Mercy: Chapter 7

We shall find peace. We shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.
- Anton Chekhov

Over the next couple of days, Belle’s visits and calls tapered off. She hoped that Elise would be so busy with school and occasional trips to the hospital for check-ups that she wouldn’t notice Belle’s absence. Andrew certainly didn’t seem to care that Belle was even more withdrawn than usual.

But Elise did notice. Belle wasn’t acting like herself. She was breaking plans, and she sounded preoccupied more than she used to. Belle tried to dismiss Elise’s concerns, telling her it was due to finals and school stress. Belle mentioned caroling with her choir class with the same excitement she’d relayed her slow death in algebra - it just wasn’t like her.

Elise thought of getting Missy to intervene, and figure out what was going on. But Missy had her own life to lead. Besides that, Belle didn’t seem as close to Missy as in the past. Andrew was by himself more than Elise could ever recall.

So when Mikhail decided to have a Christmas party in addition to their regular meeting, Elise decided she would do some investigating, after making sure Belle really was going to be there.

Since this get-together was going to be at Mikhail’s instead of Micah’s, Gabe went on the internet and got general directions for everyone, and mailed them out.

A week before Christmas, they gathered at Mikhail’s house. Since this was an exception to regular social stuff, everyone made an effort to show up, and it was a crowded and happy time.

Kenzie couldn’t tear herself away from Mikhail and his wife Maria’s daughter, Alyona. The little girl was nearly two, and spoke a confusing mix of Russian and English, and she toddled from room to room, giving Kenzie a tour of the house.

Alyona - or Aly, as Kenzie had decided to call her - was a beautiful little girl. White blonde curls danced on her head, and her big blue eyes dominated her face, and Kenzie was perfectly content chasing her around, and exclaiming, “Spaseebo!” whenever she was given something. It was the only Russian she knew - the word for “thank you” but that worked just fine, as Aly had a good grasp of English as well.

“Mack! Again!” Alyona invited, balancing on chubby legs, and waiting to be chased, captured, and tickled.

“Mack?” Alex wondered. “Who calls you that?” She sat on a couch, quietly sipping hot cider.

Not long ago, she would have joined Kenzie in the fun game, and probably enjoyed herself. Now, she sat on the couch like a stuffy adult, commenting on how good the cider was.

“Little kids!” Kenzie exclaimed. “She’s two years old, she can’t say Kenzie,” she defended smiling.

Suddenly, Kenzie dove off the couch, catching Aly in her arms and sending her into fits of giggles.

“She gonna sleep at your house now,” Mikhail warned, playfully. “You stay up and play with her, and then she never goes to sleep.”

Kenzie laughed. “Yes you will,” she told Aly endearingly. “You’ll be a good girl for Papa, won’t you?” Quietly, Kenzie let her fingers creep over the baby’s tummy like a spider, searching for a good spot to tickle.

“Papa!” Alyona squealed, sounding like a crazy child. She careened into Mikhail’s legs, and spoke to him in rapid Russian.

Mikhail looked amused. “She ask me to hide her from you. She even say please.” His eyes danced at the humorous situation.

Scooping up his daughter, he set her beside Alex, in the spot where Kenzie had been. “You sit by Sasha,” he encouraged.

“I have this?” Alyona asked, her head bobbing up and down ridiculously as she fingered Alex’s necklace with remarkable self control.

“No,” Alex told her seriously. “I have this.”

Sighing dramatically, Alyona got down from the couch and went in search of someone else to play with.

It didn’t take her long, as Josh was pulled up to the table, enjoying the little Russian pastries, and completely ignoring the assortment of Christmas cookies.

“So, you celebrate on a different day than us, too, right? On New Year’s Eve or something?” he questioned, setting his food aside, and adjusting so he could pick up the toddler who stared at him with adorable eyes.

She was light enough that he could pull her onto his lap once she had been coaxed into standing on his foot pedals.

