I guess a lot of new stuff is happening lately, and I was only away for a few days. For one, Nate saw Buddy again. He’s this older creep who likes the all the girls (and Nate, too, apparently. Sicko.) Other than that, we’ve got on-campus Bible study today - so that should be fun. Aaron called me already and said that Sunday he met this guy, Gabe at the church he goes to. Since I’m a church-hopper, I don’t know who he’s talking about. There are connections all over though. Turns out Liam knew Gabe’s cell group leader, Mikhail, when Liam was a teenager.
Gabe waited, parked outside on the campus of the Christian university Belle attended.
He’d moved about an hour out of town eight months back, at God’s insistence. He hadn’t known why he was moving, but knew God’s call when he heard it. It hadn’t taken long at all, and Gabe had become heavily involved with a local church - the youth, the worship, even the janitorial work - basically anything that needed doing. The congregation had accepted him with open arms, and he’d met really cool people. Just on Sunday, there was Aaron, who - while he wasn’t overtly on fire for God - obviously had a relationship with Him going on. Aaron and Gabe had hit it off, and Aaron had already promised to drag his roommates Coby and Bryan along the following week.
Gabe sat forward a little, feeling his heart stutter in his chest. Belle was on her way out.
She had moved out here to attend school - at her first-choice college - just a couple months before, at the start of fall semester. As a part of her healing, and the deal she made with her mom about moving away from home, in addition to continuing to take her “pills“ as Sherry called them, Belle was to attend counseling weekly, in addition to her class load.
Sitting back, Gabe studied her. She had changed so much since the first time he’d seen her after Costa Rica. Her hair was the most obvious. She had managed to grow out the dark dye job, and then cut it so her hair framed her face around her chin. It was now the same reddish color it had been when he’d first seen her as a little girl, asking for prayer to get saved as a first grader. Gone also were the bandanas she had worn post-attempt, and the preppy clothes she hid in before that. Now, she dressed normally - at least that’s how Gabe saw it. She wore her hair down, as it was almost too short to do anything with. She wore the “cute jeans” she and Elise always liked, with flowers embroidered on them, and a nice looking tee shirt - though never sweatshirts. They were “too casual” she said. But he suspected, for some reason, there was more behind it.
Gabe’s heart swelled with pride as he saw the tears on Belle’s cheeks. She was always crying after she talked to “her someone.” Gabe still didn’t know if Belle’s someone was male of female, or what they talked about to bring her to tears every week. But Gabe saw her show of emotion as a blessing, even if Belle was still prone to want to stop herself and say she was fine. She was improving, Gabe knew, and he was proud to have been by her side, as more than just her friend the past couple months.
He got out and opened the door for her, meeting her before she reached the car and giving her a hug.
“Hey, Gabe,” she said into his shirt.
Belle stood still, telling herself to relax. It was always difficult to be close physically for her, but especially after she had discussed her attempt and all the graphic details. It always put her body on edge and made her shaky.
She felt Gabe’s strong arms around her. He had this way of looking at her that made her heart lurch and leap at the same time. Though they had met as school kids, Belle was more than grateful that now, they were even closer than friends. His black hair and dark eyes were still stunningly handsome, even though she saw him every day. She appreciated that he always dressed well and took pride in how he looked. She knew he never dressed to hide, the way she used to.
It was still an exercise for her to dress casually, but she managed. In the winter, she was always with a coat, since she refused to wear sweatshirts. She had worn one the night she tried to take her life, and she remembered staring at it for a long time. She had vague memories of the fabric pulled taut against her skin as her stomach was pumped hours later.
Touching Belle’s hair gently, Gabe asked her how it was.
“Hard,” she admitted, grateful that he was okay with that, and she didn’t have to pretend. She breathed in his cologne and felt comforted - the way she never had by a man. She let go and started moving toward the car, but Gabe held on.
“I won’t let go until you’re ready,” he said seriously.
Belle relaxed into his arms, and let herself be held another minute. “Thanks,” she managed.
“You’re welcome,” he said, shutting the door behind her.
They drove in silence for a bit, before he spoke again. “You want coffee yet?”
“Tea,” she agreed.
