I’m at work, but I’m so shaken up that my boss had me take five right away. I guess I look pretty messed up. I grabbed my order-pad and I’m scribbling all this down, in hopes that it will help. I can’t stop shaking, because I can‘t stop remembering. I can’t believe I hurt Liam. I sprayed the leader of Bible study with pepper spray! How much more messed up can you get? God, please help me get through this shift.
Liam was at home on the couch, when he heard Nathaniel’s voice, and withdrew from the touch of a hand on his forehead. The last time he checked, Coby and Morgan had been helping him. But he’d been in so much pain that he hadn’t even really registered that a switch had taken place, and now Nathaniel was the one caring for him. That thought, along with the knowledge that he was so vulnerable, made Liam’s stomach clench.
Nate reached out again, fixing the cool cloth that had slipped to the side and off Liam’s sore eyes. He clenched his teeth silently at Liam’s withdrawal. He had just asked Liam how he was, that was all. And that’s when Nate knew that Liam hadn’t realized it was him until he spoke.
Still, Nate did his best not to hold it against him. Liam really did look awful. His face was really red, and Nate learned that asking Liam to open his eyes brought unbelievable pain. So, his plan was just to let him rest.
Nate figured he had already skipped one class today, skipping the rest wouldn’t matter. He had good reasons for both, though he really regretted skipping, knowing that it didn’t make sense for himself and his mom to work to set aside money for college, and then for him not to attend class.
But Nate pushed that thought aside. He brought Liam milk and toast, and even brought out that worship CD Liam had been singing to, and put it in the computer, letting it play really softly. He set a box of Kleenex nearby so Liam could fix his running nose.
“Stupid mace,” Liam complained. Even though it had been a half-hour, and he didn’t feel quite so much like screaming, he still didn’t understand why Jess had been so impulsive. He really wanted a shower, but knew he wouldn’t do that until Jonathan got home. If it was just him and Nathaniel, it would be too weird.
“Legend said it was just pepper spray,” Nate reminded softly.
“Just pepper spray…” Liam scoffed. “I dare anyone else to get sprayed with that and then tell me it’s just pepper spray. Why’d she have to spray me anyway? She knows me. She knows I wouldn’t hurt her.”
“Maybe she doesn’t,” Nate suggested. He got up to pour himself some of that morning’s coffee.
Liam blew air out of his mouth. He sounded disgusted. “Are you going to contradict everything I say?”
Nate came back and sat down beside him on the arm of the couch. “Maybe she knew the guy who attacked her, too.”
Liam pursed his lips. In his own way, he knew Nathaniel was right. He couldn’t keep being angry at Jess. Sure, what she’d done was violent and unnecessary, but, he reminded himself, he needed to forgive. As many times as she had made wrong decisions, God had always forgiven her, so Liam knew that he should, too. He wanted to go over to the restaurant to tell Jess he forgave her, and maybe get a glimpse of Morgan in that cute little uniform. But Liam knew it was pointless. He doubted he would be able to see to drive. And he would want to shower first. Which he couldn’t do.
“All I want to do is take a shower,” he grumbled, knowing he sounded pathetic.
“So, take a shower,” Nate responded, doing some homework for one of his classes in the easy chair in the corner. “I’m not stopping you.”
Actually, you are, Liam thought, but didn’t voice.
Instead, he reached into his pocket for his cell phone and called Libby’s. Jess, with all her good intentions, hadn’t remembered to give out copies of everybody’s numbers yet, so he couldn’t call her at work. But he could leave a message for her on the main phone.
Liam waited as the phone rang half a dozen times and never went to voice mail or an answering machine.
--
Morgan took her break for supper, and decided to swing by Bryan’s, and see what he was having for dinner. She didn’t feel like eating at home. She’d just dropped Jess off and after running around taking orders and waiting on customers for six hours, Jess looked run into the ground. Plus, as much as Morgan loved Christian, ever since she’d taught him to skateboard before her impromptu trip home, he had decided they were best buddies, and asked her to “go boarding” every single day.
She’d stuck her head in long enough to say hi to Legend, Libby, CJ and Emily, and could already overhear conflict, as Emily watched a show on PBS - or what used to be PBS when she was little - with Christian, and Legend reheated the leftover enchiladas.
“Okay,” Libby said the minute she got Jess alone. She looked stressed - pale and drawn - so Libby wasn’t going to press too hard. “Why did you spray my brother with pepper spray?”
