It’s Thursday and I can’t describe how much it freaks me out. Had no idea of the days the rest of the previous week, but I know it’s Thursday now, and I hate it. My nerves are fried more than usual. At least the pain is better. Still can’t look at myself in the mirror without thinking…that I might be pregnant now. Enough about that. I’m here with Jess and she’s doing pretty good. Talking away, though I admit, I can’t always follow where she goes. It’s okay, though. I’m just happy she knows us. Seems like she’s doing amazingly well, considering what happened to her. Yeah, and the nurses figured it was a good idea to tell her what happened. I don’t think they should have - at least not in the detail they gave. I mean, she doesn’t need to know she was shot, and that we were all there, too, at least not yet. I would have felt more comfortable telling her what Legend told Christian. Gotta go, Jess’s asking me something again. ‘Liam’ seems to be her word of the day, and I haven’t figured out why. To be honest it kind of annoys me, as he keeps calling me, but refuses to actually see me. But whatever, that’s the way he is.
Jess looked at Morgan, repeating the only word she seemed to be able to get out. Morgan was writing in her journal, and that was good. Morgan always did like to write, and Jess had encouraged her to keep doing it. She didn’t want to interrupt what Morgan was doing, but her thoughts seemed permanently stuck on Monday dinner.
She remembered because the nurses told her it had been a few days since she first came in. Somehow, Jess was sure it was Monday, and therefore, the boys’ - or more accurately Liam’s - turn to cook. He never knew what he was doing in the kitchen, but he refused to let Nate or Jonathan help. Nate made French fries and called it a meal, and Jonathan was known to burn water. So Liam was always calling their place and talking to Morgan for advice about whatever he was making. Morgan always got fed up and handed the phone off to Jess.
Jess worried that with both herself and Morgan here in the hospital, Liam would have no one to call. Dinner wouldn’t get made.
Reaching through the railing on the bed, she pulled on the fabric of Morgan’s jeans, where she had her leg propped up so her notebook could rest in her lap.
Morgan glanced up, closing her journal finally, and tucking her pen in the spirals. “What’s up?” she asked, leaning forward.
“Liam…call…” Jess struggled to put words to her millions of questions. Who would Liam call, was the most pressing, so Jess had started there.
“You want to call Liam?” Morgan’s eyebrows drew together in confusion.
Jess shook her head. “Liam…call…” she said again, frustrated that no matter how she tried, she couldn’t make her voice cooperate and inflect that she was asking a question.
“Okay, so Liam,” Morgan started. She had learned fast that it was easiest to take things one at a time, rather than try to guess what Jess was trying to say.
Jess nodded, taking a breath. She had no word for the picture she saw in her head of Liam standing at the stove in his kitchen with various ingredients strewn on the counter, as he tried to put them together into a meal. “His…turn. Monday,” she managed.
Morgan’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she realized Jess was talking about Monday Madness. She didn’t know if her friend would remember the things they did, but apparently her memory was in pretty good shape, especially if she still remembered the previous Monday would have indeed been Liam’s turn to cook. She smiled.
“It’s not Monday right now, it’s Thursday,” Morgan explained patiently. “Liam got out of cooking this week, because we didn’t have Madness. There was too much other stuff going on.”
“Okay,” Jess answered.
Her voice sounded like she was constantly bored, but Morgan learned to watch her body language, and look in her eyes to gauge how she was feeling. Satisfied was what Morgan eventually settled on, as Jess seemed content, and was still for the moment.
“Are you…okay.” Jess wanted to know, struggling to squeeze Morgan’s hand in her own.
The nurses told her that she had been in a room with a bunch of her friends, when she was shot. Morgan seemed okay but also different. More sad.
Sighing, Morgan squeezed Jess’s hand in return. Jess had asked this every day, at least a couple times a day since Monday, when she was finally all the way with it. “I’m okay,” she assured, smiling.
“Good,” Jess nodded. “Everybody,” she wanted to know. Jess hated not knowing where all the important people in her life were.
“Everybody’s okay,” Morgan told her for the millionth time, trying not to be frustrated.
They were quiet a few moments. It was long enough for thoughts of her little boy to fill Jess’s mind, and tears to spring to her eyes. She missed him. She wanted to go home.
“Hey, it’s all right,” Morgan said smoothing Jess’s hair back. She hated seeing Jess upset. She always had. Jess never got upset unless things were really bad. The tears she cried and the hopeless look in Jess’s eyes made Morgan feel totally helpless. Finally, she was reduced to just holding Jess’s hand.
Jess looked away, embarrassed that she always seemed to be crying. She couldn’t be like this. She had to be strong. But she couldn’t help it, especially with Morgan being there for her like this. Everything felt sad and hopeless. Jess could understand the change in Morgan. Life was so much harder now.