“Coffee, tea, we get it at the same place,” Gabe smiled, thinking to himself that Belle never looked more beautiful to him than with tears actually drying on her face. He wondered if he’d ever seen that before, and thanked God for it.
Once they were settled, Gabe held her hand, while she sipped the tea he’d doctored with a billion packets of sugar to make it sweet. “So, you ready for good news?”
“Definitely,” Belle agreed, smiling.
“Call Elise. She has some. Wouldn’t tell me what it was. She said I’d spoil it for you. Which I wouldn’t have done,” he added for a good measure.
Belle waited eagerly while the phone rang, happy that her friend was only twenty minutes from them, instead of an hour away like the rest of their friends. Elise was living on her own for the first time, about a half hour away from her brother, Rob, and his longtime girlfriend, Kylie. She was at a good halfway point between people, so if anything came up for her with the new place, she would have people nearby on both sides.
“Belle! Oh, my gosh, I’ve been waiting forever for you to call! How was your thing?” Elise asked, making Belle laugh aloud. She wondered if anyone meeting Elise now would know that there was ever a time when she struggled for words.
“It was hard, but what’s up? Gabe said good news?” Belle squeezed his hand and took a sip of tea, closing her eyes at the simple indulgence that she was still around to enjoy.
“Oh man. Okay. I’m stepping away from the stove. I can’t cook and tell you this at the same time.” On the other end of the call, Elise paced her tiny living room. “Robby called. Him and Kylie are engaged! I’m totally gonna be an aunt!”
“Are you serious? Wait. Kylie’s not pregnant yet, is she?” Belle asked, seriously doubting it, as Gabe’s eyes grew huge.
“No! But eventually! Belle, I can’t believe it. I’m so happy for them. Now I’m glad he made me move out on my own, and they both moved into a better neighborhood. This is, like, the best thing ever.”
Belle remembered what a struggle it had been for Elise to accept her brother’s insistence that she move out and live on her own. Elise had lived with Rob for a year and a half after really rough circumstances, including a head injury, brought her there. He’d met Kylie, a wonderful and generous woman of God soon after that. And though both were only twenty-four, Rob had taken in and taken care of Elise, moving out of his own bigger apartment into a smaller one in a bad neighborhood, to save money since he had not only to provide for his sister, but pay medical bills that were left to him, after their mother gave up custody. After meeting Rob and Elise, Kylie, a resident in the same building, working hard for little money, offered to help Rob keep an eye on Elise, who wasn’t reliable on her own at first.
Kylie had invited Rob and Elise to the Bible study she was a part of. Belle remembered her mentor Missy taking the call from Kylie, asking if Elise could come along. Belle had offered to attend also, being closer to Elise’s age, so the new girl wouldn’t feel awkward.
The first time Belle had seen Elise was later that night. She seemed so afraid - like she would have bolted from the room if Rob hadn’t come in behind her. Belle remembered that her eyes looked haunted - and that she’d had to wait a long time to hear her speak her name. She and Elise had bonded over their love of the same kind of clothes, and Belle made room for her on the floor. Their friendship had grown from there - at a sleepover, Belle discovered the scar in Elise’s hair, and the truth of what had caused her head injury, even before Rob knew all the details. Belle learned of the abuse Elise had suffered at the hands of her mother’s second husband that eventually built to a brutal shove down concrete steps to the basement below, and a savage beating with a bat, until Elise lost consciousness.
So Elise knew what it was like last year, when memories of Belle’s own abuse as a toddler came to surface, after years of being mostly repressed. Though she didn’t share much, she knew Elise understood. When it came to be too much, and Belle felt she had no other alternative to make her pain stop, she attempted an overdose on nonprescription medicine. She ended up in the hospital, her stomach pumped, her self-respect gone, her self-esteem less than zero. Elise never treated her differently, as most of the rest of her friends had. When she came home after a week in the hospital, she spent the first day at Rob and Elise’s with Kylie during the day. Elise came home that afternoon, and simply sat with her. Belle remembered never being more grateful for silence. Later, she offered Belle brownies, and recipes to bake them - and yet Belle knew that Elise, more than anyone else - had to understand the place Belle had been in to consider, and ultimately attempt taking her own life. A lot had changed in Rob and Elise’s life as well.
