Community Watch: Chapter 9

It seems like forever since we’ve had a Madness over here. Not since Jess’s spaghetti. Bryan just called and asked if the AP Crew - the Anti-Pizza Crew - that’s what he started calling me, Nate and Lib since he found out that they were a part of my no-pizza announcement. Anyway, he asked if I’d be okay with lasagna. I guess since it’s Italian like pizza, he thought he’d check and see if I was okay with it. He already talked to Libby and Nate too. Such a great guy. So yeah, we’re doing a potluck thing for Monday Madness this week. Jess is hell-bent on making that meatloaf, so Legend and I are helping with that, the potatoes and sweet potatoes. Libby and CJ are up to their elbows in cookie dough - making a double-batch of homemade chocolate chip ones. The guys are all bringing stuff too. Bryan’s lasagna is the best thing on the planet next to Jess’s spaghetti. I have no clue what the other guys are bringing. So few of them can cook at all. Oh, and Belle, Elise and Gabe are showing up, too. It’ll be busy but great. Gotta go, the kitchen’s calling.

“Morgan!” Legend hollered. “Get out here and peel some potatoes!”

On her way to the kitchen, a general state of chaos could be heard. Christian and Libby were giggling like hyenas as they were finishing up the first batch of cookies.

“I hope you both have clean hands,” Jess warned, her hands in the bowl of uncooked meatloaf ingredients, mixing it together. Libby and Christian definitely had their own way of doing things. Though they had a mixer at their disposal - and had used it - they were covered in dough.

“Yes, Mom!” Christian answered.

“Yes, Mom!” Libby echoed, just to make him giggle.

“Hey!” Christian exclaimed, laughing. “That’s my mom!”

“It is? Sorry, I forgot.” Libby apologized, positioning her body so it blocked Jess’s view of Christian, and letting him lick the beaters - though they were going to use them again on the second batch of cookies. It was so much fun combining all the ingredients, Libby preferred making two separate batches instead of one big one.

“Mmm!” he said happily.

Morgan turned from the sink to see Christian busily trying to coax his little tongue through all the openings of one beater - determined to lick it spotless. “Libby, come on,” she chastised lightly. “Don’t let him do that.”

“What?” Jess turned, trying to see through Libby to her child.

Legend sighed. “Hey Lib. You make a better door than a window,” she called, hoping her friend would take the hint.

“She’s letting Christian eat the dough,” Morgan supplied.

Libby could feel Jess’s eyes on her, and imagined her standing with her hands on her hips.

“She better not be,” Jess warned. “I don’t want him sick.”

“Not all of it,” Christian protested. “Just what’s on here.” he held out an immaculate beater for his Mom’s inspection.

“It’s fine,” Libby insisted, brushing Jess’s concern off. “Me and Liam ate cookie dough all our lives and we’re fine.”

“So that’s what’s wrong with him,” Morgan quipped, grinning slyly.

“Hey!” Libby objected, laughing. Taking the hand towel from the counter, she swatted Morgan lightly with it.

They worked in contented unison, listening to songs on the radio. Jess eventually gave in and took the chair that Legend offered, relocating to finish her mixing at the table. Morgan finished the potatoes and tried to recruit Christian to get the sweet potatoes.

“Is that squash?” he asked warily, already on a stool washing his hands. “’Cause I don’t really like touching that. It looks funny. And it tastes bad.”

“Young man,” Jess said calmly from the table. She didn’t raise him to give adults a hard time.

Like magic, Christian hopped off the stool and opened the vegetable drawer to give Morgan the icky things she wanted. “Here,” he said, grimacing as he handed them over one at a time.

From her place at the counter, Libby’s eyes grew huge. While Christian was busy at the sink, and generally getting bored, she had decided to get started on the second round of cookies. “Oh my God, it’s conjoined!” she exclaimed.

“What?” Christian asked excitedly, scampering back with his stool to stand beside Libby and look in the bowl.

“That egg!” Libby cried. This was totally gross. “Christian, we are not eating this dough,” she told him seriously.

“Mom! The eggs are stuck together!” he announced gleefully.

“Wow,” Jess agreed from the table, hiding a smile. There was never a shortage of adventure where her boy and Libby were concerned.

“Ew. Oh, my God. Jess, do we still need another egg? I don’t want to crack one. They’re deformed.”

Jess shrugged. She didn’t know if one conjoined egg equaled two separate ones or not, so she looked to Legend, who had come up beside her to move the meatloaf to its pan and then to the oven.

“Let me see,” Morgan interjected, coming between them to investigate. “That’s so cool,” she breathed. “Don’t mix it up yet, I want to take a picture.” Taking off, Morgan went in search of her camera, leaving Libby confused and disgusted, and Christian in awe at the eggs in the bowl.

Legend stepped over to investigate. “Toss another one in just to be safe,” she suggested. Those two look kind of puny.”

“Can you do it?” Libby whined, feeling squeamish.

Nodding, Legend took another egg and prepared to crack it, when Morgan came back in. “Hold on!” she protested. Comically, she aimed her camera into the bowl and zoomed in to get the conjoined egg yolks in all their glory.

“You’re disgusting,” Libby said, wrinkling her nose. “I can see why you and Liam get along.”

Smiling, Morgan turned, waving the camera meaningfully. “Why do you think I took the picture? He’ll never believe this. I need photo proof.”

Closing her eyes, Libby ran the mixer, ignoring Christian’s running commentary on exactly what the eggs were doing in the bowl.

“Everything’s dancing, like a big party,” he explained, smiling at his mom.

Jess laughed and went to wash her hands at the sink.

“See?” Christian urged, once his mom’s hands were clean, pointing at the bowl.

“Yup. Is everything having fun, do you think?” she asked, playing along with his dance party idea.

Christian scrunched up his face. “I don’t know. I think it’s getting kind of dizzy.”

Libby guffawed, forgetting her total repulsion caused by the nasty egg. This kid was too much.

“Hey, CJ? Come set the table with me,” Jess said, taking him by the hand. “The guys should be here soon.”

“Is Emily coming?” he asked, getting the turkey placemats and setting them out like they were supposed to go. He hadn’t seen Emily for a long time.

Jess shook her head. “Emily’s at home with her family now.”

“Oh,” Christian said, as if he understood. “So she’s not in our big family anymore.”

“I guess not,” Jess agreed. “Can you get the…napkins?”

Obediently, Christian brought them back to his mom at the table and then pointed to the placemat. When she started to lose her words was when they played their game. “What’s this?” he asked, smiling.

“That is…a turkey,” Jess tried, with a grin.

“Mom,” Christian sighed, his smile ever-present. “I know it’s a turkey.”

“I give up,” she conceded. “What’s this?” she asked, turning the question on him, gesturing to the thing with the turkey on it.

“Placemat,” he told her clearly.

“Placemat,” she echoed. “Good job.”

“What’s this?” he asked, giving her an easy one, knocking on the table.

“That’s the table, silly!” she exclaimed, ruffling his hair.

He smiled proudly. “You got one, good job!”

“Okay, you two!” Legend laughed, coming in. “Keep working, or we won’t have anything on the table.” They really were too cute together, though.

“Oh, hey, Legend? Can you grab the salt and shaker for me?” Jess asked, distracted, arranging the silverware Morgan had brought. So long as the guys brought something to contribute, it didn’t feel right making them also set the table.

“The what?” Legend asked, momentarily confused.

“Salt and pepper,” Jess told her plainly.

“We got it,” Morgan called, flying Christian into the dining room holding the salt and pepper in each hand.

“Superman!” he announced, the way the TV said it. Flying in Morgan’s arms was the best because she was really strong out of all the girls.

“Wow, Superman delivers,” Jess said, impressed. She kissed his head.

Libby glanced down at her watch as she took more cookies out of the oven and put more in. “I’m about to call my brother and see what the heck is keeping them.”

A knock sounded at the door then, and Christian raced to answer it, tripping over the rug and cracking his chin. He howled in pain as blood started running from his face.

Morgan excused herself, still shaken by the sight of anyone bleeding, and distracted herself by answering the door.

If she was shocked by the sight of all six of their guy friends standing outside, Morgan didn’t show it. She opened the door wider, inviting them in.

“Okay, what’d you do to the kid?” Jonathan asked playfully. They could hear Christian crying from out in the hall. He guessed the whole complex could hear it.

Morgan rolled her eyes. “He fell and split his chin open,” she explained, kissing Jon’s cheek.

He stepped back, shocked that her lips had touched his scar. “I, uh…brought brownies. My mom sent more,” he offered, not knowing what else to say.

“Cool, they’ll go great with the cookies,” Morgan said, sending him through to the kitchen. She went on, greeting all the rest of the guys the same way. Gone were the days of separate, or standoffish greetings depending on the person. They were all her friends. Heroes, really, for different reasons.

As she gave Nate a kiss, Morgan noticed Legend and Libby exiting the kitchen fast.

“Coby,” Morgan called. When he emerged from the small crowd, her eyes fell on the bag of dill pickle chips he carried, and then on his shirt. The one that read I LOVE HOT MOMS. “Nice,” she commented, kissing his cheek. “You wanna go in there? I think Jess is on her own.”

“Got it,” he confirmed, unceremoniously shoving the chips at her as he passed.

Morgan greeted Bryan and Aaron in the same manner, excited at the sight of Bryan’s lasagna and Aaron’s subs - obviously store bought. Nate’s French fries smelled heavenly. Finally, Liam was there.

She leaned in to kiss him intentionally on the mouth and he pulled back. Digging in his pocket, Liam pulled out three different kinds of breath spray and held them out, grinning. They’d finally talked at length about the kissing thing - that she was hesitant - because she remembered how the other guy tasted. Now, Liam came prepared. “Take your pick,” he offered, holding out the peppermint, spearmint and cinnamon flavors.

Laughing, Morgan picked out cinnamon, opting for the strongest one - hoping the taste of something she was fond of would quickly equate in her mind with kissing the man she loved.

Obnoxiously, Liam sprayed three or four times, and then coughed.

Morgan leaned in, smiling her thanks and kissed him long and deep. “Cinnamon’s amazing,” she mumbled.

“You’re amazing,” he countered, dropping the bag he carried on the floor as he moved to hold her.

“Wait,” Morgan pulled away, looking down at what he’d carried. “What’s in that?”

Shrugging, and feeling a little sheepish, Liam pulled out a bottle of ketchup. “For the fries.”

Morgan burst out laughing, swatting him lightly. “Oh, that reminds me! I took the best picture! Come on.”

“What’s it of?” he asked, curious now. Morgan always saved her digital camera for special occasions like skateboarding tournaments, new skating tricks, or the weird stuff only the two of them would find fascinating. Liam knew instinctively that this fell into the third category.

“A conjoined egg,” she told him conspiratorially. “It’s great. I’ll show you,” she led him to the couch, where she turned on her camera and shoved it at him.

“Twisted,” he agreed, nodding in approval. “Is that in the cookie dough?”

“Yeah,” Morgan confirmed, snuggling closer - for a good view of the egg - she told herself.

Liam grimaced. “Remind me not to have any.”

--

“I think he’ll be okay,” Coby announced, studying Christian’s chin. The bleeding was slower now, though Christian still bawled like the world was ending. “Just butterfly it,” he told Jess, sitting across from them on the floor.

She shot him a confused look, so he set Christian in her lap with the towel she was holding against her son’s chin. Coby got up, and hollered for the other girls. “You got butterfly band-aids?” he asked.

Legend was up from her chair in the living room, eager to do something, as long as she didn’t have to see Christian bleeding. It reminded her too much of the sight of his mom bleeding under the table. Rushing into the bathroom, she came out with two and handed them to him.

“Thanks,” he told her, scratching her head affectionately.

Coby returned to the kitchen, where Jess still held Christian. She was singing to him.

“Here we go,” Coby decided, tipping Christian’s head up, even when he tried to fight it. He got the band-aid on, and miraculously, the tears stopped.

Kids and band-aids, Coby shrugged. Life was a mystery.

Christian took off, presumably to show his battle wound to arriving company, leaving Coby and Jess on the floor of the kitchen. Tossing the bloody hand towel in the direction of the sink, Jess leaned in to kiss him.

“What was that for?” he asked breathlessly.

Jess smiled, her eyes falling on the shirt he wore. It took her a few seconds to read what it said, and when she did, a softer smile touched her lips. “It’s for wearing that shirt,” she decided. “Even now.”

“Whatever,” he dismissed her insecurity with a wave of the hand. “There’s never been a hotter mom than you,” he said sweetly and leaned in to kiss her again.

Jess pulled away an amused look making her eyes sparkle. “We should get up. There’s company,” she urged.

So, Coby stood, and bending down, helped Jess to her feet.

--

When another knock sounded at the door, Aaron knew it was Gabe with Belle and Elise. He excused himself from helping organize the food buffet on the counter.

Pulling open the door, he smiled, but the smile fell off his face as his eyes fell on the bag of Costa Rican blended coffee. Aaron thought of his three friends that had such a hard time with smelling coffee at his place that they had to leave. Aaron plucked the coffee from his friend’s hand.

“Uh-uh, man. This is a coffee-free zone.” Aaron told him seriously. He stepped outside the door, placing the coffee out in the hall. “You may come in, but that has to stay out here.”