“Christian. I want to go…home,” Jess said sadly. She felt out of control and stupid. She couldn’t even make herself be understood most of the time. And she missed her baby. This wasn’t fair.
“I brought you something,” Morgan brightened, remembering what she had tucked in the pocket of her coat.
Jess shook her head. She didn’t want anything but to feel Christian in her arms.
Ignoring Jess’s mood, Morgan took out the piece of paper, and held it open, so Jess could see the drawing of a huge, happy looking heart Christian had drawn, and the message he had painstakingly printed.
I LOVE YOU MOM
CJ
The letters swam around Jess’s brain. She knew what they were, but had no idea the words they made. She touched the heart that was there in red crayon.
Jess’s eyes showed little recognition, and Morgan’s heart sank. “It says, ‘I love you, Mom. CJ.’” she read.
“Love you, too.” Jess’s voice was heavy with emotion, as she touched the picture gently again. “Tell him,” she insisted.
“I will, I promise. And we’ll bring him by soon, so he can see you, okay? Now close your eyes and rest a little while,” Morgan encouraged, relieved beyond words when Jess did.
She excused herself, grateful Jess had been moved out of ICU and into what was called step-down. ICU freaked her out. But step-down kind of sucked. Since the patients weren’t directly by the nurses’ station anymore, it seemed to take forever for one to arrive when Jess needed something. Morgan remembered that morning, when Jess had a headache - how it had taken nearly twenty minutes for them to bring a common, over-the-counter painkiller. It made Morgan want to be by Jess’s side all the time, but she knew the girls expected her home - that Legend was coming to take over here, so Morgan needed to get home.
On the way, she swung by Bryan’s knowing that Coby got out of the hospital today. She hadn’t seen him yet, and wanted to give him a hug - tell him thank you for everything.
“B, get the door!” Morgan heard Aaron shout, when she knocked.
Minutes later it was pulled open, and Morgan was happy to see that Bryan looked better each time she saw him. The sling was off, and he looked happy to see her.
“Hey, Mo!” Aaron crowed from the couch - his bad foot propped up on the kitchen chair that was now doubling as a footstool.
“Hey,” she waved.
Morgan didn’t know why, but it was easier to be around these guys than it was the rest of her friends. Jonathan and Nate were so hurt, and Liam so busy with Libby, and so non-confrontational except when it came to the phone - and her roommates all at different levels of coping… These guys were the only ones Morgan felt comfortable around anymore. Bryan, especially, was good about not hugging her or touching her without asking first. That kind of thing meant the world to Morgan now.
“Got any beer? Hey, Morgantown,” Coby greeted belatedly.
Morgan blinked, as her very drugged-up friend appeared in the living room.
His hair was messy and he was dressed in sweats and an old gray tee shirt. He seemed pale. Morgan studied his eyes, but couldn’t read anything in them.
“It’s that stuff he’s on for the pain,” Bryan whispered. Raising his voice, he continued, “Nope, no booze for you, buddy. You mix that with your cocktail of pain meds, and it’d mean bad news,” Bryan smiled.
Silently, Coby hopped over to the couch, and nudged Aaron’s foot over to make room for his own leg on the small kitchen chair.
“Hey, watch it,” Aaron complained. “And don’t put your sticks there! Last time, they got mixed up and I almost fell on my face, ‘cause I had to use your giant ones.”
Morgan took a seat on Coby’s other side, and Bryan followed suit, filling the space on Morgan’s other side.
“I just wanted to say thanks,” Morgan said softly to Coby.
He looked at her silently. “You’re welcome.” Her words left him stunned.
Though Morgan couldn’t elaborate, she knew that Coby had done his best to keep her safe, and regularly felt the pressure of his hand on the back of her neck. He might never know that his doing that - keeping her from reacting - let her know that the right thing in that situation was to go with the flow. That’s how she had been able to do all those things behind the desk. Coby saved her life that day.
“So, how’s Jess?” Bryan asked, from Morgan’s other side.
Morgan nodded. “She’s better every day. Talked my ear off today. All stirred up that it was Liam’s turn for Monday Madness. Worried he’d have no one to call.”
“It’s not Monday,” Aaron pointed out.
“Yeah, she’s still a little screwy with her days, but I can’t believe she remembered whose turn it was to cook! I hardly remember half the time.”
“That’s ‘cause you never cook,” Aaron pointed out.
Reaching behind Coby, Morgan pinched Aaron’s shoulder.
“Ow! Damn it! I’m injured here,” he whined.
“Who isn’t?” she shot back before she thought better of it. Morgan tensed, hoping none of them would ask how she was.
“That is pretty awesome,” Bryan commented, glad that in spite of everything, Jess was still Jess. “So, she moving out of there anytime soon?”
“Yeah,” Morgan confirmed. “Out of there and to the rehab hospital soon.” She ruffled Coby’s hair as he stared straight ahead at his own reflection in the TV screen, which was blank.