“He grabbed me,” Jess explained, gathering up laundry from her floor.
Libby nodded. “Okay.” Now it made perfect sense. Liam shouldn’t have grabbed her.
Christian looked up to see Morgan in the doorway, and ran up to her. “Guess what I did in school today?” he asked, very excited. He didn’t even let her say anything. “I made my handprint.” Christian said the word very important. That was the way he said all the new words he learned. “My mom even saw me! But I can’t have it yet ’cause it’s not dried. We got to put our hand in clay-stuff to make it, and it was squishy.” Christian stopped because he ran out of air. Then, an exciting thing popped into his head.
“Hey, do you wanna go boarding?” he asked. Christian didn’t care that it was dark out. Morgan would keep him safe. She was strong like his mom.
She ruffled his hair. “I can’t, babe. I only have a little bit of time before I have to go back to work.”
“My mom’s already done with work,” Christian reported proudly. “Hey, where are you going?” he asked. He could see Morgan going to the door like she was going to leave.
“I’m going to see what Bryan’s having for dinner,” she answered, but Morgan knew better than to stop. If she did, she would be caught up in Christian’s world for her entire break, and she needed to eat and relax.
“Oh!” he screamed very loud. “Can I come?”
“Not this time,” Morgan apologized, ducking out before she had to hear that she made Christian sad.
--
First, Morgan stopped by Liam’s. His face was red and blotchy and he was all laid-up on the couch. He was embarrassed that she’d come by, probably because he could remember her helping him as he screamed and writhed in pain. But it didn’t matter to Morgan.
She asked if he needed anything, and when he asked about getting in contact with Jess, Morgan promised she would have her call him. Morgan didn’t add that she wouldn’t be doing this anytime soon. It didn’t take a genius to see that Jess wasn’t in good enough shape to deal with Liam yet.
She left, seeing Nate sitting in a chair in the corner, textbooks spread all over, and Morgan suspected he had been there for sometime.
--
Morgan squished herself on the couch between Bryan and Aaron. She grabbed a handful of popcorn from Bryan and some M&Ms from Aaron. Coby was holed up in his room, studying. He’d come out briefly when Morgan first got there, to get some chips and grape soda, and ask how Jess was.
“Dude, your woman’s a beast,” Morgan had said appreciatively. “And I mean that in the nicest way. She worked her ass off all day. I never even saw her take a break.”
Coby smiled, shoving a chip in Morgan’s mouth on the way by.
Morgan grabbed the remote and flipped to the Spanish channel, where she loved to predict the plot lines of the soap operas based solely on facial expression, approximation to English, and all the crazy stuff they did. It was extra fun because Bryan was fluent, and Aaron had a basic understanding. So they would both let Morgan guess and then let her know what was really going on.
“So, basically, she’s an adulteress,” Bryan told them. “That’s why he’s so mad. He just found out,” he said, gesturing to the angry man on screen.
“Dude!” Aaron exclaimed. “I used to think adultery was like, when you rob a bank. Hey, what about your man? Mace-face,” he stopped short as Morgan elbowed him.
She called him an ass, but she was laughing. “He’s alive. His eyes still hurt and he’s weird and blotchy looking. Sort of swollen, but okay. Nate’s keeping watch.”
“I bet Liam loves that,” Bryan said, smiling.
He worked with Nate almost every day and had no problem with him. He felt in his heart, of course, that although Nate might not have had a say in being born gay, he had a choice about what he did about it. Still that didn’t impact the way Bryan related to Nate as a man, but he had a feeling that for Liam, Nate’s coming out had all the impact in the world.
Morgan stretched and swiped one last round of popcorn and M&Ms. “Liam needs to mature a little bit, and realize that how he’s relating to people isn’t always working for him. Or else he’s gonna have a lot of enemies.”
--
Joey showed up at Nate’s apartment on Friday afternoon. It was about four o’clock, and he wasn’t sure if his brother was home yet, but that was just part of the excitement and surprise. He hadn’t talked with him since Nate had asked him to visit, and Joey figured what better present than for him to just show up?
He somehow managed to balance his backpack, pillow, sleeping bag, and a plate of freshly baked triple-espresso brownies. Joey had needed to work fast to get them made before he came up, lucky for him it had only been a half day at school, and he had plenty of time to bake. Joey heard from his mom how Nate called, pretty much begging her to send brownies, since his roommate Jonathan’s mom sent him some, and refused to share with anyone.