“Hey cutie,” he greeted, offering her a pastry. “Can you say Joshy? That’s what my name is.” he explained.

“My name is…” she parroted, adjusting herself in her frilly green dress so she was comfortable.

He laughed, despite the fact that her patent leather shoes were digging into his leg. “Joshy,” he tried again, struggling to keep hold of the squirmy girl.

“Dossy.” she repeated distractedly, digging out the cottage cheese and other filling from the middle of the pastry and eating it.

“Pretty smart,” Mikhail praised. “Not many people know that in America.”

Josh shrugged, “I like culture. It’s interesting.” He shifted in the chair, finally accepting defeat, and handed Alyona back to Mikhail.

--

Belle stood leaning against a wall in the corner. She doubted anyone remembered her coming in there in the first place. Andrew was in the living room talking to Jared, and that was just weird. Not that Andrew shouldn’t have been speaking to Jared, but that he would choose to, when he hadn’t even said hello to her.

She sneaked another glance around the corner, to see what Rob was doing. She didn’t want to be around to irritate him, but everyone had been invited, and it was sort of a big deal, so she’d come, knowing that Rob, Elise and Kylie would be there.

Elise was sitting in a folding chair, beside Ryan. They were both dressed up. Elise wore a short-sleeved dark blouse and tan pants. Ryan looked especially impressive in an off-white turtle neck sweater and dark slacks. He also wore a brown beret that looked nearly identical to one Chris owned.

Ryan and Elise looked deep in conversation, but they laughed often, which made Belle happy, despite the fact that she was very much alone.

She studied her appearance. For all intents and purposes, Belle decided she looked elegant and together. She wore a claret colored dress, made of satin. She’d taken great care in making her hair style intricate and beautiful. The dress wasn’t particularly slimming, but that was okay. Belle still thought she looked nice, though no one had told her as much. She knew it was because she dressed up all the time, and that on her, extravagant was normal, and not worthy of a comment.

Belle heard Julia’s voice behind her, and stiffened a bit. Julia had made it her duty to help Maria as much as possible, and was the picture of service and support. Momentarily, Belle felt closed in with Rob in one room, and Julia just next to her, but Belle kept her composure. She knew it was silly to think that she might still be in trouble, particularly with Rob, but she couldn’t help avoiding him.

The whole mess with Rob had turned Belle’s stomach, and she found herself praying that she wouldn’t have to be in his vicinity for any length of time. It had been years since she’d felt intimidated by a man, and Belle had hoped she would never experience it again. But it had happened again, and for much the same reason.

She wasn’t being the adult she was expected to be.

--

“Okay everyone!” Kenzie announced loudly. “My Christmas present to everybody is free back rubs! But I’m only giving three, so get ‘em while they’re hot! Alex, you’re first.” she decided.

“If you pick who gets ‘em, how is that a present?” Chris wondered good-naturedly.

“Because! I get to bless you!” Kenzie explained happily massaging Alex’s shoulders.

Surprisingly, Alex relaxed into the contact, having forgotten how much she missed being touched.

“You look nice tonight,” Kenzie complimented softly.

Alex laughed self-consciously. “I know. Amazing, right?” Though she had taken more care than usual with her appearance, Alex wasn’t normally praised about her appearance and she knew it.

Kenzie’s comment - as well-intentioned as it was - made Alex all too aware of how much she was letting herself go recently. She knew she rarely took care with her appearance anymore - not that she used to, but nowadays, Alex had discovered a new low.

But tonight she’d worn a blouse and skirt, along with a little jewelry. Which Mikhail’s baby had been ogling shamelessly, but that was fine. Alyona didn’t know any better.

For now, Alex simply let herself be pampered by Kenzie, who took extra time and care working out the various knots and stiffness in her back and neck.