“Oh, hey!” Aaron exclaimed.
Morgan jumped at the sudden shift in volume, and had to force herself to stay seated.
Bryan reached over without saying a word, and laid a calming hand on her shoulder.
“Gabe called me today. He invited us all to church tonight. It’s not like a regular service, just, you know, some worship, some fellowship. Prayer if we want it. I said we’d go.”
“Good luck getting Jon or Nate out in the light of day,” Bryan quipped.
“Or Lib or Emily for that matter,” Morgan put in.
“If Liam goes - if all of us go - they’ll go too,” Aaron decided confidently. “Since it’s off-campus, and not really public knowledge, there won’t be news around either.” he assured. “Legend was worried about it,” he explained, at Morgan’s questioning look.
“What about Jess?” she wondered.
“It starts after visiting hours are done,” Aaron explained apologetically.
She shrugged. “All right, then, I guess we’re all going to church,” she said and got up.
For the first time in days, Morgan felt a twinge of excitement. She couldn’t wait.
--
“I don’t want to go to the car!” Christian wailed, throwing himself on the floor in despair.
It wasn’t fair. They weren’t seeing his mom and that’s where the big girls always went. But Legend was just mean again and said it was too late to visit her, and that they were going to church instead.
Usually, Christian liked to go to church and learn about God, but not without his mom. He hadn’t seen his mom in a lot of days and he missed her and nobody listened about it, so that made him mad and he cried and kicked the way his mom didn’t like. But Legend didn’t say “Straighten up,” like Mom did, she just stood and looked at him like she didn’t like all the noise he made.
Legend looked on, without a clue what to do. As a child, her daddy had no qualms about swatting her behind for a tantrum like this, but Christian wasn’t her son, and Legend knew Jess never raised a hand to him - not even in the name of correction.
“I want to see my mom!” he howled sadly.
“It’s too late at night to see your mom,” Legend told him. Reaching down, she picked him up, grateful that her hand had mostly healed, but praying that he didn’t try to bite it, just the same. “We need to go,” she decided, picking the child up bodily, sighing in exasperation when he went limp in her arms, and just kept bawling.
“I don’t want to go to the car! I want to ride my mom’s bike!” Christian cried desperately, reaching out for it as they passed it in the hall. He rode in the little seat in the back all the time.
“It’s too far to ride a bike,” Legend explained, not at all sure why she was wasting her breath when Christian was clearly hysterical.
She deposited him in the car seat in the back of Coby‘s car, struggling to buckle him in as he writhed around.
Then, she sat and waited as Libby eventually came out with Liam. Legend blinked, not quite believing that Libby still wore the same dark purple sweatshirt and faded blue jeans that looked at least five years old - frayed at the cuffs and the knees. She had changed into them a week ago, and had yet to shower, or change into anything else.
Legend guessed Liam had tried to get her to change many times, but hadn’t yet had success. The two of them got in Liam’s car.
Morgan hurried out then. She dressed typically in no jacket but layers of shirts, dark jeans with a belt, and her hair pulled through the back of her hat. She wore make-up tonight, and that made Legend smile. It was something the old Morgan would have done. Though she despised cosmetics on most occasions, for church, she always wore it.
“Where’s Emily?” Legend asked impatiently, once Morgan let herself in the backseat, sitting beside Christian, and giving him a little kiss, though he pushed her away.
“Hey, lei aloha,” she greeted quietly, speaking into Christian’s ear. Times like this, she figured, he needed to know he was someone’s beloved child.
“Morgan,” Legend repeated loudly, to be heard over Christian’s sobs. “Where’s Emily? We’re gonna be late. The guys already left.”
“She’s probably making sure the door’s locked,” Morgan answered, taking Christian’s orange shampoo out of the deep pocket of her jeans and handing it to him. He was rarely anywhere without it, and the scent seemed to calm him.
“I like how it smells, too,” she told him, as he opened the top and inhaled, quieting immediately.
Morgan didn’t miss the way Legend rolled her eyes in the rearview mirror as Emily finally approached the car and got in.
--
When they arrived, Christian didn’t leave Morgan’s side, so she picked him up and carried her with him, though her body protested. She was getting better, but certain things still brought on pain. She wasn’t about to let Christian walk with one arm around her leg, as he had been doing.
She glanced up, as Belle approached her slowly. “Morgan, right?” she asked with an easy smile.
“Yeah,” Morgan answered, reaching out with a free hand to give Belle a hug. She deserved one after she put up with all Morgan’s crap in the hospital. “Sorry about before,” she apologized.
“Smell this,” Christian urged from between them, shoving his shampoo under Belle’s nose. He liked Belle. She came over before and they played toys together.
“Mmm, that’s really good! I love orange!” she exclaimed. “Do you want me to show you where the kids are playing?” she asked, extending her arms to him.
