Morgan stood outside the door of Grand Central, hesitating nervously. She knew that Monday Madness started at the same time every night, but found herself at the apartment early. She wondered if the other girls would mind her showing up before they expected her. It was only a few minutes, but still.
Leaving rehab had scared her shitless, honestly, and moving into the sober house wasn’t really something Morgan wanted to do, but she knew it was what she needed. Because she needed to give herself the best chance to stay clean and sober. She was willing to do whatever it took, and was still in intensive counseling to deal with November.
She didn’t have a card to get in the building, since she had gone straight from the boys’ apartment to the hospital, and straight from there to rehab. There had been no trips home for her. This would be the first. She was too nervous to call up like a guest, so she motioned someone inside to grab the door.
Now, though, she was kind of stuck. She had stood in the hall for several minutes, debating whether to knock, or not. She didn’t know what she planned on doing if she didn’t knock. Driving around would surely lead to trouble, and she didn’t want to just drop in on anybody else.
Finally, Morgan prayed, and decided to take the risk. She was different now. She was healing. So, Morgan raised the brass door-knocker, letting it fall against the wood. That was her own personal signal. Maybe someone inside would remember and be excited to let her in.
--
Cary had just taken off his coat when the he heard someone outside let the door-knocker fall against the door. It made him jump, he couldn’t imagine the rest of his friends, who had lived through more than their share of terrible things involving loud noises. He had been here a while, but it was chilly outside. Plus, why would he want to take off his amazing leather jacket if he didn’t have to?
Absently, he reached over and pulled the door open. Jess had told him to make himself at home, and Cary planned to. But he wasn’t prepared to be face-to-face with Morgan.
She looked striking in her plain jeans, and bright yellow tee shirt, and colorful scarf. Her hair was half-up in a ponytail, and she wore beautiful subtle make-up. Her eyes were a deep warm brown that was instantly drawn to, despite happily dating, and happily gay. He had never asked outright, but was pretty sure she had to have some Hawaiian in her or something, because though she looked somewhat Asian, she looked like some kind of special blend of ethnicities. He found her completely amazing to look at, especially without the haze of alcohol and drugs clouding her mind.
Morgan blinked, as a vaguely familiar guy pulled open the door. He had extremely blue eyes, and black hair that stuck up in the back and was longer at one side of his face. He wore more eye make up than Morgan did, and wore it really well. He had on tight blue jeans with some kind of spider web design by the pocket with a red jewel in the center, and a red tee shirt with some singer on the front that Morgan couldn’t place.
She searched her shoddy memory for a name, or at least a reference point, but came up with nothing. What was he doing at Grand Central? She knew she was at the right place because Jess still kept her red bike in the hall, despite not having ridden it for several months. There was Christian’s little skateboard in the hallway.
“Hi, I’m Morgan,” she finally introduced, extending a hand.
“Cary,” he returned easily, grasping her hand, as she made her way inside.
Recognition suddenly broke over her face. “You’re Nathaniel’s boyfriend. Okay. I knew I knew you from somewhere. You brought me in, too, right? With Jon and Nate?” he nodded and she couldn’t wait for a response. She moved alongside him and gave his shoulders a squeeze.
“Mahalo,” she said softly, seriously.
“You are Hawaiian,” Cary said, grinning. “I was trying to figure it out before. Sorry. I know staring is kind of creepy.”
Morgan shrugged. “Yeah, Hawaiian some other stuff. I’m kind of a mutt,” she admitted.
“Hey, Cary? Who was at the door?” Jess asked, wiping her hands on a dish towel as she made her way into the front hall. She stopped short, steadying herself on the wall, at the sight of Morgan, unwinding a blue, green and yellow scarf from her neck, as if she had never left.
Tears sprung to Jess’s eyes as she stared, speechless. She had known Morgan would be here, of course. That was the whole point of this really special edition of Monday Madness. They hadn’t really had one in a long time, and definitely not since Morgan left. It wasn’t the same without everyone there to enjoy it. She had expected to hear about Morgan’s arrival by phone call, though. To walk out and see the girl in her living room was such a shock, Jess nearly fell over.
Morgan was the first to move, walking toward Jess with her arms open. God, she had missed her friends. But Jess, she had missed a little deeper. In fact, Jess’s was the only voice she could remember from during her days post-attempt, in the psych ward. Whenever she thought about doing something underhanded, she heard Jess telling her to stop manipulating people. She heard Jess telling Morgan that she loved her.