“If you want, I’ll give you three backrubs worth…” Kenzie offered, looking across the room to see that people were following suit and most of the girls were massaging one another’s shoulders. Kenzie felt she could legitimately offer her services to Alex - as Alex seemed to be more in need than any of the rest. Because she hadn’t asked, or spoken up. And because a month ago, she would have.

“Thanks,” Alex replied gratefully, surprising both of them.

“So, how’s life?” Alex asked.

“…It’s fine,” Kenzie allowed, “I quit the band.”

“No, you didn’t,” Alex denied. Turning, she looked Kenzie in the eye. “When did this happen?”

“Pretty recently.”

“How’d the guys handle it?” Alex wondered, knowing if they were the same guys she remembered meeting several years ago, they wouldn’t have handled it well.

“They didn’t,” Kenzie acknowledged. “They didn’t see it coming at all…and it’s not like I gave them a heads-up or anything.”

“Are you okay with it?” Alex pressed.

“If I wasn’t okay with it, I wouldn’t have done it.” Kenzie reasoned matter-of-factly. “It just needed to happen. The band wasn’t the right place for me. There was no depth.”

“Yeah, I can understand that, I guess.” Alex considered. “I can understand that.”

--

“So, how is it living with your brother?” Ryan asked. He and Elise had been talking for about the last half-hour, and had grown comfortable around one another.

Elise shrugged. “It’s cool. I don’t get to stay out late or have wild parties or anything, though,” she explained, feigning regret. “No, I’m just kidding, I never would do that. It’s just…that’s what most people assume when they know I live with my brother and not my parents.”

“Can I ask you something?” Ryan inquired seriously.

Elise nodded.

“Rob said you were scared of me.”

She nodded again - this time, Ryan noticed her fingers in her hair, absently massaging a certain place.

“Was it the tattoos?”

“Yeah,” she managed, not wanting to make too much out of it. “When I don’t have to see them it’s easier to talk to you.”

Ryan grinned crookedly. “So, you’re liking the sweater, then, I take it?”

“Definitely. You’re rocking the cable-knit tonight,” Elise laughed.

Ryan shifted. “Well, listen… I’m sorry if we got off on the wrong foot because of that whole thing.”

“It’s cool, don’t worry about it.” Elise dismissed.

“Your relationship’s not great with your parents?” Ryan asked, changing the subject suddenly.

Elise looked surprised, but recovered quickly. “That’s putting it mildly. My real dad died when I was six. Then it was just my mom and my brother. Then my brother left, and my mom met somebody. They intended to get married, or eloped or some stupid thing. Once it got more serious, or whatever, he decided that he wanted me to move out, so it could just be them.”

“At how old?” Ryan wondered, skeptical.

“Sixteen. When I didn’t leave, he started hitting me,” she relayed, the words coming much more easily now.

“That’s why you live with your brother?”

“Basically. He almost killed me…so…” Elise trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

“And he had tattoos,” Ryan guessed, knowing Rob had told him much the same thing already.

“Yeah…”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’m not the greatest conversationalist. This is probably the last thing you want to be discussing right now.”

Elise shrugged. “Actually, recently I’ve been getting pretty upset about it. Especially since my mom decided to invite herself over recently. Talking about it’s like an outlet or something.”

“Well, I’m just glad I’m not making things worse for you.” Ryan said, relieved.

She shook her head. “You’re not. I like talking to you.”

“Thanks,” he returned, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

--

“What are you doing out here?” Elise asked, half an hour later. She had asked where Belle was, and no one seemed to know.

“Just people watching,” Belle shrugged. She hadn’t moved from her post against the wall in the kitchen.

“Why aren’t you talking to people, instead of watching them?” Elise wondered gently. She knew something was off with Belle, she just hadn’t figured out what yet. She caught Kylie’s eye and remembered the reason for her visit. “Actually, I have to get going,” Elise apologized. “I just wanted to find you before I left.” Reaching out, Elise moved toward Belle for a quick hug.

Belle pulled back, feeling the hiss of air through her clenched teeth. She was so grateful that by now the kitchen had emptied and everyone was talking in the other room. Her hands went up in a defensive manner, and Elise looked confused.

“Not right now,” Belle said, wishing her voice didn’t come off so cold.

Elise nodded, knowing better than to press the issue. “Okay. Call me later, though.”

Belle returned the nod stiffly, wishing she hadn’t given Josh a ride so she could just leave right now. But it was barely 9:00 and she had planned to stay at least another hour.

--

Elise returned home with her brother to find their answering machine light blinking.

“Robby!” she hollered obnoxiously. “Check the machine!”

They passed each other in the hall, Rob heading toward the kitchen, and Elise continuing a few more steps and then stopping to listen.

There was a long beep, and then Belle’s voice. Elise was surprised, and apparently so was Rob. She figured they were both subconsciously expecting their mother to call again.

“Hey, Rob… This is Belle. Just wanted to offer an apology again for what happened the other day. I wasn’t being responsible, and you were right to think you couldn’t trust me. I was wrong, and I acted like a child instead of an adult you thought you could trust. Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m at fault and I take responsibility.”

The machine clicked as Belle hung up. Elise made her way back to the kitchen, where Robby was staring at the little box with a regretful look on his face.

“What did you say to her?” Elise asked, feeling anger rise in her. Belle hadn’t sounded like herself for days, and Elise was almost sure it was because of this. Her stomach churned hearing her friend sound so submissive, and simultaneously, so much older than her years.

Walking into the living room, he sat back on the couch. “I got after her for letting Mom in here.”

“But she didn’t let Mom in, I did,” Elise reminded, her tone sharp.

“I left her in charge of things here.” Rob maintained. “She screwed up.”

Elise took a deep breath. “She’s seventeen. Like me. It’s not fair to get on her about something that could have just as easily happened when you were here. You screwed up, Rob, not her.”

“I got upset with her.” Rob allowed.

“You intimidated her!” Elise shot back, knowing that must have been the case. “Just like what happened to me every day for years…so don’t you dare justify that. You scared her. And now, you need to fix it.” Elise looked him in the eye.

“All right.” he agreed, feeling shame and regret fill him. “The next time I see her, I’ll make things right.”

--

It was several days before Rob had the chance to make amends with Belle. It took sacrifice on his part, and choosing to attend church with Elise and Kylie instead of enjoying some time to himself, which was rare these days.

Rob knew instinctively, and without Elise telling him, that he had frightened Belle. She hadn’t shown her face at their apartment in days; she hadn’t even called. He also knew he held her to too high a standard. It wasn’t fair for him to come down on her so hard, when, as Elise said, the same thing could have happened to him.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t locate her before the service. Though she did end up serving his row as an usher.

After the service, Rob walked decidedly over to Belle, who was chatting animatedly with the resident church grandmother, Sadie, about the pretty, new hat she wore.

Looking up briefly, Belle took a step back, praying that all Rob wanted was to pass her by. She made room for it soundlessly.

“Hey, Grandma,” Rob greeted warmly, and bent down to embrace the elderly woman. “Can I borrow Belle from you for a minute?” he wondered.

“Well, I suppose.” Sadie answered, sounding reluctant, though a smile spread across her face.

Walking out of the sanctuary, Belle had to cross her arms to conceal her shaking hands. She felt ill, and struggled to keep her nervous stomach calm.

When Rob suddenly changed directions, deciding to stay in the sanctuary, Belle was relieved.

Rob sat down in a pew, and Belle haunted the aisle, too anxious to sit.

“Belle, I need to apologize to you.” Rob began. “I know you did the best you could with my mother the other day. It wasn’t your fault that she got in.”

“Yes, it was…” she objected.

“Listen to me. I was too hard on you. You’re incredibly responsible for your age, and I love it that you’ve never treated Elise any different than your other friends. Belle, that could have just as easily happened when I was home, or Kylie for that matter.”

