and he pretended not to hear the catch in her voice.
Christian woke up for a few minutes so Jess invited Jon in to say hello. The kid really did look rough. Tired and listless, like he had no energy and felt like crap.
“Hey,” he offered quietly. “I’m gonna stay with you while your mom goes to class and work and stuff, okay?”
Christian nodded.
Jess smoothed his curls. “I showed him where the 7Up is, and how you like your toast. So if you’re hungry, Jon can make that for you. He’s just going to sit with you, until I come back, so you don’t feel lonely, okay?”
“Okay,” Christian nodded, feeling better inside about Jonathan being there, even though he still felt yucky-sick. He was too tired, so he closed his eyes. But he opened them again when he thought of something. “Are we staying here now?”
“Yes, baby. We’re staying. And Legend and Morgan and Libby and Emily are here, too. You can go to sleep.”
Jess and Jon stepped out, and Jess rushed around getting dressed for work, since she would have to go straight there after class. She grabbed her books, as Jon sat at the table, thinking about what he could have for breakfast.
Reading his thoughts, Jess nodded at the kitchen in general. “Make yourself at home. Help yourself to anything you can find to eat.” Grabbing her coat, Jess headed for the door, not looking forward to the bike ride to campus.
“Jess. Think fast,” Jon called softly, tossing his car keys to her.
She glanced at him, surprised.
“Take it. I’ll be here. And come back here for BS,” he said. “I left Liam a note that we’d have it here.”
Jess nodded, “I will. Thanks.” Then, she made herself leave, before Jon could see the tears his generosity had brought to her eyes.
--
Morgan heard Jess leave and shot out of bed. She had an eight o’clock class. She rushed to get dressed, before realizing she had collapsed in bed fully clothed the night before. She grabbed her journal, figuring she’d write on the run today.
She stopped short when she got to the kitchen, seeing Jonathan sitting at the table. He was eating a muffin and drinking coffee from one of Emily’s crazy orange and purple mugs, and he appeared deeply engrossed in the sports section of the paper. Jon glanced up, hearing footsteps, and tossed a muffin at Morgan.
“Did you ever go home?” she asked, taking a bite and appreciating Libby’s good taste. Chocolate-chip muffins were almost as good as chocolate-chip cookies. Chocolate had caffeine in it, too. God knew she needed some of that.
“Yeah, but I called this morning to see what was up. Jess said Christian’s still sick so I offered to be on kid-duty.”
Morgan nodded, quickly draining one cup of coffee and pouring herself a second one, finally feeling herself perk up a little. “Cool,” she managed.
“Oh, and BS is here today,” Jon added. “Pass that on if you see anyone else.”
--
Coby arrived at Grand Central before anyone else. He needed to see Jess, and know she was okay. Unfortunately, Jonathan answered the door, inviting him in like he owned the place.
“Go say hi to Christian,” he urged, once Coby was inside. “He’s getting stir-crazy and says he’s bored, but I think he’ll wear himself out before too long.”
So, Coby made his way to the room Christian shared with Jess, trying not to feel weird about it. But he found he didn’t, especially when he saw that it resembled a little kid’s room more than it did an adult woman’s. A huge Lego project sat in one corner. Clothes littered the floor, as did Christian’s backpack and little stuffed pig.
“Coby,” Christian called very soft because that’s what happened when you got sick. “Can you get Bacony for me? He keeps jumping over there.”
Chuckling, Coby bent down and retrieved the stuffed animal, tossing it lightly to Christian who lay on the futon, tangled in sheets and blankets. “There you go,” he said, sitting down on the edge.
Christian quick climbed into Coby’s lap to test out his scratchy beard. That was only one of his favorite things about Coby. The other ones were that he had a cool motorcycle, he could throw a baseball far, and the last one was that Coby made him and his mom feel very good and safe inside.
“Still scratchy,” Christian decided, feeling tired. He didn’t have that much excitement inside. That’s because being sick used it all up.
He was still in Coby’s arms when Christian started to fall asleep. He could feel himself being moved all around and then he was on his pillow again. Coby’s hand moved real gentle on Christian’s hair, through all his curls.
--
By the time he came back out, Coby saw everybody else had arrived, including Jess, whom he hadn’t seen since she left the night before.
“Hey,” he said, walking up slowly. She looked run into the ground, but hopeful. Hope wasn’t something Coby had seen on her face yet.
Jess smiled. “Hey, how’s he doing?” she asked, clutching the clay handprint she’d picked up from preschool. It was so small and perfect. Jess imagined a time her own hand had been that size.
“He’s fine. Bacony was a little unruly though,” he said ruefully. “Jumping across the room.”
Jess nodded, laughing. “He’s been doing that lately.”
“I’m glad you’re back,” Coby said seriously.
“Thanks.”
Liam waited patiently while the talking fizzled out and nodded at Jess with a little smile. As it happened, God had given him the perfect idea for Bible study in a house with sleeping kid. They were going to write letters to each other.
Around him, Liam could hear all kinds of conversations. How Libby and Aaron had plans to go to McDonald’s for Happy Meals so that Christian could have the toys. Morgan and Nathaniel swapping stories on how he was going to be swamped by schoolwork and dish duty, and how Morgan had plans to ditch it all and take mental health days, going away to ski and snowboard. Between her brothers’ accident, and last night, Liam guessed she’d had enough drama to last a while.
“Hey, so what are we doing today?” Jon asked.
Liam waited until silence fell, and then explained. “I think we’re just going write some letters.”
“For what?” Libby asked, confused.
“Writing letters can be cathartic,” Liam said, keeping his volume low, respecting the fact that there was a child sleeping.
“What’s cathartic?” Nate whispered, elbowing Libby and grinning.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. But I don’t think Liam knows either, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“You weirdos. It means, like, healing,” Emily substituted, grinning.
Unaware of the side-conversation, Liam continued, “So, I thought we could each pick someone in this room and write a letter to them. It can be someone you know you’ve offended,” Liam made himself look at Jess as he spoke. “Or it doesn’t have to be deep at all.” Wordlessly, he passed out notebook paper, and Jess got up for pens and pencils.
Then, silently, they all got to work.
--
Coby,
Thank you for not being afraid to act in the face of a crisis. It meant a lot not to be the only one looking for Jess and Christian last night. I think you’re a great person, and I’m really blessed to know you. Jess is a lucky girl.
Morgan
--
Hey Morgantown,
So I don’t know where that came from, but I kind of like the sound of it. From the first minute I saw you standing on your kitchen table cleaning off the ceiling I knew I’d found a kindred spirit. Thank God for that, I’d hate to be the only daredevil. On a serious note, thanks for bringing Jess and Christian home. I don’t know what you said, but I can see a change in her. As someone who cares very much for her, I appreciate that.
Coby
--
Liam,
My mom’s sending new brownies soon. So here’s what I’m thinking. If you and Nate want some, I’ll set one aside, in a secret location, at a secret time. Whoever wants it has to find it and whoever finds it first gets to eat it. Deal?
How’s that for catharsis?
PS This will only work if you tell Nate about the plan.
Jon
--
Jonathan,
I never liked you. And that’s the truth. Ever since I met you, I thought you were selfish and spoiled…until today, when I saw you with Christian. I’m sorry for judging you so harshly and wrongly.
Love,
Libby
--
Dear Libby,
You have quickly become one of the best friends I’ve ever had. Thank you for teaching me to paint, making me laugh, and doing all the things a best friend should do. Liam apologized for the whole Joey mix-up. I think Joey called him. So that’s good. Let’s get together soon and study your Spanish.
Nate
--
Nate,
I judged you. More than I want to admit to you, I judged you when you came out. I guess I’ve led a pretty sheltered life, because I’ve never known anyone like you, and I never wanted to. But now that I know you, I realize there is more to a person than orientation. You don’t judge me just because I’m straight so why should I judge you because you’re not. Now that I know you, I’m so glad I do.
Legend
--
Dear Legend,
As you know, I suck at writing letters, but here goes. I miss you. I’m glad we can still see each other as often as we do. It would be pretty lonely if I didn’t have you, Jess and Christian here with me. So thanks for staying close.
Aaron
--
Aaron,
I think our team is gonna take it. What do you think?
Bryan
--
Bryan,
I wanted to thank you for taking me to church with you. You never made me feel dumb and you always answered all my questions - even the ones that turned out to be really dumb, like, where is Jesus in the middle of all the stuff about God the Father and Mary, when it’s like, Jesus is the whole reason for Communion and everything. Thanks for taking me up to get a blessing even though I couldn’t take Communion. I really liked learning about your church and your faith. There’s something very deeply respectful about it that I like. I wish I could be as confident in my faith as you are in yours. You are really amazing.
Emily
--
Dear Emily,
I’m sorry if we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. I’m really sorry Christian ruined your bedspread. Also, I never meant to hurt your feelings when you left that mess before. I never did apologize for that, so I am now. I just wanted you to clean up after yourself, and if you can’t, or it’s too big for you, ask for help, don’t just leave it there for someone else to clean. Anyway, I didn’t write this to rag on you. I love you, and I want you to know that. Your excitement and love for life always lift my spirits.
Thanks for everything you are.
Love,
Jess
--
Dear Jess,
I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t even want to take the time to read this, but I hope you do, so I can tell you that I’m sorry for playing such a big part in driving you away. I did a lot of praying last night, and I realized something. If it were Libby in your situation instead of you, I would hate to think that somebody was out there treating her the way I’ve been treating you.
I let my anxiety about your situation get in the way of my perception of what was really going on. You’re a great mother, and I really admire the job you do with Christian. I know life hasn’t always been easy for you, but you don’t let that stop you. I hope you never will. If you ever need anything, I’d be glad to help you in any way I can.
Liam
--
“So your brother wrote me a great letter,” Jess offered, on her hands and knees in Libby’s room. She was doing her best to get the paint out of the awkward places it managed to get - like on the hardwood floor.
It was Wednesday night, and they had put Emily on Christian-duty, as Morgan was busy packing for her big skiing and snowboarding trip. She would leave as soon as she had everything she needed. Legend was on a quick trip home to visit her parents.
Libby stared at her comforter, in shock over the bit of information. “He did?”
“Yeah.” Jess nodded, still surprised herself. “He apologized, and said he thinks I’m a great mother. You didn’t know that?”
“Wow. That’s great. No, he doesn’t tell me anything,” Libby said thoughtfully, taking what was left of her red and orange acrylic paint and creating tiny flowers sprouting out of Christian’s sunset.
“I think I’m gonna pass up Emily’s offer to shop for a new blanket,” she said, decidedly adding a little flourish to each flower.
Jess jumped up. “What are you doing?!”
“Making flowers,” Libby said sweetly. “I think I really like it this way anyway,” she said, admiring the painting. “It just…needs something…” she mused. Leaning over, she whispered a request in Jess’s ear.
--
Jess and Libby stood in the doorway to Christian’s room, stifling giggles.
“Okay, Christian.” Emily said importantly. “I’ll be the giant and you be Jack. You just lie there, and I’ll tower over you like this,” Emily demonstrated.
“You do that all the time already,” Christian pointed out. “And what about Bacony? He wants to be in the play, too.”
Emily thought about this. “Okay, he can be the hen you stole from the old woman’s house.”
Christian shook his head stubbornly. “I would never steal from an old woman. That’s wrong. If she wanted Bacony, I would just let her have him.”
“Hey, Christian,” Libby said, recognizing the spark of temper flaring in Emily’s eyes. She never did well if her performers gave her a hard time. “Can you come here for a minute?”
He nodded. He was glad to see his mom and Libby. Emily was getting too bossy. Christian held his arms up and Libby lifted him up and carried him to her room.
First, Christian felt bad inside. He thought Libby was going to be mad at him about the paint, but she wasn’t.
“I saw the handprint you did at school and it gave me an idea for my blanket you painted. Usually, we wouldn’t do this, but it’s like an art project now. So I was wondering if I painted your hands, would you put your handprints on my blanket?”
Christian’s eyes got very big. He looked at his mom for her to say okay, but she was busy talking to Emily about shopping.
Emily was excitedly telling Jess about the new bedding that he had found while on break at her retail job just that day. “Just think,” she went on, touching the new comforter reverently. “If this hadn’t happened, I would have never had the opportunity to splurge on this. Just thought I’d share, since, you know, my excitement lifts your spirits.” Emily smiled endearingly.
Jess shook her head, blinking at the garishly pink polka-dotted spread.
“Mom!” Christian exclaimed, swaying a little on his feet. “Look at my hands! We should do this on our blanket, huh, Mom? You would really like that!” Christian nodded, feeling very sure he was right.
“Okay guys, I’m heading out,” Morgan called, coming down the hall. She’d said goodbye to Legend earlier, and gotten people to cover her eleven to eleven shift the next day, though she offered it to Jess first. She even knew what her classes would be covering.
“You can’t leave yet!” Libby demanded. “Christian and I have to wash our hands so we can hug you!” She hustled out, with Christian in her arms.
“Wow, this is some project,” Morgan said, admiring the comforter.
“Did you see mine?” Emily asked, pointing. “I bought it today. Perfect timing, huh?”
Morgan laughed, hugging her. “Sounds perfect to me. You take care, and I’ll see you when I get back.”
Next, Morgan wrapped her arms around Jess and hugged her tightly. “I love you. If you need anything, call me, and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”
“I will,” Jess promised. “You have fun and be safe.”
“So Christian and I were talking,” Libby announced coming back across the hall, with Christian resting comfortably in her arms. “And we decided we should do a whole house handprint-blanket. Or like, a whole Madness one. We should make Liam spearhead it. He’d go nuts,” she smiled, as Morgan leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Tell Liam and the other guys I said bye too,” she told Libby.
“And you, maka hiamoe,” Morgan said tenderly, knowing that sleepyhead was appropriate these days for their sick little trooper. “You feel better soon, okay?” Morgan pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Okay,” Christian promised, wrapping his arms around Morgan’s neck. “Aloha, Morgan,” he said, waving. Christian knew that word of Hawaii meant hello and goodbye both.
“Just watch,” Emily quipped laughing. ’By the time you guys move out, he’ll be bilingual.”
Jess gave Morgan one more fierce squeeze, while. “We’re never leaving,” she said softly.
Finally, Morgan made herself let go of Jess and Christian and walk to the door. She looked back once at the people she had come to love as sisters and a baby brother. Then, she walked away, and out of the apartment.
But Morgan left with confidence, knowing she was leaving Jess and Christian not in a hotel or an abandoned church, where they were in danger of being hurt or kicked out.
She was leaving them in a safe place.
The home they all shared, where a mess was a sunset, and a child’s handprint was art.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Fall Rising: Chapter 11
I have no idea where I’m going. It’s dark, and I hate being out in the dark with Christian, but I have no choice. I have to protect my son.
Riding away from the apartment, with CJ safely on the back of her bike, Jess finally let herself break down, feeling the abandonment of her mom fresh. Usually, Jess didn’t allow this. This was what her nightmares were for.
In her nightmares, Jess remembered. She remembered not being Jess, the strong and self-reliant person she made herself into, but Jessie, the toddler who was always scared of doing something wrong…always abused, ignored and abandoned.
When Jessie’s daddy was home everything was okay. He remembered important things like supper time, and bath time. Things that her mommy forgot. Whenever her daddy went to work, Jessie felt scared inside. She didn’t know what her mommy would feel like that day. If she would feel lazy and not want to cook or play with her, or if she would feel mean and hurt Jessie just because she wanted to. Her foot still hurt from where she stepped on broken glass one time, and her whole self was sore from being pushed into the wall from a long way away. That was for sassing, Jessie reminded herself. She had to be careful to not do that. Or take anything before her mommy was all the way done with it.
Today, Jessie’s daddy was at work. She got up early and watched his car go down the big driveway. There was snow outside! That made Jessie excited, and she thought of Santa and presents and her mommy being happy all day, as long as Jessie and daddy remembered to keep bringing her more to drink.
Christmas was a special day when Santa brought everybody presents. He always knew what to bring to make Jessie’s mommy happy. Lots of pretty bottles with adult drinks in them. Sometimes she got little bags of sugar, too, that she put in her nose. But she only opened those when Jessie’s daddy was away.
Jessie was thinking of her mommy being happy just like her because of the snow. She found some clothes in the corner of her room and put them on. Her favorite tee shirt with a heart and a teddy bear. Her favorite jeans that had the hole, and her pink jelly shoes.
Next, Jessie went to the kitchen because she was hungry. She looked for cereal, but it was all gone. So she looked in all the cupboards and the fridge. That was almost empty too. She saw one piece of cheese still with a wrapper on and worked hard until it opened. It was a little hard on the sides, but it tasted good, still. There was nothing else, so Jessie climbed onto the counter with the chair she moved there before and got a drink from where the water came out in the sink. All the glasses were dirty and so were the rest of their dishes. The flies buzzed around all the dishes and Jessie was afraid she might drink one with the water, so she stopped and got down.
