Liam didn’t know about everyone else, but he was ready for some hardcore healing to begin. He was tired of seeing all his friends, and especially Morgan living like slaves to the evil things that were done to them. College was supposed to be fun, after all. Where people chased their dreams and figured out what they wanted to do with their lives and who they wanted to be.
Instead, this tragedy had transformed his friends into people he didn’t recognize. Nathaniel wasn’t meek and insecure anymore, but almost forceful. Jonathan, who had been careless and a little bit self-absorbed was playing the gentleman. And sometimes, when Morgan visited, and they were cuddling, she went really still. That’s when Liam knew she was remembering what had been done to her, and what had been stolen from him.
It was no secret that Liam didn’t just date, he dated with the intention of marriage. In the old days, it was called courting, but Liam thought the word itself was a little old-fashioned, even if the practice wasn’t. He hadn’t just been dating Morgan to date her, he had been dating her with the intention of getting married someday. And someday soon.
But then the tragedy happened. Whenever Liam thought about it he got mad enough that he wanted to hit something. He and Morgan had kept their relationship pure. They had done everything right. Everything by the book. Then some disturbed, evil person had come along and destroyed Morgan’s purity. Liam had wanted to be her first. He didn’t want to wonder if she was thinking of someone else when she was with him. But now that’s exactly what had happened.
It wasn’t even like they were doing anything wrong. Just sitting close on the couch. Sometimes, she would come and sit on his lap. Sure, they had originally said they would save their first kiss for their wedding day, but after everything happened, Liam just had to let her know what she meant to him. So, yeah, sometimes they kissed, but they never went beyond that.
Plus she seemed to need him a lot more lately. Morgan was coming over in the middle of the night. She seemed to always want to be with him, and Liam had to admit, that felt pretty great. Libby had also been hurt that day, though less severely, and it had done something to her, too. But instead of needing Liam more, Libby seemed more insistent than ever that she stand on her own two feet. She didn’t ask his advice. She never called him, except if it was for a ride. So it was nice to have somebody who relied on him. He was used to taking care of someone.
Their Bible study had switched times since it was a new semester, and that was just as well. It used to meet in an empty classroom at around ten o’clock in the morning, but that was the same when everything happened to Morgan and his friends. Liam couldn’t deny that he kind of got a creepy feeling when he thought of all of them meeting anywhere at that time. So, he had moved the study to four hours later. A Bible study at two in the afternoon didn’t give him the same creepy feeling, so he set it up, and kept it on Tuesdays.
However, since this week was full of tests before Spring break, Liam moved it to Friday afternoon. Everybody had been too busy to show for one earlier in the week. After some prayer, he rescheduled, and then the coolest thing happened. Originally, he was just going to do a little prayer time for everybody. Keep it light and gentle, after all the stress of the week, but then God gave him this awesome idea.
But he was going to have to wait until everybody else showed up, to put it into action. Liam bowed his head and prayed some more, for willing and open hearts.
--
“So, what would you guys think if I cut my hair? I‘m thinking, like, short enough to do the punk rocker look.” Emily asked, on their way to the empty classroom they met in for Bible study. She wasn’t crazy about meeting in classrooms, and was planning to have some words with Liam about meeting somewhere else today, but she had to figure out her hair situation first.
“I like it long,” Bryan offered, with no judgment.
“Why would I be asking you anything about fashion?” Emily asked. “Coming from the guy who would probably wear sweats on Casual Friday…” she elbowed him playfully.
Bryan was one of the people who hadn’t changed since everything happened. He had healed well from his shoulder injury, though Emily knew that psychologically it was taking a lot longer. She understood that. The thing was, Bryan was still Bryan. He still cared about everyone, smiled often and was a little rough around the edges.
“What’s wrong with it now?” Aaron asked curiously. “Looks fine to me.”
“It’s so boring!” she whined. “What if I dyed it. Like, platinum blonde or something?”
Jonathan wrinkled his nose and shook his head. “You have a naturally darker complexion. Blonde wouldn’t look right on you.”
“How about blue?” she mused, not even bothering to be offended. Jon had great fashion sense. If he said blonde was out, it was out.
“You are insane,” Libby said, coming up and putting an arm around Emily. “If you dye your hair blue, even Christian will make fun of you.”
‘Oh, he would not,” Emily scoffed. “He loves me.”
“I would,” Nate offered, coming up alongside the group.
“Whatever, Nathaniel! You don’t even know what I’m talking about,” Emily laughed.
“Blue hair? You’d be asking for ridicule, girl. Trust me. If you want something different come over sometime, and let Cary play with it. He’s amazing at that kind of stuff. And if you’re nice to him, he might make you French toast with peaches.”
“Ooh, sign me up!” Emily exclaimed. She would tolerate a novice doing her hair, if she got food out of the deal.
--
If there was one thing Jess didn’t want, it was to show up to Bible study when she was all upset like this.
It would have been fine if her brain wasn’t so screwed up, but now even the simplest things were challenging. And even on her best day beforehand, college tests weren’t simple.
She had to drop out of the nursing program, and had started slow in the new semester with one class. It was an introductory level class, about interpersonal relations and that kind of thing. She had a note-taker and the professor was super understanding, and willing to take extra time with just her to explain a concept she didn’t get.
Jess had studied her ass off, and came away with a D. And the sad part was, that was about her average right now. She angrily wiped her tears away. There wasn’t time for them.
“It’s okay,” Coby reassured, squeezing her shoulders. “I’ll help you study for the next one.”
“Ugh!” Jess exclaimed as if Coby hadn’t spoken. “I mean, seriously, Coby. How hard is it to remember what a dyad is?”
He slowed, scratching his head. “Pretty damn hard, I’d say, since I have no idea. Is that, like, some kind of tool?”
Jess laughed a little, in spite of her mood. “No, a dyad is something about when two people are communicating with each other.”
“So, are we a dyad?” Coby asked, intrigued.
“Yes…Wait, let me think about this…” Jess stood still, concentrating.
“Coby, what are you doing to Jess?” Morgan asked good-naturedly, popping some Cheez-Its in her mouth.
“He’s totally confusing me,” Jess confessed with an easy smile. “Asking me stuff about the test I just bombed.”
Morgan shrugged, steering them well past Pizza Piazza, where Buddy used to work. “Who needs tests anyway? It’s all useless information you’re never gonna use. Right now, I know more about the sociological approach to everything than I ever wanted to.”
“Hey, don’t you dare convince Jess to give up on school,” Legend threatened lightly, coming up to join them. She gave Jess a squeeze.
“Giving up isn’t in my vocabulary,” Jess insisted, putting her other arm around Legend. “Besides, Coby’s helping me study for the next test.”
“Oh, that should be fun,” Morgan teased. “What does he know about communicating?”
“He’s a great communicator,” Jess complicated, squeezing Coby’s hand. “His nonverbal and verbal stuff always match, so I know he’s being honest.”
“And, I just learned what a dyad is,” Coby defended, trailing off as Morgan left them in the dust to go greet Liam with a long hug.
“Is that Biblical?” Jess whispered comically.
“No, but this is,” Coby told her, feeling sure of himself as he ravished her with a long, deep kiss on the mouth.
“You two are ridiculous,” Legend said, as Libby and Nathaniel hooted and hollered from inside.
By the time Coby came up for air, Liam was staring at him with a righteous look that put them both on edge.
“Liam, jeez. They were outside the room. It wasn’t like you and Morgan hugging it out in front of God and everybody,” Libby pointed out.
“This isn’t actually church, guys,” Jon added, smiling a little.
“Thank God for that,” Liam sighed.
--
When they were finally all settled, Liam decided to get things going.
“Okay, guys!” Liam called, to be heard over all the pre-study chatter.
Emily raised her hand and waved it around obnoxiously. She didn’t even wait to be called on before she spoke up.
“Before I forget, I vote for an alternate location for after we get back from break.”
“It’s funny you should mention that, because that’s actually what we’re doing today,” Liam explained seriously.
“What are you talking about?” Legend asked, suspiciously.
“Well, I was praying about Bible study and I really felt God telling me that we need to stop living in fear. That’s why we’re going to take back the study room from November.”
--
The room had gone completely silent in the wake of Liam’s announcement, except for Morgan’s bag of Cheez-Its that was crinkling as she squeezed it. She hated this idea and hated Liam for even suggesting it. Only someone who had no idea would ever suggest they go back to a place like that. But even as Morgan had the thought, she knew she would go along with his suggestion. The last thing she wanted was to piss him off, or lose him.
Emily’s eyes had gone wide with shock and her stomach twisted painfully. Afterward, she had dealt with a chronic stomachache that hadn’t gone away for the better part of a month. Liam’s announcement brought it back as strongly as if it had never left.
Jess had started trembling. Even with no conscious memory of what the room held, Jess found that her body must have remembered plenty. Her head throbbed, and she had to make a deliberate effort not to bring her hand up to touch it. Coby would be able to tell something was wrong then, and he had already put an arm around her shoulder protectively.
Aaron took off his hat and hid his face. This was a horrible idea. Everybody had looked so happy when they first came in, and now they just looked sick, shocked or angry. Aaron felt tension building in his own neck and jaw. He could see by the dark look on Jon’s face that he was close to developing a killer migraine. Nathaniel had put his face in his hands, and was shaking his head back and forth. Legend just stared, uncomprehending.
Tears had sprung to Libby’s eyes. She knew that once he had his mind set on something, they usually ended up doing it. Her brother had a way of convincing people. She tried to pull herself together and stop crying. It wouldn’t help anyway.
“There is no way in hell I’m going back in there,” Bryan swore lowly, his fists clenched at his sides. Anger bubbled inside him. How completely insensitive and unaware was Liam?
“But don’t you see? By not going in there - by avoiding it - you’re just giving the devil more power over the situation. He’s winning right now. And you’ve all read the end of the Bible. God wins at the end. This isn’t God’s best for you.”
Morgan swallowed and fixed her gaze on the clock, forcing herself to go numb. She couldn’t think about this.
“Don’t you guys want healing?” Liam asked passionately.
“Of course, but Liam, it’s not that easy,” Aaron objected. “All of us aren’t ready for this.”
“Well, if we’re going to do this, we have to do it, all together, or not at all. We have to be unified. One purpose. Healing or letting Satan have the upper-hand.”
“Okay! Shut up, and let us think!” Jess snapped. She had no opinion on whether or not they went to the study room they used to go to or not. Jess had no memory of the last thing that happened there. Almost no memory of it at all.
“I’m for it,” Jonathan agreed softly, raising his hand. What Liam was saying made sense. Jon didn’t want to be years out from this, and still panic if someone came toward him too fast. “But I don’t think there should be all this pressure on people to make a unanimous decision.”
“All or nothing,” Liam pressed, surprised and pleased to see Libby and Morgan’s hands raised in agreement.
Slowly, too, everyone else joined in. Even Bryan and Emily, who were very much opposed to the idea. If only because they didn’t want to cheat anybody else out of their healing, since Liam was so set on it being everyone or no one, and frankly, no one wanted to go in there alone.
--
Solemnly, they all made the short walk to the library and toward the study room they used to seek out together.
Nate didn’t know about anyone else, but he couldn’t take the smells in here. The library smelled like yellowed pages, and fear. He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling sure he was going to throw up. It was just as bad as coffee or pizza, and it sat in his gut like undigested red meat, sickening him. When Libby reached out to hold his hand, he pulled away. Nate knew that when it came to this, he had to hold himself together. He couldn’t count on anyone else to do it for him.
Jess had stopped a few feet from the entrance of the room, and couldn’t make herself go any further. She didn’t know why, but suddenly, she couldn’t move.
“It’s okay. Come on,” Liam encouraged. He had stayed at the back of their little group, Morgan beside him, to get them through any doubts or second thoughts they might have had.
“Leave her alone,” Coby said, staring so hard into Liam’s eyes that he backed off. Turning to Jess, Coby softened his tone. “You don’t have to do this, okay? We can just go get Christian and call it a day.”
“No, I want to,” Jess insisted. “I want to see it. I want to know. I just…I don’t know why I stopped.”
“Because that’s what Satan wants,” Liam said certainly. “Just keep telling him to get out of here.”
Jess took a purposeful step forward, her brown eyes flashing dangerously. “Right now,” she said evenly, “I’m telling you to get out of here.”
“Come on,” Morgan said, pulling on Liam’s hand “Don’t push her.”
--
The study room looked just the same as Morgan remembered it. Sure, there had been little changes, but the room itself looked startlingly similar to the way it had looked when Buddy had come in and destroyed their lives. The desk was still at the front of the room, there were still three big tables, though they were in slightly different positions. The room was carpeted now, and the chairs were made of the same ugly gray material. For Morgan, it didn’t help at all.
They all jumped as the door was closed behind them. Morgan registered that the door still ironically had a lock that kept others out, or in their case, trapped inside.
“No,” Emily begged, feeling her breath grow more and more shallow. She was going to pass out. Or die from lack of oxygen. This wasn’t happening. They couldn’t be locked in again. What was Liam going to do?
Wordlessly, Aaron, Bryan and Jonathan came around Emily. She had gone several shades paler and her breathing was quick and ragged. Her brown eyes were bright with tears, haunted by the things that had happened to all of them - her eyes constantly drawn to the table closest to the window, where she had hidden.
Emily was feeling what they were all feeling, she was just the only one to express it out loud. The truth was, Jon, Aaron and Bryan wanted nothing to do with this room and its memories. They stood very close together, and though Bryan wanted to, he instinctively didn’t touch anyone. He, himself felt like he might jump out of his skin. He was becoming short of breath himself, and wished that he had stood his own ground - insisted that they not come in here. Aaron was very quiet standing on Emily’s other side. He prayed and prayed for strength and comfort but the fear in here was just getting to be too much.
When the presence of her friends at her side didn’t help, and she continued to hyperventilate, all three guys went with her back out the door Liam had closed. Jon led the way, glaring at Liam, daring him to stop them from getting out. Though anxiety gripped him by the throat, Jonathan turned the handle and opened the door, freeing them the way he’d always wished he could have months before.
“That door stays open,” Nate said calmly, though he was sweating, too, at the thought of being closed in. After Emily and some of the guys left, Liam was just as clueless and shut the door again.
“I just thought you might want some privacy. It’s kind of a personal moment between yourselves and God, right? Not a public spectacle.”
Now Nate was torn. Of course he didn’t want people gawking while they did whatever Liam wanted them to do. It was bound to be emotional. But he saw almost everybody react when Liam shut the door.
Morgan had actually hit the floor, Libby held her breath, and Coby looked suddenly wary around Liam. Like he was questioning his motives. Nate’s back went up at the sound, too. They all had moved closer together, wanting to touch each other, but not able to do it. Everybody but Jess remembered, and even she had backed up and right into a table. Nathaniel figured she must remember something. Her body must have remembered, even if her mind couldn’t.
“Okay, but let‘s get this over with,” Coby decided. He, for one, had never felt so close to tears since the last time he’d been in here, barricaded under a table at the front of the room. His leg throbbed at the memory.
In the back of her mind, Morgan could hear Liam praying, as he walked around to different places. His voice sounded intense and harsh as he prayed for the devil to leave this place. She could hear him asking his sister questions about where she was and what happened in each place, so he could pray over it. Libby did what he asked automatically, telling him what happened behind the desk, and under each table. At the window Aaron jumped out of, though she visibly flinched away from his touch, and jumped when he kept praying. Libby was pale and clearly scared, but couldn’t seem to speak up for herself. After a while, Morgan couldn’t watch anymore.
Morgan stiffened as Coby laid a hand on her shoulder, and Liam walked up to the front of the room, where she, Nate and Libby had waited. Liam walked behind the desk, and Morgan jerked away from Coby’s touch.
--
“So, this is where he did it?” Liam asked in a hush, staring at Libby with somber eyes.
Libby nodded, feeling like she might pass out. Her breathing had gone thin and desperate. She was hyperventilating and Liam didn’t seem to even notice.
“What exactly did he do? You need to tell me so that I can pray that God takes away that power over this place and over you.”
“He…pushed me back here,” she reported, her tone void of emotion. Libby forced herself to go somewhere else in her mind so she could tell Liam what he insisted on knowing. “He had a knife to my throat, and then he felt under my clothes…He called me a slut and asked me to give him something in return…”
“Give him something…” Liam blinked, confused.
“He asked me…” Libby spoke slowly, her voice a soft monotone. “To do something sexual to him. And I couldn’t do anything. I just stood right here, so he slapped my face and then he made me get Nathaniel.”
“Jesus!” Liam exclaimed in a loud, impassioned voice. “I ask that you take away the power that this place and these memories have over Libby and everyone else. I command Satan to leave! Take all of the filth that Buddy spewed on Libby and leave! I ask that you show my sister once again that she is dark, but lovely. Though she has sinned, like all of us have, she is beautiful to you. And regardless of what happened to her here, she is still loved and valued.”
Libby felt like she had swallowed gravel. Her throat was raw, her head was heavy and she was weighed down from the inside. Instead of freeing her, Liam’s words left her chained to this place, feeling dirty and used and rejected.
“Okay,” Liam nodded, pleased with the prayer, returning his voice to the prior quiet tone. “Now, I need to know what happened to Nathaniel and Morgan.”
Libby’s mouth dropped open, and she coughed. She went hot and cold, afraid she might vomit right there. “I can’t tell you…” she managed, blinking back tears of shock and betrayal.
“Well you know, right? They told you? You have to have talked about it,” he hissed.
“No, I don’t. They don’t talk about it to me, and I don’t ask. I never ask.” Libby’s hands shook and the room started to dim.
She forced her way out by the tables, which wasn’t much better. But it was something.
“I wouldn’t tell you even if I knew,” she told him lowly. “That’s theirs to tell, not mine.”
“Well,” Liam dropped his voice and whispered right into Libby’s ear. “Morgan doesn’t talk about it to me. How am I supposed to know how to help her get over this?”
“You’re not,” Libby answered, wiping tears from her eyes. “Because we won’t get over it. We’ll get through it. But we’ll never get over it.”
“Don’t you want healing?” Liam asked passionately. “And freedom?”
“I want you to just be here with me…” Libby said, her voice finally heavy with the pain she was experiencing.
“And I want you to take the next step,” Liam begged, oblivious.
--
“You all right?” Coby asked, sounding strangely unsure.
Morgan glanced up, shocked to see the tears running freely down his face.
“I’m fine,” she snapped. “Just stop touching me.” To distract herself, she glanced across the room, but regretted it when she saw that Legend had broken down sobbing, near a table that was closest to where she and Jess had hidden.
“Is this where you were?” Jess asked quietly, holding Legend as she shuddered, not able to look at Liam's red shirt It reminded her too much of the shirt Buddy had worn, and of the blood that had been everywhere. Finally she nodded.
“With me, right?” Jess asked, gently. “We were together?”
That question was more than Legend could take, and she hit her knees. Being here was too much. It would kill her, Legend was sure. She had escaped the first time, but no one could be so lucky twice, could they? Her body and mind were wracked with guilt and a grief so thick that she couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, almost couldn’t breathe. She shouldn’t have listened when Jess had told Legend to get behind her. Legend should have stayed where she was. They were best friends. Legend should have taken that bullet. She deserved to suffer a little in her life. Jess had already gone through enough. As Liam walked past with Libby, asking her what had happened under another table, Legend curled up as small as she could. Right now, she couldn’t differentiate between Liam’s passionate voice, and Buddy’s psychotic one. She waited, willing herself to be quiet, but knowing she was doing a lousy job.
Jess stood close, patting Legend’s head, unsure of what to do.
“Okay,” Nate said, closing the short distance between them quickly. He had sort of zoned out until he heard Legend crying. It was so much that he needed to just shut down in order to even be there. Now, though, Nate bent down and urged Legend to her feet. “Come on. We’re leaving,” he said firmly, wrapping an arm around her supportively.
He would have asked Jess if she wanted to come, too, but was brought up short at the sight of Libby crouched under the table where she had hidden with him, Coby and Morgan. Coby was standing nearby, arms crossed, like he was trying to hold himself together as tears fell.
Because he really hated standing there, not doing anything, and because he spotted Jess off to the side, Coby went to her. When she asked questions he answered, because she had a right to know. When Liam asked the same things of Libby, Coby felt like kicking his ass.
Instead of wasting anymore time inside, Nate and Legend left together, getting outside as fast as possible, where Nathaniel was sick in a trash receptacle. He couldn’t shake the feeling of Buddy’s mouth on his own, his tongue forcing his way in and making Nathaniel want to gag. He couldn’t then, but now, he couldn’t help but be sick. His stomach was in knots and what he had witnessed, at the crazed sound of Liam’s voice, and most of all, the horrible memories that were always a little too close at hand. Legend just kept crying, inconsolable over what they had all lost. And what they had been made to face before they were truly ready.
--
Cary was waiting beside Nate’s car. There was really nothing Cary was looking forward to more than the chance to spend some time with him. And they had been texting all the time since Nate had come up and introduced himself in the cafeteria. He had suffered through an interminable last lecture in Art History before Spring break was finally real and happening. By the time he got out of class, he was totally ready to take Nathaniel up on his offer to come over and hang out for a while.
At this point in his life, Cary had plenty of acquaintances, and very few people he could really share himself with. His family was a thing of the past, since his parents had divorced when he was little, and his mom remarried. They had two kids together, and by the time Cary had been sixteen, they had kicked him out, after he tried to bring his current boyfriend to dinner.
Cary’s mom and step-dad didn’t want his sexuality rubbing off on his younger brother and sister. They were only seven and two, and they kicked him out in the middle of the night, without even giving him the chance to say goodbye.
He hadn’t minded leaving home, really, except he couldn’t stand the fact that he had left his siblings when they were so young. Archie would be thirteen now, and Avery would be eight. Cary wondered if they knew their mom was such a fan of Cary Grant that she had to name them all with some variation of it. He wondered if they would recognize him if they saw him on the street.
Squinting, Cary stood up straighter, deciding on the spot to knock off the sexy James Dean thing when he saw Nate with a friend of his.
Pictures did Nate little justice. Cary had thought that numerous times since they had first met. He was gorgeous with coffee and cream skin, black curly hair, warm brown eyes and great dimples. And, he was tall. Since Cary was over six feet himself, he was grateful for that fact. If he wanted to kiss somebody, he didn’t want to have to bend down to do it. Add to that the muscles and the totally graceful way he moved, his sweet smile, and his honesty and Cary was hooked.
The girl he was with was equally pretty. Cary recognized her instantly because of her hair and because of a handful of talks she had given around campus about what students could do to be better prepared for an instance like she and her friends had endured. She was tiny, with light brown skin, brown eyes and a curly black afro. The name hit Cary all at once, and he smiled, because of the irony.
Legend.
But as they got closer, Cary could see they weren’t okay. Legend was clearly upset, and Nathaniel looked sort of green. Both looked spooked and deeply shaken.
“Cary, I can’t right now, okay? I’ve got to get Legend home.” Nate said apologetically.
“Where are your keys? I’ll drive you,” Cary offered. And he did just that, letting the two of them crawl in the back and talk quietly to each other. He never said a word.
Cary knew she had been one of the people in that room with him, and even if she hadn’t been, Cary wasn’t about to stand in the way of Nathaniel’s friendships. Cary knew how precious those were. He had lost all of his when he transferred here.
--
By the time Cary drove Nate home after dropping off Legend, it was clear what the problem was.
It was the pale, skinny roommate Nathaniel had.
Liam.
He had no tact whatsoever, and even less sensitivity. Cary thought he would fit in nicely at his childhood home, with his mom and step-dad.
He was rambling on and on about some kind of healing that had taken place when they had all gone and “taken back the study room.”
Cary wasn’t one of those obsessed people who followed every aspect of the High City situation, but he was observant. And he was perceptive enough to realize that Liam had not been one of the ten people trapped in that room.
“Seriously, guys. Wasn’t it empowering?” he was asking.
“Not really,” Jonathan said. He had blond hair and brown eyes, and a scar on one cheek. Though Cary knew where it came from, he thought the mark gave him character. Cary had met him a few times, because he had joined Cary and Nate in the cafeteria for a meal every once in a while. Jon was a decent guy and Cary liked him.
“Oh, hey, sorry,” he said, when he realized there was an extra person in their kitchen. “Liam,” he bellowed, “Get off your Jesus cloud and introduce yourself. Don’t be an ass.”
“I’m Liam,” he said, without ceremony. “Excuse me just a minute. I have to find Nathaniel and tell him something.”
“Oh, hell…” Jon muttered under his breath. “We better get in there in case Nate needs back-up.”
Cary didn’t hesitate. He and Jonathan followed Liam into the living room in time to hear him recounting the healing that had taken place in his own heart, with just seeing where everyone had been.
“Seeing Libby under that table, and behind that desk. Man, it was tough, but I needed it. You know? To really drive home what you guys went through. That way, I could know it and then just let it go. Didn’t it help so much just to get a sense of what happened?”
Nate stood up slowly and only then could Cary see him trembling. “I was there. I didn’t need to see it. I needed to forget it ever happened.” he managed, his eyes fiercely angry and his voice thick with emotion.
But Liam plunged ahead, hardly noticing Nathaniel‘s upset. “And Morgan. Dude, I was so proud of her. I didn’t even think she would go in there but she did. I mean especially after what happened to her, you know?”
“Shut up,” Nate ground out.
“What? I’m just saying… That was amazing that she went in there. Libby showed me the spot where there was still a bullet hole. Did you see that? I think I know a little bit about what you guys went through now.” Liam nodded to himself.
There was a split second before Nathaniel jumped on Liam, wrestling him to the floor.
Then, Nate let loose, pounding Liam with a fury Nathaniel didn’t know he had inside. He hit Liam over and over, until he finally tired, and settled for pressing his forearm painfully against Liam’s throat.
“You have no idea what it feels like. You total asshole.” Nate managed, tears and rage shining in his eyes. “This was never about you.”
Liam struggled, looking weak and scared, especially having Nate beat the shit out of him. Cary watched, but didn’t move, knowing that for all the shit Liam talked - and after what he had done - he deserved more than he was getting. That was okay, though. Jon wasn’t moving either, and by the look on his face Cary guessed that Jonathan was wishing he could pin Liam down and tell him a few truths about the situation, since Liam seemed so totally warped.