“But it happened with me…” Belle finished, feeling her heart race predictably in her chest, though he had yet to raise his voice to her.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Rob apologized simply.

For the first time, Belle met his gaze, surprised. “Why? You had every right to.” she defended.

“I was mad at myself anyway, I was never mad at you…and I didn’t have the right to intimidate you.” he maintained seriously.

“Okay,” she agreed quietly.

“Besides that, I never got the chance to thank you for making her leave.” Rob remembered suddenly.

“That’s fine. I mean, you don’t need to thank me.” Belle excused.

“Yeah, I do!” Rob exclaimed, smiling. He didn’t know what else he could do to convince Belle that she’d done just fine. But he supposed it would take more than once to erase the hurtful way he’d treated her.

“Here you guys go,” Gabe interrupted cheerfully. He stepped right between Rob and Belle, a coffee in each hand, and gave it to them. “Enjoy. Everyone needs a pick-me-up, huh?” he called over his shoulder.

Belle laughed. “Thanks Gabe.” She took a sip, feeling an ear-to-ear grin start on her face. Gabe, in all his wisdom and sensitivity, had attempted sweet tea. She closed her eyes, imagining him going to all that trouble to get her tea, and then emptying those little packets of sugar into her cup. He was the only guy she knew who would do something like that just because. Privately - inside her own head - she referred to him as Lord of the Coffee. Sort of like being Lord of the Dance, but much better.

Rob studied the coffee, looking shocked. “Does he ever slow down?”

“He already had his coffee,” Belle informed him in a conspiratorial whisper. “He gets it on the way.”

Rob nodded. “That makes sense.” He took a sip, grateful for something to do.

“Anyway, it’s no problem about your mom. My mom and my father didn’t get along very well, and she used to do things like that - get him to the door, or outside it, and talk loud to get neighbors’ attention. It always worked.” Belle finished, matter-of-factly.

She saw understanding in Rob’s eyes and was thankful that he didn’t push, or ask to know details. It was safe to assume he knew how hard it sometimes was to share about struggles you’ve endured - particularly if they were experienced because of someone who loved you.

“Well, you did awesome.” Rob commended. “And we’d love it if you’d come over for dinner this afternoon. We’re doing Christmas dinner with our family now, since Kylie’s gonna be in Illinois for the holidays.”

Belle stared, wondering if Rob knew what he’d said. “It’s for your family, though…” she objected mildly.

“You got other plans?” he wondered, knowing that if she wasn’t hanging out with Elise or Andrew, she would likely be on her own.

“No.”

“Then I’d really like it if you’d join us. As far as we’re concerned, you’re family.” And with that, Rob got up, and walked toward the doors.

“Wait! Should I bring anything?” Belle called after him.

“Just yourself.” Rob called back.

Belle smiled to herself, in awe that after all that had gone on recently, Elise, Kylie and especially Rob, considered her family.

--


Belle arrived at the apartment right after church. She heard familiar Christmas tunes coming from the radio, and Kylie’s sweet, rich voice singing along. Belle hung her jacket in the closet and made her way through the living room and into the kitchen after Rob, who had let her in.

The Evans’ apartment remained sparsely furnished with almost no decoration to speak of, except for a tiny artificial tree standing in the corner. Even that only had white lights flashing from it to set it apart as a Christmas tree. Neither an angel or star was perched on top. The walls were quite bare, with the exception of Elise’s school picture - not your typical eight-by-ten size. Still, the smells of the holiday were much the same. And the love and warmth the cozy place brought to her was the same almost every time she visited. Belle never failed to feel at home there. Especially this time, having been distinguished as family.

“Hey, Belle,” Kylie greeted, turning her attention from the large bowl of mashed potatoes she was mixing. She left the counter and came to enfold the younger girl in a hug. “How you doin’ sweetie?” Kylie wondered, cupping Belle’s face in her hands.

“I’m good, thank you.” Belle returned, beaming under so much obvious love.