Gabe looked confused. “But I can’t just leave it out here,” he protested. “It’s Costa Rican.”

“Sorry,” Aaron apologized, not appearing sorry at all. “You two beautiful ladies may enter. There is no coffee on either of you, I assume?”

“We’re clean,” Belle assured, holding her hands up for examination. She only carried a pitcher, appropriate for Kool-Aid or something. Aaron nodded at her, and then at Elise, who showed her plate of brownies stoically.

He shut the door on Gabe, and put his arms around Elise and Belle. “Looks like you’re gonna have some competition,” Aaron told Elise dryly. “Jon brought brownies, too.”

“Well, I think mine are better,” Elise maintained. “What’d you say about my brownies, Belle? I should be on a cooking show?”

Belle shrugged. “Where did Gabe go?”

“Well, Jon’s mom baked his brownies, so get ready for competition,” Aaron challenged good-naturedly.

“Oh great,” Elise moaned. “I’m no match for Mom brownies.”

“Just in the kitchen then?” Belle asked.

Aaron nodded. “I’ll wait and let Gabe in if he decides to come back.”

Minutes later, a short knock and Gabe’s plaintive voice could be heard. “I put it in the car. Can I come in now?”

Laughing, Aaron opened the door and threw his arms around his friend. “Hey, sorry about that. Ooh, what’s this?” he asked, trying to peek under the tinfoil to see what kind of dessert Gabe was blessing them with.

Gabe moved skillfully away, smiling. “No way,” he said, ducking into the kitchen.

Following, Aaron could hear Jess introduce herself to Elise and Belle. Once he could see everything, he was even more impressed.

“Hi, I’m Jess. It’s nice to meet you,” she said to Belle. “You can just set that down here.” Jess motioned Belle to put the pitcher on the counter so her arms would be free when Jess went in for a hug.

Belle’s eyes filled with tears. “You look so much better,” she said, trying to contain herself.

Jess snickered. “Better than what?” she asked.

“I asked Belle to stay with you at the hospital the first night because I had Christian,” Legend explained.

Jess’s eyes softened. “I can’t believe you’d do that for someone you didn’t even know,” she breathed. “Thank you. I’m sure it helped having someone there. I hate being alone,” she confessed softly.

Belle gave her another squeeze, and then Jess turned her attention to Elise, who refused any attempt at an introduction prior to a hug.

“We have something in common,” Elise whispered to Jess. “I’ll tell you more later.” Pulling back, she introduced herself. “I’m Elise, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You, too. I’m Jess,” she said, smiling. She wondered what she could have in common with a cute, together-looking girl like Elise.

Nathaniel bounded over, offering to take Gabe’s pan from him so he could introduce himself properly. “What’s in here?” Nate asked, sniffing experimentally. “Pie? It smells like peaches.”

“Cobbler,” Gabe corrected, “And I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Gabe.”

“Nate,” he replied. “What’s the difference?”

“No crust, sugar and oatmeal on top, and you scoop it out, not slice it. And if you want my personal opinion, it tastes better. People say pie and cobbler taste the same, but they lie,” Gabe confided.

“Cool,” Nate set the pan with the other desserts and brought Gabe over to where Jess was sitting down at the table. “This is Jess. You haven’t met.”

“No, we haven’t,” Gabe agreed. “But it’s great to finally meet you.”

“Same here,” Jess returned, shaking his hand as Christian clamored for a spot on one side of her, while Libby loudly placed dibs for the place on Jess’s other side.

“I get the other side!” Libby hollered, rushing over to set a decorative candle from their centerpiece on the seat, and completely ignoring the wounded looks Coby sent her way. Feeling satisfied, she returned to the kitchen to take the last batch of cookies out of the oven.

Once everyone was seated, Aaron took off his bandana and announced, “I think God needs some praise for this awesome time.”

All around the table, heads bowed and hands were folded, as Aaron led them in prayer.

“All right,” Liam said, standing. “Meatloaf, lasagna or subs?” he asked. “Ladies?”

Following suit, the rest of the guys stood as well. Coby draped a stray hand towel over his arm, in an attempt to look like a real waiter.

As the women placed their orders, Christian got up, determined to join the big boys in their service. But Jonathan picked him up to set him back in his chair.

“You sit here, all right? Rest that chin.” Jon told him matter-of-factly. “I know what it’s like to have a banged-up face. So you take it easy here, and tell me what you want to have.”

Christian ran a hand seriously down the scar on Jonathan’s cheek. “Okay. I’ll have meatloaf, please,” he said, as Jonathan set him down again.

“And for you?” Jonathan asked Jess in his best gentlemanly voice.

Jess smiled. She really liked this side of Jonathan and hoped she would see it more often. “I think I’ll have the lasagna. Thank you, Jon.”

“No problem,” he answered, disappearing in the kitchen.

“Wow,” Elise said, looking at Belle. “We have good guy friends at home, but they never treat us this well.”

Morgan shrugged. “Oh, don’t worry. Ours don’t either. They’re works in progress,” she winked at Liam as he brought her a plate of lasagna and a side of Nate’s fries.

“That’s my ketchup there,” he pointed out, indicating the large red puddle. It took up a sickening percentage of the plate.

Rolling her eyes, Morgan laughed. “That’s my man.”

--

They were well into dessert when Bryan spoke up around a bite of brownie that Jonathan had brought.

“I talked to Emily today,” he said, swallowing. “She really misses us.”

“You should have invited her tonight,” Jon spoke up around a bite of his mom‘s brownie.

“I invited her, but she said she felt funny about it. I think it’s just still really hard for her to be here. But I thought if you guys were up for it, maybe we could swing by her parents’ and see her.”

Jess set her fork down. She really wasn’t a fan of food so much anymore - even dessert like peach cobbler. “I don’t know.”

Libby leaned in decidedly, stealing a bite of the cobbler from Jess’s plate. She had made it her personal mission to try everyone’s dessert, even though she’d already decided she liked her and Christian’s cookies the best. “We should go see Em. I miss her.”

“But she’s not part of our family anymore,” Christian pointed out.

“She’ll always be a part of us,” Coby told Christian seriously. “Just because somebody goes away doesn’t make them any less a part of us.”

Christian looked at his lap and felt bad. Coby hadn’t yelled at him, but Christian could tell he said something wrong.

“Come on, you guys,” Bryan tried. “If it were any of us who had to leave like that, we would want the same thing, right?” He saw heads nodding, including Jess’s. “All right then. Let’s hurry and finish here, so we can go.”

--

They were ready in a half-hour, thanks to all the willing hands that helped clean up afterward. Though Gabe, Belle and Elise tried their best to excuse themselves in order to let Emily’s friends visit on their own - everyone insisted they also come along. They were friends, too, after all.

Bryan pulled into Emily’s driveway, while everyone else parked on the street. He walked up to her door and rang the bell, standing on the crowded doorstep.

When Emily’s brother answered the door, his eyebrows went up.

“Hey, Miles,” Bryan greeted. “Is Emily home?”

Miles had the same dark hair and eyes as his sister. He wore his hair on the long side, so it was starting to curl. He had at least two piercing that Bryan could count - one in his ear, and one in his lip - but he was a good kid.

“Yeah she is. Hold on.” Miles disappeared, wondering how his parents would feel about his sister having twenty people over when they weren’t home. He recognized some as her college roommates, but what was up with all these guys?

“Emily!” he hollered. “Get the door!”

“Why can’t you? I’m busy!” came her disembodied voice from somewhere in the house.

Miles stalked into his sister’s room. “Because. I’m not the one who invited twenty people over when Mom and Dad are gone,” he said, smirking at the panic that came to Emily’s eyes. Like she didn’t know.

Closing her laptop, Emily raced downstairs. What the heck was her weird little brother talking about now? It’s not like she ever had crazy, wild parties…

Her thoughts trailed off as she stared at the open door and all her friends crowded on the front step, smiling.

“Surprise,” Bryan said simply, walking in and embracing her.

“Oh my God… You guys!” Emily hugged him back hard and then went around to everyone else, greeting them with tears and hugs. She stopped short, not knowing why she hadn’t expected to see Jess there at all. Emily almost wouldn’t have recognized her except that she was holding Christian’s hand.

Smiling, Jess gave Emily a hug, remembering Coby’s words. Just because someone was gone didn’t make them any less a part of you. “How are you?” she asked.

“I can’t believe it,” Emily gasped. “You’re the same.”

Jess laughed good-naturedly and brushed off the remark. “I don’t think any of us are the same, but thanks.”

Finally, Emily ushered everyone in the house and showed Gabe a place for the peach cobbler he’d brought along. Then, they all settled in the living room to visit.

“So, how’s it been? You guys all look better,” Emily complimented. It was true. Aaron and Bryan were healed, and Coby was walking around - though he was still in a cast. Jess was like a miracle, walking and talking after spending so much time in the hospital.

“How are you?” Nate wanted to know.

Emily shrugged. She wasn’t about to admit that she still spent every night in her parents’ room - terrified to sleep alone - as nightmares continued to haunt her. That she had only just recently gotten the courage to leave the house to do mundane things like get the mail - and that even that left her heart racing.

“I’m better now,” she smiled. “Seeing you guys makes everything better.”

Christian stood up, digging in the pocket of his jacket. Finally, he withdrew a cookie and held it out to Emily.

“What… Christian, why do you have that?” Jess wondered.

“Gabe brought his peach thing,” the little boy protested. “And I wanted Emily to have a cookie.” He turned to her. “Me and Libby made these. And they’re really good, so you have to have one.”

“Thanks,” Emily said, ruffling Christian’s hair. She had forgotten how thoughtful he could be.

Eventually, they all settled in, talking quietly to each other. Morgan went over and sat hesitantly in front of Nathaniel - her back to him. She didn’t know if he’d be up for giving a backrub, or if she would be okay getting one, but she was willing to try.

“Hey,” Nate said quietly. “You say when.”

“When,” she agreed in a small voice that betrayed her nervousness.

For a second, he let his hands hover over her shoulders and then, gently, Nate let them rest there, not moving. He felt her tense up at his touch.

“Go ahead,” Morgan encouraged.

Slowly, Nathaniel started to massage her shoulders. “If you want to stop, we’ll stop,” he told her and saw her nod.

“So, I’ve kind of missed you,” she admitted, trying to relax.

“Only kind of?” he asked indignantly.

Morgan heard the smile in his voice. “Yeah. Missed talking to you. How’s it going? What’s new?”

“Hmm,” Nate thought about it. The truth was, not much was new. “So I was going to eat that cobble thing? You know, that Gabe brought? And I went to find a spoon, and there weren’t any.”

Morgan laughed. “You were gonna eat the ‘cobble thing?’” she repeated in a teasing voice. “And what is it with you and spoons, by the way? I’ve always meant to ask.”

“I have a spoon fetish. Kind of,” he amended, smiling as she tipped her head back to look into his eyes.

“What the hell is a spoon fetish? You’re like, obsessed?”

“No! I just…like them to be where they’re supposed to be. They’re my favorite piece of silverware. You can eat everything with a spoon.”

“Even cobble…” she remarked plain-faced, though a giggle escaped at his funny pronunciation.

“See? You catch on quick,” he said, approving. He draped his arms around Morgan’s neck, grateful when she leaned against him.

--

Jess sat down with Elise, happy that Miles had offered to entertain Christian. She didn’t know him, but Emily had assured Jess that her brother was good with kids, and he had the energy to keep up with them.

“So, what could I have in common with you?” Jess wondered, studying Elise curiously. She was looking cute, her blonde hair in a ponytail, and wearing a nice shirt and slacks. Jess wore jeans and a sweatshirt, considering it a victory, as she could finally master both the button and the zipper on the jeans, though it had taken a really long time.

Elise smiled. This was what was so neat about being around new people, especially two years out. She knew for sure that her brain injury didn’t show. It wasn’t obvious, like it had once been. Leaning closer, she dropped her voice. “A couple years ago, I had a brain injury too.”

Jess’s eyes widened. “No way.”

Laughing, Elise nodded. “I had surgery and did rehab and everything. I just wanted to tell you that so you’d know you aren’t like, alone, or anything.”

At a loss, Jess asked, “So, how long did it take you to get back to normal?”

“I’m not back to normal,” Elise objected. “I mean, I guess I am. It’s just a new normal.”

Jess nodded, though her heart sank. She wanted to know that she would be able to keep doing what she’d been doing. Going to school, getting her degree so she could get a good job and a real home for her and Christian.

“You’ll get there, though. Everybody’s different,” Elise rushed to fill the awkward silence, realizing that she hadn’t said what Jess wanted to hear.

“I just don’t want to be like this the rest of my life.” Jess admitted, tears coming to her eyes. She wiped them away angrily.

Elise touched her shoulder. “You won’t. It’ll get better. I promise.” Leaning in, she gave Jess a hug that she hoped could convey everything her words could not.

--

Gabe went over and sat beside Belle. He had an idea, but thought it best to run it by her first. Maybe it wasn’t what these guys needed. But Gabe hoped it could help.

“Remember when Mikhail would always have us write those letters?” he asked, taking Belle’s hand.

“Of course.” She looked at him, not at all sure where he was going.

“Well what if we did that tonight? Just as an opportunity for everybody to get stuff out?”

Belle’s forehead crinkled. “I don’t know. You can’t read them,” she told him certainly. “They’ve had their privacy invaded enough.”

“No, I know. I have another idea for that.” Gabe dropped his voice and explained his plan, pleased when Belle nodded in agreement.

Gabe waited for a lull in the conversation and then addressed the room full of people. “Hey guys?” he asked. When silence fell, and everyone looked at him, Gabe continued. “I just had this thought. And you totally don’t have to if you don’t want to. But when Belle, Elise and I were back in our small group, Bible study…”

“BS,” Aaron interjected, making Nathaniel cackle.

Gabe raised his eyebrows, smiling, “Anyway. Our small group leader used to do this thing occasionally where we were encouraged us to write letters. Just to let him know how we’re doing and what we learned. I thought we could maybe do that here. But nobody would read them,” he assured the briefly alarmed faces.

“So what would we do with them?” Liam wondered.

Gabe’s eyes fell on the fireplace. “I thought we could burn them. That way, they’d turn to ashes. And it says in the Bible that God gives us a crown of beauty instead of ashes. This might be a way - like surrendering the hard stuff to the Lord - so He can start to show us beauty through it,” Gabe finished.

“I’m in,” Liam said quietly.

One by one, the others chimed in their agreement, and Gabe encouraged them to sign their full names on the letters, just to give it some formality. Jess got up to find Christian, knowing that he would feel left out, if he didn’t get to do what the big boys and big girls were doing.

When she returned, Gabe was handing out paper and pens. Jess knew her own writing wasn’t great, spelling was really bad still, but Jess was willing to do this. It was just between her and God, after all. He didn’t care about how it looked, as long as it was from her heart.

Once they all had paper and pens, a hush settled over the room, except for Christian’s whisper in his mom’s ear. “Will you help me, Mom?”

“Mom can’t help you with this right now,” she told him gently, giving his head a kiss. “But go ask Coby. Okay? He’ll help you.”

Sliding off his Mom’s lap, Christian walked across the room and stopped in front of Coby. “Will you help me write? Mom said you would.” Christian stage-whispered.

“Sure.” Coby smiled, bending down to scoop Christian into his lap.

“So, what do I say?” Christian wondered.

Coby took a breath, arranging the little boy so he sat on his good leg. “Well, what we’re doing is writing God a letter. Telling Him things we want Him to know. Things that have been hard for us. Then we’re going to burn them in the fireplace so they can go up to heaven, and God can have them, and God can show us His love, even when we’re hurt.”

Christian nodded seriously, and started dictating his letter.

WHEN MY MOM WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FROM THE BAD GUY, I MISSED HER AND WAS A BAD BOY SOMETIMES. I’M MAD INSIDE THAT A BAD GUY HURT MY MOM AND SCARED HE MIGHT HURT ME TOO. PLEASE SEND DOWN SOME OF YOUR MAGIC TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T GET ME. AND MAKE MY MOM GET ALL BETTER. AMEN.
CHRISTIAN JESSE GRAY

--

Humbled, Coby began his own letter, once Christian slid off his lap and went to find Miles “until it was time for the fire.”

I drink because I don’t know how else to handle what I’m feeling. Though I haven’t had one since that night that Bryan found me. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I wish it didn’t take what happened to make me realize that.
Jacob Daniel Walker, “Coby”

--

A lot of things are not ok for me now. It Is hard to be mom when I can not do stuff I did easy before. I need help with all of it. I need god now more then I ever did then. I can not even do this letter the way I did before. It is hard to say that this is how it will be for me now. I don’t want this to be the best for me. I need to be better for me and for my son. What I know now is that if someone goes, they are not gone forever. I held a good grudge before. Now I know it’s better to forgive.

Jessica Lynn Gray

--

I feel so much despair even though You have spared all these lives, Lord. Is it fair that they should have had to go through this at all? Why couldn’t You spare them the pain? It is so easy now, to remember why I ditched Alex when she needed me…because this hurts. But if Belle can face life bravely every day - if these brothers and sisters can wake up and do what they have to do every day, I know I need to find the strength somewhere to do the same for them. It isn’t easy. But Your will rarely is, is it?
Gabriel Vincent Sanchez

--

I feel so condemned deep in my heart, I have since I met these people. I don’t know how I could have ever been so selfish to try and end my own life when so many lives were almost taken when they didn’t have any say at all. I am trying so hard not to live guilty and be honest with Gabriel and my someone about what is going on, but it’s still so hard sometimes - especially when I see Jess and all the girls struggle to reclaim their lives as they knew them. Lord, forgive me. Help me let this go. I have recently learned that life is a gift.
Belle Christine Sutton

--

I was feeling pretty good about my life and where I was before Belle, Gabe and I met everybody who was involved in the on campus thing. Now I feel even more blessed. Is that weird? Like pride? I don’t want to compare my life against theirs. I guess it’s okay to say that I have learned how blessed I am, even though for a long time I couldn’t see it. Even though I’m not living like a normal 19-year-old yet, it is more than a lot of people have.
Elise Rene Evans

--

Why is all I can recognize in my life the pain? I can’t see the blessing anymore. I feel glad to be here, but so weighed down because so many of us are struggling. So many of us are blaming ourselves, when we should just be looking to the Lord. But that is easier said than done. I don’t know how any one of us can come through this and be untouched. It’s impossible. I feel like it left a mark on me. I feel ashamed for needing a light on in order to sleep because I can’t stand the darkness now. It feels like it will swallow me. But in spite of this I know that God is Sovereign, and I learned that we really can’t take life for granted at all.
Bryan Robert Torres

--

I don’t really get the point of this, but if it’s to document the crap we live with so we can burn it, then here goes. I live scared all the time. I hate loud sounds. I almost had a breakdown or something when Miles was watching some dumb ‘80s movie, even though it had totally fake guns in it. Every thing gets to me now. I wish it didn’t. I feel bad that it does, because I’m one of a few who came out not physically hurt at all. I wonder if they are upset with me for leaving, or if they think I’m weak. I think I’m weak. And I don’t think I’ve learned anything worthy of putting on paper.
Emily Anne Stewart

--

I feel like nothing touches or affects me now. I have emotion, but not a lot seems worth crying over when you’ve held your best friend’s hand and thought she was dying - and that you weren’t going to make it out alive. I try too hard to be strong, I think. It’s okay sometimes, but not always. I need to get brave enough to just let go and not worry about all this other stuff. Maybe I’m moving too fast? At least I know Jess doesn’t blame me. That helps. But I need to mourn this. And I don’t know how. I do know without a doubt that God gives us what we need when we need it. And in Him we really can do all things - which is pretty amazing.
Legend Jae Miller

--

I have so much guilt for not being there with Libby that day. It’s eating me alive and even she doesn’t know it. Morgan doesn’t know it. Because they are both hurt, and I cant put one more thing on them. I need to know that everything happened the way it was meant to. That there was nothing I could have done to help. Maybe it was better that I wasn’t there, but I don’t see how. I told Libby that Buddy wouldn’t hurt her, but he hurt them all. But no matter what, God is in control.
William Patrick Wright

--

I’m working on letting go of all kinds of stuff with the counselor already. But it’s still really early in the game. There is still one secret left I haven’t ever told. I blame my brother. I blame him for not being there for me either time I was hurt. He was always my protector. He never even let me have a date! And he wasn’t even there when two nasty guys put their hands on me. I want that to make me mad, but it doesn’t. I’m still too hurt, and sad to be mad about it. I don’t know how to even start to let go of that, so I guess this is a start. I can’t wait to burn this. I really can’t. It makes me feel their hands again and I don’t want to. More than anything though, I think this has taught me that it’s okay to ask for help. Or even to accept it if it’s offered. In that way, maybe, I guess, Liam did save me.
Elizabeth Jane Wright

--

I feel like such a failure as a man because of what I let happen to me. And that’s messed up to say given what all happened to Nathaniel and Morgan and Libby, Jess and Coby. In retrospect nothing that big happened to me and I should be able to deal with it. I guess it has gotten easier. But the thing is, I’ve never lived ashamed before, and when the only girl I ever loved couldn’t see past the scar, it just sealed something in me. It’s like I’m less now, even though that’s crap, and a lie. I don’t know how to undo what was done to me. I know God doesn’t care about that stuff. I have learned something that most kids know in grade school. It’s not what’s on the outside that counts. It’s what’s inside. Ashley’s insides were nowhere near as attractive as her outside. I can only hope that now that my package has been humbled, my insides can be improved and I can be a better person than I was. I never liked that guy.
Jonathan Lawrence Mitchell

--

Not that I took a poll or anything, but everyone still thinks I jumped to get help. That’s not true at all. I jumped to get the hell out. Because I could see everything. Even what happened to the girls, and I couldn’t stand anymore. I wished I would die in the fall - I was so sure none of my friends would get the chance I had to escape. My jumping would have condemned them to death, I was sure. It’s a miracle I landed on my feet. I know I did what I had to do, and it helps knowing that Nate knows what I saw. Still I feel like crap inside for leaving them there because I couldn’t stick it out. God is still my main strength though. And I learned that we are all so much stronger than we know.
Aaron Miguel Martinez

--

Talking to Jess about taking the pill helped more than I thought anything could. But I’m still not sure. There’s really no way to know if I conceived that day or not. I don’t need to know one way or the other - only that I am forgiven. And that I can get rid of the sights and sounds that are always with me. I just need them gone. I guess deep down I know I am forgiven, and I’ve learned that people are only given as much as they can bear. I’ve learned that if God brings you through something, He will also give you the strength to deal with it.
Morgan Divina Davis

--

I feel dirty from the time I wake up in the morning to the time I go to bed. I can never wash enough to be clean. I feel like less of a man than I already did after coming out to my friends. It’s so hard to live this way. I know I was targeted because I’m a gay man. So when people say no one was a target or that I didn’t do anything to bring it on myself I know they are full of shit. Who I am makes me a target. I know that in God I’m made new and everything, and I’ve heard all my life that God has a reason for everything that happens. But what reason was there for this? I can see why it happened to me, but why did it have to happen to them, too? They are good people who didn’t do anything to deserve this. I’m sorry if I was the cause. Through all this though I guess I realized how much I really love my mom and Joey and my friends. I’m so blessed to have them in my life. The fact that all of us got out alive too, really is a testimony to God’s faithfulness. I guess I don’t have to know why.
Nathaniel James Barrett

--

Once they were all done, they sat silently. Coby went and got Christian like he promised, and gave him his own letter to hold.

“Let’s stand,” Gabe encouraged. “And then, whenever you’re ready, put your letter in the fire. Christian, be sure someone helps you, okay?”

Christian nodded somberly.

Standing silently in the glow of the fireplace, Nate took Morgan’s hand, and one at a time everyone joined hands.

“I think we should do it together.” Bryan said calmly. “In a way, we all went through this together.”

So, as a group, they stepped forward and tossed their letters in the flames. As they burned, Legend and Libby wept openly. Libby clung to her brother and apologized, and Legend just wept like a dam broke in her chest. Jess reached over and held Legend’s shaking body, whispering sweet words of comfort to her. Though Jess couldn’t know it, they were almost identical to those she’d been speaking to her beneath the table - “We’ll be okay.” “I’m right here.” Legend wondered again how she had been blessed with such a friend.

Bryan looked on, as words like dirty, guilty, failure and blame were consumed in the flames. He could no longer read the names on the letters but that didn’t matter.

The only thing that mattered was that they had gotten rid of their baggage and acknowledged what they learned. Now, God had room to move and more than that, He had the chance now to turn their ashes into something beautiful.

And so they stood together - fifteen faces lit by the glow of the fire. They were more than friends and they all knew it. They were family - brought together in good times but sealed by the experience they endured together.

--

Hours later when Emily’s parents returned home and found their living room full of their daughters’ friends - a couple of whom were already asleep - they extended an invitation for them to spend the night. Their living room was large, after all, and it was available.

“I think we’re going to head out,” Gabe decided, looking at Belle and Elise, who both nodded in agreement. It was one thing for Emily’s parents to invite her friends to spend the night, but the three of them had only briefly met Emily and it didn’t seem right to take advantage of the hospitality, despite it being after midnight.

Belle and Elise went around quietly saying goodbye to everyone before they left. “Thank you for including us,” Belle told Legend gratefully.

“Keep in touch,” Legend said, giving Belle a hug.

Miles brought up sleeping bags, blankets and pillows from their family room downstairs and set them in a pile. “Christian can have my bed,” he offered, staring at the little boy sleeping sprawled in the middle of the carpet.

Emily smiled. Miles could be sweet when it came down to it. “Thanks,” she told him, “But I think we’re gonna stick him and Jess on the hide-away.”

Without being asked, he went and took the cushions off the couch - careful not to wake Jess, who was asleep in the easy chair. Miles got the bed ready and made sure the pillows on it were good ones, not flat. They deserved to be comfortable. He’d seen enough on the news and heard enough in the nights Emily couldn’t sleep to know that these people deserved to have good happen to them the rest of their lives. Miles knew this was the least he could do.

When Emily gave him a hug right when he turned around, and said thank you, Miles couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed. He just kissed her cheek, said she was welcome, and went to bed.

Bryan went over and picked up Jess from the chair, setting her gently in bed and covering her. Coby was already on the other couch with his leg propped up looking about ready to doze off. Legend picked up Christian from the floor and carried him to bed as well, tucking him in next to Jess.

In the bed, Jess was barely awake, and pulled her baby close to her. She’d awakened a little when Bryan picked her up, tiredly snuggling against his chest. It was so nice to have friends you could count on to take care of you. Before she drifted off, Jess sat up and looked around the room, making sure she could see all those she loved before she closed her eyes.

Legend got a spare blanket and pillow and brought them to Coby, putting the pillow under his head and draping the blanket over him. “Good night,” she said quietly.

“So how are the rest of us gonna do this?” Aaron asked. Space wasn’t an object, but there were still nine of them that needed to get situated.

Liam took charge. “Guys here. Girls over there,” he gestured to the far side of the room near where Jess and Christian slept. Coby had crashed nearer to the other side.

“I’m affronted.” Libby’s tone was quietly indignant at thought of going to the opposite side of the room to sleep.

“Whatever,” Liam said in a hushed voice. “You don’t even know what that means.”

“Shut up, Liam. I do, too.” Libby insisted softly, smiling.

In minutes, Jonathan and Aaron dragged blankets and pillows near where Liam sprawled out, shirtless, with only a pillow under his head.

“Dude, aren’t you gonna freeze your ass off?” Aaron wondered.

Taking the pillow from under his head, Liam hit him with it. “Too hot,” he objected.

“Man, put your shirt back on,” Jonathan objected. “You’re skin and bones, it’s sickening,” he quipped, knowing how riled up Liam could get about being puny.

Undeterred, Liam flexed a bicep.

“What’s that? I don’t see anything,” Jon denied, smirking.

A tired growl could be heard above them as Coby woke briefly from all the talking. “If you three don’t shut up I’m gonna hit you over the head with my cast,” he threatened without even opening his eyes.

--

Emily glanced around nervously. She hadn’t been able to even pick a spot yet.

“Hey,” Bryan whispered, carrying his own pile of blankets. “Where should we crash?” he asked, grinning.

“You’re off-sides,” Emily told him. She hoped her attempt at a joke might cover up the fact that she was shaking.

Putting an arm around her, Bryan studied the room carefully. “I’m not real crazy about the dark,” he admitted softly. “So, I vote for right here.” Decidedly, he dropped his blankets and pillow in the middle of the room, where they were surrounded on one side by the glow of the fireplace, and on the other by the light from the kitchen, above the stove.

Emily joined him, relieved that he picked the same spot she would have. She got into her sleeping bag and zipped herself up. Bryan got comfortable beside her and took her shaking hand in his.

“I won’t leave you alone,” he promised. “Remember?”

Emily nodded. He had said the same thing under the table, after Aaron jumped.

She relaxed. He hadn’t left her then, and she felt sure he wouldn’t leave her now. If Bryan was anything, he was true to his word.

--

Legend curled up in the recliner where Jess had fallen asleep earlier. She took the throw off the back and covered herself with it. This was the perfect place for her. She didn’t want to sleep crammed in with other people, Legend liked her own space. Happy that the chair was ancient enough that it locked into its recline position, Legend stretched out and closed her eyes.

She took roll call in her head before she fell asleep, because it was a distraction from actually getting up and checking on people. Legend almost hadn’t been able to find Libby and then had approached Jess’s side of the bed to cover her and Christian up again, and there was Libby.

She had dragged a sleeping bag to the floor by Jess’s side of the bed. Even though Legend had nearly tripped over her, she remained peacefully asleep.

--

Nathaniel crept over to the corner where Morgan had brought her sleeping bag, and lay his own down beside it.

The one Morgan had chosen was dirt brown and she was burrowed deep inside it. He could hear her. She was crying.

Wiggling part of himself free, Nate carefully unzipped Morgan, folding back the fabric of her little cocoon. Seeing her face streaked with tears, he looked at her, questions in his eyes.

“I can’t sleep,” she managed, her voice thick. “My mind just gets so dark…I can’t think of anything else.” Morgan admitted, pulling her hat low over her eyes.

Nathaniel tipped the bill of the cap up, and looked at her. “Come on and lie back down,” he urged her, zipping her back inside and making sure that this time her head poked out of the opening. Quietly, he moved so he was behind her, close to the wall, and she was facing the fireplace, still lit and burning. He put his arms around her, sleeping bag and all, and just held her.

“There’s light everywhere,” Nate told her, his tone hushed.

Morgan wiped her eyes with her sleeve fiercely, glad that at least, she could feel comfort in her friend‘s arms. “Why did this happen, Nate? Where was God then?” She imagined his face like an angel - golden, bathed in the firelight - his eyes shining like there were stars in them.

“He was in the room with us,” Nate said gently. “He was like this fire, lighting up our darkness. He was in every word we said to each other that gave us hope.”

His words calmed her heart, so Morgan closed her eyes.

She could still feel Nate’s arms around her and took comfort in his light.

Community Watch: Chapter 8

Jess came home today and I’ve never been more relieved to have a Friday off from classes. It’s way different having her back, especially with Emily gone. I haven’t even called to see how she is, but I’m pretty sure Bryan has. He’s just like that. I think Libby’s starting to come around, too. She’s really come alive since Jess has been back. Almost like her old self, except she doesn’t talk as much. Jess on the other hand talks more than I ever remember. It’s good though. She’s trying so hard to get back to where she was. Already worried about hospital expenses and stuff. She doesn’t know about the fund that has been set up for her and Christian. We’ve been kind of scared to tell her since she always was a little weird about accepting help.

Morgan stopped writing as there was a knock on the door. It was just her, Libby and Jess. Legend had taken Christian on some “adventure” to the store - Morgan guessed she finally decided to replenish their groceries.

Jess was lying on the couch with her legs across Libby’s lap.

As they had just gotten back an hour before, Jess hadn’t bothered to change out of her black sweats and red sweatshirt. Her hair was loose and wild, though one side looked a little shorter, as the layer just under the top one had been shaved during surgery. Jess was tired, but seemed content to sit and listen to Libby talk about something in quiet tones.

Libby wore a sweatshirt and jeans, but she had finally gotten out of “her raggies,” as she called them. Now she was wearing a soft yellow sweatshirt that reminded Morgan of a baby chick and dark blue jeans. She’d been in the shower this morning, when Morgan knocked to get in the bathroom.

Hearing the knock again, Morgan shook her head. She hadn’t even gotten a call from anybody waiting to be buzzed in. She looked through the peep hole and smiled.

Coby stood on the other side, his arms full of a dozen roses.

“Hey stranger,” Morgan smiled, pulling the door open. “How’d you get in?”

“I have my ways,” he told her mysteriously.

Morgan thought he looked handsome and worn out. He’d shaved recently, so his scruffy, weeks-worth of beard was down to its usual stubble. His black hair was long and fell in his eyes. He was in a walking-cast now, and had ditched the crutches.

She hadn’t seen him for several days, and knew he had some trouble after the Madness they had when Aaron ordered the pizza. She didn’t know details, but she did know he looked older and stressed. This was the first time he’d been to their apartment since having spaghetti weeks ago. Morgan knew without asking, that he was there to see Jess.

“Wait here,” she told him.

Morgan wasn’t sure how Jess would respond to flowers, or her man. The flowers because she was still sensitive to smell - so much so that she had asked Libby if she could wash her hand lotion off.

Gesturing to Libby with her head, Morgan waited. Apologetically, Libby got up, and laid Jess’s legs gently on the couch. She kissed her forehead, and excused herself.

“Hey, Jess, you’ve got a visitor,” Morgan told her, smiling.

Jess sat up a little too fast, and her head ached, but she didn’t let it show. “Who?” she wondered. It might be Emily. Jess was still sad that she had left, and that Jess hadn’t gotten the chance to say goodbye. But that was life. People left.

Coby came into view, carrying flowers in his arms. He smiled a little. “Hey,” he said.

She looked so beautiful. After many talks and reassurances from Bryan and the other guys, Coby had been convinced that he could face her. He had been so afraid that not only would her appearance have changed dramatically, but she would blame him for not being there. Then they told him she still had no memory of what happened - that she might never.

“Hey,” Jess said back. “Oh my gosh, I missed you.” His name escaped her, but she knew him. She hoped someone would drop the name into conversation so she didn’t have to wonder, or admit she didn’t know.

Coby set the flowers down and sat beside her on the couch. “How’re you doing?” he asked, taking her hand. “Sorry it took me so long to see you.”

“It’s okay,” Jess dismissed. He was here now. That’s what mattered. She squinted at his shirt. “Where’s your other one?” she asked.

“My other what?” he asked, confused.

She fingered the sleeve of his tee shirt, in lieu of the word.

“Which one?” he asked, his skin going warm where she touched it.

Jess shook her head, trying to think. “The one you were wearing the last time I saw you. In the morning after my first class. Your hot mom one. I love hot moms?” she asked, smiling. “I liked that one.”

Coby laughed, though his stomach tightened at the thought that she remembered even a portion of the day he wished he could forget. “Well, even if I’m not wearing the shirt, I still love hot moms,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

Jess felt her cheeks burn, smiling. “Well, I’m not looking very hot right now,” she hedged, twirling the end of her hair self-consciously.

“You’re wrong,” he told her, leaning toward Jess and kissing her gently on the mouth the way he’d always wanted to, but never had.

“Hey, Coby do you want--” Libby cut herself off, as the sight of Jess and Coby kissing on the couch registered. “Okay…” she said quietly, scratching her head. She went back to the kitchen, putting the Coke back in the fridge.

“What?” Morgan asked at Libby’s giggle.

Libby moved closer and whispered, “They’re totally kissing out there!”

“What?!” Morgan exclaimed, her brown eyes growing huge.

Libby clapped a hand over her friend’s mouth. “Morgan, shut up!” she laughed.

“She just got out of the hospital,” Morgan hissed. “It’s too fast.”

“Really? ’Cause I think it’s about time,” Libby reasoned, her eyes shining. “Oh, crap, I gotta get ready to go. Leave them alone,” she added, nodding toward the living room.

“Fine,” Morgan snapped. “Tell your brother he can come by and hang out if he wants, while he waits for you.”

Libby excused herself, checking her appearance in the bathroom mirror. She’d been in counseling for about a week. That meant she’d gone twice so far. She had a good therapist, and that relieved her beyond words - knowing that Nate refused counseling, and Morgan had tried, going to one of the ones provided specifically for the victims of what happened. Morgan had come out angry and bitter and far more triggered than she was in daily life. The shrink wanted to know too much, Morgan had insisted, pacing around. For two days, every noise made her jump, and when Christian scared her from behind a door, Morgan had yelled at him. She hadn’t gotten a nice therapist - a Christian one - like Liam found for Libby. She even offered that Morgan could come along, but she had refused. It had taken her days to get right, and she wasn’t about to become vulnerable with somebody who didn’t know what they were talking about.

Liam picked up Libby and they drove together. Libby’s therapist went slow. The first time all she’d done was circle the issues she wanted to address. She ignored sexual abuse and instead circled depression. The conversation they’d had though, had shed some good light on Libby’s real reasons for coming. The second time, she asked for the sheet back, and circled sexual abuse, and beside it, wrote the number two.

This time, she knew, they would probably end up talking about what had happened to her - either as a child or an adult. All the same, Libby was glad her brother had insisted upon counseling. Even the two times she’d gone already seemed to help tremendously. And Liam never pushed or asked what they discussed. He just acted as her chauffer, which she liked a lot.

“There is major lip action going on in our living room right now,” she said, reaching over to turn on the radio.

“Huh?” Liam asked, as they stopped at a red light. None of the girls had boyfriends except Morgan, and Liam wasn’t at the apartment to get his kisses yet.

“Coby came by with flowers for Jess,” she finished excitedly.

“Wait, and they’re kissing?” Liam was incredulous. Coby was notorious for being excruciatingly slow in matters of the heart. This didn’t sound like him.

Libby shrugged. “Well, they were when I went in there anyway.”

Liam smiled, happy to see his sister was coming back to him, little by little.

--

Coby draped an arm around Jess. The kiss had apparently worn Jess out, and she was now asleep on his shoulder. When he tried to move her - worried and not sure about which was the injured side of her head - Jess had protested, swearing at him mildly in sleep. It made him smile. He finally managed to lay her down without too much trouble.

Walking into the kitchen, Coby went to their fridge and took out a can of Coke. “Jess fell asleep,” he told Morgan.

“Go stick a note on the door, so Legend knows to keep Christian quiet when they come in.” Morgan handed him a stack of Post-Its and a pen.

Confused but obedient, Coby took the stuff and scribbled:

Quiet please, Jess is sleeping.

“Told Jess I was sorry,” Coby admitted softly, coming up behind where Morgan stood at the sink, looking absently at a picture on the wall.

“Did she tell you you’re full of shit?” Morgan asked plainly, turning around. She hated that he blamed himself, when he had done the only thing there was to do.

He nodded. “Yeah. Not exactly that, but she told me not to worry about it,” he shrugged, grabbing a dill pickle out of the jar on the counter and crunching it. “Also didn’t remember my name until she heard Libby say it.”

“Yeah, that happens.” Morgan smirked at him. “Was that before or after you kissed her?”

“After,” he admitted, smiling. He turned as the apartment door opened, and Legend, Christian and Liam all came in.