She went down the hall and checked on her mommy. That was her job when her daddy was away. Mommy was still sleeping so Jessie went back to the fridge and looked for some of the pretty bottles for her mom. Those were all gone, but there was some beer left. Jessie knew from her mommy beer was almost as good, but sometimes it made her mean, too, so when Jessie brought it, she made sure to be extra careful not to trip or be too loud or spill it. Sometimes, Jessie walked all the way down the long sidewalk to the store and taked some of the medicine from the big shelf. Because medicine sometimes helped her mommy feel better when she didn’t have anything else.
After Jessie put the beer on the table by her mommy’s bed where she liked it, Jessie went back to her room and sat very quiet. She didn’t have that much toys because they all got broken when they were bad.
In a while, Jessie’s mom came, and she stood up real fast.
“Hey, Jessie-Lynn.” Her mommy said that and smiled. Jessie-Lynn meant she was doing a good job.
Jessica meant she had to run away and hide. But her mommy didn’t say that, so she stayed very still, so her mommy could see how good she was being.
“I got a surprise for you. Let’s take a ride in the car,” she said, and held a hand out for Jessie to hold.
Jessie grabbed onto it quick and made herself keep being good, so her mommy wouldn’t change her mind and take the surprise away.
The car ride wasn’t very long. When her mommy stopped in front of a big building, she asked Jessie, “Do you want to see a movie?” Then, she smiled again.
Jessie said yes, because she did. There was a cartoon one about a mermaid that she wanted to see a whole bunch. “The mermaid one?” she asked.
And then her mommy did something so nice. She nodded her head yes, and bought Jessie her own special ticket to get in. But that wasn’t the end of the surprise. Jessie also got her own popcorn and a pop.
Jessie’s mommy took her to the door of the movie room and opened it. It was very dark in there, and Jessie wasn’t sure she wanted to see the movie after all.
“Go on inside,” her mommy said, giving her a soft push. It still made Jessie get very stiff in herself to get pushed, even though it didn’t hurt that much. “I’ll be right back.”
So, Jessie made herself be tough and brave like she had to be when her mommy made her be in the dark closet alone sometimes. The movie room was big and there was other people, and nice soft chairs and lights like Christmas. Jessie climbed up in one of the chairs and put her cup in the little hole, and held her popcorn.
She watched the whole movie, sitting very still. She didn’t be loud like the other kids, just in case her mom was watching. When it got over, the big lights came on, and Jessie got up to go find her mommy. She walked around outside the movie room. She stopped by the candy spot where they did before, but her mommy wasn’t there. Jessie went in by the potties and looked in case if her mommy was in there and she was sick. But she wasn’t.
After a long time, Jessie followed some big people outside who held the door. Jessie walked around, looking for the red car that had her mommy inside, but she didn’t see it. The snow made her toes cold, and her teeth hit together, but she kept walking and looking for her mommy.
One time, she stopped outside the spot where she knew her mommy liked it the best. The liquor store. That was the one with all the broken glass on the ground outside and the loud people with the same smell as her mommy. Jessie knew better than to go inside. Even though she never knew why she shouldn’t.
Jessie couldn’t feel her feet when the scary police found her and she got tooken away to a stranger’s house. She didn’t tell the police or that stranger lady her name or any words, because her daddy said never talk to strangers. She screamed when they made her feet get warmed up in steaming hot water.
At the stranger-lady’s house Jessie was a bad girl. She screamed and fighted the stranger very hard when she asked to see Jessie’s popcorn. When she had to take a bath and got all naked, Jessie fighted again because she didn’t like the way the lady was doing sad noises about all bruises on Jessie’s whole self.
Finally that stranger lady learned good enough to leave Jessie alone. That’s because the lady went to sleep. That way, Jessie could peek in all the rooms and the refrigerator. Her forehead wrinkled up when she didn’t see any cans or bottles except pop ones. It made Jessie feel scared inside. She was very far away from her sidewalk and her store. So Jessie found a closet to hide in, and she cried a little, because her mommy was going to be very mad that Jessie wasn’t there in the movie room when she came right back.
After very long, Jessie heard the lady calling for her. Jessie made herself get smaller in the corner of the closet. She was very tired from being awake. When the lady opened the door of the closet, Jessie curled up tight. When she reached for her, Jessie screamed, so the lady stopped reaching.
“Hi,” the lady said in a nice voice that made Jessie mad inside. “Is your name Jessie?”
Jessie nodded.
“Your daddy’s been looking and looking for you. He’ll be here in a little while to pick you up, okay? Do you want some breakfast while you wait?”
Jessie started to feel excited but made herself stop. Adults always tricked her, so she stomped very loud to the kitchen.
Jessie had cereal and ate very fast. Then the lady gave Jessie her clothes back. They smelled clean now, and Jessie put them on. The lady even found big boots to wear over Jessie’s jelly shoes so her toes wouldn’t get cold from the snow.
When her daddy finally got her, he didn’t say any words. When she asked where Mommy was, he pretended he didn’t hear. And when they went home and all her mommy’s stuff was gone, Jessie knew the truth.
She knew her mommy didn’t love her anymore.
--
Jess blinked, trying to figure out where she was heading. First, her only objective had been to get herself and Christian away from the apartment, but now Jess knew she needed a plan. They couldn’t just go riding around the streets at night. That’s what brought them here in the first place. She needed a plan.
Thinking quickly, she headed for campus, where she knew several of the common buildings stayed open a few more hours.
“Are we going to school?” Christian asked quietly. He held his mom’s shirt to let her know he was there. That’s because a man takes care of his mom, and he was a little man.
Breathing deeply, Jess tried to calm down. “Just for a little while. We’ll find a bathroom and clean you up. How about that?”
Jess parked behind the central campus building, so her bike wasn’t obvious, and carried Christian inside. She went downstairs, grateful the little store was still open there. She bought him an adult-small sweatshirt. It was the smallest thing they carried, and Christian needed to get out of his puke clothes.
Like she promised, Jess took him to the bathroom, and set him up on the sink. She helped him out of his shirt and washed him off the best she could with paper towels, water and soap. Then, she put the huge shirt on him.
Christian smiled at her. The shirt was black and had a doggie on it. It was so big it felt like a nice soft blanket. He needed one of those, because he still didn’t feel good.
Jess picked him up and cuddled him. “When did your belly start hurting?” she asked.
“After supper,” he said, resting his head on his mom’s shoulder. It made a good pillow.
Jess winced. “Did you eat Aaron’s chili?”
“I wanted dessert.”
Sighing, Jess made a mental note to keep within sight of a bathroom at all times. Who knew what could have been wrong with the chili? She still recalled biting into his salt-cookies when she was so pregnant she had to waddle everywhere.
Her throat constricted at the memory of the friends she’d left behind - especially Legend - but Jess forced that out of her mind and kept walking, knowing she was going to have to come up with somewhere for them to stay, and fast. The building was going to close soon.
--
Coby had loved playing detective as a kid. He now realized that he hated playing it for real. He and Morgan were in regular cell phone contact. They had left one-after-another minutes after Jess.
Minutes, it turned out, were all Jess needed to completely disappear.
Coby felt his stomach constrict. Now, it had been nearly an hour. The temperature was dropping. Praying that God would protect them and keep them safe, he called Morgan again.
“See anything?” he asked roughly.
“No,” Morgan shook her head, hopelessly scanning the dark streets for a bike with a child-seat on the back. “Keep your eyes open for the bike, though,” she advised. “You want to check campus again?”
Coby shook his head. “We checked campus first thing. We looked all over. There are a million other places they could be.”
“You’re right,” Morgan nodded. “Call me if you see anything.”
She hung up, and kept driving slowly, making herself check and double-check back streets and places she would otherwise avoid. Jess had a rough background, Morgan reminded herself. She could be anywhere.
--
Jess stopped in front of the church they had attended yesterday. She took sleeping Christian from his seat, and tried the door. It was locked, so Jess walked around to the side of the building.
There was a window there.
Carefully, Jess laid Christian in the grass, a safe distance from her. She made sure Bacony was in his arms and put his backpack under his head. Then, Jess went to work.
She found a decent-sized rock and threw it at the window, praying no alarms would go off and alert police of their presence. When she didn’t hear anything, Jess pulled her sweatshirt sleeve down to make sure her hand was protected. Then she turned around, and brought her elbow back, breaking the window open. Jess moved quickly, clearing the glass out of the way. Then, she picked up Christian and their stuff, and ducked carefully inside.
Jess knew from picking Christian up from the kid’s church on the lower floor, that at the bottom of a flight of stairs, there was a leather couch. If she was lucky, the blanket she’d seen would still be there.
Moving carefully, Jess walked down the steps one at a time, feeling her way in the dark. Once at the bottom, she found the couch and laid Christian down on it, covering him with the blanket, that was mercifully still on the back of the couch.
Then, finally, Jess allowed herself to lie down, too. She wrapped her arms around her son, keeping his body on the inside, and shielding him with her own. She knew she wouldn’t sleep, but at least she could rest a few hours before she had to figure out where to go next.
--
It was after two in the morning when Morgan thought to drive by the church they had attended on Sunday together. She had been checking any familiar place she could think of. This hadn’t been the first place to pop into her mind, but now that it was there, Morgan couldn’t stop thinking about it. She drove into the next town, trying to recall the roads Liam took.
When Morgan saw it, and drove closer, she immediately saw the bike. She called Coby, who hadn’t given up either, and was still scouring the nearby neighborhoods for any clue to their whereabouts. She told him she found them and would make sure they came back with her.
Morgan hung up, and walked to the front of the building, and tried the door. She found it locked and made her way around the outside, looking for clues to how Jess and Christian got inside.
The broken window was a dead giveaway.
Morgan made her way through the window, doing her best to avoid the broken glass in her flip-flops. Once she was in, Morgan tried to remember the layout of the church, finally giving up and flipping on a light.
“Jess? It’s Morgan,” she called softly, not wanting to spook them. “Are you guys okay?” She walked to the stairway on sheer instinct and glanced down it. There, on the couch at the bottom, were the two people she loved, and had been searching for.
--
Jess sat up quickly, wiping her eyes. Her heart raced, despite knowing who it was the had come for them. Jess set her jaw. She had no intention of going back. Even with Morgan.
As Morgan made her way down the stairs, Jess waited for her eyes to adjust to the light that filtered down. She could finally make out Morgan, wearing one of Bryan’s shirts, jeans and a hat. If Jess wasn’t mistaken, Morgan’s eyes looked a little red, like she’d been crying over this.
“Go home, Morgan,” Jess said softly, so she wouldn’t wake Christian, who remained sleeping soundly.
“Not without you and Christian. You guys are ohana now.” She sat down on the floor, resting her elbows on her knees. Determination and love showed clearly in Morgan’s tired brown eyes.
Patiently, she watched Jess, appreciating how exhausted she was, and not able to imagine what she had just been through as a mother. Tears tracked down her cheeks, and though the bruises on her face had faded, Morgan was able to see others now, with Jess’s guard down. One sleeve of her uniform was pushed up awkwardly and revealed a more obvious purple mark around her upper arm. And when Jess lifted her shirt to wipe her nose, Morgan winced, seeing healing black-and-blue all over her middle. Her hair was still pulled back from work, but had frizzed out at the sides. She had dark circles under her eyes, and a wariness Morgan couldn’t remember seeing - at least not one directed at her.
Finally Jess broke. “I can’t bring him back there,” she wept softly.
Morgan looked at Christian who was sleeping with his little body sprawled across the couch. He looked pale. Bacony hovered several inches above the floor, as Christian clutched him tightly by one ear. Morgan smiled sadly, seeing his nails still covered in Emily’s green polish. She nodded, waiting for Jess to continue.
“Don’t you think I want to?” Jess whispered, intensity burning in her eyes. “I hate running like this. It sucks. But what choice do I have? I can’t trust anybody.” Jess put a hand to her forehead, blocking Morgan’s view of her tears.
“I think you can,” Morgan offered. “I think you were starting to. And maybe that scared you a little?”
Jess stayed very still.
Morgan scooted a little closer to where Jess was seated on the couch. “Jess, I can’t imagine how much your mom’s abandoning you screwed up your trust in people. But listen to me when I say that not everybody is going to leave you. Most people with any sense in their heads will want to hang around once they’ve met you guys. Even if you have to leave us first to test it out,” Morgan smiled a little.
“No matter what you say, it doesn’t change the fact that Legend disciplined my son in a way that’s not okay with me,” Jess maintained, moving closer to Christian’s feet and bending to pick up Bacony, whose ear had finally been released from CJ’s loving grip.
Morgan leaned back, bemused and a little sad as she watched Jess unconsciously hold Christian’s stuffed pig in her lap, squeezing one leg until her knuckles were white.
“How long have you and Legend been friends?” Morgan asked curiously.
Jess shrugged. “Kindergarten, I guess?” she said, even though she remembered the exact day she’d walked into the class full of five-year-olds and immediately sought out the only one who wasn’t whining or crying or clinging to a parent. When they both got dropped off at the same stop, they realized they lived across the street and one house down from each other.
Morgan nodded. “You guys ever fight?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jess could remember countless fights, big and small. Suspicion clouded her eyes suddenly. “Don’t even think about equating what she did to some childhood fight. It’s not like that. She hurt my child,” Jess said calmly, though a fire was burning in her eyes.
“I won’t,” Morgan promised, getting to her feet. “But, have you ever hurt someone else’s child?”
The question held no judgment, but it brought Jess up so short that she stood abruptly and paced to the opposite end of the hall, where she sat alone with her head in her hands. She saw her own mistakes.
She had hurt Legend countless times growing up together, from the first day they met. Jess had developed the unfortunate habit of beating up any kid who took something she wanted. Legend was her first victim at school. Since her own dad was busy working, and only ever saw Jess alone, he wasn’t aware of her problems with other children. It wasn’t until Jess spent time at Legend’s house and got a talking to from Legend’s parents that Jess learned there were other ways to get what you wanted, and as she got older, she learned from them how important it was not to follow in her mom’s footsteps by hurting people.
How Joe and Jody could take the time to teach right and wrong to a kid like her, who regularly beat up other kids, including their only daughter, was beyond Jess. She knew she herself had made countless bad mistakes with Christian. Before he was even born she had stayed in the abusive relationship with Christian’s father, putting herself, Christian, and Legend in danger countless times.
Legend had plenty of opportunities to turn her back, but she hadn’t. Jess glanced down the hall.
Morgan had moved to fill Jess’s spot on the couch, and was cradling Christian in her arms, speaking softly to him. All while he remained peacefully asleep.
Jess learned everything she knew about being a mother from Jody. She learned about raising a respectful and self-sufficient son from Joe. When her own dad disowned her, they had taken her into their home, after a bad stint trying to live with Christian’s father. Jody had taken her to doctor’s appointments. The entire family had been at her labor and delivery. Jody acted as labor coach, and Legend as moral support. Joe had cut Christian’s umbilical cord.
When it came down to it, Legend had only been doing what she had always done since the day Christian was born. Being a mother to him when Jess wasn’t able to.
In her heart, Jess knew Morgan was right. She was scared of trusting them. And it wasn’t fair of her to cut her best friend - sister, really - out of her life, when all she had been doing was looking out for Christian in Jess’s absence.
“Point taken,” Jess said simply, wiping her eyes as she walked back.
Morgan shifted Christian’s weight in her arms and reached up to give Jess a hug.
“We love you. We want you with us. I hope you’ll stay around long enough for us to prove that to you,” Morgan said, kissing Jess’s forehead.
Jess nodded, sniffing. “I’ll try,” she promised.
--
After asking Morgan for a few minutes with Legend, Jess quietly let herself into their room. She found Legend wide awake, despite the fact that it was now pushing four o’clock in the morning.
Legend’s pajamas were rumpled, and her eyes were bright with tears.
Jess hesitantly sat on the bed beside her, breathing a small sigh when Legend didn’t immediately force her to move.
“I’m sorry,” Jess apologized. “I know you were just trying to do what you thought was right.” She took Legend’s hand and held it. “I still don’t agree with what you did, but I shouldn’t have freaked out like that and left.”
Legend nodded tightly. “I should have known you wouldn’t be okay with me swatting him. I just reacted.”
Jess nodded, squeezing Legend’s hand. “I guess we should go over acceptable punishment options one of these days…” she yawned. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you’re stuck with me, at least for a while…”
Legend reached over and hugged Jess hard, “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know,” Jess reassured. “I should go, so Morgan can get in here and get some rest.”