“You wanna help with the potatoes? Elise is setting the table.” Kylie supplied unnecessarily, as it was plain to anyone in the small space , as everything was so close together.

Belle smiled. “I’d love to.”

While Belle and Kylie cooked, Rob made his way across the small, crowded kitchen to his sister.

“Hey… I invited Belle for dinner,” he said quietly. Rob doubted Elise had looked up from her place settings since she started,

Elise looked up, surprised. “Really? So everything’s good with you both now, huh?”

“Pretty much,” he agreed.

Elise smiled, gratefully. “Well, thank you so much for doing that. It’ll be so great with her here.”

Rob bent slightly, and kissed her head. “You and Belle can go talk if you want. I can finish this,” he offered.

“No, it’s okay. I got it. Besides, I think Belle would rather keep cooking,” Elise nodded across the kitchen to where Kylie and Belle were harmonizing to O Holy Night.

“Right,” Rob agreed. “You’re probably right.”

--

Dinner was a happy affair. Rob kept the Christmas music on in the background, only turning it off when he asked Kylie to pray over their meal. She did so beautifully, and they all dug in, eating and visiting, with more joy than Belle remembered having at any recent holiday meal with her mother.

Afterward, Belle and Elise spent the evening feeling bloated, and accepting Kylie and Rob’s invitations to have pie and cobbler in spite of their fullness.

“You girls still hungry?” Kylie pushed, making beyond sure that both girls had eaten enough, and weren’t still wanting more of anything. “Don’t be shy now…” she warned, a twinkle in her eye. “Belle, you’re lookin’ thin.” she observed.

Elise guffawed.

“Me?” Belle was shocked. “I got enough booty back here to split between me and your girl over here, who eats next to nothing.” she defended, indicating Elise.

“I ate!” Elise exclaimed. “I ate a ton - probably more than Robby.”

Rob nodded in agreement. “She ate.” he said plainly, though smile lines showed near his eyes.

“So, where does it go?” Belle challenged. “’Cause we all know where mine goes!”

Elise shrugged. “Fast metabolism?” she tried, grinning in spite of herself.

Belle swatted her with a pillow, her eyes shining with mischief. “You’re a brat.”

“So?” Elise shot back, laughing. “You think I’m skinny.”

“Anybody volunteer to clean up?” Kylie asked tiredly. “I’m dead on my feet, and I spent all afternoon cooking.”

Rob got to his feet, though he’d spent about as long preparing the meal himself, and went to tend to the sink full of dishes. Elise followed, though she didn’t really want to. Kylie had asked, and that was usually enough to spur both into action.

Belle waited an extra few seconds. “Kylie?” she asked.

Glancing over to the couch, Kylie waited.

“I just wanted to thank you for having me.” she said self-consciously. “I know it was sort of for you that they did this, and I just wanna thank you for letting me come.”

“Baby, this wasn’t for anybody but the Lord.” Kylie explained, smiling. “Christmas ain’t about selfish ambition or having for yourself. It’s about sharing what we have. Robby wanted to share that with you. If you’re wantin’ to thank somebody for havin’ you, thank him.”

Belle rose and embraced Kylie, before going into the kitchen.

“Rob,” she said quietly. And when he turned from the sink, she was ready, reaching up to hug him.

It took him off-guard, but he relaxed into it soon enough, humming appreciation and sympathy into her hair.

“Thank you,” Belle said simply, softly.

He held her at arm’s length. “Thank you for coming.” he returned. “And you are welcome here anytime,” Rob told her seriously. “That never changed.”

Belle nodded, self-conscious about his sensitivity.

“Now let me help you finish up with these,” she offered, grabbing a dish towel from the counter and drying clean dishes, while Elise diligently scrubbed the stove and counters.

It was the perfect ending to a perfect day, and at that time Belle did thank the Lord for blessing her with family that went beyond blood-relations. God had brought them together, she knew. And Belle could never thank Him enough for that.