As he was standing out front, someone came in and held the door open for him, so Joey just walked in. He found his brother’s apartment easily and knocked at the door.
--
Liam clicked mute on the TV, sending the football game into silence while inexplicable closed-captioning appeared, keeping him informed of the plays. He wasn’t really watching anyway. It had been three days, and his throat remained scratchy, his eyes swollen and burning.
He pulled open the door and stared at the small guy with spiky blond hair and deep blue eyes. He was dressed in jean shorts and a red hockey jersey. Liam could see bare skin through the little holes, and he was grossed out. He also had this scar that looked like a slash on the side of his neck.
“Hi. Can I help you?” Liam asked, trying to be friendly. He hoped this kid didn’t think he’d just been using drugs or something.
“Yeah,” Joey answered easily. “Is Nate here? I’m his brother, Joey.” He juggled his stuff, finally setting everything down by his feet and extending a hand.
Liam got a vaguely sick feeling in his gut. For one thing, he knew this couldn’t be Nathaniel’s brother, because he was white. That left only one possible conclusion. This kid was Nathaniel’s…what? Lover? The idea made him shiver.
Joey let his hand drop, unshaken, after a suitable amount of time passed. He picked up his stuff again. “So, are you Jonathan, who doesn’t share his brownies? Or Liam, who leads the Bible study?” he asked easily, grinning.
“Liam,” he answered testily. How did this kid know all their names? “Listen, I don’t know if Nathaniel told you or not, but we have rules in this house. First and foremost is no dates, and certainly, no dates staying over.”
Joey blinked. “Excuse me? I told you, I’m Nate’s brother.”
“Nice try. Nathaniel’s brother is Josiah, not Joey.” Liam put his hands on his hips.
Joey laughed. “It is Josiah. Joey’s a family nickname. Nate called me and asked if I could come visit for a couple days.”
“If you were his brother and not his boyfriend, that wouldn’t be a problem.” Liam maintained.
Joey stepped closer. “So what if I was his boyfriend?” He was getting angry now. This was the homophobe, all right.
“I don’t know any brothers who would bring their brother brownies on a weekend visits. I think plenty of gay boyfriends might, though,” Liam set his jaw.
“Brothers who cook!” Joey exclaimed. He was getting pissed off now. “Brothers who bake! Brothers who love each other!”
He let his stuff drop again, making sure the brownies landed on the safety of the pillow before he stepped over the pile and inside. Liam backed off immediately. Joey saw his fists clench at his sides. “You wanna hit me? Hit me,” he challenged. Joey actually wanted this guy to try. He looked like such a wimp, Joey doubted anything he did could hurt that much.
It wouldn’t be new to him. He’d been beat up for years in school before starting up with hockey, just because of who his brother was. And Joey would always rather take it for his brother, than see Nate come home in pain everyday. Nate never fought back.
“You’ll have to go,” Liam said stiffly. “Nathaniel’s not here.”
“You’re wrong.”
Liam looked just behind the Joey kid to see that Nathaniel had somehow materialized.
“Go put your stuff in my car. We’re not staying here,” Nate said, resting a hand protectively on Joey’s shoulder.
“You’re damn right you’re not staying here,” Liam told him lowly as soon as Joey disappeared down the hall. “What did you think you were doing inviting your little boyfriend over for the weekend? How old is he anyway?” Liam demanded.
“Eighteen. And he’s my brother, not my boyfriend,” Nate said, trying to stay calm, even as his heart raced.
Liam laughed bitterly. “Nathaniel, when are you going to understand? I don’t believe you! There’s no way you can be brothers! And I’m not going to sit by and allow you to bring your sinful lifestyle into a place where I’m living!”
Nate didn’t bother explaining that he and Joey could, indeed, be brothers, and how exactly. He just walked around Liam, to his room, grabbed some clothes, his robe, a toothbrush, and left.
--
“Sorry about everything,” Nate apologized, as they stood waiting to be buzzed into Grand Central. “Are you okay? It‘s so good to see you.” The ride over had been completely silent, but now Nate felt everything he longed to say to his brother coming out all at once.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Joey reassured. “You weren’t kidding about Liam,” he said, offering a little smile as they walked down the hall toward the girls‘ apartment.
Nate didn’t answer but knocked on the door, hoping he wasn’t interrupting anything, and that the girls wouldn’t mind company for the weekend.
“Hey, Nathaniel,” Jess greeted warmly, giving him a hug.