“Good night. I love you.” Legend said, not able to break the habit she made after putting Christian to bed a few times.
Jess lingered in the doorway an extra minute. “I love you too. More than you know,” she said before walking away.
--
Returning to her room, and her sleeping son, Jess felt the weighty responsibility of having to teach one of those mom lessons she wished Jody was around to help her with. What did you do when your child stained people’s comforters with nail polish and paint and broke their cosmetics? Jess knew she didn’t have the money to offer to replace anything he damaged. She sighed, and snuggled closer to Christian, knowing that could wait until tomorrow.
They would be here. They had time.
Riding away from the apartment, with CJ safely on the back of her bike, Jess finally let herself break down, feeling the abandonment of her mom fresh. Usually, Jess didn’t allow this. This was what her nightmares were for.
In her nightmares, Jess remembered. She remembered not being Jess, the strong and self-reliant person she made herself into, but Jessie, the toddler who was always scared of doing something wrong…always abused, ignored and abandoned.
When Jessie’s daddy was home everything was okay. He remembered important things like supper time, and bath time. Things that her mommy forgot. Whenever her daddy went to work, Jessie felt scared inside. She didn’t know what her mommy would feel like that day. If she would feel lazy and not want to cook or play with her, or if she would feel mean and hurt Jessie just because she wanted to. Her foot still hurt from where she stepped on broken glass one time, and her whole self was sore from being pushed into the wall from a long way away. That was for sassing, Jessie reminded herself. She had to be careful to not do that. Or take anything before her mommy was all the way done with it.
Today, Jessie’s daddy was at work. She got up early and watched his car go down the big driveway. There was snow outside! That made Jessie excited, and she thought of Santa and presents and her mommy being happy all day, as long as Jessie and daddy remembered to keep bringing her more to drink.
Christmas was a special day when Santa brought everybody presents. He always knew what to bring to make Jessie’s mommy happy. Lots of pretty bottles with adult drinks in them. Sometimes she got little bags of sugar, too, that she put in her nose. But she only opened those when Jessie’s daddy was away.
Jessie was thinking of her mommy being happy just like her because of the snow. She found some clothes in the corner of her room and put them on. Her favorite tee shirt with a heart and a teddy bear. Her favorite jeans that had the hole, and her pink jelly shoes.
Next, Jessie went to the kitchen because she was hungry. She looked for cereal, but it was all gone. So she looked in all the cupboards and the fridge. That was almost empty too. She saw one piece of cheese still with a wrapper on and worked hard until it opened. It was a little hard on the sides, but it tasted good, still. There was nothing else, so Jessie climbed onto the counter with the chair she moved there before and got a drink from where the water came out in the sink. All the glasses were dirty and so were the rest of their dishes. The flies buzzed around all the dishes and Jessie was afraid she might drink one with the water, so she stopped and got down.
She went down the hall and checked on her mommy. That was her job when her daddy was away. Mommy was still sleeping so Jessie went back to the fridge and looked for some of the pretty bottles for her mom. Those were all gone, but there was some beer left. Jessie knew from her mommy beer was almost as good, but sometimes it made her mean, too, so when Jessie brought it, she made sure to be extra careful not to trip or be too loud or spill it. Sometimes, Jessie walked all the way down the long sidewalk to the store and taked some of the medicine from the big shelf. Because medicine sometimes helped her mommy feel better when she didn’t have anything else.
After Jessie put the beer on the table by her mommy’s bed where she liked it, Jessie went back to her room and sat very quiet. She didn’t have that much toys because they all got broken when they were bad.
In a while, Jessie’s mom came, and she stood up real fast.
“Hey, Jessie-Lynn.” Her mommy said that and smiled. Jessie-Lynn meant she was doing a good job.
Jessica meant she had to run away and hide. But her mommy didn’t say that, so she stayed very still, so her mommy could see how good she was being.
“I got a surprise for you. Let’s take a ride in the car,” she said, and held a hand out for Jessie to hold.
Jessie grabbed onto it quick and made herself keep being good, so her mommy wouldn’t change her mind and take the surprise away.
The car ride wasn’t very long. When her mommy stopped in front of a big building, she asked Jessie, “Do you want to see a movie?” Then, she smiled again.
Jessie said yes, because she did. There was a cartoon one about a mermaid that she wanted to see a whole bunch. “The mermaid one?” she asked.
And then her mommy did something so nice. She nodded her head yes, and bought Jessie her own special ticket to get in. But that wasn’t the end of the surprise. Jessie also got her own popcorn and a pop.
Jessie’s mommy took her to the door of the movie room and opened it. It was very dark in there, and Jessie wasn’t sure she wanted to see the movie after all.
“Go on inside,” her mommy said, giving her a soft push. It still made Jessie get very stiff in herself to get pushed, even though it didn’t hurt that much. “I’ll be right back.”
So, Jessie made herself be tough and brave like she had to be when her mommy made her be in the dark closet alone sometimes. The movie room was big and there was other people, and nice soft chairs and lights like Christmas. Jessie climbed up in one of the chairs and put her cup in the little hole, and held her popcorn.
She watched the whole movie, sitting very still. She didn’t be loud like the other kids, just in case her mom was watching. When it got over, the big lights came on, and Jessie got up to go find her mommy. She walked around outside the movie room. She stopped by the candy spot where they did before, but her mommy wasn’t there. Jessie went in by the potties and looked in case if her mommy was in there and she was sick. But she wasn’t.
After a long time, Jessie followed some big people outside who held the door. Jessie walked around, looking for the red car that had her mommy inside, but she didn’t see it. The snow made her toes cold, and her teeth hit together, but she kept walking and looking for her mommy.
One time, she stopped outside the spot where she knew her mommy liked it the best. The liquor store. That was the one with all the broken glass on the ground outside and the loud people with the same smell as her mommy. Jessie knew better than to go inside. Even though she never knew why she shouldn’t.
Jessie couldn’t feel her feet when the scary police found her and she got tooken away to a stranger’s house. She didn’t tell the police or that stranger lady her name or any words, because her daddy said never talk to strangers. She screamed when they made her feet get warmed up in steaming hot water.
At the stranger-lady’s house Jessie was a bad girl. She screamed and fighted the stranger very hard when she asked to see Jessie’s popcorn. When she had to take a bath and got all naked, Jessie fighted again because she didn’t like the way the lady was doing sad noises about all bruises on Jessie’s whole self.
Finally that stranger lady learned good enough to leave Jessie alone. That’s because the lady went to sleep. That way, Jessie could peek in all the rooms and the refrigerator. Her forehead wrinkled up when she didn’t see any cans or bottles except pop ones. It made Jessie feel scared inside. She was very far away from her sidewalk and her store. So Jessie found a closet to hide in, and she cried a little, because her mommy was going to be very mad that Jessie wasn’t there in the movie room when she came right back.
After very long, Jessie heard the lady calling for her. Jessie made herself get smaller in the corner of the closet. She was very tired from being awake. When the lady opened the door of the closet, Jessie curled up tight. When she reached for her, Jessie screamed, so the lady stopped reaching.
“Hi,” the lady said in a nice voice that made Jessie mad inside. “Is your name Jessie?”
Jessie nodded.
“Your daddy’s been looking and looking for you. He’ll be here in a little while to pick you up, okay? Do you want some breakfast while you wait?”
Jessie started to feel excited but made herself stop. Adults always tricked her, so she stomped very loud to the kitchen.
Jessie had cereal and ate very fast. Then the lady gave Jessie her clothes back. They smelled clean now, and Jessie put them on. The lady even found big boots to wear over Jessie’s jelly shoes so her toes wouldn’t get cold from the snow.
When her daddy finally got her, he didn’t say any words. When she asked where Mommy was, he pretended he didn’t hear. And when they went home and all her mommy’s stuff was gone, Jessie knew the truth.
She knew her mommy didn’t love her anymore.
--
Jess blinked, trying to figure out where she was heading. First, her only objective had been to get herself and Christian away from the apartment, but now Jess knew she needed a plan. They couldn’t just go riding around the streets at night. That’s what brought them here in the first place. She needed a plan.
Thinking quickly, she headed for campus, where she knew several of the common buildings stayed open a few more hours.
“Are we going to school?” Christian asked quietly. He held his mom’s shirt to let her know he was there. That’s because a man takes care of his mom, and he was a little man.
Breathing deeply, Jess tried to calm down. “Just for a little while. We’ll find a bathroom and clean you up. How about that?”
Jess parked behind the central campus building, so her bike wasn’t obvious, and carried Christian inside. She went downstairs, grateful the little store was still open there. She bought him an adult-small sweatshirt. It was the smallest thing they carried, and Christian needed to get out of his puke clothes.
Like she promised, Jess took him to the bathroom, and set him up on the sink. She helped him out of his shirt and washed him off the best she could with paper towels, water and soap. Then, she put the huge shirt on him.
Christian smiled at her. The shirt was black and had a doggie on it. It was so big it felt like a nice soft blanket. He needed one of those, because he still didn’t feel good.
Jess picked him up and cuddled him. “When did your belly start hurting?” she asked.
“After supper,” he said, resting his head on his mom’s shoulder. It made a good pillow.
Jess winced. “Did you eat Aaron’s chili?”
“I wanted dessert.”
Sighing, Jess made a mental note to keep within sight of a bathroom at all times. Who knew what could have been wrong with the chili? She still recalled biting into his salt-cookies when she was so pregnant she had to waddle everywhere.
Her throat constricted at the memory of the friends she’d left behind - especially Legend - but Jess forced that out of her mind and kept walking, knowing she was going to have to come up with somewhere for them to stay, and fast. The building was going to close soon.
--
Coby had loved playing detective as a kid. He now realized that he hated playing it for real. He and Morgan were in regular cell phone contact. They had left one-after-another minutes after Jess.
Minutes, it turned out, were all Jess needed to completely disappear.
Coby felt his stomach constrict. Now, it had been nearly an hour. The temperature was dropping. Praying that God would protect them and keep them safe, he called Morgan again.
“See anything?” he asked roughly.
“No,” Morgan shook her head, hopelessly scanning the dark streets for a bike with a child-seat on the back. “Keep your eyes open for the bike, though,” she advised. “You want to check campus again?”
Coby shook his head. “We checked campus first thing. We looked all over. There are a million other places they could be.”
“You’re right,” Morgan nodded. “Call me if you see anything.”
She hung up, and kept driving slowly, making herself check and double-check back streets and places she would otherwise avoid. Jess had a rough background, Morgan reminded herself. She could be anywhere.
--
Jess stopped in front of the church they had attended yesterday. She took sleeping Christian from his seat, and tried the door. It was locked, so Jess walked around to the side of the building.
There was a window there.
Carefully, Jess laid Christian in the grass, a safe distance from her. She made sure Bacony was in his arms and put his backpack under his head. Then, Jess went to work.
She found a decent-sized rock and threw it at the window, praying no alarms would go off and alert police of their presence. When she didn’t hear anything, Jess pulled her sweatshirt sleeve down to make sure her hand was protected. Then she turned around, and brought her elbow back, breaking the window open. Jess moved quickly, clearing the glass out of the way. Then, she picked up Christian and their stuff, and ducked carefully inside.
Jess knew from picking Christian up from the kid’s church on the lower floor, that at the bottom of a flight of stairs, there was a leather couch. If she was lucky, the blanket she’d seen would still be there.
Moving carefully, Jess walked down the steps one at a time, feeling her way in the dark. Once at the bottom, she found the couch and laid Christian down on it, covering him with the blanket, that was mercifully still on the back of the couch.
Then, finally, Jess allowed herself to lie down, too. She wrapped her arms around her son, keeping his body on the inside, and shielding him with her own. She knew she wouldn’t sleep, but at least she could rest a few hours before she had to figure out where to go next.
--
It was after two in the morning when Morgan thought to drive by the church they had attended on Sunday together. She had been checking any familiar place she could think of. This hadn’t been the first place to pop into her mind, but now that it was there, Morgan couldn’t stop thinking about it. She drove into the next town, trying to recall the roads Liam took.
When Morgan saw it, and drove closer, she immediately saw the bike. She called Coby, who hadn’t given up either, and was still scouring the nearby neighborhoods for any clue to their whereabouts. She told him she found them and would make sure they came back with her.
Morgan hung up, and walked to the front of the building, and tried the door. She found it locked and made her way around the outside, looking for clues to how Jess and Christian got inside.
The broken window was a dead giveaway.
Morgan made her way through the window, doing her best to avoid the broken glass in her flip-flops. Once she was in, Morgan tried to remember the layout of the church, finally giving up and flipping on a light.
“Jess? It’s Morgan,” she called softly, not wanting to spook them. “Are you guys okay?” She walked to the stairway on sheer instinct and glanced down it. There, on the couch at the bottom, were the two people she loved, and had been searching for.
--
Jess sat up quickly, wiping her eyes. Her heart raced, despite knowing who it was the had come for them. Jess set her jaw. She had no intention of going back. Even with Morgan.
As Morgan made her way down the stairs, Jess waited for her eyes to adjust to the light that filtered down. She could finally make out Morgan, wearing one of Bryan’s shirts, jeans and a hat. If Jess wasn’t mistaken, Morgan’s eyes looked a little red, like she’d been crying over this.
“Go home, Morgan,” Jess said softly, so she wouldn’t wake Christian, who remained sleeping soundly.
“Not without you and Christian. You guys are ohana now.” She sat down on the floor, resting her elbows on her knees. Determination and love showed clearly in Morgan’s tired brown eyes.
Patiently, she watched Jess, appreciating how exhausted she was, and not able to imagine what she had just been through as a mother. Tears tracked down her cheeks, and though the bruises on her face had faded, Morgan was able to see others now, with Jess’s guard down. One sleeve of her uniform was pushed up awkwardly and revealed a more obvious purple mark around her upper arm. And when Jess lifted her shirt to wipe her nose, Morgan winced, seeing healing black-and-blue all over her middle. Her hair was still pulled back from work, but had frizzed out at the sides. She had dark circles under her eyes, and a wariness Morgan couldn’t remember seeing - at least not one directed at her.
Finally Jess broke. “I can’t bring him back there,” she wept softly.
Morgan looked at Christian who was sleeping with his little body sprawled across the couch. He looked pale. Bacony hovered several inches above the floor, as Christian clutched him tightly by one ear. Morgan smiled sadly, seeing his nails still covered in Emily’s green polish. She nodded, waiting for Jess to continue.
“Don’t you think I want to?” Jess whispered, intensity burning in her eyes. “I hate running like this. It sucks. But what choice do I have? I can’t trust anybody.” Jess put a hand to her forehead, blocking Morgan’s view of her tears.
“I think you can,” Morgan offered. “I think you were starting to. And maybe that scared you a little?”
Jess stayed very still.
Morgan scooted a little closer to where Jess was seated on the couch. “Jess, I can’t imagine how much your mom’s abandoning you screwed up your trust in people. But listen to me when I say that not everybody is going to leave you. Most people with any sense in their heads will want to hang around once they’ve met you guys. Even if you have to leave us first to test it out,” Morgan smiled a little.
“No matter what you say, it doesn’t change the fact that Legend disciplined my son in a way that’s not okay with me,” Jess maintained, moving closer to Christian’s feet and bending to pick up Bacony, whose ear had finally been released from CJ’s loving grip.
Morgan leaned back, bemused and a little sad as she watched Jess unconsciously hold Christian’s stuffed pig in her lap, squeezing one leg until her knuckles were white.
“How long have you and Legend been friends?” Morgan asked curiously.
Jess shrugged. “Kindergarten, I guess?” she said, even though she remembered the exact day she’d walked into the class full of five-year-olds and immediately sought out the only one who wasn’t whining or crying or clinging to a parent. When they both got dropped off at the same stop, they realized they lived across the street and one house down from each other.
Morgan nodded. “You guys ever fight?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jess could remember countless fights, big and small. Suspicion clouded her eyes suddenly. “Don’t even think about equating what she did to some childhood fight. It’s not like that. She hurt my child,” Jess said calmly, though a fire was burning in her eyes.
“I won’t,” Morgan promised, getting to her feet. “But, have you ever hurt someone else’s child?”
The question held no judgment, but it brought Jess up so short that she stood abruptly and paced to the opposite end of the hall, where she sat alone with her head in her hands. She saw her own mistakes.
She had hurt Legend countless times growing up together, from the first day they met. Jess had developed the unfortunate habit of beating up any kid who took something she wanted. Legend was her first victim at school. Since her own dad was busy working, and only ever saw Jess alone, he wasn’t aware of her problems with other children. It wasn’t until Jess spent time at Legend’s house and got a talking to from Legend’s parents that Jess learned there were other ways to get what you wanted, and as she got older, she learned from them how important it was not to follow in her mom’s footsteps by hurting people.