Now, Kylie was no longer the only believer in their threesome. Elise had come to faith several months after meeting Kylie, and sometime in the last twelve months, Rob had also given his life to the Lord. Belle knew that Kylie wouldn’t have agreed to marry anyone if they didn’t share her love for the Lord. But Belle also knew that wasn’t the reason Rob had converted. He was methodical - with a mechanic’s mind. All the pieces had to fit. He had to weigh and make sense of everything before making a decision. Belle had been in church, the Sunday that he and Elise, having made the decision very privately, were both baptized in front of their church family. She never felt prouder of both of them, and knew the same was true for Kylie.
“Did you tell Alex?” Belle wanted to know.
“Yes, and I’m surprised I still have my hearing!” Elise exclaimed. “She was so excited.”
Belle held the phone out so Gabe could talk into it. “Hey, Elise, tell Rob congratulations!”
“Tell him thanks, and I will!” she said as Belle put the phone back to her ear.
“She will,” Belle echoed. “So is there anyone else for them to tell? Or did you get to everyone?”
“No, there’s still people left. I only told Alex and Andrew and Josh and you and Gabe so there’s still plenty of them left.” Elise reassured, hanging to coat she’d discarded on a chair in the closet.
“That’s so cool. I’m gonna visit soon, okay? You need anything?” Belle asked.
Elise rolled her eyes. “Just to see you. And if you come with anything other than yourself, I’m banishing you from my awesome apartment.”
“Okay! I promise! Anyway, I only bring food in a crisis.”
“There you go then. This is a celebration. So you can’t.” Elise insisted stubbornly.
“Oh, wait! When’s the big day?” Belle wanted to know, slapping her forehead.
“I totally didn’t even ask! I’m so bad! I have to go, okay? I’ll call you. Love you!”
From across the table, Belle and Gabe smiled at each other. “That’s so cool.” Gabe managed. A chuckle escaped. “She forgot to ask when the date is?”
Belle laughed, too. “Yeah, but can you blame her?”
“Not a bit,” Gabe admitted.
--
“Tuesdays are such great days for BS!” Aaron exclaimed, turning in a happy circle as the group of them made their way across campus to their usual spot, in an unused room.
Morgan smacked him with her Bible. “Dude, it’s God’s Word. A little respect?”
“What? I know God, and He has a sense of humor,” Aaron said confidently.
“Okay, but I don’t know if He would appreciate you calling Bible study BS every week,” Morgan reasoned.
Nathaniel hurried to catch up, carrying a bag of chips. He failed to notice Legend, running at him like a tiny female linebacker, until she jumped on his back and hung there while he passed his chips easily to Emily, and secured Legend behind him. “Hey girl!” he greeted, smiling, even though she couldn’t see.
“Hey!” she said back, resting her chin on his shoulder.
Emily crunched loudly on one of Nate’s chips. “Mmm…barbecue…”
“Give me one,” he encouraged, opening his mouth.
Laughing, Emily obliged. “I love your shirt!” she exclaimed, touching the light-blue button-down fabric gently. Nate always wore the best shirts.
“Thanks,” he boosted Legend a little higher as they walked.
Emily waited. “So, can I borrow it?” she asked expectantly.
“What? No!”
Legend reached over and popped a chip in her mouth.
“What do you mean, no?” Emily asked indignantly. “Morgan borrows all your guys’ stuff all the time!”
“Whatevs. You’re not borrowing mine,” Nate finished quietly so only Legend could hear.
Arriving at the Education building, they quickly made their way to the room, and waited on the usual stragglers. Liam was already there, of course, as he always led. Since Liam was there, so was Jonathan. Libby was always late, no matter how much she meant to be on time - and Jess regularly came in at the last second, because she checked on Christian, who was going to “school” as he called it, in the daycare center on campus.
“Okay, well we should get started,” Liam said, and got ready to open in prayer.
“Jess isn’t here. Neither is Libby.” Legend pointed out, though she knew Jess was usually late.
“We only have an hour and a lot to cover. We can always fill Libby in,” Liam reassured.