Christian buried his face in Morgan’s neck. He didn’t want to go away from Morgan.
“He aha no la kou ‘ano?” she asked him gently. What was wrong with his personality, indeed?
Smiling, Christian raised his head and looked at her. He liked it when she talked Hawaii to him. It sounded funny and nice and special all mixed up together.
“Why don’t you go play?” she encouraged. “And I’ll hold onto your orange and keep it safe,” Morgan suggested, gently taking the shampoo bottle from his little hand.
Though a look of concern crossed his face, Christian didn’t protest. Now, in fact, he easily took Belle’s hand and walked with her to meet more kids to play with.
Morgan stiffened, as she felt a hand grab hers as she withdrew it from her pocket. She jerked away hard, feeling her heart race.
“Hey, honey,” Liam greeted, smiling at her, trying to take her hand back. Now that Morgan saw it was him, he was sure she’d be okay. He knew she always hated the pet names, but that was part of their relationship.
“Jesus, Liam! Shit!” she gasped, barely noticing the heads that turned as people milled around her. Tucking her hands back in her pockets deliberately, Morgan clenched her fists. If he tried anything now, she would deck him.
“Morgan!” Liam exclaimed. He dropped his voice. “Don’t do that here. It’s church! It’s not even our own. We’re guests.”
Her dark eyes flashed angrily as Morgan stepped up into his face. “Don’t tell me how to speak,” she growled, “and don’t put your hands on me.” She brushed past him and into the sanctuary, removing her hat. Her hands shook as she made sure her ponytail was secure behind her head.
Gabe and Elise looked around, shocked and saddened, but encouraged that so many of their peers from High City had come tonight. Gabe counted, and felt sure that Jess was the only one missing. He’d seen Belle with Jess’s little boy, walking him over to the part of the sanctuary where the kids often played and worshiped together. He thought back to the most-recent news report. The fund that had been set up in Jess and her son’s name, to help cover medical and other costs, as she was the sole provider, and was unable to work, while incurring major debt. He had donated his entire paycheck, and might continue to do so until the Lord had him stop. There were better uses for money that someone’s own selfish desires. Belle taught him that.
Emily stood among the people, feeling edgy and uncertain. Anxiety had never been a problem for her before. But now, surrounded on all sides, she felt in danger. It reminded her of hiding with the guys under that table. She glanced around for Bryan or Aaron, or even Jonathan knowing they had traveled separately.
Bryan was on his knees as a simple praise song played, asking God to open heaven’s floodgates. He pounded the carpet helplessly with his fists until the Gabe guy who had stayed with them for a bit after everything came over and gently laid a hand on his back. Then, Bryan relaxed, as Gabe hugged him, and Emily watched in shock as tears ran down her friend’s face. She had never seen him cry before. Jonathan had, and even Aaron had, as he stared off at nothing that day in the dark, but she had never seen Bryan get emotional. Emily turned away.
Aaron sat in a pew, Bible open in his lap as he searched intently for a scripture. That was like him, and Emily felt a little comfort.
Next, she searched for Jon, but couldn’t find him anywhere. Nate was missing, too.
Just beside Emily, Libby stood. Her hair was in her eyes, and it was obvious that she hadn’t showered for a week. Emily felt bad for her, watching her stand there, looking lost, worrying the cuff of her sweatshirt, like a little kid with a blanket for comfort. Emily saw Libby shift away from Liam, who stood close to her. He was almost always behind her with his hands on her shoulders or his arms around her from behind. Now, he wasn’t touching Libby, but it apparently wasn’t enough, as she tried to distance herself from him even further. Luckily, Liam seemed absorbed in praying and didn’t notice.
Coby sat behind her sideways in a pew, with his leg propped up. His head was in one hand, and he seemed not able to hear the music at all. Emily didn’t think he knew he was crying.
Morgan sat behind him, her tears flowing openly, as she rested her cheek on Coby’s back. Emily wondered what was making her so sad - if it was the music, Jess in the hospital, or just the entirety of what had happened to all of them. Emily wondered if it was finally starting to hit them. She blinked as Elise, that other girl who attended here, and had done things to help them out, went over and sat beside Morgan. Emily was surprised when Morgan shifted enough to put an arm around Elise, who just sat beside her, not speaking.
Legend stood boldly near the front of the sanctuary, her hands raised, and her eyes closed as she sang along to words Emily was pretty sure she’d never heard before. Even though she was physically the smallest, Emily felt she was the strongest of them here. She wasn’t crying. She didn’t flinch when someone came in their apartment or panic and try to take cover when a car backfired on campus, the way Emily had. She was just steady. She held them together now that Jess was away.
In the back of the sanctuary, where no one looked, Nate and Jonathan sat near each other. Nate was curled in the dark corner of a pew which sat against the back wall, and Jon sat nearby, also grateful for the shadows.