Legend steered Christian toward the kitchen and away from his mom sleeping on the couch. She felt bad. He was so excited for her to be home, but Jess needed her rest.

Christian stomped his foot, but brightened when he saw Coby in the kitchen eating a pickle. He ran and jumped into his arms, asking for some pickle even though Christian didn’t like them. Coby was having one, so that meant Christian wanted one, too. “I wanted to feed the ducks some bread, but their pond got freezed,” he told Coby sadly, crunching on the pickle and making a face.

“Get anything good at the store?” Coby wondered, looking in the grocery bags.

“Did you get the stuff for my meatloaf next week?” Jess asked, coming in unsteadily.

She knew her balance wasn’t great, and she probably would have done better with someone steadying her. But Jess wasn’t about to rely on others her whole life. She was tired, but could never sleep when she heard Christian was home. She had missed so much time with him already. He was wearing the orange shirt she had bought for him to wear on Halloween to school, since they weren’t allowed to wear costumes, and these adorable blue overalls Libby had seen at a garage sale, practically new.

“What meatloaf?” Legend asked.

“The meatloaf I’m making,” Jess answered testily. Monday Madness at her house meant that she cooked. End of story. She’d be damned if she was going to let them change things on her.

“Libby and I can put something together,” Morgan offered.

“I can help!” Christian offered, “Me and Legend got stuff for cookies. Homemade ones, Mom. Not the store kind,” he assured her, knowing how much she liked using the mixer.

“That’s great,” she said, forcing a smile at him.

Liam came up beside Morgan, studying her carefully before taking her hand. She squeezed it, and he was grateful. When she moved to stand in front of him, and put his arms around her, Liam couldn’t contain his smile.

“Where’d Libby go?” Coby wondered, opening a bag of chips and eating one. He ignored Legend’s light swat on his arm, and offered one to Christian.

“Counseling,” Liam said, enjoying that Morgan was relaxed against him. “I gotta pick her up in an hour.”

“Mom, I wanted to feed the ducks, but they flew away,” Christian told her seriously. “It’s too cold for them, Legend said.”

Jess nodded. Her head was aching. What she really needed was to lie down, but couldn’t bring herself to. Her apartment was full of friends she hadn’t seen together in one place for so long. She propped an elbow on the counter, leaning her chin into her hand. She fought to keep her eyes open.

Wordlessly, Coby set Christian down and swatted his butt, sending him off to play. Then he went to Jess, scooping her up easily. She was never big, but she had lost a lot of weight in the hospital. Now, he was sure, she weighed next to nothing. Coby didn’t say anything as he carried Jess to the room she shared with Christian and pulled the covers back. Tucking her in, Coby kissed her forehead lightly.

“I love you,” he whispered, and left, closing the door behind him.

--

A week went by, and the following Sunday, they decided to try church again, like they used to. Only this time, it was an unspoken agreement that they would all go together. Aaron called Gabe, and asked if he could possibly speak with the pastor - to have him keep their visit low-key. He knew that Jess hadn’t been home long, and none of them did well with the crazy amount of attention this, and Buddy, had received.

Gabe had obliged easily, asking if they needed anything else. When Aaron said no, Gabe said he, Belle and Elise would save them all a back pew. In case they were late, he said. But Aaron knew it was Gabe’s way of helping them all keep a low-profile.

His brief call to the girls’ apartment to tell them when they should leave was chaotic. Christian had answered the phone, which should have been Aaron’s first clue that things weren’t going as planned.

“Hello?” Christian asked, hoping he got the phone in time and the person didn’t hang up.

“Christian?” Aaron asked.

Stopping short, Christian thought. His mom told him never say who you are until you know who’s calling. “Who is this?” he asked.

Aaron smiled. “Christian, it’s Aaron. Can I talk to one of the girls?”

He looked around. Morgan was brushing her teeth at the kitchen sink because Legend and his mom were still in the bathroom getting ready. Libby was probably sleeping. “They’re all busy. Girls are kind of crazy in the morning.” Christian said seriously.

“Who is it?” Morgan asked around her toothpaste.

Christian ignored her. “Can I take a message?” he asked importantly.

Aaron laughed. “Sure. Just tell them to be ready to leave in a half-hour. Nine o’clock. Can you remember nine o’clock?”

“Nine o’clock. Got it,” Christian told him and hung up. Turning to face Morgan, he told her importantly. “Something about a half in hour and be ready at nine o’clock.”

“Says who?” she asked, pouring him a bowl of cereal. He wasn’t even dressed yet. They had to get a move on.

“Aaron says,” Christian said absently. “Thank you,” he said, as she set a bowl of Count Chocula in front of him. He remembered picking it up from the store with Legend.

Morgan nodded. “Okay, well that means we don’t have much time, so hurry and eat so you can brush your teeth and put some clothes on.”

Christian got to work, eating all the marshmallows really fast.

Moving down the hall, Morgan stopped at Libby’s bedroom door and opened it. “Lib, wake up. Church,” Morgan told the lump under the covers softly. She knew mornings were still hard for Libby - that if she could - she still tried to sleep past the time when everything happened.

“Just go without me,” Libby mumbled, burying her face in the pillow.

Morgan peeled the covers back gently, surprised to see that unlike her, Libby actually slept in long pajamas. “Everybody’s going,” Morgan insisted quietly.

“Jess, too?” Libby wondered. She wouldn’t stay home if Jess was going. Libby rubbed her red-rimmed eyes tiredly - the startling pale blue color always caught Morgan off-guard. Her brown hair was matted, and her skin looked pale and dry.

Morgan nodded. “Go eat some breakfast with Christian. See if you can motivate him to finish fast. And race him to see who can get dressed first,” Morgan suggested. “I’ve got to finish getting ready.”

Libby swung her legs over the bed, glad to have things to occupy her mind. If she had to be awake this part of the day, she preferred to be busy. Walking past the bathroom door, she heard Legend and Jess bickering.

“If I wear it down, it’ll get in my face,” Jess protested, trying in vain to clumsily gather her own auburn mane into a ponytail.

Legend sighed. “Seriously. If you wear your hair up, you’ll have a headache,” she reasoned. It had been enough of a struggle helping her friend dress, as Jess hadn’t yet regained the fine-motor control needed to button and zip things. Make-up had been another challenge. Now they were onto hair.

“I already have a headache,” Jess snapped. “Give me that hair-cruncher,” she said, gesturing to the elastic ponytail holder on the sink.

Against her will, a giggle escaped Legend.

“What?” Jess demanded, narrowing her eyes. It took a few moments to realize that she must have misspoken. “So I said it wrong, so shoot me…” she grumbled.

Legend’s hand stopped inches from the scrunchie Jess indicated. She stared at her friend, feeling like she’d been slapped in the face. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she turned to leave, but Jess took her arm.

“Hey,” Jess said apologetically. It always took her a few minutes to remember that she had been shot. And that Legend had been the one under the table with her. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she explained. Jess tried to relax, knowing that Legend was only trying to help. She took her friend into her arms and gave her a hug. “I’ll wear it down,” Jess conceded.

Tears ran down Legend’s face as she buried her face in Jess’s shoulder. “You told me to get behind you,” she managed, pulling back to look into Jess’s eyes. “That was it.”

Jess nodded. It sounded right. “I would again,” she told her certainly, as Christian knocked on the door loudly, reminding them of the time.

--

Church had gone well, aside from Jess’s passionate protest against wearing the rehab belt around her waist that was meant for someone to hang onto, to steady her balance. What was the point of getting dressed up, if she was going to ruin it with an ugly blue belt? It didn’t even match. And her balance was much better.

Still Legend, Morgan and even Libby told her that with the crowds and the distance, it might be better, just to be on the safe side.

Still Jess resisted, grateful beyond words when Coby offered to act as her escort, though he was still in a walking cast himself. He walked with his arm around her protectively, both going at an appropriately slow pace. But it made Jess feel like she was special to him.

The group of them got a few curious glances, but mostly, people respected them and kept their distance, only welcoming them, and thanking them for coming. Afterward, Liam, who was quite moved by the sermon on the importance of the church body connecting with one another - called an impromptu Bible study - inviting everyone to his place.

“Our place might be better,” Libby suggested, as Jess swayed a little bit beside Coby.

“No, Liam’s is fine,” Jess insisted.

So they all drove over, ducking out of Gabe and Belle’s invitation to go somewhere for lunch.

--

Nate had all but forgotten Christian was with them until he caught the little boy eyeing the stack of DVDs by the television. Nate didn’t think they owned anything rated-G. Not that they watched anything dirty - they didn’t. You just didn’t normally keep kid-movies around unless you had a kid yourself, or one that visited often. Christian wasn’t over much.

Looking around, as everyone got settled in the living room, Nate’s eyes fell on their single calculator. “Here,” he handed it to Christian. “Play with this.”

He got comfortable beside Libby as Liam started to talk. “I just thought after the sermon today, that we really haven’t connected much.” He was quiet a moment. “So no speech from me this time. I just thought we could use this time…like, if you have something you need to say to anybody privately, or as a group, we could do it now.” Liam closed his eyes. He didn’t know why this was so uncomfortable. Usually, he was all about leading, but for this, he felt unsure.

Liam looked across the room at Nate. “You cool with that?” he asked quietly.

Nate nodded, like a deer in the headlights. He hated to be put on the spot.

“Cool. And, hey. I’m sorry.” Liam told him honestly his cheeks burning at his own self-righteous behavior when he called Nate out on being gay. “Really.”

“Thanks,” Nate managed. He couldn’t quite believe that all this time later, he would get a genuine apology from Liam about the last Bible study.

No one moved at first, sensing Liam‘s mood. He wasn’t the only hesitant one.

Jess’s attention was drawn to the corner of the room where Christian sat, intently pushing buttons on the calculator. “Hey, baby, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Paying the bills,” Christian answered without looking up. He pushed lots of numbers and frowned. “Why is the shopping bill always so much?” he asked, looking to his mom.

Laughter and snickers were heard around the room - breaking the tension.

From the floor, Morgan raised her hand. This needed to be said sooner or later, and as long as they were all there, it was as good a time as any.

When there was silence, she spoke ignoring the slight anxiety that rose in her. “If we could not have pizza at Madness anymore, that’d be awesome.” she admitted quietly. “And if I could get a memo when coffee’s gonna be made, too?”

Heads nodded, and thankfully, no one laughed. They knew without asking, because of Morgan’s serious demeanor that her request was heartfelt. And though some were curious, no one asked for details. This was Morgan. If she wanted to include them, she would have.

“Sorry, Mo!” Aaron called. He knew now that his menu choice was the reason for Morgan, Libby and Nate’s shake escape.

“It’s cool, Aaron. Thanks,” she said, relieved.

Jon got up then and snagged Coby from beside Jess, taking him to his room. He needed some guy time.

“How are you, man?” Coby asked. He hadn’t spoken to Jonathan in a long time, and felt bad for it.

Shrugging, Jon ran a hand down his face self-consciously. “Just thought someone should know. Ashley and I are done.” he admitted, avoiding Coby’s eyes.

Coby was speechless. “The ring was practically on her finger,” he managed, shocked.

Jonathan nodded. “I know.”

“So, what happened?” he wondered, sitting on the bed and propping his leg up with a pillow.

Silently, Jonathan gestured to the left side of his face. “She couldn’t even look at me,” he admitted.

“Sorry,” Coby said, at a loss. He hadn’t known Ashley well, but pictured her to have more depth and class than that.

Shrugging, Jon turned to go. “Yeah, so, I just thought…”

“Yeah,” Coby agreed. He got up and stood next to Jon putting an arm around him. “You know, to some girl, that won’t mean shit,” Coby told him seriously, nodding at the scar.

Jonathan looked him in the eye. “I know. But to me, it does.”

“I know,” Coby agreed.

--

Libby happily filled the space on the couch that Coby had left. “Hey,” she greeted, snuggling close, as Jess put an arm around her.

They sat quietly for several minutes. Liam left, to take Christian in the kitchen and make him some lunch. Bryan, Legend and Morgan followed, apparently hungry too. Nathaniel and Aaron remained on the far side of the room. Libby could hear Aaron chattering to Nate about how it was good to hold BS on Sunday, because it fit really well after church. Just a whole day dedicated to it. She smiled.

“What’s up?” Jess asked tenderly, touching Libby’s hair. She had been sticking pretty close since Jess came home, wanting to help or just be near her.

“You still don’t remember anything?” Libby asked suddenly, keeping her voice down, so the guys across the room didn’t hear.

Jess gave her a questioning look.

“About what happened to us,” Libby elaborated. “I mean, do you know what happened to me?” she wondered, though she was embarrassed to hear the answer. It was mortifying to know that the whole TV-viewing world knew that a crazy guy had his hands on her that way.

“I saw what the news said about it,” Jess nodded. “Bad stuff happened to you,” she concluded sadly.

Libby nodded, knowing from her little bit of time in counseling, how much it helped to talk to someone she trusted. “That wasn’t the first time,” she managed, her voice going thick.

“He hurt you before?” Jess asked, alarmed.

Libby shook her head. “When I was little, a neighbor of mine… Well, me and Liam would always go play over there. If the wife was home, I knew it was fine, but when she wasn’t… When she wasn’t… He’d get Liam interested in some toys, and then he’d take me somewhere else and touch me.” She squeezed Jess’s hand. “After the first time, I fought him, even though my mom said to listen and do whatever he said, and he had a gun. I don’t know if it was real. He put it up to my head and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. But it made me not fight back again.”

Jess stared, uncomprehending. “How old were you?”

“A little older than Christian,” Libby admitted. “You know, one of the reasons I admire you is the kind of mother you are.”

Jess waited, stunned. No one had ever out rightly complimented her mothering, except, if she recalled right, Morgan and Nate.

“The way you tell Christian to treat everybody with respect unless someone tries to hurt him.”

Jess nodded. She told him that often - last night, in fact, before he fell asleep.

“I wish my mom told me that,” Libby said regretfully and laid her head on Jess’s shoulder.

Jess blinked as tears fell down her cheeks. “I wish that, too.”

“That’s why I feel safe coming to you,” Libby finished in a whisper, closing her eyes. She was so relieved. Keeping this secret for over ten years had been exhausting.

Jess pulled her close. Now Libby’s clinginess made perfect sense. “You can always come to me,” she said firmly, kissing the younger girl’s temple, trying to erase the memory of the gun that had been pressed there so many years before.

--

Aaron had been silent a while now. Nate hadn’t moved so far, which was good, because Aaron had to talk to him. Pretty much no one knew that he had seen a shrink. His guilt about jumping - about seeing what was being done to Nate and bailing - just got too big to deal with. When he started having crazy thoughts, Aaron sought out an on-campus shrink and talked for an hour, not giving names and minimizing details. But the shrink had told him what Aaron needed to hear. He had to talk to Nate. Tell him what he knew. And after a few late-night talks with Mo, Aaron also wanted to do what he could to lift the guilt Nate might be feeling. Her honesty about feelings she dealt with on a regular basis gave Aaron insight he might have never had otherwise. He knew better than to try and give Morgan any feedback about what she was going through. Aaron knew she wouldn’t hear him. But Nathaniel might. And that was a chance he had to take.

“I could see behind the desk,” Aaron blurted softly, waiting until Jess and Libby joined the lunch crew in the kitchen.

Nate’s head snapped up, knowing immediately what Aaron was talking about.

“I saw what he did to you, the names he called you…”

Closing his eyes, Nate relived what he heard. He hadn’t been able to get Buddy’s voice out of his head. One after another, he heard gay and racial slurs - felt himself being kissed while the knife hovered dangerously between his legs. Then, he was grabbed. Hard. Nate grimaced and opened his eyes.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. ’Cause I jumped after you screamed. I jumped out the window.” Aaron studied the carpet. “And I also wanted to tell you…” he trailed off, unsure of how Nate would take what he had to say. “All that crap? It doesn’t make you less of a man.”

At Nate’s disgusted sigh, Aaron challenged him. “What about Mo? You think she’s less of a woman now? Or Libby?”

Nate shook his head. “No, but Morgan did what she had to do,” he protested. “And Libby was scared.”

“The same could be said for you,” Aaron maintained.

Ducking his head, Nate tried to obscure the tears that had started to fall. His shoulders shook as Nate wept silently. He hadn’t expected such love and understanding. He expected repulsion, the attitude that he had it coming - the way Nate himself felt.

Seeing Nate so raw and upset, Aaron took the opportunity to both distract himself and share a little truth and humor. He opened his Bible. “Seeing as it is BS…” He smirked as Nate raised his head enough to see what Aaron was up to.

Scooting over, so Nate could see, Aaron put an arm around his shoulder. He opened his Bible to a random page and recited from memory the verse about if anyone is in Christ, they were a new creation. The old was gone, and the new had come.

Nathaniel was bent double, shuddering. He didn’t think he could stand the love and mercy he was getting.

Aaron set the Bible aside, and put both arms around his friend. “It’s okay, man,” he consoled. He thought of some of the things Morgan admitted to him, some feelings she had, when Aaron simply offered an ear.

“You didn’t bring it on yourself. You didn’t ask for it. It wasn’t your fault.”

Choking back a sob, Nate held onto Aaron so hard he was sure he was hurting him. It was like Aaron could read his thoughts. And he knew everything about what happened to him.

Aaron just held on, more than grateful now that his own father wasn’t in his life. He had been staunchly against his son showing any emotion. Lucky for him, Aaron had been raised by a mother who encouraged him to let his emotions out at any opportunity. That’s why, to this day, he was a crier. And that’s why he felt no shame in Nate letting go like this.

Several minutes passed, and Nate finally pulled back, to see Aaron wiping his own eyes.

“Sorry,” he apologized, looking away.

Aaron brushed it off, “Don’t be, man. I cry at commercials.”

Nate smiled, leaning in to give one more hug to a guy who had given him so much more. His gaze fell on Aaron’s open Bible, on the floor behind him.

“That’s not second Corinthians,” Nate pointed out, remembering the scripture Aaron had recited and knowing it wasn’t in Genesis.

“So? You didn’t notice, did you?” Aaron challenged good-naturedly, patting Nate on the back for a good measure.

“No,” Nate admitted, wiping his eyes. He got up to join everyone else in the kitchen. “But, you know, I do have my own personal BS every day, so I know where scripture is.”

Aaron laughed, putting an arm around Nate as they walked in the kitchen. “You believe me?” he asked seriously, wondering if his words had been heard or had fallen on deaf ears.

“Sort of,” Nate admitted, nodding.

Aaron’s heart warmed. “Well, gotta start somewhere,” he said quietly. He handed Nate a plate, and they both went down the buffet-style line of leftovers.

When they finished, Aaron and Nate joined the rest of their friends at the table. None of them were the wiser about what had gone on.

But that was okay, Nate reasoned.

Aaron knew the truth. He knew all of it, and accepted Nate anyway.

Community Watch: Chapter 7

Emily’s leaving had me doing a lot of thinking. After all the shit she faced and brought all of us back through, she couldn’t do it anymore. That’s cool for her. But it made me think about myself and how I want to live. And I made a decision. It’s been days since I last wrote, and I decided that enough is enough. I’m done being a victim here. I’m getting on with my life. It was hell, but I went to classes yesterday, and I lived through them. Avoided the entire study room area and the dining areas where we used to always run into him. It seemed to work okay. Can’t really concentrate on school, but at least I’m in class. You have to start somewhere. Now that it’s been closer to two weeks, I think my body’s healed enough, and I called up Liam to see if he wants to skate with me. Talking to Jason recently really made me miss it. So we’ll go up to the skate park on 7th, if nobody’s there. I don’t really feel like a crowd.

“So how long has it been since you’ve been boarding?” Liam asked, as Morgan drove down the residential streets.

She glanced at him, trying not to be irritated. “A while, but I was snowboarding the week before…” she trailed off. “When you left me all those messages.”

“Yeah,” he answered, wishing conversation didn’t feel so awkward between them now. “So you’re gonna be able to do this? I mean, you’re ready?” Liam couldn’t deny he was a little hesitant at Morgan’s sudden interest in diving back into school, work, and skating, when she had lived the first week in a way that made sense to him. She stayed in, kept to herself.

“Why? Scared I’ll wipe the ramp with you?” she challenged, her eyes glittering.

“Seriously. You think you’re gonna school me? Never happened. Never will.” Liam smiled happily. This was the Morgan he remembered.

They arrived at the park, which was blissfully deserted, the way Morgan had hoped it would be - given the chill in the air. For her and Liam, though, it was never too cold unless it was actually snowing.

Morgan hopped on her board confidently, teetering on the edge of the bowl the ramp made. She hoped her nerves didn’t show. She wasn’t at all sure how her body would react to a sport.

Liam careened down ahead of her at top speed, while Morgan changed her mind and went over to the rails and jumps, deciding she wasn’t quite ready for plummeting yet. She’d been having enough falling dreams that plunging down the half pipe didn’t seem appealing.

“Jason did, like, a billion ollies the other day,” Morgan called, though she was sure Liam couldn’t hear her. “He’s getting so good.”

“Cool,” Liam called back, though he hadn’t heard a word she spoke. They always talked to each other when they skated, even when they couldn’t hear what the other said. They liked to hear each other.

Morgan went off a little jump and felt slightly exhilarated. She forgot how much she missed this. She rode rails and just skated around the blacktop. Today wasn’t about learning new or big tricks - it was just about skating - being out here again.

Time got away from them both, as it usually did when they skated, until Liam approached her, red-cheeked and breathless in his tee shirt and jeans.

“You know, it’s only, like, forty degrees, don’t you?” Morgan asked. She never skated in a coat, but had bundled up, wearing extra layers and gloves along with her hat. Liam, as always, had no regard for the weather, he just hated being hot.

“If you’re cold, we can head out,” he teased, though she could see goose bumps on his arms.

“I’m cool if you are,” she shot back.

Impulsively, Liam leaned toward her. Her eyes were so amazing, her hair, in that tail thing she always wore it in - even her baggy jeans looked sexy - like sexy royalty, he decided. They hadn’t kissed often, but every once in a while, if he caught her off-guard, he could sneak one in.

“Kiss me, Princess,” he invited, closing his eyes.

Morgan stumbled back, as nausea rose inside her, and her vision dimmed as she remembered the dark. Buddy’s kisses. His words.

Turning, she ran, stumbling off her board and leaving it behind.

“Morgan!” Liam called, surprised, and hurt that she was actually running from him.

She could hear him rush to catch her, and put her head down, determined to get to the car, and leave him behind. Morgan knew him well enough that without looking, she knew he was carrying both skateboards. It would slow him down. It had to.

Breathless, she got to the car, unlocked the door, and peeled out of the parking lot, leaving him behind. She’d barely gone a few blocks, when Morgan had to pull over, leaning out the door to vomit on the side of the road. Reaching back, Morgan took the hat off, and shoved her ponytail under it before she shut the door and started to drive again.

Blindly, she continued, oblivious to the tears that tracked down her face. She was only aware of the taste in her mouth that wouldn’t go away. Coffee, grease and sweat, and the way his hands had moved over her body, the pain, and the emptiness inside that Morgan felt sure should be filled by a child she had unknowingly sacrificed.

She parked in front of the rehab facility and rushed inside, glad that with everything else she had taken on, Morgan also visited Jess regularly, and knew where her room was as well as how she was progressing with speech and other skills.

Morgan found the door to Jess’s room propped open, the TV on softly inside. She heard the familiar voices of a children’s program Christian watched each day, and knew that Jess watched it not only to feel a connection with her son, but because it taught letter, number and small-word recognition - all skills Jess was adamant about mastering. After a week-and-a-half, it was startling to hear the progress she had already made with speech. She sounded almost as she had before, if slightly hesitant as she searched for a word here and there.

Jess turned and noticed her there, and her face broke into a big smile, despite the tears she saw on Morgan’s face. Jess was always glad for a visitor, and to be of some help, if she could. It made her remember how she used to be. And that made her desire to get better that much stronger.

Morgan’s phone vibrated in her pocket suddenly, and she jumped. Glancing at the display window, Morgan saw Liam’s name and flung it against the wall.

--

“Come on, Morgan!” Liam said, exasperated. He was cold, and now he was stranded without a car. She hadn’t picked up his call, hadn’t even slowed down on her way out of the lot.

Liam had no idea what happened. He knew he had to be careful about intimacy with her, and wasn’t about to go any further than they had discussed, months before - which was kissing. He knew better now than to grab her unexpectedly. But he hadn’t done that. She had been right there. She had seen him come at her, and seemed okay.

At a loss, he called the apartments. He, Morgan and Legend had gone to class that day. Legend had even dropped little Christian off at daycare again. But Liam knew Jonathan and Nate were both home, and both had wheels.

He called Jon first, thinking he might be more apt to want to pick him up than Nathaniel would, especially if he was in one of his cleaning moods. Nate had been a cleaning machine. His most-recent task was the cabinets, though Liam still couldn’t figure out what could be wrong with them. There was food there, right? Wasn’t that all that mattered?

“Aren’t you with your woman?” Jonathan quipped irritably. Words couldn’t describe his jealousy when Liam told him he was going “out” with Morgan - even though he knew their version of “out” was skateboarding. He didn’t have a girl to be out with anymore.

“Nah, she split,” Liam said breathlessly. “Took the car.”

“Damn! What’d you say?” Jonathan asked, smiling. He loved it when Liam got in deep with Morgan. It was just funny. He cackled and then hissed in pain as his face contorted with the action.

“I don’t even know. I was just gonna kiss her,” Liam explained, more confused than ever.

“Oh man,” Jonathan breathed, trying not to laugh because it hurt too much. “What’d you say to her?” he asked. He knew girls were really sensitive about what a guy said, and could take things the complete wrong way.

“Nothing,” he defended. “I mean, I called her Princess…” he admitted. Jonathan had a girlfriend. He knew about Liam’s pet names for Morgan.

Jonathan sobered. He was silent a minute.

“Jon? Hello?” Liam asked, wondering if the line had gone dead.

On the other end of the call, Jonathan clenched the phone tightly. The minute he heard what Liam had said, Jonathan felt his blood boil as he recalled Buddy asking for Morgan by that name before presumably raping her. His hand shook - he couldn’t do this - Jon decided. He was too revved up to just talk and not scream. All he would end up doing is knocking Liam into the next county the second he got his skinny ass in the door.