Gently, Morgan wrapped her arms around her friend, breathing in the familiar scent of Jess’s lemon and honey shampoo and subtle notes of a perfume that Morgan knew for a fact was called Love. Morgan thought it suited her friend well.
Neither one spoke. They just held onto each other, until everyone else started filtering out, wondering where Jess had gone.
Libby was helping make the spaghetti, wearing this totally cool white chef jacket and hat that Bryan had worn over. He thought it would be funny. But instantly traded Libby for the floral apron she wore, when she expressed an interest in his chef attire.
Making Jess’s spaghetti wasn’t as simple as just cracking open a jar of Ragu and dumping it in a pan, and boiling some water for noodles. She added actual tomatoes, and other real vegetables that would have made Libby grimace if she didn’t already know that the recipe was delicious.
Jess had disappeared a few minutes before, and Libby needed to know when the hamburger was brown enough. She was paranoid about giving them all E. Coli or some weird parasite. The meat would seem like it was cooked, and then Libby would stir it, and see a pink spot. It was so stressful, Libby finally gave up and went to get Jess to ask her to take over. She may have struggled with some things, but Jess definitely knew the difference between pink and brown.
To see her standing in the living room, hugging Morgan and both of them crying, was more than a little surprising. But Libby made her way over and joined right in, wrapping her arms around both of them.
Slowly, Legend and Emily walked over, too, while all the guys and Christian stood back and waited their turn.
It sure wasn’t the loud and boisterous return they expected of Morgan. As much as Emily was known for making an entrance, Morgan could give her a run for her money. She was loud and fun and filled a room. This new quiet suited her, though, and as soon as all the other girls got done hugging each other, the men stepped up to have their turns.
Morgan quickly scanned the room, searching for Liam, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn’t see him. She quickly focused on Jonathan, who was standing in front of her, his hands tucked in his pockets. He was wearing that dumb brown hat, that he seemed to think helped him blend in, but just made him look a little silly. But because it was Jon, Morgan couldn’t bring herself to tell him. She let out a sigh of relief as he came around alongside her and slid an arm around her shoulders.
Jon was a happy guy tonight. He was wearing his Madness pants. Jeans that stretched were vitally important, especially if he were going to eat major amounts of Jess’s spaghetti. He also wore a brown shirt, so no one would be able to tell if he happened to spill, and to match his hat.
But he was a little nervous. True, he had been waiting for this night. They all had. But he hadn’t seen Morgan since Family Week. She definitely looked better, even more so than she had a couple weeks ago.
Jon had also learned to wait for Morgan to give him some kind of permission before giving her a hug. This time, it was a nod, and he waited an extra second afterward, just to be sure she was cool with it.
The rest, even Christian, followed suit. They came around the side of Morgan and squeezed her shoulders. Christian came up beside her, and wrapped his arms around her knees.
“Come here, you,” Morgan laughed, scooping him up. “I missed you! How are you doing?”
“Good!” Christian said, very excited. “Are you all better now?”
Morgan bit her lip. This would be hard - a test of how much she was really learning. “I’m getting better. I’m not all the way better, though.”
“So, you’re still sick?” he asked, hands on either side of her face, looking at her sadly.
Morgan cleared her throat and nodded. “Yep, I’ll always have a little sickness in me the rest of my life.”
Christian just stared into her eyes until he couldn’t anymore. Then, he just wrapped his arms around her neck and rested his head on her shoulder.
--
It was another hour or so before dinner was ready. Morgan had fallen back in easily with the girls and the rest of her friends. As the guys fell in, setting the table, she helped with dinner, and danced around the kitchen when Emily put on the oldies station.
Build Me Up, Buttercup was such a fun song, and she could never resist singing it and doing little dance moves, and, of course, recruiting the other girls to sing back-up for her. It was the best. Especially with Libby wearing Bryan’s ridiculous chef’s outfit, and Christian shimmying up and down, holding Jess’s hands. It looked like he was doing the Twist, and Morgan had no idea how a five-year-old would even know what that was. But Christian knew a lot of things that other kids his age didn’t.
Finally, the food was ready, and they were just sitting down to eat, when there was a knock at the door.
--
Liam hated being late. He prided himself on being a man of his word, and punctual and all of that, but Morgan was home. And that meant he needed to make a special stop to pick up some red roses. He wanted Morgan to know that his love for her was still in bloom.
He had been so good, and hadn’t contacted her at all, except when she was in the hospital. It had been a difficult six weeks for him. This had been the longest Liam had gone without speaking to Morgan since they first met. So, of course, he wanted the moment he saw her again to be special. He had waited in line at several flower shops looking for just the right tropical arrangement, before settling on red roses. He had shelled out sixty dollars for them, too. He wanted Morgan to have as many as he could afford.
Because his arms were full of flowers, he had gotten let in by somebody gracious enough to hold the door. And at the door to Grand Central, Liam tried the knob and found it open. He knew everyone would be eating by now anyway, and let himself inside.
He could hear Morgan’s laughter carrying into the hall from the kitchen. Just the sound of it made Liam’s heart skip a beat in anticipation. He kicked his shoes off by the door and made his way into the kitchen, putting a finger to his lips as he sneaked up behind Morgan.
--
“So, anyway, I was trying to make some awesome cookies to bring tonight,” Jon was saying, “and I guess I must have left out something important. Because they came out totally flat,” Jon laughed good-naturedly, spinning noodles around on his fork.
“See? This is why Jon needs to stay out of the kitchen…” Cary remarked, sending Nate a knowing look, and a smile.
“Just do yourself a favor and don’t try to do dessert anymore, okay? Nate nodded. “You can be our breakfast-maker. We’ll come over here for dessert.”
“What kind were they?” Christian asked obnoxiously, sliding his yucky garlic bread onto Coby‘s plate and hoping nobody noticed. “Jon! Hey, Jon! What kind were they?”
“Oh, my God…” Morgan laughed in the split second before she felt herself being grabbed from behind.
--
Morgan’s breath caught in her throat and she put her hands up defensively, ignoring her fork clattering onto her plate. Even though she knew it was irrational because no one else at the table was panicking, Morgan found that she couldn’t help it. An arm was around her shoulders and close to her neck, like someone meant to drag her away. Seconds ticked by that felt like hours. Finally, she got to her feet, startled when he put a huge bouquet of roses in her arms.
“Hey..” Liam whispered in her ear. “I missed you.” He opened his arms to take her into a hug and would have gone in for a kiss, had Morgan not acted totally weird and ducked out of his arms, motioning him to the other room with her head.
He heard voices at their backs. Emily asking what kind of welcome that was and Coby swearing mildly.
Once they were alone, he tried for the kiss again, but she still held him off with a hand.
Morgan’s heart tripped in her chest and she backed up a couple steps. Anxiety rose in her chest, as well as a twisted bit of desire. When he kissed her it wasn’t like what was done to her before. It felt good. But Morgan set her jaw. The last thing she needed was to undo all of her hard work by letting Liam do whatever he wanted.
Liam blinked, confused. “What? We have privacy now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Morgan nodded, still willing her heart to slow down. “I did want to be alone with you,” she admitted quietly. “You’re just wrong about why.”
Liam cocked his head. What other reason could there be? “What are you talking about?”
“I need to concentrate on myself right now. I can’t be in a relationship, and especially not one as unhealthy as ours.”
Morgan did the best she could to focus on the conversation at hand, and not her anxiety, growing and the little voice in her head. It was telling her there were pills just in the next room that would be enough to kill all her emotion, especially the ones she was feeling now. Her hands shook, and she crossed her arms to hide it.
“Morgan, we love each other!” Liam exclaimed. He reached out with the hand that wasn’t encumbered by the massive amount of flowers he had brought to hold onto her arm. “That’s not unhealthy!”
“Let go of me,” she ground out, eyes flashing dangerously. She stepped back again, daring him to mess with her.
“You’re breaking up with me,” Liam stated, shaking his head as if the thought had just occurred to him.
“Yes,” Morgan nodded firmly.
“But I bought you roses!” he objected, hurt. “Why did I spend sixty dollars on someone who doesn’t even appreciate all the things I do for her?”
“I don’t know,” Morgan told him quietly, to mask the apprehension that was clawing its way up the inside of her chest. “That’s up to you to figure out.”
“Well, I can’t very well go in there and eat with everybody like everything between us is normal,” he hissed. “This is a hell of a position you put me in, you know?”
“It’s not my fault that you’re embarrassed,” she maintained, hoping to God that no one heard this ridiculous fight.
“No. It’s your fault that you screwed everything up between us!” he snapped angrily, still cradling the flowers as he paced. “You lost me, okay? So, don’t you dare make this sound like it was something I did. If you could just have talked to me, or better yet to a counselor like I suggested, instead of turning to pills and drinking like some addict, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I was going to propose to you. We were going to have a life. But I guess that’s gone now,” he huffed, tossing the flowers at her feet.
Morgan cringed as they landed softly, leaves rustling. She blinked back tears, knowing he was full of shit. Mostly. But there was a part of her that wished that she had just done what he wanted. When he walked out the door and pulled it closed behind him, with so much control, she wished he had slammed it.
Bending down, she picked up the flowers, intending to cut the stems and put them in a vase. But she stopped short, pacing back into the living room. Morgan was reminded again, of what else was in the kitchen. And she couldn’t very well just go in there and open up the medicine cabinet without someone noticing, and at the very least, asking what she was doing.
Her room had been completely cleaned, and had nothing left in it, but what rooms were supposed to have. A bed. Clothes. Not pills and weed and alcohol stored in every conceivable hiding place.
Now Morgan was the one pacing. Her mind creeping dangerously toward the thought that she could just have one pill, to take the edge off her discomfort, and that would be it. Plus, she’d be a lot less high-strung. A lot less prone to start blubbering after she broke up with her ex, who was a jackass anyway.
--
Bryan excused himself with every intention of locating Morgan to tell her to get out to the table. They were having pineapple upside down cake. It wasn’t exactly his specialty. But he had called his mom to ask for a recipe and/or suggestions. It came out okay, and knowing how much Morgan liked anything pineapple made the prospect of sharing it with her that much better.
He found her walking a path from the middle of the living room to the bathroom hall, so determinedly that he wondered if she knew she was holding Liam’s roses. He also noticed that Liam was nowhere in sight.
“Hey. Ready for dessert?” he asked her, smiling. This apron of Libby’s had really come in handy. He didn’t need to worry about being careful eating the spaghetti at all tonight. Small red-orange spots dotted the purple flowers, and Bryan was fine with that.
Morgan glanced up. “Oh. Yeah. I’ll be right there.”
“Okay,” Bryan agreed, taking the apron off and slipping it over her head. “Well, I gotta go relieve myself.”
“Thanks for that,” Morgan remarked, unburying the flowers from beneath the apron. Well, Bryan had just shot her plan all to hell. So much for checking the bathroom cabinet for anything.
She was still standing there when Bryan came out. “What’s up?” he asked, seriously, stopping in front of her and staring into her eyes.
“I’m fine,” she lied, her voice carrying a harsh edge that even she didn’t expect.
Bryan stared, silent.
“I’m…fighting,” she admitted, avoiding his eyes.
“Hey, look at me,” he said quietly. “That’s a good thing. You need to talk?” he asked, settling down on the couch and nodding that she could join him.
Morgan grimaced, shaking her head. “No, I’ll be okay.”
“Depends on your definition of okay,” Bryan pointed out, without judgment.
She tucked her hands in her pockets and fidgeted with her ponytail. She didn’t stop walking, but she cursed herself again as Christian made his way past them and squeezed her hand, before making his way into the bathroom and closing the door.
Christian.
Seeing him, reminded Morgan of everything she had to lose if she gave in and decided to use. She would lose her place with the girls. She would lose being a part of their lives. She would lose everything.
“I don’t know how to talk about it,” she admitted. “Because I don’t know how I feel.”
“What happened?” Bryan asked.
Morgan waited until Coby passed between them and stood in line for the bathroom, too. Then, she sat down on the couch, praying that God would take down the level of anxiety inside her, and lessen her desire to silence her emotions.
“I broke up with Liam,” she admitted softly, ducking her head. “He left. Told me I ruined his life and our future together.”
“Hey,” Bryan said, determined that she hear him out on this one thing. “You made some bad decisions, yes. Absolutely. But it takes two people. You broke up with him because he isn’t good for you, right?”
Morgan nodded, sniffling, grateful when Bryan did nothing but hand her a Kleenex.
“You are doing exactly what you need to do. You’re taking care of yourself. Getting rid of all those friends and people who don’t have your best interest in mind.”
“I guess, but it sucks!” Morgan exclaimed. “I just don’t want to feel like this.”
“Yeah, it does,” Bryan nodded. “But you’re human and people hurt. If this reminds you…I’m really sorry. You don’t need to be reliving that.”
Morgan sat, her arms wrapped around herself, and tears tracking their way down her face.
Bryan took a deep breath. Jon and Emily had told them when they came back from Family Week that Morgan wanted to be kept accountable. It didn’t mean it would be any easier for him to ask. But Bryan fought the desire to just leave it alone. The last time he had done that, Morgan had almost not made it.
“I need to ask you something…”
--
“Hey, Christian. I need to ask you something,” Coby told him, when the bathroom door finally opened.
Coby pulled Christian close and whispered in his ear, relieved when he nodded his head yes.
--
“Did you take anything?” Bryan asked her, staring intently into her eyes.
Morgan blinked, startled. She fought down the feelings of anger and betrayal and defiance that threatened to come up when she heard the question. She made herself wait. Count to five slowly, before she answered.
“No,” she said calmly. Besides, there was no reason to freak out, if she hadn’t done anything. And she hadn’t thank God.
She was debating whether or not to turn her pockets when Coby and Christian came back through the room, hand in hand. Coby looked determined and a little nervous, and was definitely surprised when Christian let go of his hand, and climbed into Morgan’s lap, wrapping his arms around her neck.
He held on for longer than any of them expected, his little head nestled in her neck. When he finally moved, it was only a little, to whisper in her ear.
“I got something that’ll make you feel better,” he told her conspiratorially. “It’s called dessert…and it’s called, Coby--”
Christian was cut off as Coby scooped him up and tickled him breathless.
“You’re not supposed to say anything, remember?” Coby said, carrying him out to the kitchen.
Morgan and Bryan exchanged a look.
“Maybe we should get out there. We wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity for you to feel better,” Bryan encouraged. “Besides, you’ve gotta try my cake.”
“Well, you know I can’t turn that down,” she said, putting an arm around his neck and walking back out to the kitchen with him.
She left the roses on the couch behind her, feeling peace about it.
Everything happened for a reason.
--
Coby couldn’t concentrate on enjoying dessert. He couldn’t concentrate on the way that Morgan had taken her seat back beside Nathaniel. How he kept dissecting his cake into pieces. Giving her all the pineapple, and keeping the cake to himself. Coby kept checking his jacket pocket. He had already checked half a dozen times. Already snagged Christian on his way back from the bathroom during the meal.
He had to do it soon, before he lost his nerve.
He stood up and stumbled over the leg of his chair, stopping in front of Jess.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, smiling.
Quietly, he got down on one knee, and reached in his pocket, his hand closing around the little box. He took it out and flipped it open, barely hearing the whoops and cheers around the table.
“Holy…” Legend gasped. This was the last thing on earth she expected. Jess and Coby had taken it so slowly, she expected them to both be in a retirement home before he got up the nerve.
He had talked to Christian because she didn’t have any other family in her life. And because Coby was well aware that he wasn’t only asking to become Jess’s husband, but Christian’s father, too. He had agreed and nearly squeezed the life out of Coby.
Christian kept eyeballing him now, just waiting for the opportunity for his mom to find out the secret.
“Jessica Gray. Will you marry me?” he asked, staring deeply into the eyes of the woman he loved more than anything.
Jess blinked, shifting her gaze from his intense and hopeful brown eyes, to the simple ring inside the box. She opened her mouth. Closed it again. Opened it. But it was no use. Nothing would come out.
Everyone in the room was holding their breath, it seemed, waiting for her to give the appropriate response. But Jess had no idea what that was, and right now, she didn’t care.
She wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him hard on the mouth, letting that do the talking for her.
“Woo! Go Jess!” Emily cheered.
“Mom!” Christian exclaimed, getting down from his chair and working his way between them. “You’re not supposed to do that. You’re supposed to say what I said when he asked me,” Christian explained, looking at Jess wisely.
“What did you say,” she managed, touched that the man she loved so deeply would ask her son for permission. But it was just like Coby.
“Yes,” Christian said matter-of-factly.
Jess stared at Coby, still breathless from the kiss.
“Yes,” she told him simply, wrapping her arms around both of them.
--
The room exploded around Morgan, and for once, it wasn’t with fear or anguish. It was with love and joy, as every single one of her friends lined up to congratulate Jess and Coby. She excused herself in the mayhem, well aware of Bryan staring at her, but knowing that she had to do this.
--
Jess couldn’t remember being this happy. She had just hugged Jonathan, who made her laugh, because he came with his pineapple upside down cake, and even offered her a bite when Morgan showed up.
“Congratulations,” Morgan said sincerely.
And Jess looked down to find her arms full of roses.
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