How Joe and Jody could take the time to teach right and wrong to a kid like her, who regularly beat up other kids, including their only daughter, was beyond Jess. She knew she herself had made countless bad mistakes with Christian. Before he was even born she had stayed in the abusive relationship with Christian’s father, putting herself, Christian, and Legend in danger countless times.
Legend had plenty of opportunities to turn her back, but she hadn’t. Jess glanced down the hall.
Morgan had moved to fill Jess’s spot on the couch, and was cradling Christian in her arms, speaking softly to him. All while he remained peacefully asleep.
Jess learned everything she knew about being a mother from Jody. She learned about raising a respectful and self-sufficient son from Joe. When her own dad disowned her, they had taken her into their home, after a bad stint trying to live with Christian’s father. Jody had taken her to doctor’s appointments. The entire family had been at her labor and delivery. Jody acted as labor coach, and Legend as moral support. Joe had cut Christian’s umbilical cord.
When it came down to it, Legend had only been doing what she had always done since the day Christian was born. Being a mother to him when Jess wasn’t able to.
In her heart, Jess knew Morgan was right. She was scared of trusting them. And it wasn’t fair of her to cut her best friend - sister, really - out of her life, when all she had been doing was looking out for Christian in Jess’s absence.
“Point taken,” Jess said simply, wiping her eyes as she walked back.
Morgan shifted Christian’s weight in her arms and reached up to give Jess a hug.
“We love you. We want you with us. I hope you’ll stay around long enough for us to prove that to you,” Morgan said, kissing Jess’s forehead.
Jess nodded, sniffing. “I’ll try,” she promised.
--
After asking Morgan for a few minutes with Legend, Jess quietly let herself into their room. She found Legend wide awake, despite the fact that it was now pushing four o’clock in the morning.
Legend’s pajamas were rumpled, and her eyes were bright with tears.
Jess hesitantly sat on the bed beside her, breathing a small sigh when Legend didn’t immediately force her to move.
“I’m sorry,” Jess apologized. “I know you were just trying to do what you thought was right.” She took Legend’s hand and held it. “I still don’t agree with what you did, but I shouldn’t have freaked out like that and left.”
Legend nodded tightly. “I should have known you wouldn’t be okay with me swatting him. I just reacted.”
Jess nodded, squeezing Legend’s hand. “I guess we should go over acceptable punishment options one of these days…” she yawned. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you’re stuck with me, at least for a while…”
Legend reached over and hugged Jess hard, “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know,” Jess reassured. “I should go, so Morgan can get in here and get some rest.”
“Good night. I love you.” Legend said, not able to break the habit she made after putting Christian to bed a few times.
Jess lingered in the doorway an extra minute. “I love you too. More than you know,” she said before walking away.
--
Returning to her room, and her sleeping son, Jess felt the weighty responsibility of having to teach one of those mom lessons she wished Jody was around to help her with. What did you do when your child stained people’s comforters with nail polish and paint and broke their cosmetics? Jess knew she didn’t have the money to offer to replace anything he damaged. She sighed, and snuggled closer to Christian, knowing that could wait until tomorrow.
They would be here. They had time.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Fall Rising: Chapter 10
Another Monday, and I am run into the ground. I feel totally defeated. Tonight, everybody’s meeting up at Coby’s for dinner. I guess they figured it was only fair if everybody’s household took a turn as cook and host. I’m trying to pick up as many extra hours as I can, so CJ and I can leave. God hasn’t said anything to me about my plan, and He hasn’t given me another one. I’m saving up money so we can get out of here as soon as possible.
“It’s complete madness when we get together for these!” Morgan exclaimed as she elbowed her way through Bryan’s apartment. It was smaller than the rest, so there was never enough room for everybody to fit comfortably.
“Madness,” Aaron cackled from the stove where he was stirring his huge pot of chili. “That should be patented. From now on, every one of these is gonna be Monday Madness.”
“Dude, when’s the food gonna be ready?” Jon complained, reluctantly arranging place settings around the table.
“Emily was doing swears to the ducks!” Christian tattled, very upset. “And she called them pigs because one was eating all the bread. And that’s not nice to call ducks names. It hurts their feelings.”
Libby snickered in spite of herself, watching Jess tell Christian he was right, but that sometimes people lose their tempers and say things they don’t mean. She had seen with her own eyes, Emily throwing entire pieces of bread into the pond after they had played with Christian at the park. All the ducks had eaten hungrily until Emily snapped, “Just eat the whole damn loaf, you pigs!” So Libby couldn’t help but laugh. The girl was hilarious.
“Well they really were pigs,” Emily mumbled under her breath. She sat down in the living room, ignoring the others who were helping set the table.
“Get off your butt, woman!” Legend snapped good-naturedly. She hauled Emily to her feet and into the kitchen. “Everybody else is helping get dinner on the table.”
“We got anything to eat with the chili?” Bryan asked, opening cupboard doors.
Aaron turned from the stove. “Since when is chili not a meal by itself?” he asked, as Bryan found a bag of Fritos and tossed them on the table.
Coby was just about to take Christian out to play catch when Aaron decided the chili was ready.
Actually, Aaron didn’t really know if it was done or not, but he knew he had hungry people who were waiting for him to get supper on the table.
Legend‘s cell phone rang then, and she picked up, before passing it off to Jess. She knew Jess had given out the number to her boss in case of emergencies when Jess might not be home.
Quickly, Jess took the call, and hung up. “I don’t know why they sent me home at all…” she muttered.
“What’s up?” Legend asked as she took her phone back.
“They need me back at work to cover the dinner rush. I said they could call if they needed somebody.” Jess kept herself busy, putting her hat back on and avoiding Legend’s gaze.
“You mean you’re missing chili?” Christian asked, feeling sad about it. He already knew he was going to eat all his chili so he wouldn’t have to have another peanut butter sandwich, and so he could get dessert. He wanted to show his mom the good job he was going to do eating all his food up.
Jess looked at him regretfully, knowing she was missing some of the only uninterrupted time she had to spend with him. “Sorry, baby,” she apologized, giving him a kiss. “I’ll be home before you’re in bed, okay?”
“Okay,” Christian pouted, as Aaron put the big pot of chili on the table.
“Hey, kiddo,” Coby said, noticing Christian looked upset. “Did you know me and my sister made this table?” Coby knocked on it, trying for a good distraction.
Christian looked at the table and then at Coby. “How many is your sister?” he asked. He didn’t know if Coby was telling a joke or not. He never heard of anybody building tables before.
Coby grinned. “She’s eight. Her name’s Riley.”
Christian pressed one finger to the table to see if it would break, but it was good and strong. “You mean you made the wood and everything?”
Laughing, Coby kept Christian involved with the conversation, explaining that the table had come in pieces at a special store, and all he and Riley had to do was put the pieces together. He nodded goodbye to Jess as he saw her grab her coat and head for the door.
--
Since Nathaniel was just arriving, and Liam wasn’t yet there, Jess took the opportunity to avoid Liam and hopefully spend a pleasant few minutes with Nate instead of weird strained silence with Legend or somebody else.
She was still not happy about Liam butting into her personal life, and wasn’t ready to see him yet. And it made her vaguely sick to think of leaving Christian in his presence when she wasn’t around.
Ever since the movie the day before, Jess had been edgier than usual. Her nightmare last night had been more a flashback than anything else. She had woken up outside the apartment, and had to use the skills of her rebellious youth to sneak back inside, though their open apartment window. Jess shook her head to clear it, knowing she didn’t have time to think about all that now. She approached Nate, who sent her a smile.
“Nate, can I get a ride to work? I know you just got here, but if I don’t leave now I’m gonna be late.”
“Sure,” he nodded.
Before he left, Nathaniel stuck his head in the kitchen to let everyone know he would be right back. “I’m just dropping Jess off,” he explained. “And Liam’s running a little late, but he’ll be here.”
--
“Thanks for doing this, Nate,” Jess said apologetically. She was glad she hadn’t bothered to change out of her uniform. “I offered to cover if anything came up, but I didn’t think they’d need me an hour after I got off.”
Nate smiled. “No problem. You need me to come back here and pick you up?” He got out to open her car door.
Jess shook her head. “I can get a ride,” she assured him.
He nodded. “All right. But if something comes up, call us.”
Promising she would, and knowing she wouldn’t, Jess went inside, and prepared for a few more hours on her feet.
--
When Aaron put the bowl of chili down in front of Christian he picked up his spoon. He was going to do what his mom always said. If you don’t like something, but you just eat it anyway, it gets over faster. So even though Christian didn’t like spicy things that much, he started eating it as fast as he could.
It burned his mouth the same way pepperonis and Mom’s tacos did, and a little worse, but Christian still ate it. He was glad there was milk to drink too. He didn’t know what there was for dessert, but CJ already knew it must be very good. For dessert when his mom cooked the yucky tacos, there was strawberry shortcake, and Christian didn’t get to have any that night because he didn’t eat what was for dinner.
Legend took her seat at the table when Aaron called them all. As she did with everything he cooked, Legend investigated it thoroughly before she ate it. Aaron was distractible on his best day. That wasn’t a good thing, in the kitchen.
Junior year of high school she and Jess had come over for cookies, which Aaron had baked all by himself. Both girls had tried them and instantly gagged. When Jess, who was pregnant enough to burst with Christian, asked him how much salt he’d put in, Aaron told them he’d done just what the recipe said, and added one cup of salt. Legend read that part of the recipe out loud and informed him that one teaspoon would never equal one cup.
Sniffing the chili, she sneezed. Bravely Legend licked a tiny bit of it off her spoon. It was lukewarm at best, even though it just came off the stove. Her mouth and ears burned hot. She knew Aaron liked his food spicy, though, so that could be intentional. Probably because Jess was in food-service, and made her anal about checking stuff like this, Legend found herself cutting into a mammoth piece of ground beef. When it was pink inside, she spoke up, comically screaming, “Abort! Abort!”
Morgan startled, and ended up with a spoonful of chili down her front. “Awesome,” she said dryly. “Can I borrow a shirt?” she asked Bryan.
“Sure,” he answered. Getting up from the table, he walked to the living room where a basket of his clean clothes remained unfolded. He plucked out his green polo shirt and tossed to her.
“Thanks,” she answered, going deeper into the living room shadows, where she stripped off her dirty shirt and gratefully put on Bryan’s clean one.
Liam stared as Morgan reentered from the next room in a guy’s shirt. “Did you just change out there?” he asked quizzically. He’d gotten there a little late, but apparently not late enough.
“Yeah, so what?” Morgan shrugged.
“Aar, you didn’t brown this all the way,” Legend accused, holding up the meat as proof.
He shrugged. “Yeah, it was a little pink, but so what? I mean, it wasn’t pink on the outside.”
“Do I get dessert?” Christian asked in a little voice. His belly didn’t feel good but he still wanted some.
Emily laughed. “Um, you guys? I think Short Stuff inhaled his chili.”
“Oh, no…” Legend moaned. “Are you okay?”
Christian nodded, being quiet.
“We don’t have dessert,” Aaron added sheepishly.
Morgan stood. “All right. Everybody come over to our place. We’ve got a coupon for pizza. And I bought this great tiramisu the other day,” she bribed, looking straight at Nathaniel, who had come back in time for the announcement to abort on the chili. She knew they shared an equal love of coffee and any dessert that could be eaten with it.
“I’m in,” Jon stood. If he waited for everyone else to make a decision, he’d starve.
--
Thirty minutes later, they were all enjoying a few large pizzas at Grand Central.
“I’m so sorry, guys,” Aaron apologized around a bite of pepperoni and sausage.
Emily stared at her pizza smiling vaguely. “Aw, guys, this reminds me of Buddy.”
Morgan raised an eyebrow at her, “And why would that make you smile?”
She had met Buddy once. He wasn’t the type that inspired a fond tone of voice. Something about the creepy way he looked at her made her more uncomfortable than she’d ever been. She made a decision then and there to avoid Pizza Piazza or anywhere around the food court. They had plenty of food at home.
“Because, he always seems like he’s so lonely but he tries so hard to help everybody! I think he’s sweet.”
Nate ducked his head. He didn’t add that he also knew who Emily was referring to. Libby had told him about the guy, and sure enough, Nate met him. He liked to bring Nate his dishes after he was done eating in the cafeteria. Then, he liked to linger a long time and just stare. It gave Nate a gross feeling he couldn’t describe.
“Can I go potty?” Christian asked. He was bored by all the grown-ups talking and eating when he was already full. He was glad when Legend pulled his chair out and let him get down.
--
Christian didn’t end up going potty. But his belly did sort of feel funny inside. He was washing his hands at the sink because he liked the soap that came out like a big puffy cloud, when he looked out the bathroom door. From there, you could see very good into Libby and Emily’s room if the door was open. And right now it was open. The light was on, too.
Those silly girls should remember to turn lights off when they went out of a room, Christian thought. He dried his hands off on his jeans and went over to turn the light off for them. But that’s when he saw some of Libby’s paint stuff out. She had an easel just like there was at his school, and Christian walked very careful over to look at the painting. Libby always did the pretty kind of paintings that Christian loved to look at. This one had all different colors, like the sunshine and a rainbow and some purple stars all got mixed up together.
Taking a giant step back, Christian made himself not touch Libby’s picture. Putting your art on somebody else’s art was never okay unless you asked them first and they said yes.
But on his giant step back, CJ stepped on something. It was a paintbrush. He knew it was okay to paint if it was on your own paper. So he found paper right where Libby always kept it. In her notebook from school.
Now, he looked in Libby’s special art box and found some paints. These ones looked like different finger paints than he used before, but Christian still opened them, and did some paint on the paper. He was going to surprise Libby and give her this picture to put up by the other ones they did together, and Nate’s.
The floor was making his belly hurt more, so Christian brought the notebook and all the paint over to Libby’s bed and set it down. But when Christian climbed up, the yellow and red and blue all spilled out on Libby’s white blanket on accident.
Christian bit his lip. He was going to get in trouble now. He ran back to the bathroom and got the washcloth off the sink to try and wash the paint off Libby’s bed. Only that made a big colorful mess. It would probably look nice for a painting, but it didn’t look nice for a blanket.
Finding a really curly piece of hair, Christian twirled it, until he noticed his hand still had paint on it. He wiped it off on his shirt. Then, he looked over at Emily’s bed.
She had a very colorful blanket, so you couldn’t see messes that good. Hurrying fast, Christian picked up the paints that he moved to the floor and brought them to Emily’s bed with the paper.
Except once he was over there, Christian saw the special tiny bag that Emily kept all her make-up in. The one Christian was never allowed to touch. He put his eye very close to where it was a little ways unzipped and looked inside. He couldn’t see anything, so he opened it up, and dumped all the stuff on the bed.
He saw lots of the same stuff his mom already had. Christian didn’t know what was so special about Emily’s make-up that he couldn’t touch it. She had lipstick and cover-up and lots of that eye-stuff. Christian tried it all on because he knew how.
But CJ saw a bunch of stuff his mom didn’t have too. Some of them were little baby metal things, like what Mom used one time to take the hot dogs off the grill only different. Then, he saw the best part that made him very excited.
It was called nail polish!
Christian turned his hand over. His nails were still clean, so he took off the cover from the green nail polish. He coughed because it smelled stinky. And then, very careful, Christian painted his nails.
The bottle for the nail polish didn’t stand up very good, and that spilled too. So Christian got the washcloth again, but it still didn’t work. He put it back in the bathroom. On the way back from there, Christian decided he didn’t even know how good he looked yet. So he went back in Libby and Emily’s room and shut the door, so he could look in the mirror on the other side of their door. He found one of Emily’s pink hats on the doorknob and put it on.
Christian had to giggle, even though his belly didn’t feel that good. He looked so silly with all different colors of paint in his hair and face and shirt and hands. Plus, girl-make-up on his lips and eyes and face. He even had green fingernails, like a monster.
He was busy making monster faces at himself when the mirror moved. That was because Jonathan was coming inside. He looked at Christian and started laughing.
All Jonathan had planned to do was take a leak and then get back to his pizza. But the sight of a paint-covered washcloth dripping down the front of the sink, and the sound of the kid giggling, made him curious enough to want to see what was up.
“Hey, girls!” he called. “Come check out what the kid’s been up to! He looks like a clown!”
Christian smiled, excited to show the girls his best clown face.
His friend, Legend, got there first. Her eyes got very big when she saw how clownish he looked.
“Libby and Em! Come here!” she yelled.
Before they got there, Legend turned back to Christian and started talking to him in a voice like his mom used sometimes when he was in very big trouble. That’s when he remembered the mess on the beds.
“You had better wipe that smile off your face right now,” she said in a scary voice that matched her face.
Legend had to force herself not to grab him right that instant and take him over her knee. He was obviously acting out for attention or something. But honestly, Legend didn’t have a clue about kids, including why they did what they did.
Christian already wiped his smile off, and he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. He waited, feeling his belly hurt very bad.
Libby and Emily both got to the doorway at the same time. When Emily screamed, it sent the rest of the guys running, too.
--
Jess walked into the apartment feeling like she was ready to drop. True, she had only worked a few hours, but on top of her earlier shift, and without dinner, it had taken its toll. She rubbed her temples at the sound of Emily’s scream and the general commotion. Couldn’t she ever live in a normal place? Jess wondered moodily as she picked up a slice of the forgotten pizza and took a bite.
She sat down gratefully, making up her mind right now that she was not cleaning this up. Jess had spent her whole night - her whole life - cleaning up other people’s messes, and she wasn’t doing it anymore. She didn’t care how long it sat there.
--
“Oh, my God!” Emily’s hand went to cover her mouth as she gaped at the huge mess their room had become. Her make-up was everywhere, her compact was broken and so was her eyelash curler. There was green nail polish all across her bedspread.
Libby’s mouth dropped open as she took in the sight. At least fifty dollars worth of her acrylic paint was now smeared across her white comforter, and her Spanish notebook.
“Why would you do this?” she asked Christian. Libby felt like she might cry. She could feel Liam at her side. He put an arm around her then, and she needed it.
To say Liam was shocked would be an understatement. Here was Christian, stained with paint, and wearing a pink hat, lipstick, Caucasian foundation and eye make-up. On closer inspection, Liam made out green nail polish on his hands. This was a red flag if there ever was one. What kind of mother would allow her son to dress up like a woman? But then, Jess wasn’t home. Maybe she didn’t know he did it. Oh, but how could she not know? This was pretty obvious. He couldn’t stop himself from staring at Nathaniel, who was watching events unfold quietly. Liam saw him glance over once, and Nathaniel knew Liam was staring. Nathaniel’s ears were red. Liam wondered if this was how it started with him. Could it start this young? Liam hadn’t thought it was possible.
“I don’t know,” Christian whispered. He didn’t want them all to be mad at him. He just wanted to surprise them, that was all. In the corner of his eye, CJ saw Jonathan laughing, and it made his smile come back.
Legend pursed her lips. She took Christian by the hands and stared hard into his eyes. “It’s not a joke to disrespect people’s property like this. You know better than to come into anybody else’s room other than yours without knocking first, don’t you?”
Christian nodded, feeling scared again.
“That’s what I thought,” Legend said grimly. “You’re getting a swat for disobeying.” Without giving him time to protest, Legend brought him over her knee and swatted him once, decisively, on his backside.
--
When Jess noticed Bacony left beside Christian’s chair, she realized no one, not even her son, had come back from whatever they were doing. So, Jess went down the hall to investigate. She never thought that she would see Legend raising a hand to her child through the crowd of people blocking the doorway.
--
Christian cried when Legend swatted him. It hurt his butt really bad. But it hurt his feelings more because all the big boys and big girls saw it. It made him feel extra bad inside.
“I want my mom!” Christian wailed. He cried so much that it made his belly hurt very bad, and his mouth threw up. CJ didn’t know what to do, so he kept crying. Legend never hurted him before, and now she did. He couldn’t see his mom anywhere, and now his friends Libby and Emily were mad at him too. Christian felt sweaty hot and his mouth tasted bad. He wanted to hide behind the big door and have nobody know where he was.
“Oh, that’s just sick!” Jonathan spat, to hide his fear, having watched Christian get so worked up that he actually made himself puke. He hated vomit, especially since his aunt Beth had been so ill. Now, it was all down the kid’s shirt, on his shoes, and on the floor. It filled the place with that rank smell that reminded Jon of hopelessness. He couldn’t watch Christian just stand there crying like that. It was too much. Especially since no one was making a move to help him out.
Turning to go, he ran directly into Jess, and backed off. He could see the same mother’s fury in her eyes that had been in his own mother’s, when she found out that Kyle had made Jonathan smoke pot with him, when Kyle was sixteen and Jon was only ten. His mom still wasn’t over that. He wondered if Jess would get over somebody else - her good friend - raising a hand to her child.
Jess pushed her way through the crowd of people angrily. She deftly stepped around the mess of throw-up and rainbow colored paint to shield her son. Jess knew they couldn’t stay here anymore. Jonathan thought it was all a joke, and no one else had moved to defend Christian when Jess couldn’t reach him.
“What the hell is going on?” she demanded, grabbing Christian, and holding him tight - vomit, make-up, paint and all.
“What’s it look like?” Emily exclaimed, infuriated. “Your kid just cost Libby and I a butt-load of money! He wrecked both our comforters, got paint everywhere and wrecked all my cosmetics!”
Jess glared at her, and then turned on Legend. “I don’t care what he did!” she seethed. “Not one of you has the right to raise a hand to my son!”
Vibrating with fear and fury, Jess rushed down the hall to the room she shared with Christian and set him down long enough to grab his backpack and stuff whatever she could reach into it.
“Get Bacony, CJ,” she urged, crying, and not caring.
Legend came in behind them - anger, hurt and shock all evident on her face. “What are you doing?”
Ignoring her, Jess shoved her way past Legend and into the hall. She stopped briefly by the kitchen table where she dropped her purse. With CJ safely in her arms, Jess hurried out the door. Grabbing her bike, she secured Christian in the little seat on the back, and took off.
--
“What the hell, Legend?!” Morgan exclaimed. Tears had sprung to her eyes, and she was nearly nose-to-nose with this tiny woman. “Where do you get off?”
Legend narrowed her eyes and held her ground, despite feeling scared that Jess and Christian were out on their own somewhere late at night.
“What he did was wrong! Don’t tell me if he was your kid you wouldn’t have done the same thing!”
“I would have, yes! But I would never be okay with someone else disciplining my child physically!” Morgan shouted.
Emily shoved her way in front of Legend. “Morgan, she wasn’t wrong! He, went beyond normal bad behavior! Somebody needed to do something, and Legend did it!”
Morgan took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. She knew how easy it would be to lose her head and turn this into a brawl. “Stay out of this, Em.”
Emily’s eyes flashed so dark they were nearly black. “Stay out of it?!” she demanded. “That little brat wrecked our room!”
Bryan stepped in. “Okay, okay. Morgan, go cool off. Emily, come with me. This isn’t doing anybody any good.”
“Isn’t anybody going to do anything?” Coby demanded. “Jess and Christian are out there! We should go after them! It’s late! They have no protection, no transportation!”
“She would have taken her bike,” Legend realized, and checked outside the door, where it was usually propped against the wall at their end of the hall. It was gone.
“Don’t know about anyone else, but I’m calling the proper authorities,” Liam said, ignoring Libby’s tears.
Morgan planted herself in front of Liam. “You sure as hell aren’t,” she threatened. “You go home. You pray. You do whatever you do. But if you make life anymore difficult than it already is for Jess and Christian, I’ll kick your ass. And that’s a promise.”
Liam backed away, believing easily that Morgan would follow through on what she said. She was a woman of her word. Liam wished he was a man of his own.
Libby retreated to her messy room and slammed the door, hating all the conflict. She loved Jess so much. She was like a second mother, even though she was only a couple years older. And Christian was like a nephew. The fact that they were out somewhere in the dark was terrifying to her.
Coby went to the kitchen to grab his jacket off the back of the chair, and found Jonathan at the table, calmly eating a large slice of tiramisu.
“What?” he asked, not flinching under Coby’s menacing glare. “It was melting.”
Coby was halfway to the door, and most of the crowd had migrated from the hall to the living room when Aaron stepped forward to stop him.
“You need to let her go,” he said seriously. He laid a hand on Coby’s shoulder firmly.
When Coby brought a hand back with intent, Nate flinched, even though nothing came of it. He wished they weren’t blocking the only exit.
Finally, Nate retreated to Libby’s room, where he cried with her, and together, they did what they could to clean up the mess left behind.
Libby hated seeing Nate upset like this. She hated seeing anyone upset, but seeing Nathaniel cry was like torture. He was hunched over a bucket of water he had come in with, and was kneeling in front of Christian’s sickness, wiping it up with a rag as he sniffled.
Nate could feel Libby watching him and purposely didn’t look up. He preferred to be alone when he was upset, but if he had to be with somebody, Libby was the one he would pick. He glanced up quickly, but one look at his best friend had him sure he’d seen enough.
Libby’s eyes were red, the blue in them intensified with the emotion of the moment as she pitifully swiped at her comforter with the washcloth from the bathroom sink.
Eventually, Libby gave up, putting the rag aside. She crawled over to Nathaniel and lay her cheek against back, letting tears track down her face.
Nate turned, so they were facing each other, and laid his head on top of Libby’s. Together, they took comfort in one another while they gave it.
“It’s complete madness when we get together for these!” Morgan exclaimed as she elbowed her way through Bryan’s apartment. It was smaller than the rest, so there was never enough room for everybody to fit comfortably.
“Madness,” Aaron cackled from the stove where he was stirring his huge pot of chili. “That should be patented. From now on, every one of these is gonna be Monday Madness.”
“Dude, when’s the food gonna be ready?” Jon complained, reluctantly arranging place settings around the table.
“Emily was doing swears to the ducks!” Christian tattled, very upset. “And she called them pigs because one was eating all the bread. And that’s not nice to call ducks names. It hurts their feelings.”
Libby snickered in spite of herself, watching Jess tell Christian he was right, but that sometimes people lose their tempers and say things they don’t mean. She had seen with her own eyes, Emily throwing entire pieces of bread into the pond after they had played with Christian at the park. All the ducks had eaten hungrily until Emily snapped, “Just eat the whole damn loaf, you pigs!” So Libby couldn’t help but laugh. The girl was hilarious.
“Well they really were pigs,” Emily mumbled under her breath. She sat down in the living room, ignoring the others who were helping set the table.
“Get off your butt, woman!” Legend snapped good-naturedly. She hauled Emily to her feet and into the kitchen. “Everybody else is helping get dinner on the table.”
“We got anything to eat with the chili?” Bryan asked, opening cupboard doors.
Aaron turned from the stove. “Since when is chili not a meal by itself?” he asked, as Bryan found a bag of Fritos and tossed them on the table.
Coby was just about to take Christian out to play catch when Aaron decided the chili was ready.
Actually, Aaron didn’t really know if it was done or not, but he knew he had hungry people who were waiting for him to get supper on the table.
Legend‘s cell phone rang then, and she picked up, before passing it off to Jess. She knew Jess had given out the number to her boss in case of emergencies when Jess might not be home.
Quickly, Jess took the call, and hung up. “I don’t know why they sent me home at all…” she muttered.
“What’s up?” Legend asked as she took her phone back.
“They need me back at work to cover the dinner rush. I said they could call if they needed somebody.” Jess kept herself busy, putting her hat back on and avoiding Legend’s gaze.
“You mean you’re missing chili?” Christian asked, feeling sad about it. He already knew he was going to eat all his chili so he wouldn’t have to have another peanut butter sandwich, and so he could get dessert. He wanted to show his mom the good job he was going to do eating all his food up.
Jess looked at him regretfully, knowing she was missing some of the only uninterrupted time she had to spend with him. “Sorry, baby,” she apologized, giving him a kiss. “I’ll be home before you’re in bed, okay?”
“Okay,” Christian pouted, as Aaron put the big pot of chili on the table.
“Hey, kiddo,” Coby said, noticing Christian looked upset. “Did you know me and my sister made this table?” Coby knocked on it, trying for a good distraction.
Christian looked at the table and then at Coby. “How many is your sister?” he asked. He didn’t know if Coby was telling a joke or not. He never heard of anybody building tables before.
Coby grinned. “She’s eight. Her name’s Riley.”
Christian pressed one finger to the table to see if it would break, but it was good and strong. “You mean you made the wood and everything?”
Laughing, Coby kept Christian involved with the conversation, explaining that the table had come in pieces at a special store, and all he and Riley had to do was put the pieces together. He nodded goodbye to Jess as he saw her grab her coat and head for the door.
--
Since Nathaniel was just arriving, and Liam wasn’t yet there, Jess took the opportunity to avoid Liam and hopefully spend a pleasant few minutes with Nate instead of weird strained silence with Legend or somebody else.
She was still not happy about Liam butting into her personal life, and wasn’t ready to see him yet. And it made her vaguely sick to think of leaving Christian in his presence when she wasn’t around.
Ever since the movie the day before, Jess had been edgier than usual. Her nightmare last night had been more a flashback than anything else. She had woken up outside the apartment, and had to use the skills of her rebellious youth to sneak back inside, though their open apartment window. Jess shook her head to clear it, knowing she didn’t have time to think about all that now. She approached Nate, who sent her a smile.
“Nate, can I get a ride to work? I know you just got here, but if I don’t leave now I’m gonna be late.”
“Sure,” he nodded.
Before he left, Nathaniel stuck his head in the kitchen to let everyone know he would be right back. “I’m just dropping Jess off,” he explained. “And Liam’s running a little late, but he’ll be here.”
--
“Thanks for doing this, Nate,” Jess said apologetically. She was glad she hadn’t bothered to change out of her uniform. “I offered to cover if anything came up, but I didn’t think they’d need me an hour after I got off.”
Nate smiled. “No problem. You need me to come back here and pick you up?” He got out to open her car door.
Jess shook her head. “I can get a ride,” she assured him.
He nodded. “All right. But if something comes up, call us.”
Promising she would, and knowing she wouldn’t, Jess went inside, and prepared for a few more hours on her feet.
--
When Aaron put the bowl of chili down in front of Christian he picked up his spoon. He was going to do what his mom always said. If you don’t like something, but you just eat it anyway, it gets over faster. So even though Christian didn’t like spicy things that much, he started eating it as fast as he could.
It burned his mouth the same way pepperonis and Mom’s tacos did, and a little worse, but Christian still ate it. He was glad there was milk to drink too. He didn’t know what there was for dessert, but CJ already knew it must be very good. For dessert when his mom cooked the yucky tacos, there was strawberry shortcake, and Christian didn’t get to have any that night because he didn’t eat what was for dinner.
Legend took her seat at the table when Aaron called them all. As she did with everything he cooked, Legend investigated it thoroughly before she ate it. Aaron was distractible on his best day. That wasn’t a good thing, in the kitchen.
Junior year of high school she and Jess had come over for cookies, which Aaron had baked all by himself. Both girls had tried them and instantly gagged. When Jess, who was pregnant enough to burst with Christian, asked him how much salt he’d put in, Aaron told them he’d done just what the recipe said, and added one cup of salt. Legend read that part of the recipe out loud and informed him that one teaspoon would never equal one cup.
Sniffing the chili, she sneezed. Bravely Legend licked a tiny bit of it off her spoon. It was lukewarm at best, even though it just came off the stove. Her mouth and ears burned hot. She knew Aaron liked his food spicy, though, so that could be intentional. Probably because Jess was in food-service, and made her anal about checking stuff like this, Legend found herself cutting into a mammoth piece of ground beef. When it was pink inside, she spoke up, comically screaming, “Abort! Abort!”
Morgan startled, and ended up with a spoonful of chili down her front. “Awesome,” she said dryly. “Can I borrow a shirt?” she asked Bryan.
“Sure,” he answered. Getting up from the table, he walked to the living room where a basket of his clean clothes remained unfolded. He plucked out his green polo shirt and tossed to her.
“Thanks,” she answered, going deeper into the living room shadows, where she stripped off her dirty shirt and gratefully put on Bryan’s clean one.
Liam stared as Morgan reentered from the next room in a guy’s shirt. “Did you just change out there?” he asked quizzically. He’d gotten there a little late, but apparently not late enough.
“Yeah, so what?” Morgan shrugged.
“Aar, you didn’t brown this all the way,” Legend accused, holding up the meat as proof.
He shrugged. “Yeah, it was a little pink, but so what? I mean, it wasn’t pink on the outside.”
“Do I get dessert?” Christian asked in a little voice. His belly didn’t feel good but he still wanted some.
Emily laughed. “Um, you guys? I think Short Stuff inhaled his chili.”
“Oh, no…” Legend moaned. “Are you okay?”
Christian nodded, being quiet.
“We don’t have dessert,” Aaron added sheepishly.
Morgan stood. “All right. Everybody come over to our place. We’ve got a coupon for pizza. And I bought this great tiramisu the other day,” she bribed, looking straight at Nathaniel, who had come back in time for the announcement to abort on the chili. She knew they shared an equal love of coffee and any dessert that could be eaten with it.
“I’m in,” Jon stood. If he waited for everyone else to make a decision, he’d starve.
--
Thirty minutes later, they were all enjoying a few large pizzas at Grand Central.
“I’m so sorry, guys,” Aaron apologized around a bite of pepperoni and sausage.
Emily stared at her pizza smiling vaguely. “Aw, guys, this reminds me of Buddy.”
Morgan raised an eyebrow at her, “And why would that make you smile?”
She had met Buddy once. He wasn’t the type that inspired a fond tone of voice. Something about the creepy way he looked at her made her more uncomfortable than she’d ever been. She made a decision then and there to avoid Pizza Piazza or anywhere around the food court. They had plenty of food at home.
“Because, he always seems like he’s so lonely but he tries so hard to help everybody! I think he’s sweet.”
Nate ducked his head. He didn’t add that he also knew who Emily was referring to. Libby had told him about the guy, and sure enough, Nate met him. He liked to bring Nate his dishes after he was done eating in the cafeteria. Then, he liked to linger a long time and just stare. It gave Nate a gross feeling he couldn’t describe.
“Can I go potty?” Christian asked. He was bored by all the grown-ups talking and eating when he was already full. He was glad when Legend pulled his chair out and let him get down.
--
Christian didn’t end up going potty. But his belly did sort of feel funny inside. He was washing his hands at the sink because he liked the soap that came out like a big puffy cloud, when he looked out the bathroom door. From there, you could see very good into Libby and Emily’s room if the door was open. And right now it was open. The light was on, too.
Those silly girls should remember to turn lights off when they went out of a room, Christian thought. He dried his hands off on his jeans and went over to turn the light off for them. But that’s when he saw some of Libby’s paint stuff out. She had an easel just like there was at his school, and Christian walked very careful over to look at the painting. Libby always did the pretty kind of paintings that Christian loved to look at. This one had all different colors, like the sunshine and a rainbow and some purple stars all got mixed up together.
Taking a giant step back, Christian made himself not touch Libby’s picture. Putting your art on somebody else’s art was never okay unless you asked them first and they said yes.
But on his giant step back, CJ stepped on something. It was a paintbrush. He knew it was okay to paint if it was on your own paper. So he found paper right where Libby always kept it. In her notebook from school.
Now, he looked in Libby’s special art box and found some paints. These ones looked like different finger paints than he used before, but Christian still opened them, and did some paint on the paper. He was going to surprise Libby and give her this picture to put up by the other ones they did together, and Nate’s.
The floor was making his belly hurt more, so Christian brought the notebook and all the paint over to Libby’s bed and set it down. But when Christian climbed up, the yellow and red and blue all spilled out on Libby’s white blanket on accident.
Christian bit his lip. He was going to get in trouble now. He ran back to the bathroom and got the washcloth off the sink to try and wash the paint off Libby’s bed. Only that made a big colorful mess. It would probably look nice for a painting, but it didn’t look nice for a blanket.
Finding a really curly piece of hair, Christian twirled it, until he noticed his hand still had paint on it. He wiped it off on his shirt. Then, he looked over at Emily’s bed.
She had a very colorful blanket, so you couldn’t see messes that good. Hurrying fast, Christian picked up the paints that he moved to the floor and brought them to Emily’s bed with the paper.
Except once he was over there, Christian saw the special tiny bag that Emily kept all her make-up in. The one Christian was never allowed to touch. He put his eye very close to where it was a little ways unzipped and looked inside. He couldn’t see anything, so he opened it up, and dumped all the stuff on the bed.
He saw lots of the same stuff his mom already had. Christian didn’t know what was so special about Emily’s make-up that he couldn’t touch it. She had lipstick and cover-up and lots of that eye-stuff. Christian tried it all on because he knew how.
But CJ saw a bunch of stuff his mom didn’t have too. Some of them were little baby metal things, like what Mom used one time to take the hot dogs off the grill only different. Then, he saw the best part that made him very excited.
It was called nail polish!
Christian turned his hand over. His nails were still clean, so he took off the cover from the green nail polish. He coughed because it smelled stinky. And then, very careful, Christian painted his nails.
The bottle for the nail polish didn’t stand up very good, and that spilled too. So Christian got the washcloth again, but it still didn’t work. He put it back in the bathroom. On the way back from there, Christian decided he didn’t even know how good he looked yet. So he went back in Libby and Emily’s room and shut the door, so he could look in the mirror on the other side of their door. He found one of Emily’s pink hats on the doorknob and put it on.
Christian had to giggle, even though his belly didn’t feel that good. He looked so silly with all different colors of paint in his hair and face and shirt and hands. Plus, girl-make-up on his lips and eyes and face. He even had green fingernails, like a monster.
He was busy making monster faces at himself when the mirror moved. That was because Jonathan was coming inside. He looked at Christian and started laughing.
All Jonathan had planned to do was take a leak and then get back to his pizza. But the sight of a paint-covered washcloth dripping down the front of the sink, and the sound of the kid giggling, made him curious enough to want to see what was up.
“Hey, girls!” he called. “Come check out what the kid’s been up to! He looks like a clown!”
Christian smiled, excited to show the girls his best clown face.
His friend, Legend, got there first. Her eyes got very big when she saw how clownish he looked.
“Libby and Em! Come here!” she yelled.
Before they got there, Legend turned back to Christian and started talking to him in a voice like his mom used sometimes when he was in very big trouble. That’s when he remembered the mess on the beds.
“You had better wipe that smile off your face right now,” she said in a scary voice that matched her face.
Legend had to force herself not to grab him right that instant and take him over her knee. He was obviously acting out for attention or something. But honestly, Legend didn’t have a clue about kids, including why they did what they did.
Christian already wiped his smile off, and he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. He waited, feeling his belly hurt very bad.
Libby and Emily both got to the doorway at the same time. When Emily screamed, it sent the rest of the guys running, too.
--
Jess walked into the apartment feeling like she was ready to drop. True, she had only worked a few hours, but on top of her earlier shift, and without dinner, it had taken its toll. She rubbed her temples at the sound of Emily’s scream and the general commotion. Couldn’t she ever live in a normal place? Jess wondered moodily as she picked up a slice of the forgotten pizza and took a bite.
She sat down gratefully, making up her mind right now that she was not cleaning this up. Jess had spent her whole night - her whole life - cleaning up other people’s messes, and she wasn’t doing it anymore. She didn’t care how long it sat there.
--
“Oh, my God!” Emily’s hand went to cover her mouth as she gaped at the huge mess their room had become. Her make-up was everywhere, her compact was broken and so was her eyelash curler. There was green nail polish all across her bedspread.
Libby’s mouth dropped open as she took in the sight. At least fifty dollars worth of her acrylic paint was now smeared across her white comforter, and her Spanish notebook.
“Why would you do this?” she asked Christian. Libby felt like she might cry. She could feel Liam at her side. He put an arm around her then, and she needed it.
To say Liam was shocked would be an understatement. Here was Christian, stained with paint, and wearing a pink hat, lipstick, Caucasian foundation and eye make-up. On closer inspection, Liam made out green nail polish on his hands. This was a red flag if there ever was one. What kind of mother would allow her son to dress up like a woman? But then, Jess wasn’t home. Maybe she didn’t know he did it. Oh, but how could she not know? This was pretty obvious. He couldn’t stop himself from staring at Nathaniel, who was watching events unfold quietly. Liam saw him glance over once, and Nathaniel knew Liam was staring. Nathaniel’s ears were red. Liam wondered if this was how it started with him. Could it start this young? Liam hadn’t thought it was possible.
“I don’t know,” Christian whispered. He didn’t want them all to be mad at him. He just wanted to surprise them, that was all. In the corner of his eye, CJ saw Jonathan laughing, and it made his smile come back.
Legend pursed her lips. She took Christian by the hands and stared hard into his eyes. “It’s not a joke to disrespect people’s property like this. You know better than to come into anybody else’s room other than yours without knocking first, don’t you?”
Christian nodded, feeling scared again.
“That’s what I thought,” Legend said grimly. “You’re getting a swat for disobeying.” Without giving him time to protest, Legend brought him over her knee and swatted him once, decisively, on his backside.
--
When Jess noticed Bacony left beside Christian’s chair, she realized no one, not even her son, had come back from whatever they were doing. So, Jess went down the hall to investigate. She never thought that she would see Legend raising a hand to her child through the crowd of people blocking the doorway.
--
Christian cried when Legend swatted him. It hurt his butt really bad. But it hurt his feelings more because all the big boys and big girls saw it. It made him feel extra bad inside.
“I want my mom!” Christian wailed. He cried so much that it made his belly hurt very bad, and his mouth threw up. CJ didn’t know what to do, so he kept crying. Legend never hurted him before, and now she did. He couldn’t see his mom anywhere, and now his friends Libby and Emily were mad at him too. Christian felt sweaty hot and his mouth tasted bad. He wanted to hide behind the big door and have nobody know where he was.
“Oh, that’s just sick!” Jonathan spat, to hide his fear, having watched Christian get so worked up that he actually made himself puke. He hated vomit, especially since his aunt Beth had been so ill. Now, it was all down the kid’s shirt, on his shoes, and on the floor. It filled the place with that rank smell that reminded Jon of hopelessness. He couldn’t watch Christian just stand there crying like that. It was too much. Especially since no one was making a move to help him out.
Turning to go, he ran directly into Jess, and backed off. He could see the same mother’s fury in her eyes that had been in his own mother’s, when she found out that Kyle had made Jonathan smoke pot with him, when Kyle was sixteen and Jon was only ten. His mom still wasn’t over that. He wondered if Jess would get over somebody else - her good friend - raising a hand to her child.
Jess pushed her way through the crowd of people angrily. She deftly stepped around the mess of throw-up and rainbow colored paint to shield her son. Jess knew they couldn’t stay here anymore. Jonathan thought it was all a joke, and no one else had moved to defend Christian when Jess couldn’t reach him.
“What the hell is going on?” she demanded, grabbing Christian, and holding him tight - vomit, make-up, paint and all.
“What’s it look like?” Emily exclaimed, infuriated. “Your kid just cost Libby and I a butt-load of money! He wrecked both our comforters, got paint everywhere and wrecked all my cosmetics!”
Jess glared at her, and then turned on Legend. “I don’t care what he did!” she seethed. “Not one of you has the right to raise a hand to my son!”
Vibrating with fear and fury, Jess rushed down the hall to the room she shared with Christian and set him down long enough to grab his backpack and stuff whatever she could reach into it.
“Get Bacony, CJ,” she urged, crying, and not caring.
Legend came in behind them - anger, hurt and shock all evident on her face. “What are you doing?”
Ignoring her, Jess shoved her way past Legend and into the hall. She stopped briefly by the kitchen table where she dropped her purse. With CJ safely in her arms, Jess hurried out the door. Grabbing her bike, she secured Christian in the little seat on the back, and took off.
--
“What the hell, Legend?!” Morgan exclaimed. Tears had sprung to her eyes, and she was nearly nose-to-nose with this tiny woman. “Where do you get off?”
Legend narrowed her eyes and held her ground, despite feeling scared that Jess and Christian were out on their own somewhere late at night.
“What he did was wrong! Don’t tell me if he was your kid you wouldn’t have done the same thing!”
“I would have, yes! But I would never be okay with someone else disciplining my child physically!” Morgan shouted.
Emily shoved her way in front of Legend. “Morgan, she wasn’t wrong! He, went beyond normal bad behavior! Somebody needed to do something, and Legend did it!”
Morgan took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. She knew how easy it would be to lose her head and turn this into a brawl. “Stay out of this, Em.”
Emily’s eyes flashed so dark they were nearly black. “Stay out of it?!” she demanded. “That little brat wrecked our room!”
Bryan stepped in. “Okay, okay. Morgan, go cool off. Emily, come with me. This isn’t doing anybody any good.”
“Isn’t anybody going to do anything?” Coby demanded. “Jess and Christian are out there! We should go after them! It’s late! They have no protection, no transportation!”
“She would have taken her bike,” Legend realized, and checked outside the door, where it was usually propped against the wall at their end of the hall. It was gone.
“Don’t know about anyone else, but I’m calling the proper authorities,” Liam said, ignoring Libby’s tears.
Morgan planted herself in front of Liam. “You sure as hell aren’t,” she threatened. “You go home. You pray. You do whatever you do. But if you make life anymore difficult than it already is for Jess and Christian, I’ll kick your ass. And that’s a promise.”
Liam backed away, believing easily that Morgan would follow through on what she said. She was a woman of her word. Liam wished he was a man of his own.
Libby retreated to her messy room and slammed the door, hating all the conflict. She loved Jess so much. She was like a second mother, even though she was only a couple years older. And Christian was like a nephew. The fact that they were out somewhere in the dark was terrifying to her.
Coby went to the kitchen to grab his jacket off the back of the chair, and found Jonathan at the table, calmly eating a large slice of tiramisu.
“What?” he asked, not flinching under Coby’s menacing glare. “It was melting.”
Coby was halfway to the door, and most of the crowd had migrated from the hall to the living room when Aaron stepped forward to stop him.
“You need to let her go,” he said seriously. He laid a hand on Coby’s shoulder firmly.
When Coby brought a hand back with intent, Nate flinched, even though nothing came of it. He wished they weren’t blocking the only exit.
Finally, Nate retreated to Libby’s room, where he cried with her, and together, they did what they could to clean up the mess left behind.
Libby hated seeing Nate upset like this. She hated seeing anyone upset, but seeing Nathaniel cry was like torture. He was hunched over a bucket of water he had come in with, and was kneeling in front of Christian’s sickness, wiping it up with a rag as he sniffled.
Nate could feel Libby watching him and purposely didn’t look up. He preferred to be alone when he was upset, but if he had to be with somebody, Libby was the one he would pick. He glanced up quickly, but one look at his best friend had him sure he’d seen enough.
Libby’s eyes were red, the blue in them intensified with the emotion of the moment as she pitifully swiped at her comforter with the washcloth from the bathroom sink.
Eventually, Libby gave up, putting the rag aside. She crawled over to Nathaniel and lay her cheek against back, letting tears track down her face.
Nate turned, so they were facing each other, and laid his head on top of Libby’s. Together, they took comfort in one another while they gave it.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Fall Rising: Chapter 9
It’s Thursday and I’m supposed to be studying, because I have an hour before work. I even found this really quiet room off the library, but somehow, everybody but Liam found me here. So I guess it’s turned into more of a party than a study session. But I suppose it’s better to study with friends than alone anyway. Even if they make it super hard to concentrate.
Jess glanced around the noisy room, wishing for an I-Pod or earmuffs. Anything to block out the sound of Emily carrying on with Aaron.
The two of them had given up studying their Humanities and Graphic Design for the time being, and from what Jess could figure out, they appeared to be playing zoo with Emily’s animal crackers. Every once in a while an odd sound could be heard as Aaron made sound-effects that approximated to one of the zoo animals being chewed to death by Emily.
Jess couldn’t make this stuff up. It was too good.
Across from her, Legend was studiously doing her best to ignore the fun and games, and study for her upcoming test. Somehow, at Aaron and Emily’s table near the single window in the room, Bryan and Nate were softly trading terminology and definitions for the class they had together.
Coby and Jonathan were sitting near each other at the same table as Morgan and Libby. Jonathan was trying to stay awake and finish some reading he had to do, while Coby kept getting distracted, and glancing over to see what Jess was up to. To make things worse, Jess always noticed, and looked up, grinning shyly at him. Coby knew they both were thinking of their date the previous night. Jess would never call it that, because Christian had been there, but Coby knew that’s what it was.
Morgan had her laptop open, and her I-Pod on her ears, listening to Jason Mraz sing that he was hers, and trying to type a paper on the three-hundred page book, she managed to read in the last twenty-four hours, knowing there would be a quiz on it the next day. As usual, Morgan would have no other time to study, because she would be busy working her twelve-hour shift again. Morgan stared at the screen, wondering how she could adequately describe what a letdown the book had been. The last chapter had fizzled out, and was totally depressing, like the author gave up when she couldn’t come up with a suitable ending. Plus, thanks to this book, Morgan knew far more about certain parts of male anatomy than she ever wanted to.
Libby was trying to study her Spanish. She had still had no idea what her professor was talking about half the time. She was a cute lady, but she had a thick accent, and Libby had a hard time understanding her. Today, to learn about Spanish culture, the professor had let them watch an appearance by a famous Latino singer, who at one point started salsa dancing during an instrumental break. Her professor got totally excited and wanted the whole class to get up and do the dance too, but no one did, until she offered them ten extra credit points. Even then, only one girl did it. And Libby wasn’t it.