So they bowed their heads and prayed, and then Liam explained their plan of action for the next few weeks. “We’re going to be going through a book about getting free of sin. It’s really good, actually.” he reassured when he saw the doubtful looks on faces.
“Do we need to buy this?” Aaron asked. “’Cause I’m kind of strapped for cash right now.”
“Right,” Jonathan snorted. “You’re just busy pimping out your new car.”
“No, you don’t need to buy them. I got a whole bunch in bulk and got a discount rate. Anyone who can, can pay me back. If not, it’s fine.”
“So, like, what kind of sin? It’s not like any of us sleep around, or even have sex,” Coby pointed out, and then was grateful that Jess was so late today. It would have been horrible for her to hear.
Liam looked around. “Well. What do you guys struggle with? I’m gonna be really real here, and tell you that for me, it’s pornography.”
Jonathan’s head snapped up and he stared. He knew a lot of guys struggled with that, but he never figured Liam to be one. He also knew that had Liam’s baby sister been in the room just now, he doubted their leader would have been so forthcoming.
When no one volunteered in the wake of Liam’s boldness, he decided to help them along. This was a good way to start anyway. Helping all of them figure out what constituted sin in the first place.
“Any of you girls ever played Bloody Mary? Or that ‘light as a feather, stiff as a board’ game?”
“Are you serious?” Emily asked. “Those are just games. Besides, I played them in, like, fourth grade.”
“What about perfectionism?” he challenged.
Legend raised her hand, nodding a little.
“What about homosexuality?” Liam asked quietly, looking at Nate for confirmation.
Nate’s cheeks burned as he stared at his hands in his lap. He couldn’t believe this. Not here, too. He knew Liam had opinions on this, but to have them invade every single aspect of his life? Nate was also sure Liam knew his own perspective on being gay. He didn’t believe there was a choice. Why would he choose something, as a Christian, that was so looked down on by those who otherwise shared his beliefs. He believed that no one knew God’s mind, and that maybe He made people gay, lesbian and transgender and even intersex to teach His people love, compassion and tolerance. And Nate knew that if Liam was right, and his attraction to men was a sin, that God still accepted him as he was, and loved him anyway. That if it was a sin, he’d be able to come to God in his own time and repent and get free. But Nate didn’t believe it was a sin. Why would he choose to be something that was so dangerous? He lived every day of his life knowing that he was a moving target for a hate-crime. It was why he didn’t have a current relationship. That, and the fact he had a hard time trusting people - because in his experience, when he trusted people with too much of himself, they dismissed him.
Knowing he didn’t have to take this, and feeling every eye in the room on him, Nate stood up and walked out.
“Damn it, Liam!” Morgan exclaimed, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him to a corner to talk privately, as Bryan went after Nate.
Even when she was upset, Morgan still managed to take his breath, Liam thought. As much as she tried to look like a tomboy, her beauty was something Morgan couldn’t just hide under a baseball cap, baggy jeans, black tee shirt and a blue hooded sweatshirt that looked like Coby’s. Despite her obvious disappointment in him, Liam still found himself drawn into her warm brown eyes - trying to discern exactly what shade they were. Words like mahogany, cinnamon and burnt sienna danced in his brain, yet none seemed right.
Morgan glared at Liam, her eyes shining with anger, and spoke quietly. “Do you realize you ask for everyone’s input, except for Nate’s? You make sure everyone else is giving something except for him. And now you want him to participate? When you put him on the spot?” she challenged, taking a step toward him.
“I was putting everybody on the spot,” he defended, stepping back. “That was the point.”
“With Bloody Mary and perfectionism? Give me a break!” she crossed her arms. “I know sin is sin, but come on! You can’t just go from that to homosexuality, when one of your roommates told you barely a month ago that he’s gay!” she whispered furiously. “And just because you were ready to be real doesn’t mean all of us were.”
“I didn’t like, call him out on it,” Liam reasoned. “I was just putting stuff out there for people.
“You did call him out on it. You used his trust in us and threw it back in his face.” Morgan insisted, looking at Liam steadily. Pulling her ponytail through the back of her hat, Morgan tried a different angle. “Look, if I told you I’m a smoker. That I started smoking in high school…and that I still do sometimes. Does that make you think less of me?”
“No, of course not! Morgan!” Liam reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but Morgan backed off. “I did what I did out of love. From a good place.”
“But you thought less of Nate,” she said certainly. “He didn’t feel your love, he felt your judgment.”
“Only God can judge people. I know that.” Liam’s eyes flashed angrily.
“You know it in your head, but not where it counts,” Morgan said plainly. “For what it’s worth? I’m not on board with this. Sin - especially the personal, real kind you’re wanting to get into - is meant to be dealt with between the person and God. We haven’t known each other long enough.” Morgan finished, turning to find Nate, where she knew he would be - in the building behind this one - stretching and running laps in the gym. Bryan had come back, so Morgan knew Nate had been successful in distancing himself already.
--
“Did you oversleep again?” Liam asked, as his sister came in wearing what looked like layers of pajama pants and long shirts, soft boots and one of Morgan’s hats. Libby didn’t start class Tuesdays until after their 10 AM Bible study.
“No! I couldn’t find my coat!” Libby protested, laying her cold hands on Liam’s cheeks.
Jess blew in then, her hair an amazing mess, and her cheeks red from the chill. She barely noticed the strange silence in the room, or that Nate was missing.
“Lib, I’m so sorry!” Jess apologized. It was then that Libby’s eyes were drawn to what Jess was carrying.
“Hey! Where’d you find it!” Libby asked, breaking into a smile.
Jess sighed, blowing a hair out of her eyes. “My son was wearing it. I grabbed yours by mistake this morning I was in such a rush, and I must have taken it off when I dropped him at daycare. He was sitting in the middle of the Legos talking to all his friends about his new cape,” she finished apologetically.
“A cape?” Jonathan asked, squinting at the coat Libby slipped into. It wasn’t long. It wasn’t even black.
“It looked like one on him, trust me. He said he was Spiderman. He was busy catching bad guys in his web.”
“Oh no. I don’t even want to know,” Libby denied, cringing.
“Yeah. He found gum in your pocket.” Jess blushed. “The teacher wasn’t very happy.”
Alarmed, Libby scanned her coat for traces of spearmint gum.
“Don’t worry, it all came out. I washed and dried it, and when that didn’t work, I used hairspray to get it off.”
Libby reached out to hug her. “You didn’t have to do that! You’re the best.”
“Sorry I’m so late,” Jess apologized again, looking at her watch to see that there were technically only a couple minutes remaining of Bible study. “Did we miss anything?”
“No,” Legend interjected before anyone else could speak. “Just the usual. I think we’ll probably do something else next week anyway. This week kind of fell flat, right, Liam?”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
“Really? It was that bad? What did you cover?” Jess wanted to know, smiling gratefully as Coby draped his own leather coat over her shivering shoulders.
“Sin,” he said plainly, understanding and respecting Legend’s choice to keep the fallout right where it was, and not cause Nate anymore pain by talking about it to those who weren’t there.
“Oh, gross, I’m glad I missed that!” Libby scoffed. She looked at Liam, “Why do you always pick such depressing subjects?”
“I’m a sinner and I am redeemed,” Jess said, holding a hand up victoriously. “The end.”
Legend felt her eyes fill with tears, wishing Nate were here now to hear how Jess spoke those words. Since she, too, knew how it felt to be judged.
--
Morgan found Nate right where she knew he would be - running laps around the gym - and fell instep beside him. “Hey,” she said breathlessly.
Absently, Nate ran a hand over his face. “Leave me alone,” he said softly. The pain he felt was tangible. He didn’t want Morgan to have to deal with it, too. Though Nate suspected she already had, in her own way.
Morgan fell silent and simply ran beside him until he tired and sat down against the wall.
Nate wiped his face on his shirt and looked at her. “Is it always going to be like this?”
“I hope not,” Morgan said honestly, squeezing his hand.
Nate was silent a few seconds, and then looked her in the eye. “Will you be honest with me?”
“Yeah, I will.”
“What do you think?” Nate asked, not able to hold her gaze with the question. He steeled himself for the answer.
Morgan didn’t flinch. “I believe God created sex to be between a man and a woman. The Bible’s clear on that, and I believe the Bible’s true. I also believe that God doesn’t make mistakes and we don’t know His reasons for a lot of the stuff He does.”
“So, what does that mean?” Nate asked, stretching his long legs out in front of him.
Taking his hand in both of hers, Morgan held it. “It means I love you.” she said looking him in the eye.
Letting out a breath, Nathaniel laid his head on Morgan’s shoulder.
“Why can’t more people be like you?” he asked, and closed his eyes.
--
“Dude. Can you believe he looked at porn?” Aaron exclaimed, walking into his apartment that night, after studying for hours in the library. He knew Coby and Bryan were somewhere around.
Bryan came down the hall, tossing him a bottle of glass cleaner. “Dude. Clean the bathroom. You’re a week late.”
“Did you even hear anything Liam said?” Aaron asked, incredulous. “He looked at porn!”
Coby shoved him a little as he walked through the kitchen. “Man, shut up. So, he looked at porn. Seriously, what guy hasn’t?”
“I’m just saying,” Aaron insisted. “He’s like, the leader of BS and he looked at porn!”
Bryan shrugged. “He’s just a guy. Guys make mistakes.” Turning, he looked at Coby, “A lot of guys might look at it, but not every guy. And just ‘cause a lot do doesn’t make it right.”
“I know,” Coby defended, holding his hands up. “I just don’t wanna hear about it all damn night. I’m taking a shower,” he decided, taking off his shirt, and starting toward the bathroom.
Bryan smiled to himself, as Coby, who left messes everywhere he went, and in fact, was most likely responsible for the majority of the state of chaos the bathroom was in, backed off and hollered for Aaron. “The bathroom’s disgusting, man! I’m not showering ‘til it’s clean.”
“Good luck with that,” Bryan muttered, overhearing Aaron complain about how cleaners gave him a headache.
“There’s seriously a damn mountain of laundry stacked up in the corner! Towels everywhere. I’d be surprised if there’s a clean one anywhere!”
“Did you do the wash?” Bryan asked seriously.
“No, I didn’t do the wash! How the hell am I supposed to do the damn wash when none of it’s in the hamper?” Coby ranted. Shirtless and frustrated, he went to the refrigerator, deciding on and nuking some leftover pizza rolls and sitting across the table from Bryan.
The two ate in silence for a minute, as Bryan checked his phone for missed calls and voice mail. He smiled, and deleted one from Emily about how he should have gotten her a mouse with a cord, because she kept losing it. The next one assured him not to worry, as she found it under her bed.
“So, did you ever talk to Nate?” Coby wondered quietly.
The smile fell from Bryan’s face. “No. Told me to leave him alone, so I did.”
“I don’t think it was messed up that Liam looked at porn,” Coby started, casting a glance at the bathroom where Aaron was busy, “as it was that he tried to pull Nate down with him, so he didn’t have to be alone feeling like shit about himself.”
Bryan shook his head.
“At least Morgan talked to him, though.” Coby said, eating another pizza roll.
“Liam or Nate?” Bryan asked, curious.
“Both, I think. But I meant Liam. If she didn’t, I was going to. He wouldn’t have liked what I had to say,” Coby said, clenching his fist on the table.
--
“Nate, I gotta talk to you,” Liam said seriously, finding him in front of the television watching a soccer game. Though it took all Liam’s control, he forced himself not to be interested in the game and concentrated on Nathaniel.
Averting his eyes, Nate brushed off the concern, getting up. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” he insisted, absolving Liam. That was all he wanted, after all.
Liam followed him into the kitchen, where Nate started putting dishes away.
“Come on, man,” Liam tried. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m heading out,” Jonathan called, grabbing his coat. He knew when it was time to vacate. Serious guy talk was always his cue.
Slamming a glass on the counter, Nate stepped up to Liam so that he was within inches of his face and glared angrily. “Why?” he demanded. “You weren’t sorry this morning. It was a sin this morning,” he insisted, narrowing his eyes. He wanted to aggravate Liam, to hurt him.
“It’s still a sin,” Liam maintained quietly, standing his ground. “But the way I went about it was wrong.”
Just as quickly as he had gotten in Liam’s face, Nate backed off. He turned back to the dishwasher, and started putting silverware away in the drawers.
“We don’t know each other well enough to get real about that kind of stuff.” Liam continued.
Nate clenched his jaw. He didn’t say what he was thinking. That Liam felt like he knew him well enough to make rules that made him feel like less of a human being.
In his pocket, Nate felt his phone vibrate was never more grateful for an interruption. “It’s your sister,” he told Liam, his tone clipped, as he turned and walked to his room, slamming the door before he took the call.
“Hey,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief, as he flopped onto his bed.
On the other end of the call, Nate could hear random sounds as Libby always managed to do twenty other things while talking to him. “So, I was thinking…”
“Wow,” he teased.
“Shut up. Anyway. I was thinking that Christmas break is coming up. We should do something cool. Like, all of us together. Road trip somewhere or something. You know, ‘cause it’ll be the end of the semester and who knows how much we’ll all see each other after that.”
“Sounds cool. Where?”
“I don’t know yet. I thought of asking Morgan, since she travels so much. But I wanted your opinion first,” Libby reasoned, hissing in pain as she burned her mouth on the coffee she’d just reheated.
“Well, my vote’s a foreign country,” he said honestly. “Hey, what about Jess and Christian?”
“What about them? Of course they’d come, too.”
“A road trip with a four-year-old?” Nate asked skeptically. He remembered what he and Joey had been like on even a two-hour car trip to visit relatives.
“He’d love it,” Libby insisted. “And sorry to say, but I think as far in the direction of a foreign country as we’d get is Canada. And even that’s probably a no, since like, none of us have passports except Liam.”
A call came in on Nate’s other line, and he took his phone away to look.
“Libby? Joey’s calling, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Libby agreed. Joey was her age, but months younger so that he was still going to graduate this year, while she had last year.
“Oh, and tell Morgan thank you.” Nate said quickly, before switching over to talk to his brother.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked.
“Not much,” Joey said. “Mom’s on my case ‘cause I brought home a C.”
“In what?” Nate wanted to know.
“Food and Nutrition,” Joey admitted, embarrassed.
Nate’s mouth dropped open. “Josiah, you picked that class. How are you getting a C?”
“Bro, I wanted sympathy, not a lecture!” Joey objected.
“Well, too bad. What’s the deal?”
Joey blew out a breath, disgusted. “Quiche.”
“Quiche? What the hell’s a quiche?” Nate demanded, alarmed.
“I don’t know! Some stupid breakfast thing that’s way too complicated to do in an hour. Plus, it’s like a damn heart-attack waiting to happen! It’s seriously such an artery-clogger, I didn’t want any part of making that, and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna eat it!”
“You sure you sat out on principle and not because it was too hard?” Nate pushed. He knew his brother.
“My dad was proud of me for making a stand,” Joey balked, “And you’re second-guessing me!”
“As long as you didn’t do it to get out of responsibility, I’m proud of you, too.” Nate assured, though his heart clenched at the mention of Joey’s father - making him miss his own. He’d only met him once, years ago. Blinking, he remembered the conversation at hand, “If not, I’m taking you back in there myself to make it up.”
“Shit,” Joey scoffed. “Fine, I’ll make it up.”
“So how’s everything else?” Nate wondered.
“Fine. You gonna be home for Christmas?” he wondered.
Nate smiled, picturing Joey’s spiky blond hair and intense blue eyes, he missed Joey just as much as Joey missed him. Probably more. “Of course I’ll be home. Now get off the phone and do your homework.”
Joey snickered. “You got yours done?”
“No, but I’m in college,” Nate returned gleefully, laughing as Joey hung up.
--
“Code Red,” Morgan announced quietly, clearing her throat and securing her hat lower on her head. Cutting her eyes sideways, she saw Buddy making his way in the study room the group of them - minus Liam - took over every day for at least an hour of time devoted to schoolwork, with each other for company.
Nate looked up from the homework he hadn’t finished after talking to Joey the previous night, to find Buddy studying him seriously. Nate tried not to squirm. He swore he saw the guy nod in approval before letting his attention drift elsewhere as he continued to lean against the doorframe.
“How does he always know where we are?” Libby whispered.