“Hey,” he answered quietly. “This is my brother, Joey. We were actually wondering if you would mind if we stayed here this weekend?” He didn’t offer explanation, didn’t mention Liam’s name, knowing instinctively that it would hurt her.
Jess smiled, and the sight of it melted Nate’s heart. Especially when she reached out to hug Joey, too. “Of course, you guys can stay. Joey, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you,” Joey returned, noting the fading bruises on Jess’s face. The sight made his stomach turn over, reminding him of all the days Nate had come home from school beat up like this when he was much younger.
Christian ran up then. He could hear his mom saying hi to people. “Hey, Nate!” he said happily. He saw a sleeping bag, and his eyes got very big. “Are you sleeping over?”
“Yeah,” Nate nodded, smiling in spite of himself. Christian was such a great kid. “This is my brother Joey. Joey, this is Jess’s son, Christian.”
“You match like me and my mom match!” Christian stared up at them very happy. It was a good day already because he was wearing his favorite shirt with Spiderman, and his army shorts were clean again. Now they had friends coming over who were just like him and his mom.
Nate stared at Jess, open-mouthed and speechless. Jess just smiled back at him, proud of her son. Nate wished he’d had that kind of outlook at four, instead of constantly being worried that he stuck out.
Joey laughed, and knelt down to shake Christian’s hand, transported back in time, remembering pictures of his brother at that age. “Nice to meet you.”
But Christian was looking very hard at some good chocolate brownies Joey brought with. “Are you gonna share those?” he asked, super polite.
Nate did a double-take. “Oh, my God! You brought them? Are they triple-espresso?” He was so thrilled that he missed Jess’s strict look about his taking the Lord’s name in vain.
Joey nodded, glad that Nate’s tastes hadn’t changed.
“I love you. Seriously.” Nate said, making Christian giggle.
He ran back to the chair next to the counter where he was helping Morgan with something very special. It was called Hawaii girl-cheese sandwiches for dinner.
“Morgan?” Christian asked, curious as a monkey. “Will you make mine a Hawaii boy-cheese sandwich instead of girl-cheese?”
Laughing, Morgan kissed his head, and whispered some nice Hawaii in his ear. She said, “’Ae,” and nodded her head, so Christian was pretty sure that meant yes.
He did his job very good, putting the white cheese with holes on the bread first, then the ham, and then the pineapple, and then the last bread went on the very top. Morgan had to put the butter on it first, and then she took the whole thing and fried it up in a pan.
In the living room, Emily was painting her toenails purple, with pink polka-dots, as they all watched a game show on TV. Libby had refused to have her nails done. She was perfectly happy in her jeans and sweatshirt and drab ponytail. So Emily turned to Nate.
“No way!” he exclaimed.
“But I thought you liked girl stuff,” Emily protested innocently.
Nate reddened, embarrassed. “I’m gay,” he whispered, so he wasn’t overheard by Christian or Jess. “Not transgender.”
Emily shrugged, as if the specification meant little. “Joey?” she asked, holding out some sparkly pink polish.
“Sure!” he agreed, taking off his shoes and socks and setting his bare foot in Emily‘s lap.
Libby leaned her head close to Nate as Joey and Emily bonded with each other. “So, what did he say?” she asked, knowing Liam had something to do with why they were both here.
Nate rolled his eyes. “He thought Joey and I were lovers,” he whispered.
Libby made a face. “I think that pepper spray affected his mind. Actually, he was crazy like that before,” she amended. “Hey, did I hear Joey brought brownies?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
Nate nodded. “Triple-espresso,” he emphasized the words.
“Wanna get some?” she asked, her eyes shining.
“Are you kidding? Of course!” he exclaimed.
Together, they stole into the kitchen, where Joey’s brownies sat in the middle of the table like the amazing gift of chocolate-filled caffeinated delight that they were. Nate was the lookout-man. He was glad to be wearing all black for this mission. Libby tip-toed to the table in her fuzzy slippers, and went in for the kill.
“Mom!” Christian shrieked, sounding so horrified that Morgan nearly burned herself.
“Libby’s taking the brownies! She’s having dessert before dinner!”
Jess rushed in the kitchen, trying for seriousness. The truth was, company was just what she needed right now. “Elizabeth, put those down,” she said seriously.
Libby saw the sly little wink Jess gave, and turned to Nate, passing the plate to him.
“Run!” she yelled, laughing. And they did, giving everybody in the living room an early treat before returning the plate to the table.