“We agreed because we were stupid and we listened to your shit. You told us that it was all or nothing. You’re the damn leader! None of us wanted to cheat anybody out of their opportunity to get delivered from this hell, and none of us wanted to walk in there alone, but you never once gave us a choice!” Nate exclaimed, pressing down for a good measure.
Jon finally took a step forward, only because Liam looked like he might pass out, Jonathan sure as hell wasn’t taking the king of the douche bags to the hospital. He hated hospitals too much, and he didn’t really care if Nate kicked Liam’s ass. Jon was actually thinking about taking his own turn whenever Nate finished.
Breathless and lost, Nate got up and walked to his room, slamming the door behind him. Cary waited a couple seconds and then followed.
He only stopped when Jon called him back and passed along his cell number. “In case there’s a problem. I’m gonna go check on everyone else. Make sure they’re all in one piece.”
Cary nodded and then knocked softly on Nate’s door, ignoring the sound of Liam wheezing and coughing behind him. That little religious prick was lucky Cary didn’t kick his ass into next week for re-traumatizing these people for his own gain, and for his idiotic statements.
Easing the door open, Cary peered inside to find Nate’s room adorably neat, with great paintings in bright colors all over the walls. There was nothing out of place, even as Nathaniel himself was curled up on the bed, falling apart.
Nate was a wreck. That was all there was to it. He was in horrible pain, having nasty flashbacks, as tears tracked their way, unnoticed down his cheeks. He tried to get a hold of himself, but sounds played themselves back in his ears. Buddy’s voice. His friends petrified breathing. The gunshots. The screams. He put his hands over his ears to block them out.
“You have some nice paintings in here,” Cary ventured gently. “Who did them?”
“I did,” Nate managed, drawing in a shuddering breath, grateful that he decided to say something. Cary’s voice was infinitely better than what he had been dealing with. “They’re crap. Nothing,” Nate rasped, taking his hands down finally.
“I think they’re beautiful,” Cary said, finally spotting NJB swirled in the paint of the drawing itself.
Cautiously, Cary approached Nathaniel, and joined him, lying face-to-face with him on the bed. When he tried to hide, burying his face in the pillow, Cary let him. Quietly, he ran a hand through Nathaniel’s hair.
Nate flinched away, smacking his head against the wall. “Don’t touch me! I swear if you touch me again, I’ll kick your ass next,” he threatened, while his body was wracked by grief, and sobs tore their way out, despite Nate’s efforts to keep them inside, pressing his lips together.
Resolutely, Cary drew Nathaniel into his arms and held on, even as Nate fought to be released.
He twisted and struggled and yelled. He said no, because he could, and prayed that Cary would know that Nate wasn’t fighting him. He was only trying to keep the flashback far enough away that it wouldn’t hurt.
“Oh, this day…” Cary sighed sympathetically.
And because it was exactly what Nate needed to hear, he rested his head on Cary’s chest and let himself be held.
“Hey, look at me…” Cary coaxed softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Nate sighed, relieved. Somehow, Cary just knew, and never tried to kiss him on the mouth, instead, pressing small innocent kisses all the places that needed them most. His head, where he was tormented. His hands, because he always wished he could do more. His face, to remind him he still was worthy of care and respect.
Cautiously, he looked into Cary’s eyes - the eyes Nate loved, because they were so blue - and found them searching and sad, but also kind and strong. Because it was nice and distracting, Nate tried counting the freckles on Cary’s face. And when Cary smiled at him, it chased away some of Nathaniel’s darkness.
Nathaniel stared back, unflinching now, and finally calm. Cary took in every detail of his face. How the tears weren’t quite dry. How he bit the inside of his lip before he smiled, like he was a little nervous. And his beautiful soulful brown eyes that Cary wished he could get lost in. Cary stared, unashamed and unintimidated. He took in all of the pain, all of the ghosts, all of the memories too horrible to speak, and hoped that in doing so, Nate’s own anguish would be easier to bear.
No comments:
Post a Comment