Jonathan had not wanted to come tonight. He could see why Liam did, but didn’t see why he had to pull his seniority crap, and say they all had to go. He was the same age as Liam, and Nate was only a year younger anyway. It didn’t make sense. But Liam had badgered them relentlessly until they both gave in and came.
It was Jon’s first time out of the house, and he found that now, instead of looking at people’s bodies, or their clothes or faces, he studied the ground, and couldn’t pick his head up until he was successfully hidden in the back. He wasn’t all that into church to begin with, but he liked Liam and respected him, so he went, though Jonathan couldn’t understand his friends’ emotional responses. He really felt empty. He had nothing now that he and Ashley were apart. Neither made it official. It just was what it was. Jonathan’s insides twisted painfully.
Jon made a point not to look in the mirror. Once was enough for him to understand why Ashley had avoided looking at him. He used to look awesome - a little baby-faced maybe but that wouldn’t have been a bad thing come his thirties and forties. Now he was repulsive. Jonathan reminded himself of that hunchback thing that lived in the bell tower of a church. If this church had a bell tower, he felt sure he’d be exiled there if any of the congregants saw his face, and the nasty long scar he was left with after he was all but propositioned by a hostage-taking-rapist-psycho.
Nathaniel sat quietly, curled in the corner. He didn’t know why, but he always felt like he stood out in a room. Now, with all the TV coverage, he was sure everyone would notice him. His height, and his appearance in general gave him up, so he wore grungy clothes, tee shirts and sweats, in order to blend. The only thing Nate found comfort in was that no one knew how he’d been hurt that day. Not even his friends.
At this point, his spirit was hurt far more than his body. Buddy’s words - which he had blocked out that day - came back to Nate in his dreams. In fact, they came to mind more and more when Nate was awake.
Ducking his head, Nate covered his ears, blocking the barrage of hate-speech his mind spewed back to him in Buddy’s voice.
Jon blinked as he watched Nate shift into himself, putting his arms up to cover his head.
Reaching over, Jon put a hand on his back, and left it there, trying to ignore the feelings of panic and anxiety that overcame him as Nathaniel jerked away. Jonathan was a straight guy touching a gay guy.
Nathaniel closed his eyes, finally leaning into the touch. People - especially other straight guys - didn’t touch him. They felt like it would make their manhood questionable. Yet here was Jonathan, someone who always had an issue with Nate, reaching out to give him comfort. Something inside him broke a little. He was so grateful that tears fell.
No, Jonathan corrected himself - as Nate leaned forward, resting his forehead on Jon’s shoulder - he was just a guy comforting another guy. A friend comforting a friend.
--
They didn’t end up spending a long time at church, especially after Nate spotted a man leaning in the doorway of the sanctuary, quietly watching. It reminded him of Buddy, and was so disturbing, he risked being seen by everyone to talk to Legend about leaving then.
“Hey,” Nate said uncomfortably, touching Legend’s shoulder.
Legend turned at the faint voice she heard behind her, and saw Nate, all but wringing his hands as he waited for her to address him.
“What’s up?” she asked easily, trying to calm him.
“There’s a guy right there,” he mumbled, gesturing vaguely with his head in the direction of the doors.
“There’s a what?” Legend asked. She had forgotten his tendency to speak fast and softer than usual when he was nervous.
Nate nodded toward the door again, this time, angling his chin directly toward the guy leaning in the doorway. “A guy. Right there,” he said, forcing himself to slow down so she could understand and they could get the hell out of there.
Even though he and Jon had ridden with Liam, he knew he couldn’t explain to him why he wanted to leave. But Legend had understood, and quickly went to gather her friends, telling them that Christian was getting tired, which was true. He was usually in bed at the time he was throwing his tantrum before they left at eight o’clock that evening. Legend didn’t want any of her friends to notice the guy standing in the doorway - she knew it would freak them out. So she led the way out of a different door.
But Emily noticed him, and that night lying in bed, she hadn’t been able to fall asleep for a long time. She got up over and over to see if the doors and windows were locked, though they lived on the third floor.
When sleep finally did come for her, Emily fell headlong into a horrible nightmarish flashback of the events in the study room. Except they happened in the church. Buddy was alive again and lingering in the doorway. Only herself, her friends, and Christian were there. He stared at them a long time, and then she saw him take out the gun.
But her friends just went on as usual. No one reacted. So Emily knew she had to. She got up, and went to Libby who was closest to her, urging her up.
Libby gasped as Emily stood over her, shaking her from sleep. She had been dreaming of her neighbor touching her when she was child. He was wearing a Ninja Turtle mask, like Liam had owned as a little kid. When he’d taken the mask off, he turned into Buddy.
“He’s here. We gotta hide,” Emily urged in a terrified voice.