--
A few minutes later, Jess laughed to herself as she tried to study. She sat at the kitchen table, looking through her anatomy book. She couldn’t be serious tonight. Not with all these crazy kids running around.
She wasn’t really studying. If she was honest, she couldn’t really force herself to. She couldn’t concentrate, and hadn’t been sleeping well, either. Jess had awakened the last three nights to find herself in different rooms of the apartment, her heart racing. She didn’t know how she got there, but she could suddenly recall her mother’s face better than ever before.
So instead of studying basic muscle-movements like she was supposed to, Jess had flipped idly ahead, only to be faced with facts and functions of the kidneys. Particularly, how much urine an average human excretes on an average day. Jess snickered again.
“Hey guys,” she called, loud enough so everybody could hear and enjoy her random fact of the day.
Morgan and Christian turned, and Legend walked in from the living room, crunching on a carrot.
“Legend. Do you know that in an average day, you excrete a liter to two liters of urine?” Jess couldn’t hold back her giggle.
“What’s that mean?” Christian asked, smashing the final top piece of bread on the last of his sandwiches. “What’s so funny?”
Legend set her carrot down, looking grossed out. It made Jess laugh harder. “Ask Morgan to explain it,” she managed.
Morgan lifted him down from the chair and opened the fridge. “It means,” she explained spotting Emily’s newest two-liter of Mountain Dew, and picking it up as a visual aid. “That when you’re all grown up, you’ll pee this much in a whole day.”
“Wow,” Christian said, his eyes big. He turned to his mom, still laughing at the table. “Mom? How much do four-year-olds pee in a day?”
“Excuse me,” Legend said dryly. “I need to go excrete some urine.”
That was all it took for Jess and Morgan to lose it again.
In the living room, Nate, Joey, Libby and Emily cracked up, too. And Nate knew he’d made the right choice bringing his brother over instead of staying at his apartment.
They had a great weekend, too. They ate Hawaiian grilled-cheese sandwiches for dinner and had brownies for dessert. They watched a ton of pointless TV until he and Joey crashed together on the pull-out sofa bed.
Saturday, he and Joey volunteered to play with Christian while Jess worked. She allowed it, knowing that Libby would also be home. The three boys made a huge city of Legos, after going to the store for more, and spent the whole day constructing it. When Jess came home, she and Joey took over the kitchen, making this amazing homemade macaroni and cheese that both had heard of, but neither one had tried. Brownies were had again for dessert, and Nate felt sure he was in heaven.
Finishing off the great weekend, Joey and Nate slept too late to go to church with Emily or Legend. Legend‘s note said that she, Jess and Christian had gone to church and were running errands, and that they were more than welcome to help themselves to anything they wanted for breakfast. Emily’s note said she was headed to Mass with Bryan.
That left Nate, Joey and Morgan. After pouring and sharing a huge bowl of Count Chocula for the three of them, drinking some hot chocolate and having more brownies, Morgan drove them all to an African Methodist church that didn’t start until noon.
It didn’t matter that Joey was Caucasian or that Nate was African-American, Caucasian and Spanish. They were accepted with open arms, and loved being there.
Joey decided he’d never had a more perfect weekend.
He was packing up to leave, shoving some dirty clothes in his bag, when an aroma stopped him cold.
“Here, I almost forgot,” Joey reached in his backpack and pulled out coffee, as if by magic.
Taking the coffee from his brother, Nate investigated the label, and inhaled deeply. “Thanksgiving blend,” he sighed happily. “This one smells way better than any of the rest. Liam and Jon are gonna wish they let us stay. They missed out on your brownies and this,” Nathaniel cradled the coffee like an infant in the crook of his arm.
Joey grew serious. “Tell Liam to expect to hear from me.”
“Why?” Nate demanded. “You don’t need to be getting in the middle of anything with him. What are you gonna do?”
“Jeez, Nate. I’m just gonna talk to the guy. Relax. Now what’s his number?” Joey took his own phone out and waited.
Reluctantly, Nate passed it on. “Be nice,” he warned.
“Like he was nice to you?” Joey challenged.
“I’m serious, Josiah.”
“Okay, okay, I know! Trust me. I wouldn’t do anything to make this any harder on you,” Joey promised. “I should go. Tell the ladies thanks for a nice weekend.”
“I will,” Nate said, reaching out to hug his brother. “Take care. Love you. Tell Mom, too.”
Joey squeezed Nathaniel tight. He sure missed having his big brother around at home. “I will, and I love you, too.”
No comments:
Post a Comment