Jon covered the mouthpiece, not sure why he was saving Liam’s hearing after he was even unknowingly such an ass. “Nate!” he bellowed.

Nate stuck his head out of the kitchen where he was keeping busy organizing cabinets, and putting food in the right place after Liam and Jonathan repeatedly put it where it didn’t go. He tried not to laugh. It was really hard though, when Jonathan was all uptight about something. He was used to his demanding, snotty tone, and even found himself missing it, when Jonathan was sleeping and Nate lie awake so he wouldn’t be able to dream.

“Talk to Liam, and tell him I hope he freezes his damn ass off out there. I’m not going to get him,” Jonathan snapped.

Nate snatched the phone from Jon, all humorous thoughts long gone now. “What’d you say to piss him off?” Nate asked Liam coolly.

“I honestly don’t know!” Liam defended, pacing around to keep warm. “I was telling him how Morgan gave me the brush-off when I tried to kiss her. He asked me what I said to her,” he remembered. “And I said I called her Princess.”

Nate’s breath caught. “You shouldn’t have said that,” he managed quietly, blinking back tears, remembering the horrible sounds he heard when she disappeared behind the desk that final time. “He called her that before he raped her,” Nate told him evenly, though the tears had started to fall. Liam didn’t know, Nate reminded himself. But he had to.

Stunned, Liam sat down hard on the blacktop. “She took off,” he said woodenly, not able to believe that he had let slip something so horrible to the one he cared about more than anyone.

“I’ll call around,” Nate promised. “Call Legend and she’ll pick you up,” he added. “She should be picking up Christian, I think, so she’d be close.”

“Thanks,” Liam managed as guilt numbed him. He didn’t deserve a ride. He deserved to freeze. But he called Legend anyway.

--

Jess jumped a little as Morgan’s phone bounced off the wall and broke. Then, she just opened her arms and waited. She hadn’t been able to give near enough hugs lately.

Morgan came, sinking to her knees beside Jess’s bed, weeping helplessly into the blankets.

Gently, Jess stroked the hat Morgan wore, not knowing what was wrong, but praying she could do something to make it right.

“I’m sorry,” Morgan pleaded, not knowing why these were the words that poured from her mouth, except for the fact that Jess was a mother, and Morgan might have been one, if not for one horrible moment. She wanted absolution. This guilt was too much.

“Why are you sorry?” Jess asked quietly, continuing to touch the brown knit cap that hid all of her friend‘s hair. Morgan hadn’t done anything to hurt anyone that Jess could recall. Especially not her. They were close.

Morgan clutched at the fabric of her own jeans, and risked a glance at Jess. She saw only compassion. “I might have been pregnant,” she managed, tears streaking her face. “But I took that stupid morning-after pill, even though I didn’t know what it was at the time.”

Jess stayed silent, not sure how Morgan, who had such high moral standards, might have gotten pregnant. But she refused to judge. Especially when Jess herself had very nearly done that same - considering either abortion or suicide - much farther into her pregnancy with Christian, just after her dad kicked her out and disowned her.

“He raped me,” Morgan forced herself to say the words, knowing she had to - that all she didn’t speak was slowly killing her. “And I could have been pregnant with his child. But it would have been mine, too. Oh, God, I’m sorry.”

Slowly, the pieces came together for Jess. She had no firsthand memory of the events that happened in that room - and only vague earlier encounters with the person responsible, so Jess watched the news. She not only was able to find out in excruciating detail what had happened to her, but also, details on what happened to her friends. Because of that, Morgan and sexual assault were linked in her brain.

Compassion filled Jess as she put a hand on either side of Morgan’s face. “Do you think God would do that?” she asked. When Morgan thought too long, Jess answered for her. “He wouldn’t. He knew how hurt and…sad…you’d be, and He knew what would happen when they gave you that,” Jess told her, wiping Morgan’s tears away gently.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Morgan protested weakly. She didn’t know if she could stand all of Jess’s mercy and kindness in the face of how she’d been ruined - and how she had been sure she’d taken her child’s life.

Jess shook her head. “No, but I have faith.” She studied Morgan’s dark eyes for a minute, determined not let her own tiredness overtake her. This was more important. “What happened?” Jess asked. She knew something had to have occurred to send Morgan here in the middle of the afternoon. She was typically a night owl, and they enjoyed each other’s company when neither could sleep.

Morgan took a breath, as Jess scooted over in the bed to make room. She climbed in gratefully beside Jess, snuggling close. There was something about a mother’s touch - a gift that only Jess had to give - that was a comfort more than anything else could be. It was better, even, than having Morgan’s own mother there, because her own mother wouldn’t hug and cuddle a grown child this way. Only Alyssa was still hugged and allowed to snuggle.

When she felt secure and protected with Jess’s arm around her, Morgan spoke.

“Liam called me Princess” Knowing Jess didn’t recall any of what happened to them, she elaborated, though it was difficult. “It’s what Buddy called me…before he did that to me.”

“Morgan,” Jess said sympathetically, drawing her close. Not knowing what else to say, she told her simply, “A princess is a good thing to be,” and kissed her hat tenderly.

They sat together a long time - Morgan letting Jess hold her - until Jess broke the silence and asked if they should call anyone.

“Probably,” Morgan admitted, sitting up and reaching for the phone beside Jess’s bed before the realization hit her that she didn’t actually have anyone’s number memorized. They were all in her cell phone, which was in two pieces on the floor.

“I don’t have anyone’s number,” Morgan admitted. “They were all in my phone.”

Jess’s eyebrows furrowed, but she didn’t bother to ask questions. Some things just confused her. Like the idea of phone numbers somehow being inside a phone. “It’s okay. Legend left them for me.” Fumbling to open a drawer, Jess took out a paper with a neatly typed directory with friends‘ phone numbers. Jess didn’t say she couldn’t figure out what anything on the paper said because there was too many words and numbers too close together. She handed Morgan the paper, and picked up the phone herself.

“Tell me the number,” Jess was adamant when Morgan motioned for the phone. “I want to call.”

Amused at Jess’s insistence even now, to play the Mom card, Morgan slowly read off Liam’s cell phone number. “I can talk to him,” she said, thinking Jess would hand over the phone once the call was picked up.

Jess listened patiently, as she heard it ring over and over. Finally, Liam’s voice. “Hey, it’s Jess,” she told him.

“Jess?” he wondered, blowing into his free hand to warm it up. Legend had been sweet enough to pick him up, and now he sat in Coby’s car with her and Christian.

“Yeah, it’s me. Morgan just came by to visit. She’ll be home soon,” Jess promised, though she didn’t actually know what Morgan intended to do.

Liam blinked. “Okay, cool. You…sound good. How are you?”

“Hanging in there,” Jess admitted. “How’s Christian?”

Grinning, Liam looked in the rearview mirror, where Christian was sleeping - his head lolled to one side. Legend was already waking him up, saying his name in a sing-song voice. He would no-doubt be crabby later - not able to sleep well since being awakened by Emily’s nightmare, but this was more important.

Christian blinked and looked around. “Are we home?”

“Say hello,” Liam encouraged, handing him the phone.

“Hello?” Christian asked, rubbing his eyes.

Jess’s breath caught. She hadn’t heard that sweet voice in so long. “Hi, baby. It’s Mom.”

Christian’s eyes widened. He couldn’t make his voice talk.

“I miss you,” she told him. “What are you doing with Liam?”

“He’s just in the car,” Christian said softly. “And Legend’s driving. She’s doing a good job,” he added. Legend followed all the driving rules just like his mom. Sometimes, Coby didn’t, and it made Mom mad at him.

“That’s good. Are you being a good boy?”

“Mostly… I cried ‘cause I missed you,” he said softly. “And I dreamed the bad guy got you again. And Morgan came and sleeped on our floor one time and I did, too, ‘cause she was making these kind of sad noises.” Christian nodded to himself, remembering. He didn’t want Morgan to be sad then. And she stopped making the noises when he was next to her, so he stayed there until morning.

“Mmm,” Jess commented, looking at Morgan who was distracted looking at all the get well cards that hung on the wall. “That was nice of you.”

“When are you coming home?” Christian whined, even though his mom didn’t like it.

“I don’t know yet. But maybe one day, Legend can take you up to where I am, and you can watch me get better. Maybe you can help me.” she offered, wanting him to have something to look forward to.

After she hung up, Jess turned to Morgan, who had gathered up the broken pieces of her phone and stowed them in her pocket. “My son says you make sad noises in your sleep.”

Though Jess’s articulation had gotten a bit sloppy, as it did when she got tired, Morgan understood. “He was hearing things,” she decided, mortified that her subconscious could betray her like that. “I should probably go find Liam and apologize. Thanks…for everything.” Morgan said, embarrassed that she couldn’t convey how grateful she was without the possibility of more tears.

Opening her arms one more time, Jess invited Morgan in, and held her a long time.

“You get better and come home,” Morgan told her fiercely.

“I will. And ask Legend if she’ll bring Christian by some afternoon.”

Morgan left quickly, agreeing to pass on Jess’s message. She got to Liam’s apartment in record time, standing impatiently down at the doors, buzzing to be let in.

When Jonathan finally answered, Morgan made her way up the stairs two at a time, and pounded on the door.

Liam came and pulled the door open, startled to be staring down into the eyes of the woman he both loved - and had hurt - so deeply. “Morgan, I…”

Before he could finish, Morgan reached up and embraced him, laying her head on his chest.

--

When their Monday rolled around, Aaron always wondered how he was the one nominated to cook. Didn’t they remember the chili?

He knew Bryan could make lasagna good enough to be featured on some Italian cooking show. But he always balked when the day came. The ingredients were too expensive. Christian didn’t like it. He had a paper due.

Even Coby could handle making macaroni and cheese at least. When Aaron tried, the noodles turned to paste. But Coby had managed to do absolutely nothing with his bum leg. Only thing he did now was watch TV, occasionally with a beer “to go with the corn chips.“

Aaron’s eyes fell on the magnet that had saved his ass last time it was his turn. Pizza was always the way to go. Just a little dent in his wallet would take care of everything. Someone else did the cooking, and he was off the hook. Aaron even decided to be cool, given the crappy time they’d had recently, and ordered toppings everyone liked, and even sprung for orders of cheesy bread and chicken wings.

The girls and Christian arrived right on time, and he ushered them in the kitchen, where there was a stack of paper plates, and plastic cups, Aaron did his best to steer them away from the living room, where Coby was watching some bloody war movie with the volume all the way down. He had his chips and his beer, and Aaron wasn’t about to let the kid see his hero looking like a first-class loser.

“Sure a small group without Emily and Jess,” Bryan commented, ignoring Morgan’s elbow in his ribs. He knew it was hit-and-miss with the kid reacting to any mention of his mom, but Bryan wasn’t about to exclude Jess from conversation. She was a part of them.

“My mom said,” Christian exclaimed, trying to get Bryan’s attention while he head-locked Morgan, and she got out of it laughing. “Hey guys,” Christian tried again. “My mom! Said I could go see her sometime,” he said importantly.

When it was too loud for them to hear, Christian ran to the living room where Coby had chips and a shiny bottle like root beer came in at the good restaurants. “Hey,” Christian greeted, bounding onto the couch to sit beside Coby.

“Hey,” Coby said back. His voice sounded lazy, like he wasn’t going to move all night from that spot.

“Can I have a chip?” Christian asked. Coby held the bag out, and when Christian took two, he didn’t notice.

“You know what?” Christian asked, leaning close to Coby even though his breath kind of smelled. “My mom said I could go see her sometime. Isn’t that cool?” He waited, sure that Coby would agree with him.

But he didn’t say anything. He just stared at the TV where men with guns were shooting and other ones were bleeding and had gross stuff coming out of them, like the brain guy on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies he got from Liam. “Ew.” Christian said, happy when somebody knocked at the door so he could answer it.

Liam came in first and even rubbed his head on their way to the kitchen. Jonathan came in next and had a big cut on his face.

“Did you get in a fight?” he asked, in awe.

But Jonathan just acted like he didn’t hear, even though his face and ears got red, like he was shy about it. Christian felt bad asking. Maybe it wasn’t polite.

Nate came last and he acted kind of strange too. He walked through the living room like Jonathan, and stopped to look at the bad movie Coby was watching. Nate looked like he was going to fall over, maybe, so Christian pushed on his legs to make him go to the kitchen. “Come on,” he told Nate importantly. “I’m gonna tell.”

Christian made his way in behind Nate and announced in a loud tattle-tale voice, “Coby’s watching a bad show! It’s got shooting and blood and somebody’s brain. Came out of their stomach.”

Legend set her jaw and marched into the living room, snatching the remote from Coby and turning the TV off. “We’re eating,” she said tersely.

Knowing better than to argue with Legend, especially when she was pissed off, Coby got off the couch and went to the kitchen. His friends sat spread all over the room. Their table wasn’t big enough to hold all of them. Christian was on the floor picking all his pepperoni off and setting it beside the plate.

Silently, he grabbed a plate and a slice of pizza. He stood at the counter, trying to balance on one leg and eating, though he wasn’t hungry.

Morgan sat on the counter nearby, kicking her heels against the cupboards. She tried not to be upset at Aaron. He couldn’t know how disgusting and revolting it was for her to smell pizza, or be faced with having to eat it. After Buddy, she doubted she would ever eat it again.