Libby’s heart skipped. She felt herself being taken against her will, just like Buddy had done, and the neighbor before that, to play the games she didn’t like. She had fought the neighbor once, and he had taken out his gun - the one he told her he would use to kill her brother - and held it to Libby’s head, making the trigger click. Nothing happened, but it had scared her into cooperating every time somebody stronger took her somewhere even if she didn’t want to go. Libby did the only thing she knew to do. She blocked everything out, and forced her mind to go blank. Stuff didn’t matter if you didn’t think about it. Emily’s grip was strong, as she pulled Libby out of bed, and hid them both in the small closet, shaking as she pulled the doors closed. By then, Libby’s mind was empty of everything except doing what she had to in order to survive. Being still and keeping quiet. She knew the rules. She just hoped this game would be over soon.
Emily heard shots, and knew they were going to be killed. Covering her ears, she screamed, as she heard the same horrible sounds she had heard the first time.
--
Legend sat up at the sound of Emily’s piercing scream. She knew all her friends’ voices - and thanks to the terror they endured together - now Legend knew their screams as well.
She leapt from bed and ran to the room the youngest girls shared, to find both of their beds empty. Her heart pounding, Legend returned to Jess and Christian’s room.
Beside her, Christian was awake and in tears - frightened by the loud screams in the dark. He clung to Legend like a koala. “Mommy,” he whimpered.
“I know,” Legend soothed, though her own heart raced. She had no idea what was going on. When Emily screamed again, Legend cringed as Christian’s fingernails dug into her neck. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she soothed.
But was it? Legend had no way to know. Her own common sense was skewed now because of what they had all endured. Her first priority was keeping Christian safe. If something was going on - if someone was in the house - she was going to keep him with her no matter what.
“Mom!” Emily cried frantically, as Libby sat motionless beside her in the darkness of the cramped closet.
With that single word, Legend understood that somewhere in the house, Emily was having a nightmare. Her heart still raced with residual fear as she reached for her phone.
Christian shuddered, sobbing into Legend’s neck.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Legend reassured, stroking his sweaty back. “Emily’s just having a bad dream. She’s scared.” As she spoke, Legend reached for her cell phone.
With Emily still screaming at random intervals, Legend realized this was bad. She wasn’t about to leave Christian alone, or take him with her to find where Emily and Libby were. Through blurry eyes, she scrolled through names in her phone book until she found Belle’s.
Though it was near one o’clock in the morning, Legend knew she couldn’t call any of her other friends now. They would be just as panicked in this situation, she was sure.
“Belle, it’s Legend,” she said when a very tired Belle answered the phone. “We have a situation. Can you come?” she asked, as another one of Emily’s scared yelps filled the silence, giving Legend chills. It was like the sound Jess made when she’d been shot.
“Yeah. What’s going on?” Belle wondered, feeling around in the dark for her boots and coat.
“Emily’s having a nightmare. She’s somewhere in the house, and I have no idea where. Libby’s gone, too. Christian’s scared, and I can’t leave him to look for them.”
“I’m gonna go by and pick up Elise, too.” Belle decided, already getting in her car. Elise had first-hand experience in nightmares - probably more than Belle herself did. “We’ll be there as fast as we can,” Belle promised, and hung up to call Elise.
--
Elise sat in the passenger side of Belle’s old maroon car calling Robby. Belle had said one of the girls, Emily, was having a nightmare. Elise wanted to go in prepared. She needed to know what her brother and Kylie did for her when she had one.
“Hello?” Rob asked, half-awake.
“Robby, it’s me.” Elise said quickly, as Belle drove way too fast in order to get to the apartments where the girls all lived.
Sitting up, Rob rubbed his eyes. “Hey, Lisey. What‘s up?” he said, keeping his voice calm, though his heart was racing. His sister wouldn’t call at one o’clock in the morning just to say hi.
“What did you used to do for me when I was having a nightmare?”
Rob blinked. It had been so long. He thought a moment. Elise’s tone of voice let him know she needed the information fast. “I didn’t really do very much,” he admitted. “I never could without scaring you. But I always made sure the door was shut and locked, ‘cause you were always trying to run. I had to look for you in other places. You were never in bed, you were always under it or hiding somewhere. Once, I found you in my closet.”
Elise cringed. She didn’t like remembering those times, but she needed to know this stuff to help Emily.
“Kylie would probably know more. You took help from her better than anyone,” Rob said, stifling a yawn.
“Okay. Well, I’m gonna call her. Belle and I are on the way to help out a friend. She has nightmares, too.”
“Tell Belle to drive safe. You two take care. Love you.”
Elise slid her eyes to Belle, knowing she wouldn’t ask her to slow down. “Love you, too.”
Quickly, Elise called Kylie and waited.
Kylie picked up even faster than Robby had.