“Emily volunteered it the last time we saw him,” Jess admitted under her breath.
Putting down her pen, Emily stared at them with huge brown eyes. “Guys, come on. He’s just lonely. I know he can make you uncomfortable, but he just…I mean, I don’t know if he knows any better.” Turning, she offered a friendly wave and a smile, “Hey, Buddy.”
Morgan rolled her eyes. “Well, he better learn.”
Ignoring Emily and her pity, he focused on the tiny girl wearing her hair in an afro. It brought him back to the seventies - to his childhood. “Hi…”
Legend was comfortable around most people, but the shy, childish voice coming out of this forty-year-old man sent shivers down her spine. This was the first time he’d come up to the table solely comprised of girls and just lingered there.
“Hey,” Legend said back, busying herself with notes for a psych class.
“What are you doing?”
She didn’t turn around, but felt him lean in over her. He touched the soft afro gently, watching her move her head away slightly, and smiled to himself.
“Studying,” she said shortly. If she didn’t give him the time of day - which she never did - he moved on quicker. His hands were so greasy, Legend had an intense desire to wash her hair.
“Okay, well, I won’t bother you.”
Buddy moved around the big table, brushing Jess’s curls with a hand. Her hair was the color of autumn, and he wished she’d worn it loose. Though his touch was feather-light, Jess felt it, and casually brought the ponytail over her shoulder.
Setting his jaw, he tried to breathe. That bitch was always cold as ice, he reminded himself. Telling himself not to worry about it, he moved on.
He came to an empty chair beside Libby and sat down. “Are you studying too?” he asked.
She stared at him. He was still in his pizza uniform. Red shirt, black apron, hat. He had glasses and a brown moustache. He looked like a total geek, but he made her so uncomfortable. The fact that he was twice her age. The way he looked at her like he wanted to taste her - and like he was barely holding himself back from doing it.
His hand slid under the table, unnoticed by the other girls, coming to rest on Libby’s leg. She glanced around, but the other girls were busy with their faces buried in their books - the guys spread to all corners of the little room.
Libby felt the heat creep into her cheeks, and was nauseous, until he moved his hand away and stood up.
“It’s Morgan, right?” Buddy asked, stopping behind her chair.
Glaring at the menu she was memorizing for work, she ignored him. It pissed her off that he knew her name. She wasn’t going to confirm it for him.
His hand rested on her back, and he rubbed small circles there. She could feel his breath on her neck. She stiffened and turned.
“Take your hands off me,” she told him, so assertively that the guys across the room turned to look.
She had surprised him, she saw. Maybe even hurt his feelings. His eyes were bright - from fear, hurt, or sick pleasure - Morgan didn’t know. But right now, she didn’t care.
“You need to respect people’s personal space,” she told him seriously, not breaking eye-contact.
Since no one else was willing to step up and assert themselves against this guy, Morgan knew someone had to. Taking Emily’s opinion into account, she was much gentler than she would have been - thinking maybe her friend was right. Maybe he just didn’t know. Well, she thought, crossing her arms, he doesn’t have that excuse anymore.
Buddy turned and left then - the injured look still on his face.
“Mo!” Aaron exclaimed. “Why you gotta be so mean?”
Moving quickly, she stood behind him, mirroring what Buddy had done to her, and rubbed the same slow circles on his back. She made sure she was uncomfortably close. “What would you say if I did this?” she demanded.
“I’d say, ‘Oh yeah! Scratch my back, baby!’” Aaron joked, enjoying this.
“Libby, what’s up? It’s okay,” Jess assured, seeing her friend’s bright eyes and flushed cheeks. Jess wasn’t sure if she had moved since Buddy sat down beside her.
“Come on, it’s no big deal,” Jonathan assured. “Besides, Morgan told him off.”
Coming over, Nate took the empty seat beside Libby, and leaned in - in an attempt to make her smile. “He makes me feel dirty,” he confided, smiling a little.
“What?” she asked.
“The way he’s always staring. …And why not?” Nate smiled endearingly and squeezed Libby’s shoulders. “Come on. Spanish?” he wondered, scooting closer.
She nodded.
“Want me to help you?”
At Libby’s nod, they put their heads together and got to work.
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