Her eyes moved around the room slowly, and she could see immediately that herself, Libby and Nate were the only three having trouble with the meal. Everyone else seemed perfectly content.

Nate sat at the table with two slices in front of him and a determined expression on his face as he ate. She didn’t understand that. She could see by the pallor of his face that Nate wasn’t okay - that he wasn’t tasting the pizza. He was tasting Buddy.

Hopping off the counter, Morgan made herself walk over to where he sat, and whispered to him. “You don’t have to eat that. We can go get something else.”

“No, it’s fine,” Nate denied. The pizza slithered around in his mouth like a living thing, reminding him of Buddy’s tongue. He took a drink of water, forcing himself to swallow. To not give into the urge to vomit. He’d held off before, he could do it again.

At the sound of Liam’s voice, Morgan turned. He was sitting with Libby at the table, coaxing her to eat. Morgan’s stomach lurched at the unfairness of the request, as Libby shook silently, pushing the plate away from her and laying her forehead on the table in defeat. Morgan knew Libby was crying.

Across the kitchen, Coby’s quiet curse drew their attention, as he left the room - the sight of Libby breaking down, apparently too much for him.

Eventually, the pizza was put away, and Morgan was grateful. Nathaniel had looked absolutely gray after the meal and had excused himself to the restroom afterward, where Morgan was sure he’d been sick. His color had changed to sort of greenish. Libby hadn’t even managed one bite.

Nathaniel and Libby sat close to each other holding hands in the living room. Nate couldn’t get comfortable, even on the couch. His body had started to throb. He squeezed Libby’s hand, offering her a corn chip from the discarded bag as he heard her stomach grumble.

She took one, but couldn’t bring herself to eat it. Nate didn’t press her.

Morgan took her turn in the bathroom after Nate vacated, to wash the greasy feeling off her face. What she really wanted to do was shower, but not here.

Stepping out into the hall made Morgan wish she had kept the door closed. The smell of coffee brewing assaulted her senses, making her feel numb and out of control.

Moving quickly through the kitchen, Morgan saw Libby with her face in her hands, and Nate looking shell-shocked, fidgeting with the leg of his jeans, one arm across his lap. He held Libby’s hand in his free one. It was only now that Morgan noticed Libby’s purple shirt and old jeans looked clean. And so did she. How cruel that she should finally bring herself to face her body and wash the only clothes she felt comfortable in only to have triggers all around that Morgan knew made her feel dirty and unsafe.

“Come on.” Morgan rushed at them, ignoring how Nate flinched as she grabbed the back of his shirt and hauled him up, taking Libby with them.

Morgan pulled them both outside, where they stood together in the dark chill. She smoked, and Libby wept. Nathaniel put his arms around them, hugging the girls close enough that all their heads knocked together.

“This is the worst meal ever,” Libby objected pitifully.

Morgan blew out a puff of smoke, “I know, and I’m starving.”

“You said we could go out. Well, maybe not out…but could we drive thru somewhere?” Nate asked hopefully.

Morgan nodded, grinding out the cigarette butt with the toe of her sneaker. “Let me tell Legend where we’re leaving.” Morgan said until she remembered she didn’t have her cell phone anymore. “Shit. And there’s no way I’m going back in there.”

Nathaniel pulled his own phone from his pocket. “Legend? Yeah, we’re still here, but me, Libby and Morgan are taking off. Got a craving for shakes,” he said, happy when both girls nodded in approval.

The three of them piled into Nate’s car, and drove thru at a local fast food joint, ordering three large shakes that they ate together in the parking lot. Nate stirred his with a spoon, not caring that it made him colder than he already was.

They didn’t speak.

They didn’t need to.

--

Coby sat at the bar. He had taken his car from Legend, who had driven herself and the kid over. He knew she was going to be pissed when she found it missing. Especially since he hadn’t seen the little seat in back until he was at the bar.

He looked sadly at the shot in his hand. He lost count of how many he’d had, and it made him dizzy to try and count the glasses. So he had stopped.

Not many of his friends knew he was a drinker. And he wasn’t, really, Coby assured himself. But when things got bad, at home or otherwise, once he hit twenty-one, the bar was the first place he’d go. Blake had even given him the nickname JD - Jack Daniels - which Coby hated. Blake had started partying too - even using Coby’s drinking as an excuse.

He heard his little brother’s words echo in his head. “You do it and it’s no big deal!”

And then, his own response, “You don’t want to be like me.”

Coby didn’t even want to be himself right now, but it didn’t stop him from downing another shot. Things were so screwed up. Jess was up in some rehab hospital. His leg was screwed up, only now, he didn’t get to have the fun painkillers to take the edge off. He’d driven with one foot for both pedals, and somehow got there unscathed.

Everything was so screwed up. Libby couldn’t eat a damn meal. And Morgan thought he was someone to be praised for shoving her to the ground, for holding her back, when what he should have done was gone up there himself and knocked the guy’s block off. Not allowed him in the room at all. Then Emily would still be here. Libby, Nate and Morgan wouldn’t have gotten used like they had. Jess wouldn’t have spent three days in a coma and too many in rehab. Christian would have his mom back home with him, where she belonged.

Tears fell down his face and Coby let them. He deserved this sadness.

--

“Where the hell is he?” Bryan seethed. “It’s bad enough he takes off in the car Legend drove, with Christian’s car seat in it, so Bryan had to drive them himself. It’s after midnight and his damn phone is off!”

Aaron didn’t say what he was thinking. That it was only midnight, and Coby was a grown-ass man. He could come and go as he pleased. And if this had happened a couple months ago, he and Bryan would have gone to bed, not caring where he was.

‘Did you call around?” There. Aaron finally settled on a suitable question.

Bryan ran a hand through his hair. “Everywhere I could think of. No one’s seen him.”

“You call his dad?” Aaron wondered, propping his foot up. He’d paced enough so that it really hurt, now that he could bear some weight on it.

Sighing, Bryan threw his hands up. “I’m not calling his dad to tell him that we don’t know where his son is.”

Aaron shrugged. “Call Blake then,” he decided.

“He’s the last person I want to call,” Bryan protested. He remembered the last conversation he had with Coby’s brother, and it wasn’t a good one. “And it’s late.”

“Okay. He might know where he is, though. And that’s a lame excuse. They’re in Mountain Time.” Aaron clarified. “I’m going to bed. If you don’t find him in a couple hours, wake me up.”

Once Bryan was alone, he knew he didn’t have any choice, and opened the cupboard where he had taped their directory, scanning it for Blake’s number.

“What’s up?” Blake answered.

“It’s Bryan Torres. Any idea where your brother might go?”

“He’s gone?” The younger voice registered vague concern. “Was he normal, or like, pissed off or sad? If he was normal, you should get the cops over there, but if he was the other two, your best bet’s the local bar.” Blake told him honestly.

Blinking, Bryan shook his head. “You’re not serious.”

“Yeah, I am! What kind of friends are you anyway? You obviously don’t know shit about him. When he’s stressed or upset he always goes and gets hammered. Then he comes back, has a hangover and gets over it.”

“All right, thanks.”

“Call when he’s home, would you? Not that I care…” Blake amended.

“I will,” Bryan promised.

Grabbing his coat, he scribbled a note for Aaron, in case he got up, and took off for the nearest restaurant with a bar and grill.

Bryan found the car without much trouble, still parked in the lot of the first place he checked. He went in quickly, glancing around for Coby’s dark leather jacket, but didn’t see him. He checked the bathroom. Finally, Bryan went back to the lot, peering in the window of Coby’s car.

He was there, sprawled across the back seat, either passed out or sleeping. He tapped on the window, relieved when Coby started awake, and then waved him away.

“Open the damn door,” Bryan demanded. Hell if he was going to leave a buddy drunk in the parking lot, sleeping in his car.

Because Bryan wouldn’t shut up, Coby obeyed, unlocking the door he was closest to.

“You’re lucky your brother knows you better than we do,” Bryan muttered between clenched teeth. “Where are your keys?”

Fumbling in his pocket, Coby produced them and struggled to hand them over the seat. “Leg hurts like a bitch,” he swore, as fresh pain ripped through it.

“Lucky for you, you won’t be taking anything for it,” Bryan muttered darkly.

Coby moaned. “You’re a moody bastard tonight,” he commented mildly. “What do you mean I wont be taking anything for it? How the hell would you know?”

Rolling his eyes, Bryan started the car. “You don’t mix alcohol and pills. We had this conversation once already. I wouldn’t expect you to remember.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t. Oh, shit,” he managed as they turned a corner. Leaning his head over the floor of the back seat, Coby blew chunks until he thought his head would explode.

Bryan put the windows down and drove. He called Blake on the way, knowing he wouldn’t want to do it when they were back.

It was an hour later, and Coby had spent most of it with his head in the trash can puking. Bryan sat with him, even though Coby knew he had a paper due and a big test in a few hours.

He was helpless to stop the tears when they came. Bryan looked shocked as Coby went on and on about how he should have done better by all of them - protected them from that asshole.

Bryan put his arm around Coby. “You did right,” he reassured over and over. “All of us got out alive. We might not have otherwise.”

Coby couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he just put his head back and tried to sleep off the horrible place he’d put himself in.

No amount of reassurance helped his frame of mind. But a friend who didn’t leave when he was in deep like this - Coby thought, feeling Bryan’s hand on his shoulder - that was something.

--

“This is where your mom and these other people work hard to get better,” Legend explained to Christian as she showed him the rehab room.

His eyes wide and impressed, Christian looked at everything. His mom was on her way, Legend said, and this room looked like a lot of fun. There was a giant bouncy ball, some fun-looking monkey bars, a fake store, and really big tables that looked good for relaxing. His favorite thing he saw was a green thing of clay stuff. Christian hoped his mom could play with that.

“When your mom comes in, she might look different,” Legend warned. To her, Jess’s appearance had been very different the first time she’d seen her. Even now, Jess looked like she had physically shrunk. She was more pale than usual, and her eyes had lost some of their sparkle. “And it’s very important for us to be quiet while she’s working, okay?” Legend added.

He nodded seriously. Christian knew all about that. His mom always said he should be quiet so she could do her homework.

Jess was wheeled in then, and her eyes lit up when she saw Christian.

Legend was grateful to have been holding the little boy’s hand the way he tore off for his mom. She was afraid he could have hurt her, so Legend held him back at her pace.

“Be gentle,” Legend encouraged, as Christian gave his mom the biggest hug he could and not hurt her.

He buried his face in her hair. It didn’t smell the same. It smelled like this place - important and scary. But it was still his mom. “I came to see you,” he told her, breaking into a big smile.

Jess nodded, trying not to cry. He had grown so much. “I love you, baby.”

Christian nodded, getting comfortable on her lap, and taking a special ride with her in the wheelchair. “I can be your cheering section. Except quiet. ‘Cause the other people have to work hard too, right?”

“That’s right,” Jess answered, happy that Legend had given him such good directions.

Standing by the wall to watch, Christian felt big and important. He was the only four-year-old there. Everyone else was big people. When his mom did the first thing, he squeezed Legend’s hand. “What’s she doing?” he asked, using his best indoor voice.

“She’s going to tell the lady what those are pictures of,” Legend explained patiently.

Christian took a step closer. “You can do it, Mom.” He nodded at her, feeling sure she could.

Jess smiled. This was the part of therapy she hated more than anything else, because it was the hardest for her. Her speech had come back well, but naming things, and associating words with other words was still really hard. With Christian and Legend there as her cheering section, Jess vowed not to get frustrated and keep trying no matter what.

Fruits and vegetables. Jess set her jaw. She could do this.

She looked at the first picture. It showed a yellow skinny thing that looked like a smile, but Jess had no idea what it was called. She searched her brain.

Christian pulled on Legend’s hand. “That’s a banana,” he told her quietly. His mom used to know what bananas were. But now she didn’t because the bad guy made her forget.

“That’s right. Now let your mom try.” Legend said, patting his hair.

Jess’s brain swam with all the uses for the strange-looking thing. First and foremost, she knew that Christian hated them. She heard his complaining voice in her head, and smiled.

“Banana,” she said, and felt both proud and embarrassed at Christian’s encouragement and pride.

“If they showed her spaghetti, she would know what that is, huh?” Christian asked, looking up at Legend.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” Legend offered optimistically.

She watched in amazement as Jess named cauliflower and kiwi with no trouble, and then stumbled on potato.

“Tomato…” Jess hedged softly. She didn’t want Christian to hear her fudging the names of fruits and vegetables of all things. She didn’t want to be a disappointment to him, when he was such a source of pride to her.

Christian stepped up and stood beside her chair. He laid a hand gently on hers. “Good try. That’s almost right,” he nodded, ignoring the card lady trying to get his mom’s attention back. “It starts with puh.”

“Puh…” Jess started, trying to think. Christian had to be right. “Potato!” The word fell out of her mouth like it had been there all along.

“Yes!” Christian yelled, pumping his fist. “My mom is the winner!” He threw his arms around her neck.

That’s when Jess knew it didn’t matter to Christian what she knew or didn’t know. He would love her unconditionally. He felt the same about her as she did about him.

He didn’t care if she got them all right, he was just proud that she tried.