“’Lise? What is it, baby?” Kylie asked, making Elise smile. Kylie had always been more a mother than a sister, and Elise loved that about her.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Elise apologized. “I just need to know…like…how you
used to help me when I had a nightmare. Belle and I are on our way to help a friend.”
“It’s those kids you’re helpin’.” Kylie surmised.
Kylie closed her eyes. The heaviness that had settled in her chest since she heard about the shootings on that campus near Elise, Belle and Gabe hadn’t gone away. Kylie knew that they knew a couple of the kids, and had been helping out where they could, Elise taking phone calls for the girls, Belle bringing groceries, and Gabe staying with the guys. She could imagine the nightmares those kids would suffer after being so scared.
“Okay, let me see,” Kylie sat up, willing her mind to think back. “Whenever you had trouble sleepin’ I’d get low. If I stood, it’d scare you more, so I made myself small as I could. I came to you slow and talked to you real quiet. If you let me, I held you. But everybody’s different,” Kylie cautioned.
Elise nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Kylie.”
“I love you, baby. Give Belle my love, too.”
“I will,” Elise promised and hung up the phone.
She looked out the window and knew they were almost there. Then Elise turned to Belle as they were pulling into the parking lot.
“Kylie loves us,” Elise told her friend, smiling.
Belle’s heart warmed. “I love her, too.” She wondered if Kylie would ever know how much she, Rob and Elise meant to her. How much their love and support had helped change her life.
--
They arrived fifteen minutes later, as Legend waited at the door to let them in. Belle was in fancy Disney princess pajamas and Elise in a long tee shirt and green and blue plaid pajama pants. Belle wore fuzzy slippers, and Elise wore tennis shoes, the laces untied and tucked in. Both girls’ hair was so sleep-tossed it would have been entertaining and comment-worthy but not at this moment. It might as well have taken them an eternity, as Emily hadn’t stopped screaming and now had dissolved into tears. Christian was inconsolable, crying for Jess, and Legend’s nerves were frayed to the max. She could only pray Morgan still slept like a log - and hadn’t stirred through all this chaos.
Legend saw both girls and was grateful beyond words to have help so fast. “I don’t know where they are,” she explained helplessly. “I’ve got to try and get this guy back to sleep.”
Elise looked at Legend and saw that even she looked shaken by everything going on. Christian was wrapped around her neck like some kind of baby animal, and Elise doubted Legend could have put him down even if she wanted to. Her hair was really crazy and frizzy, even worse than Missy’s when she came once in the middle of the night. Legend’s eyes were swollen, and made Elise wonder how long she’d been crying.
“We got this,” Belle reassured her. “We’ll take care of it, okay?”
“Thank you so much.” Legend said, blowing out a breath. “If it gets to be too late, you can just crash here. My bed‘s free, and so is the couch.” She turned and scanned the living room, spying her guitar case in the corner and taking it with her into the bedroom.
Christian was still a mess, but Legend managed to untangle him from her, with the promise of a special song on the guitar.
She knew one by a well-known artist, that Jess and Christian often sang together before bed. He had asked Legend each night to sing it with him, but she had no singing voice whatsoever. What she did have was a little talent on guitar, and had gotten into Jess’s music collection and found the song they sang together, listening to it, until Legend was sure she could strum the chords accurately, and possibly hum along.
Legend started playing chords to the song that always reminded her of a lullaby. The lyrics always brought tears to her eyes, so she was grateful not to be singing.
When she was done, Christian stared at her with wide-awake eyes. “That’s Mom’s song,” he said. His tears were long-forgotten by the time the melody ended. “Play it again?” he asked, snuggling in beside his friend Legend. She was doing a good job doing mom stuff, even though he still missed his real mom.
Relieved that she didn’t hear any screaming at the moment, Legend obliged, playing the music until she felt Christian’s little body relax against her side.
--
Belle and Elise moved cautiously to the room Legend told them belonged to Emily and Libby. Stopping in the doorway, Belle turned on the light and glanced around. Both beds were empty. There was no trace of either girl.
Elise walked in, as Belle continued to hedge by the door. She checked all the corners, behind the door and under each bed. Then, her eyes fell on the closed closet door, and she gestured to Belle, speaking softly.
“Come in here and close the door,” she whispered. “And stay there. Just in case she tries to leave or something.”
Her expression confused, Belle stood guard by the closed door, feeling silly and scared in her Disney princess pajamas.
She didn’t bother asking how Elise knew where they were. Belle knew she had a sixth sense about this stuff - that was why she brought her along.
Cautiously, Elise opened the closet door, and immediately crouched in front of the two shaking girls. “Are you okay?” she asked Libby quietly. She was, without question, awake, but stayed still and quiet, fear frozen in her eyes, while beside her, Emily was still in the grips of her nightmare.
Elise turned slightly. “Libby’s here,” she told Belle.
Stepping forward, Belle extended a hand, and Libby took it, grateful that someone had come to help her, even if she didn’t know who it was at the moment.