So far, for homework, she had gone over to Bryan’s, since Morgan told her he spoke Spanish, and watched a show on the Spanish channel. Then, she summarized what the show was about. Now, she was stuck studying tenses for a test coming up. They were weird ones she had never heard of in English, let alone Spanish, like imperfect and subjunctive. Libby was about to interrupt Bryan and Nate’s study session to ask Nate for help when her phone rang. She glanced at it, saw that her brother was calling again, and hung up, not even waiting for him to say hello.
It was bad enough that she had been all but cornered by this creepy older guy who worked at Pizza Piazza. His nametag said Buddy of all things, and he seemed to Libby like he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He kept telling her how soft her hair was, and then touching it without her telling him it was okay. Emily, of course, loved him, and was super friendly, talking to him, as she ate her huge taco salad. Libby knew only Emily could put away one of those before ten in the morning. It was amazing she had room for anything else. Buddy’s awkward presence and her brother’s constant phone calls made Libby feel sick and irritable in turn.
Checking her voicemail confirmed that the phone call had been from Liam. He was calling for the millionth time because he was skateboarding at the park during his free period. No one was there, and since all of them were together, he figured they could all come over and do something.
She ducked her head, dodging glares from Legend and Jonathan.
“Some of us are studying,” Legend snapped, clearly annoyed.
“Seriously, girl. Who keeps calling you?” Morgan asked, lifting her hair off the back of her neck. It was stifling in here.
“My brother. He’s at the skate park and he’s bored. He wants all of us to, like, come over or something.”
“There’s a skate park here?” Morgan asked incredulous. “Where?”
“On 7th Avenue, or something,” Libby supplied. She could care less where the stupid park was, but knew Morgan liked skateboarding, and for some reason beyond Libby’s comprehension, liked her brother, too.
“I should call him. Can I have his number?” Morgan asked, curiously.
Jess looked up from her textbook, and reached into her bag for the directories she had finally found the time to copy three times by hand.
“Here, you guys. That reminds me,” she said, handing them out.
Morgan scanned hers until she found the number she was looking for near the very bottom of the page. Then she excused herself to make a call.
--
“Hello?” Liam asked, not recognizing the number in his caller ID window. He was breathless and sweating from hitting all the ramps and rails as hard as possible.
“Hey, loser. How come you never told me there was a skate park here?” Morgan teased.
“Morgan?” Liam guessed, intrigued. “How’d you get this number?”
She smiled. “The awesome new directory Jess is handing out. You’ll get yours soon. She’ll probably give it to Nate or Jon to give you.”
“Speaking of Jess,” Liam said, changing the subject smoothly. “What do you know about her family?”
Morgan leaned back against the hallway wall. “I know what she said last week. I know she doesn’t like talking about it. And if I were you, I’d back off if you don’t want a repeat performance of last week.”
Practically everybody in Grand Central had to know that Jess wasn’t sleeping well. Morgan had been up late the previous night, reading the stupid book for her class. She had set it aside and asked how dinner with Coby went. Jess shared a little bit, and then decided to turn in early.
Several hours later, Morgan was still up, reading, when Jess appeared in the kitchen again. This time, she had looked really pissed, and it had taken Morgan a few minutes to figure out Jess was sleepwalking.
Morgan had trailed her - a bad habit that formed when Pete used to do the same thing in second grade. She’d been curious, liking to see what he did, and trying to guess what he was dreaming about. Morgan knew almost instantly that Jess wasn’t dreaming anything good.
She started shaking and kind of sniffling, like she was cold or crying. Morgan had offered Jess a blanket, and Jess had flinched away, repeating the word, “Sorry.” Quietly, Morgan continued following Jess, sneaking around her to set a kitchen chair in front of the door, when Morgan noticed her trying to open it.
When Jess folded herself in the hall closet where Christian had broken the shelf earlier, Morgan simply went and got her book, reading across from the closet until she finally finished. Not knowing what else to do, Morgan reluctantly woke Legend, who worked some kind of magic, getting her scared friend back to bed.
“Morgan?” Liam asked, confused by the long silence. A new call beeped in and Liam checked it. “I‘m getting a call from a weird number. I‘m gonna take it, okay? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Call me sometime, and we’ll skate together,” Morgan offered, before hanging up.
--
“Liam? It’s Joey Barrett. Nate’s brother.”
Closing his eyes, Liam wished he had let this call go to voice mail.
“Yes?” he asked shortly. He wished he had stayed off the phone. Now he was going to eat up all his skate time talking to people he didn’t even like.
“Nate gave me your number before I left. I can’t let you think what you do about us, so check your text messages, and call me back,” Joey urged.
Because he was curious, Liam obeyed. He saw one from the unfamiliar number and opened it. Two kids (one dark, one light) and Amy Barrett, Nathaniel’s mother, who he remembered meeting on move-in day, stared back at him, smiling. One boy - Liam knew it was Nathaniel, just by glancing - looked to be about eight with curly dark hair and brown skin. He was smiling, and holding the hand of the kindergarten-aged boy. This kid was a dead-ringer for Joey, and upon closer inspection, Liam could see that both shared resemblance with their mom. Joey had her blond hair, blue eyes and complexion, while Nathaniel had her smile and identically-dimpled cheeks.
Embarrassed, Liam called Joey back.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized when he heard Joey pick up. “You really are brothers, huh?”
“Half-brothers,” Joey qualified. “But we don’t count the half.” He paused a beat before continuing. “Listen, Nathaniel has enough to worry about by himself. He doesn’t need to worry about being your roommate, too.”
“Worry about,” Liam stated. “What’s he got to worry about? It’s not like I’d hurt him.”
“Nate used to come home from school every day, beat up. You know why? ’Cause of ignorant haters like you,” Joey said calmly.
Liam shifted, uncomfortable now. He had missed the topic-switch from race to sexual orientation.
“I don’t hate your brother,” Liam said honestly.
Joey glanced at his watch, knowing his bathroom pass could only last so long. “I know,” he sighed. “But you don’t respect him, either. And that’s wrong. As a Christian, and as a man.” Joey paused again, praying Liam would take his words to heart. “Listen, I need to go. Just think about it,” he urged.
So Liam hung up, and decided he would.
--
Legend was running so late right now. She had a million errands to run, and she couldn’t afford to take Christian along. She knew Jess would be upset with her but Legend really had no other choice than to drop him off with Liam. He would only be there an hour or two.
She had a project, a test and a paper, all due on Monday. Plus, she had to get to the bank before it closed to deposit money in her own account as well as Jess’s, which was something she had been doing without Jess knowing, since Christian was born. Legend also had a second savings account, where she had also been putting money in each week since Christian was born. This one was his college fund.
“I’ll pick you up in a little while, okay?” Legend said, waiting with Christian outside the apartment door. He had been unusually quiet since her announcement that he would be playing at Liam’s for a while. “Hey, maybe Nate will be here, and you can play with him,” Legend suggested, trying to make Christian smile.
When the door opened and Liam stood there looking very tall, Christian wanted Bacony very bad. And he wanted his mom to come and take him away from here.
“Hey, Christian!” Liam greeted brightly. “How are you?”
He studied Christian thoroughly, checking for new bruises or marks of any kind. He was certainly withdrawn. His hair looked messy, and his shirt was stained from some kind of art project. The black eye was almost gone, but Liam could still see it, just like he’d been able to see all of the bruises on Jess.
“Is Nate here?” he asked, feeling shy. Christian knew Nate. And he knew Nate was a good friend, who let him do fun stuff like crunch up coffee beans with his shoes.
“Nope. Nate’s working tonight, but you’re going to have lots of fun with me, I promise.”
Christian made a face. He didn’t like it when people he didn’t like promised him stuff. It wasn’t the same as when your mom promised you stuff.
Before Christian even knew what happened, Legend was gone and he was all alone with Liam. CJ didn’t move. He just watched while Liam got out some crayons and a coloring book.
“Here. Do you want to color?” Liam asked. No kid he knew turned down coloring.
“No, thank you,” Christian said. He was trying his extra best to be super polite so Liam wouldn’t get mad at him like before.
“Okay. Well, is it okay with you if I color?” Liam asked.
Christian nodded, as Liam laid on his belly on the floor and started coloring a picture of a truck. He did very good at staying in the lines, but Christian made himself not care about that.
“So, are you hungry?” Liam asked. “I’ve got chicken fingers in the oven, and French fries.” As long as he was down here, Liam studied Christian’s shoes. He found himself surprised. They looked brand new. He wondered how Jess had been able to afford that.
Christian’s belly did a big growl. That’s because it was very hungry. Except Christian already knew Liam was going to have to eat the chicken and fries all by himself. Because you should never take food or anything from a stranger. And Christian knew from his mom that a stranger sometimes was somebody you already knew but gives you bad feelings inside.
“Did you have breakfast today?” Liam quizzed, reaching for a yellow crayon.
A nod.
“Hey, me too! What did you have?” Liam wondered.
“Poptart,” Christian mumbled, twirling his hair around one finger. When he got nervous he did that just like his mom.
“Just a Poptart?” Liam pressed, feeling uneasy. Poptarts were full of chemicals.
Christian thought very hard. “And some milk. ‘Cause we were in a hurry.”
Nodding, Liam continued his quest. He knew this was the perfect opportunity to get important, unbiased information. “So, Christian? What’s your daddy’s name?”
Christian looked at the floor, and said very soft, “I don’t think he has one, ‘cause I don’t know who he is.”
“Okay. That’s okay. What a grandma and grandpa?” Liam urged, though he felt disturbed at the fact that this poor little kid didn’t even know his father.
Again, Christian shook his head no. “I don’t have any of those.”
“Do you have any other family besides your mom?” Liam asked, his heart sinking.
“Yeah, we got Legend,” he said, remembering how many times his mom said Legend was family. And Legend’s family said that same thing about them, too.
Finally, Liam gave up, going back to coloring his truck. Not many answers to be found here, but at least he knew where to start looking next.
--
Legend felt horrible leaving Christian for longer than she meant to. Jess had called her to say she was picking up a few extra hours of overtime, and it was nearly eight o’clock by the time she got back to pick him up.
Jon was watching TV, and Liam was watching Christian very intently, while Nate tried to coax him to eat a French fry.
“Hey,” Liam said, finally noticing Legend. “I was meaning to ask you. Do you know Jess’s parents?”
Legend nodded, going into the kitchen and scooping up Christian for a hug. “Yeah, I knew her dad. We lived practically across the street.”
“So you’re from the same neighborhood then?”
Rolling her eyes, Legend elaborated so he would get off her back. “Yes, she and I both grew up on Yukon and Birch in South Lake.”
“He wouldn’t eat,” Nate said apologetically. “I tried to get him to, but he said he wasn’t hungry.”
“Is he okay? I mean, has he done this kind of thing before? He seems really withdrawn,” Liam commented.
“It’s probably just because he doesn’t know you,” Legend reassured, though she was worried, too. She knew his schedule, and that he ate at six o’clock every night.
She hurried him to the car and drove thru McDonald’s, picking Christian up a Happy Meal. “Honey, why didn’t you eat at Liam’s?” she asked, gently.
“’Cause,” Christian answered, his mouth already full of chicken nuggets. “He made me feel bad inside like a stranger does.”
Legend sighed, feeling more guilty than ever. “Christian, I would never leave you somewhere it wasn’t safe to be, okay?”
Christian nodded, licking the salt off his fingers from the fries that tasted much better than Liam’s probably did.
McDonald’s wasn’t the only treat Legend gave him. When they got home, she stopped on the way inside, and found him a special rock that was called buried treasure because it was buried in the ground.
--
Jess felt sick as she walked into the movie theater behind half a dozen of her friends. She held Christian’s hand tightly.
She could not believe she was doing this. As if her life wasn’t busy and traumatic enough as it was, now Liam had sprung this movie on all of them after asking that they all try attending a service together. Since they had all traveled in the big van Liam got from his job, Jess had no option to leave.
Jess bet Liam thought he had done something really nice by taking them all to something rated-G, with spiritual overtones, so it would be appropriate for Christian. But that didn’t matter. She felt like a horrible mother bringing her son here. She had grown up thinking that this was where mothers left children they didn’t want anymore.
Christian looked up at her with a big smile, toting a popcorn. Jess wondered if she had looked at her mom that way, before she left her.
To make matters worse, every single person they were with seemed to think a movie on a Sunday afternoon was a great idea. Even Legend failed to notice Jess’s mood - the way she was snapping at Christian to slow down. It made Jess terrified that she was turning into her own mother.
The movie itself was agony, and Jess felt sick and on-edge the whole time. This theater was more crowded than the one Jess had been in at three years old, but that didn’t help. She refused to let go of Christian’s hand, which made him unusually crabby.
By the time the movie was over, all Jess wanted to do was get out of there.
Liam walked behind Jess and Christian, watching Jess pull her son along. He knew this couldn’t wait. So he stopped her where she stood, and asked if Legend could take Christian to the van.
Jess wanted to throw up, watching Christian walk away from her. She tried to follow him, but Liam moved to block her path, not touching her.
Liam held up his hands, so she wouldn’t go for the pepper-spray again. After hedging a few seconds, Liam knew it was better to just dive right in.
“I called your dad, Jess.”
She stared at him, shocked. She swore that if he said he’d talked to her mother, too, Jess would fall over dead right there.
“Why the hell would you do that?” she demanded quietly. Jess felt dizzy and prayed she wouldn’t pass out.
Liam rushed on, feeling the anger coming off her in waves. “I was concerned for Christian. Especially when he said he didn’t know his father when Legend dropped him off with me the other night. He said he didn’t have any other family. Legend told me how to get in touch with your dad when I asked her. Unfortunately, he wasn’t interested in what I had to say,” Liam finished vaguely.
He knew he would never tell Jess what her father really told him. That he didn’t have a daughter, and he sure as hell didn’t have a grandson.
Jess felt her gut twisting at the knowledge that Legend - her best friend for as long as she could remember having one - would betray her by leaving her son with someone like Liam, who, as far as Jess could tell, was a threat if there ever was one. She couldn’t imagine why Legend would do this. Jess could feel the last ties to the only family she had, breaking. She knew she was on her own.
“What did you have to say?” she challenged. She dared him to lie to her.
Liam took a step back. “Just what I told you. That I was concerned for Christian. That he wasn’t being properly cared for. I really don’t think he‘s safe with you.”
Jess put her hands on her hips. “And who are you to make a decision like that? You’ve known me all of, what? A month? You don’t know one damn thing about me or my parents! And you sure as hell don’t know about my son! I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made some crappy choices in life, but having my son is not one of them. I love him more than it’s possible to love anyone. That child is everything to me. And I will do anything to keep him safe. Including fight off assholes like you, or anyone else who even tries to take him from me,” Jess managed through clenched teeth. She took a menacing step forward.
Backing off again, Liam rushed to explain himself. “Jess, calm down. I’m not taking Christian from you. But I want you to know that I am watching you. And Christian. I can see that he’s withdrawn, he’s been abused - maybe not by you - but regardless, and you said yourself that he’s gone hungry.”
Jess let out a bitter laugh. “You’re watching me? Who the hell do you think you are? The CIA?”
“Liam!” Aaron hollered from the van. “Come on, man! I’m getting senile!”
Jess took the opening and stalked back to the van, scrunching herself in next to CJ. She forced herself not to look at Legend.
As Liam nodded seriously at her in the rearview mirror, Jess knew she was done having connections with these people for any longer than she had to. And she knew she was going to have to rely on them, at least temporarily while she continued to work, and pray for God to reveal His will for her life. She couldn’t even trust herself. Her only plan was a bad one.
Because right now, all Jess wanted to do was run.
Jess glanced around the noisy room, wishing for an I-Pod or earmuffs. Anything to block out the sound of Emily carrying on with Aaron.
The two of them had given up studying their Humanities and Graphic Design for the time being, and from what Jess could figure out, they appeared to be playing zoo with Emily’s animal crackers. Every once in a while an odd sound could be heard as Aaron made sound-effects that approximated to one of the zoo animals being chewed to death by Emily.
Jess couldn’t make this stuff up. It was too good.
Across from her, Legend was studiously doing her best to ignore the fun and games, and study for her upcoming test. Somehow, at Aaron and Emily’s table near the single window in the room, Bryan and Nate were softly trading terminology and definitions for the class they had together.
Coby and Jonathan were sitting near each other at the same table as Morgan and Libby. Jonathan was trying to stay awake and finish some reading he had to do, while Coby kept getting distracted, and glancing over to see what Jess was up to. To make things worse, Jess always noticed, and looked up, grinning shyly at him. Coby knew they both were thinking of their date the previous night. Jess would never call it that, because Christian had been there, but Coby knew that’s what it was.
Morgan had her laptop open, and her I-Pod on her ears, listening to Jason Mraz sing that he was hers, and trying to type a paper on the three-hundred page book, she managed to read in the last twenty-four hours, knowing there would be a quiz on it the next day. As usual, Morgan would have no other time to study, because she would be busy working her twelve-hour shift again. Morgan stared at the screen, wondering how she could adequately describe what a letdown the book had been. The last chapter had fizzled out, and was totally depressing, like the author gave up when she couldn’t come up with a suitable ending. Plus, thanks to this book, Morgan knew far more about certain parts of male anatomy than she ever wanted to.
Libby was trying to study her Spanish. She had still had no idea what her professor was talking about half the time. She was a cute lady, but she had a thick accent, and Libby had a hard time understanding her. Today, to learn about Spanish culture, the professor had let them watch an appearance by a famous Latino singer, who at one point started salsa dancing during an instrumental break. Her professor got totally excited and wanted the whole class to get up and do the dance too, but no one did, until she offered them ten extra credit points. Even then, only one girl did it. And Libby wasn’t it.
So far, for homework, she had gone over to Bryan’s, since Morgan told her he spoke Spanish, and watched a show on the Spanish channel. Then, she summarized what the show was about. Now, she was stuck studying tenses for a test coming up. They were weird ones she had never heard of in English, let alone Spanish, like imperfect and subjunctive. Libby was about to interrupt Bryan and Nate’s study session to ask Nate for help when her phone rang. She glanced at it, saw that her brother was calling again, and hung up, not even waiting for him to say hello.
It was bad enough that she had been all but cornered by this creepy older guy who worked at Pizza Piazza. His nametag said Buddy of all things, and he seemed to Libby like he was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He kept telling her how soft her hair was, and then touching it without her telling him it was okay. Emily, of course, loved him, and was super friendly, talking to him, as she ate her huge taco salad. Libby knew only Emily could put away one of those before ten in the morning. It was amazing she had room for anything else. Buddy’s awkward presence and her brother’s constant phone calls made Libby feel sick and irritable in turn.
Checking her voicemail confirmed that the phone call had been from Liam. He was calling for the millionth time because he was skateboarding at the park during his free period. No one was there, and since all of them were together, he figured they could all come over and do something.
She ducked her head, dodging glares from Legend and Jonathan.
“Some of us are studying,” Legend snapped, clearly annoyed.
“Seriously, girl. Who keeps calling you?” Morgan asked, lifting her hair off the back of her neck. It was stifling in here.
“My brother. He’s at the skate park and he’s bored. He wants all of us to, like, come over or something.”
“There’s a skate park here?” Morgan asked incredulous. “Where?”
“On 7th Avenue, or something,” Libby supplied. She could care less where the stupid park was, but knew Morgan liked skateboarding, and for some reason beyond Libby’s comprehension, liked her brother, too.
“I should call him. Can I have his number?” Morgan asked, curiously.
Jess looked up from her textbook, and reached into her bag for the directories she had finally found the time to copy three times by hand.
“Here, you guys. That reminds me,” she said, handing them out.
Morgan scanned hers until she found the number she was looking for near the very bottom of the page. Then she excused herself to make a call.
--
“Hello?” Liam asked, not recognizing the number in his caller ID window. He was breathless and sweating from hitting all the ramps and rails as hard as possible.
“Hey, loser. How come you never told me there was a skate park here?” Morgan teased.
“Morgan?” Liam guessed, intrigued. “How’d you get this number?”
She smiled. “The awesome new directory Jess is handing out. You’ll get yours soon. She’ll probably give it to Nate or Jon to give you.”
“Speaking of Jess,” Liam said, changing the subject smoothly. “What do you know about her family?”
Morgan leaned back against the hallway wall. “I know what she said last week. I know she doesn’t like talking about it. And if I were you, I’d back off if you don’t want a repeat performance of last week.”
Practically everybody in Grand Central had to know that Jess wasn’t sleeping well. Morgan had been up late the previous night, reading the stupid book for her class. She had set it aside and asked how dinner with Coby went. Jess shared a little bit, and then decided to turn in early.
Several hours later, Morgan was still up, reading, when Jess appeared in the kitchen again. This time, she had looked really pissed, and it had taken Morgan a few minutes to figure out Jess was sleepwalking.
Morgan had trailed her - a bad habit that formed when Pete used to do the same thing in second grade. She’d been curious, liking to see what he did, and trying to guess what he was dreaming about. Morgan knew almost instantly that Jess wasn’t dreaming anything good.
She started shaking and kind of sniffling, like she was cold or crying. Morgan had offered Jess a blanket, and Jess had flinched away, repeating the word, “Sorry.” Quietly, Morgan continued following Jess, sneaking around her to set a kitchen chair in front of the door, when Morgan noticed her trying to open it.
When Jess folded herself in the hall closet where Christian had broken the shelf earlier, Morgan simply went and got her book, reading across from the closet until she finally finished. Not knowing what else to do, Morgan reluctantly woke Legend, who worked some kind of magic, getting her scared friend back to bed.
“Morgan?” Liam asked, confused by the long silence. A new call beeped in and Liam checked it. “I‘m getting a call from a weird number. I‘m gonna take it, okay? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Call me sometime, and we’ll skate together,” Morgan offered, before hanging up.
--
“Liam? It’s Joey Barrett. Nate’s brother.”
Closing his eyes, Liam wished he had let this call go to voice mail.
“Yes?” he asked shortly. He wished he had stayed off the phone. Now he was going to eat up all his skate time talking to people he didn’t even like.
“Nate gave me your number before I left. I can’t let you think what you do about us, so check your text messages, and call me back,” Joey urged.
Because he was curious, Liam obeyed. He saw one from the unfamiliar number and opened it. Two kids (one dark, one light) and Amy Barrett, Nathaniel’s mother, who he remembered meeting on move-in day, stared back at him, smiling. One boy - Liam knew it was Nathaniel, just by glancing - looked to be about eight with curly dark hair and brown skin. He was smiling, and holding the hand of the kindergarten-aged boy. This kid was a dead-ringer for Joey, and upon closer inspection, Liam could see that both shared resemblance with their mom. Joey had her blond hair, blue eyes and complexion, while Nathaniel had her smile and identically-dimpled cheeks.
Embarrassed, Liam called Joey back.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized when he heard Joey pick up. “You really are brothers, huh?”
“Half-brothers,” Joey qualified. “But we don’t count the half.” He paused a beat before continuing. “Listen, Nathaniel has enough to worry about by himself. He doesn’t need to worry about being your roommate, too.”
“Worry about,” Liam stated. “What’s he got to worry about? It’s not like I’d hurt him.”
“Nate used to come home from school every day, beat up. You know why? ’Cause of ignorant haters like you,” Joey said calmly.
Liam shifted, uncomfortable now. He had missed the topic-switch from race to sexual orientation.
“I don’t hate your brother,” Liam said honestly.
Joey glanced at his watch, knowing his bathroom pass could only last so long. “I know,” he sighed. “But you don’t respect him, either. And that’s wrong. As a Christian, and as a man.” Joey paused again, praying Liam would take his words to heart. “Listen, I need to go. Just think about it,” he urged.
So Liam hung up, and decided he would.
--
Legend was running so late right now. She had a million errands to run, and she couldn’t afford to take Christian along. She knew Jess would be upset with her but Legend really had no other choice than to drop him off with Liam. He would only be there an hour or two.
She had a project, a test and a paper, all due on Monday. Plus, she had to get to the bank before it closed to deposit money in her own account as well as Jess’s, which was something she had been doing without Jess knowing, since Christian was born. Legend also had a second savings account, where she had also been putting money in each week since Christian was born. This one was his college fund.
“I’ll pick you up in a little while, okay?” Legend said, waiting with Christian outside the apartment door. He had been unusually quiet since her announcement that he would be playing at Liam’s for a while. “Hey, maybe Nate will be here, and you can play with him,” Legend suggested, trying to make Christian smile.
When the door opened and Liam stood there looking very tall, Christian wanted Bacony very bad. And he wanted his mom to come and take him away from here.
“Hey, Christian!” Liam greeted brightly. “How are you?”
He studied Christian thoroughly, checking for new bruises or marks of any kind. He was certainly withdrawn. His hair looked messy, and his shirt was stained from some kind of art project. The black eye was almost gone, but Liam could still see it, just like he’d been able to see all of the bruises on Jess.
“Is Nate here?” he asked, feeling shy. Christian knew Nate. And he knew Nate was a good friend, who let him do fun stuff like crunch up coffee beans with his shoes.
“Nope. Nate’s working tonight, but you’re going to have lots of fun with me, I promise.”
Christian made a face. He didn’t like it when people he didn’t like promised him stuff. It wasn’t the same as when your mom promised you stuff.
Before Christian even knew what happened, Legend was gone and he was all alone with Liam. CJ didn’t move. He just watched while Liam got out some crayons and a coloring book.
“Here. Do you want to color?” Liam asked. No kid he knew turned down coloring.
“No, thank you,” Christian said. He was trying his extra best to be super polite so Liam wouldn’t get mad at him like before.
“Okay. Well, is it okay with you if I color?” Liam asked.
Christian nodded, as Liam laid on his belly on the floor and started coloring a picture of a truck. He did very good at staying in the lines, but Christian made himself not care about that.
“So, are you hungry?” Liam asked. “I’ve got chicken fingers in the oven, and French fries.” As long as he was down here, Liam studied Christian’s shoes. He found himself surprised. They looked brand new. He wondered how Jess had been able to afford that.
Christian’s belly did a big growl. That’s because it was very hungry. Except Christian already knew Liam was going to have to eat the chicken and fries all by himself. Because you should never take food or anything from a stranger. And Christian knew from his mom that a stranger sometimes was somebody you already knew but gives you bad feelings inside.
“Did you have breakfast today?” Liam quizzed, reaching for a yellow crayon.
A nod.
“Hey, me too! What did you have?” Liam wondered.
“Poptart,” Christian mumbled, twirling his hair around one finger. When he got nervous he did that just like his mom.
“Just a Poptart?” Liam pressed, feeling uneasy. Poptarts were full of chemicals.
Christian thought very hard. “And some milk. ‘Cause we were in a hurry.”
Nodding, Liam continued his quest. He knew this was the perfect opportunity to get important, unbiased information. “So, Christian? What’s your daddy’s name?”
Christian looked at the floor, and said very soft, “I don’t think he has one, ‘cause I don’t know who he is.”
“Okay. That’s okay. What a grandma and grandpa?” Liam urged, though he felt disturbed at the fact that this poor little kid didn’t even know his father.
Again, Christian shook his head no. “I don’t have any of those.”
“Do you have any other family besides your mom?” Liam asked, his heart sinking.
“Yeah, we got Legend,” he said, remembering how many times his mom said Legend was family. And Legend’s family said that same thing about them, too.
Finally, Liam gave up, going back to coloring his truck. Not many answers to be found here, but at least he knew where to start looking next.
--
Legend felt horrible leaving Christian for longer than she meant to. Jess had called her to say she was picking up a few extra hours of overtime, and it was nearly eight o’clock by the time she got back to pick him up.
Jon was watching TV, and Liam was watching Christian very intently, while Nate tried to coax him to eat a French fry.
“Hey,” Liam said, finally noticing Legend. “I was meaning to ask you. Do you know Jess’s parents?”
Legend nodded, going into the kitchen and scooping up Christian for a hug. “Yeah, I knew her dad. We lived practically across the street.”
“So you’re from the same neighborhood then?”
Rolling her eyes, Legend elaborated so he would get off her back. “Yes, she and I both grew up on Yukon and Birch in South Lake.”
“He wouldn’t eat,” Nate said apologetically. “I tried to get him to, but he said he wasn’t hungry.”
“Is he okay? I mean, has he done this kind of thing before? He seems really withdrawn,” Liam commented.
“It’s probably just because he doesn’t know you,” Legend reassured, though she was worried, too. She knew his schedule, and that he ate at six o’clock every night.
She hurried him to the car and drove thru McDonald’s, picking Christian up a Happy Meal. “Honey, why didn’t you eat at Liam’s?” she asked, gently.
“’Cause,” Christian answered, his mouth already full of chicken nuggets. “He made me feel bad inside like a stranger does.”
Legend sighed, feeling more guilty than ever. “Christian, I would never leave you somewhere it wasn’t safe to be, okay?”
Christian nodded, licking the salt off his fingers from the fries that tasted much better than Liam’s probably did.
McDonald’s wasn’t the only treat Legend gave him. When they got home, she stopped on the way inside, and found him a special rock that was called buried treasure because it was buried in the ground.
--
Jess felt sick as she walked into the movie theater behind half a dozen of her friends. She held Christian’s hand tightly.
She could not believe she was doing this. As if her life wasn’t busy and traumatic enough as it was, now Liam had sprung this movie on all of them after asking that they all try attending a service together. Since they had all traveled in the big van Liam got from his job, Jess had no option to leave.
Jess bet Liam thought he had done something really nice by taking them all to something rated-G, with spiritual overtones, so it would be appropriate for Christian. But that didn’t matter. She felt like a horrible mother bringing her son here. She had grown up thinking that this was where mothers left children they didn’t want anymore.
Christian looked up at her with a big smile, toting a popcorn. Jess wondered if she had looked at her mom that way, before she left her.
To make matters worse, every single person they were with seemed to think a movie on a Sunday afternoon was a great idea. Even Legend failed to notice Jess’s mood - the way she was snapping at Christian to slow down. It made Jess terrified that she was turning into her own mother.
The movie itself was agony, and Jess felt sick and on-edge the whole time. This theater was more crowded than the one Jess had been in at three years old, but that didn’t help. She refused to let go of Christian’s hand, which made him unusually crabby.
By the time the movie was over, all Jess wanted to do was get out of there.
Liam walked behind Jess and Christian, watching Jess pull her son along. He knew this couldn’t wait. So he stopped her where she stood, and asked if Legend could take Christian to the van.
Jess wanted to throw up, watching Christian walk away from her. She tried to follow him, but Liam moved to block her path, not touching her.
Liam held up his hands, so she wouldn’t go for the pepper-spray again. After hedging a few seconds, Liam knew it was better to just dive right in.
“I called your dad, Jess.”
She stared at him, shocked. She swore that if he said he’d talked to her mother, too, Jess would fall over dead right there.
“Why the hell would you do that?” she demanded quietly. Jess felt dizzy and prayed she wouldn’t pass out.
Liam rushed on, feeling the anger coming off her in waves. “I was concerned for Christian. Especially when he said he didn’t know his father when Legend dropped him off with me the other night. He said he didn’t have any other family. Legend told me how to get in touch with your dad when I asked her. Unfortunately, he wasn’t interested in what I had to say,” Liam finished vaguely.
He knew he would never tell Jess what her father really told him. That he didn’t have a daughter, and he sure as hell didn’t have a grandson.
Jess felt her gut twisting at the knowledge that Legend - her best friend for as long as she could remember having one - would betray her by leaving her son with someone like Liam, who, as far as Jess could tell, was a threat if there ever was one. She couldn’t imagine why Legend would do this. Jess could feel the last ties to the only family she had, breaking. She knew she was on her own.
“What did you have to say?” she challenged. She dared him to lie to her.
Liam took a step back. “Just what I told you. That I was concerned for Christian. That he wasn’t being properly cared for. I really don’t think he‘s safe with you.”
Jess put her hands on her hips. “And who are you to make a decision like that? You’ve known me all of, what? A month? You don’t know one damn thing about me or my parents! And you sure as hell don’t know about my son! I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made some crappy choices in life, but having my son is not one of them. I love him more than it’s possible to love anyone. That child is everything to me. And I will do anything to keep him safe. Including fight off assholes like you, or anyone else who even tries to take him from me,” Jess managed through clenched teeth. She took a menacing step forward.
Backing off again, Liam rushed to explain himself. “Jess, calm down. I’m not taking Christian from you. But I want you to know that I am watching you. And Christian. I can see that he’s withdrawn, he’s been abused - maybe not by you - but regardless, and you said yourself that he’s gone hungry.”
Jess let out a bitter laugh. “You’re watching me? Who the hell do you think you are? The CIA?”
“Liam!” Aaron hollered from the van. “Come on, man! I’m getting senile!”
Jess took the opening and stalked back to the van, scrunching herself in next to CJ. She forced herself not to look at Legend.
As Liam nodded seriously at her in the rearview mirror, Jess knew she was done having connections with these people for any longer than she had to. And she knew she was going to have to rely on them, at least temporarily while she continued to work, and pray for God to reveal His will for her life. She couldn’t even trust herself. Her only plan was a bad one.
Because right now, all Jess wanted to do was run.
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