With Libby being taken care of, Elise focused on Emily. She could see that the light from the room and the sound of people’s voices were already having some effect.
“Emily? It’s Elise. Are you awake?” she asked gently, careful not to touch her yet.
“Oh my God,” she whimpered, breaking down again, but Elise could see she was alert and probably just scared. “Oh my God.” Emily repeated.
Slowly, Elise leaned forward, taking Emily in her arms, just holding her. Elise knew that at times like these, words really didn’t help. By the time you were awake, you knew the dream wasn’t real, but it rarely mattered.
“I want my mom,” Emily cried helplessly, her breath hitching.
Elise nodded. “You can call her,” she assured, knowing that if Emily had a mom like Kylie had been for her, she wouldn’t mind phone calls in the early-morning hours. Offering what support she could, Elise helped Emily to her feet and led her to the kitchen, leaving Belle with Libby, hopeful that now Libby might be able to get some sleep.
“Are you okay?” Belle asked shifting on the bed, taking the younger girl’s hand in her own. Libby was worrying a hole in the cuff of her purple sweatshirt. “Do you want to call your mom, too?” she asked.
“No,” Libby took her hand away and turned toward the wall. She didn’t want anything, especially for her mom to know anything about how she was now. “I’m okay,” she assured hollowly. “You can go.”
But Belle stayed. And Libby didn’t protest.
--
Legend crept quietly out of the room where Christian slept and closed the door behind her. Things were calmer now. She walked past the kitchen and saw Emily on the phone, as Elise stood close by, stroking her back. Belle and Libby weren’t there, and Legend assumed Libby was okay - if Belle was there, she should be.
Moving quickly down the little hallway, Legend opened the door to the room she shared with Morgan. She had to check on her friend.
Legend heard Morgan before she saw her. The sound of ragged, rapid breaths drew Legend’s gaze to the bed where Morgan sat, bent almost double, her arms wrapped around her middle.
Closing the door softly, to keep out any sudden noise, Legend approached the bed slowly, “Hey, Morgan? Everything’s cool,” she said, doing her best to make her voice sound calm, even though she wasn’t.
It struck Legend belatedly that Morgan had been sleeping in a hat - all her hair tucked up under it. Though Legend didn’t understand, she suspected Buddy was behind the act somewhere. It was a knit winter hat, nondescript and brown. Legend wondered which friend she borrowed it from.
Morgan’s eyes flashed with terror, as she tried in vain to catch her breath. “Don’t touch me,” she begged desperately, clutching the sheets in her hands. She didn’t want anyone - not even Legend - knowing that she was fully clothed, and couldn’t stand feeling her long hair down her back, even as she slept.
“Calm down,” Legend said evenly, walking over to her bed, though Morgan thrust out a hand to keep her back. “Can you hear me?” Legend pressed, sitting down.
Morgan stiffened. “Get…away from me!” she managed, growing lightheaded.
Ignoring Morgan’s pleas, Legend gathered up her friend, and gave her an order in a gentle encouraging voice. “Put your head down and breathe.” she urged calmly, coaxing Morgan to lay her head on Legend’s shoulder, with a little push.
“Legend, don’t!” Morgan exclaimed, still short of breath.
“You know it’s me, and I won’t hurt you. Now put your head down,” Legend repeated firmly. When Morgan did, Legend continued. “Now breathe. Feel how I’m breathing? Breathe like that.”
Morgan closed her eyes, trying to match her own breaths with the rise and fall of Legend’s chest. When she tensed, Legend held on a little tighter.
“Emily had a nightmare. But it’s fine. No one got hurt, okay? Nothing’s gonna happen.”
Morgan nodded against her friend’s shoulder, grateful to finally have an explanation for the horrible screams that had awakened her a half-hour earlier. “Okay,” she managed. “Okay. Everything’s cool.”
“Yup, everything’s cool,” Legend repeated, rocking back and forth a little. “Belle and Elise are here with Emily and Libby, and Christian’s asleep.” she explained as she felt Morgan’s breathing finally even out.
When Legend left several minutes later, she failed to notice Morgan who followed like a shadow, wrapped in her comforter, and carrying her pillow. Slipping in the room behind Legend, Morgan soundlessly put her pillow down, and fell asleep in minutes in the space between the bed and the wall.
The next morning, Legend found both Morgan and Christian asleep on the floor in the nest of Morgan’s comforter. Absently, Legend hoped that Belle - who she’d seen sleeping on the couch the previous night when Legend got up to check on things - would have realized there was another empty bed. She smiled even as tears welled in her eyes at the thought of Christian noticing Morgan asleep on their floor and getting out of bed to join her, so she wouldn’t feel cold or alone.
Wiping tears from her eyes, Legend silently made the bed, and slipped out, closing the door behind her. They both needed to sleep. And they needed each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment