Chapter 15: House of Mirrors

 Harper groaned and rolled over. Something didn't feel right. Her stomachache hadn't gone away and she felt...wet. Her cheeks flamed with humiliation. She hadn't done something like this since right after she moved in. But as she pulled back the blankets, Harper saw it wasn't what she thought at all.

It was so much worse.

It was blood.

Harper didn't think. She just grabbed the blankets and wrapped them around her, and then made a run for the bathroom, hoping no one else was downstairs and that she would somehow not bleed everywhere on the way.

She slammed the bathroom door and got in the shower, trying to catch her breath. She knew what this was. Of course she knew. She was eleven. It made sense. But her body remembered something else. It remembered before. When she used to bleed like this and it had nothing to do with becoming a woman or any of that crap.

There were no pads down here, because all the girls were her age and younger and none had gotten their periods. She wasn't about to go upstairs like this and check if Grace had any, not like this. Plus the idea of wearing anything like that just made her shudder.

The last time she'd been forced to wear pads was when everything started. It made her remember. God, she didn't want to remember. That was a time when all she wanted to do was curl up and die.

Harper sat in the shower, pajamas still on, blankets wrapped around her, and tried to breathe. But it felt more like she was going to hyperventilate and pass out.

Someone had to come.

But if anyone found out, Harper would be so humiliated.

She ducked her head and cried, silently, not knowing what to do. She couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't do this. Not again.

–

Emma breathed a sigh of relief once lunch was eaten, Josh was down for his nap and Charlie was out the door for contact. Having only Oliver, Ari, Carter and Zoey to watch was surprisingly easy. She had stopped downstairs and tapped on Harper's bedroom door at lunchtime, but hadn't gotten an answer. The light was off and Emma figured she was sleeping.

Honestly, the only thing Emma could hope for was that whatever Harper had wasn't contagious. The only thing worse than one sick kid would be having eight. And worse than that, what if she or Liv caught it? So far, only Harper seemed down for the count. Emma had set the alarm on her phone so she remembered to check in on Harper again in a couple hours. She'd left a can of 7Up and some crackers outside the door and kept Dudley upstairs.

Harper needed to stay hydrated at least.

For now, Emma hung out on the couch while the four kids argued about watching Mulan or Open Season. Oliver and Zoey refused to watch if they picked Open Season because of the guns. Emma gently encouraged Mulan before Carter and Zoey could lose it about not getting to watch what they wanted or having to watch something babyish.

Liv was taking care of all the chores she could in the meantime. Last Emma checked, she was putting in laundry and wishing she had thought to vacuum while Josh was at contact. Normally Harper's job, Liv had planned to do it for her today but had gotten bogged down in making meals, breaking up fights and making sure Charlie's hair and clothes were again perfect enough so her mother wouldn't be disappointed.

Emma sat back as Mulan started. Carter kicked Ari.

“Stop!” she hissed.

“I didn't!” he objected.

“Carter, come sit up here next to me,” Emma invited, knowing that he was still having a tough day, and he needed to stay close to an adult to feel secure.

“Ha! I get to sit on the couch!” Carter teased.

“Because of your Restless Legs Syndrome!” Ari shot back.

“Hey, everybody keep your voices down. The movie's starting,” Emma directed. She wished they had popcorn, but that was just asking for a mess, and she didn't think Liv would appreciate vacuuming up popcorn kernels.

–

Liv was making the rounds downstairs, gathering laundry, since Josh hadn't been home to do it, when she noticed Harper's bedroom door was open. Liv glanced in long enough to see a can of 7Up and some soda crackers on her desk, but Harper was nowhere to be found.

Forgetting about the laundry, Liv immediately went to the bathroom door and tapped on it. “Harper?” she called. “It's Liv. Are you okay?”

“Can you get Emma?” a shaky voice called back.

“Sure. Of course. You just hang tight. I'll be right back.”

Liv sped up a little, taking the steps quickly, and walking in a wide circle around the kids' feet, rather than cutting in front of the screen.

“Harper's asking for you,” Liv said softly to Emma. “I can sit with them.”

“No way. I don't wanna sit by Olive,” Carter grumbled.

“Well, too bad. 'Cause Olive wants to sit by you,” Liv said, getting comfortable. “Ooh, I love me some Eddie Murphy.”

“Who's Eddie Murphy?” Carter asked, confused.

“Oh, you are so young...” Liv smiled and then passed along to Emma. “She's in the bathroom.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

–

Emma made her way carefully down the stairs, trying to hurry but not so much that she'd fall. She'd had enough of that for one day anyway. She got to the bottom and made her way to the closed bathroom door with the light on under it. She could hear crying, and Emma's stomach lurched imagining the worst. The flu. Vomit. Or more than vomit.

“Harper? It's Emma. Are you okay?”

“No...” a broken voice came back.

“Can I come in?” she asked, even though she really didn't want to.

“No one else is out there? Just you?”

“Just me,” Emma confirmed. “Everyone else is upstairs watching a movie. Josh is asleep.”

“Okay,” Harper sniffed.

Emma pushed the door open and furrowed her brow. Harper was here, but she wasn't. Suddenly, Emma's eyes focused on the closed shower curtain. No water was running. What was she doing?

She awkwardly perched on the edge of the closed toilet and waited. Slowly, Harper pulled the shower curtain aside. The moment she saw Emma she burst into fresh tears.

“I'm sorry!” she cried.

“Hey, what are you sorry for?” Emma asked, thoroughly confused. The sight of Harper sitting on the bone dry shower floor wrapped in blankets, pale, shaking and crying wasn't a sight Emma expected.

“I can't talk about it,” Harper gasped.

“Being sick?” Emma asked, not understanding.

“No...I did already. I talked about it and nothing changed and now I'm here and everything sucks and I just want it to stop...” Harper sobbed.

“Want what to stop?” Emma asked quietly.

“I thought it was over. I thought he couldn't do it to me, but why is this happening?”

Slowly, Emma's focus sharpened. The hair on the back of her neck stood up.

“Harper. Who are you talking about?” she asked seriously, dreading the answer.

“Him... The stupid guy my mom remarried after she divorced William...” she managed, breathing too deep and ragged.

“You thought he couldn't do what to you?” Emma asked, somehow so calm, though her heart was racing.

“Hurt me. Make me do stuff. Like he used to...” she admitted in a tiny voice.

“Did you see him recently? Did he hurt you?” Emma asked, hating the questions but knowing they had to be asked.

“No! But I'm bleeding! And the last time I was bleeding like this was the night I ran away and came here!”

Emma felt frozen as Harper moved the blankets and revealed what she'd hidden beneath them. A scary amount of blood for any child to encounter, especially if they had a history of sexual abuse. Emma was pretty sure of what was going on here but had to be sure. “You haven't been hurt in over a year...and you're eleven... Have you ever heard about what happens when girls mature? What happens to our bodies? Maybe in health class at school?”

“Yes,” Harper answered.

“You said you've had a stomachache and were craving sweets all week... You've been kind of emotional...”

“I guess...” Harper managed.

“You are not in danger. This is your period. It's totally normal. I can understand why it seems scary, though.” Emma got down on the floor just outside the shower. “Can I hold your hand?”

Harper nodded and when Emma took it, it was ice cold.

“It's going to be okay. I'm going to ask Liv to bring you something from the upstairs bathroom, okay? Do you know how to use feminine products?”

“He used to make me. After. To hide the blood,” Harper admitted.

“Well, I'm not going to make you. When you're ready, you can shower and dress. Would you like me or Liv to find you something comfortable to change into? Are there any pajamas you like?”

“My new blanket's ruined,” Harper said, tears still falling.

“We can fix it. If you want, Liv or I can take your things and get them cleaned for you, and give you something clean and nice to change into...”

“Okay. Just sweats is fine.” Harper nodded.

“Can I ask you something?” Emma wondered cautiously.

Another nod. Harper's fingers dug into Emma's hand.

“Did you ever tell anyone he was hurting you?”

“I told my mom on my birthday last year, after the last time. She didn't believe me, and said if I was gonna talk like that I could get out and not come back...so I came here...”

Emma pressed her lips together firmly. “Then I can imagine how much courage it took you to tell me. That was really brave and I want you to know that none of this is your fault. How long had this been happening to you?”

Harper sighed. “Since he first moved in. At first it was just little stuff. By the time I was eight, though, he was doing stuff that made me bleed...”

Emma closed her eyes. “I have to report this. That means William and Grace will find out and I'd like to tell Liv, so we can help you the best we can until your parents get back. Is that okay?”

Harper grabbed Emma around the waist and held on. “I want him to go to jail so bad. But he always said no one would ever believe me...”

“I believe you.”

“Before you report it, I have stuff for the police. Can I take my shower first and then I can show you?”

“Of course.”

“Emma?”

“What?”

“The other kids don't have to know, right? Lexie doesn't even know.”

“The only way the other kids will know is if you choose to tell them. The only people I'm telling are people who need to know.”

Harper nodded. “Can you stay? Like, guard the door for me? Make sure nobody comes in while I'm in here?”

“Of course. I won't leave until you say it's okay. Should I get Liv to grab you some sweats?”

“Yes, please...”

Unsteadily, Emma got up and took her phone out to send a text to Olivia. The kind of text she never wanted to send.

–

Olivia's phone buzzed and she glanced down at it, doing a double take:

911. H disclosed. Need u asap. Need plastic bag, sweats, undies and socks from her room for her to change into.

She didn't think, she just called the Sanchez-Brown's to see if the remaining kids could come over, so she and Olivia could take care of Harper and talk to the police and the Gallagher's. Zee and Liz were great and arrived in five minutes, making a big show of inviting the kids over for the luau party they were having. They just needed guests. All the kids jumped at the chance. Charlie was home now and Josh was awake. Only Noah was still out and Liv sent him a text directing him to stop by Liz and Zee's for dinner.

Then, she went downstairs with a plastic garbage bag and stopped by Harper's room to find clothes for her. Olivia found Emma, sniffling quietly outside the bathroom. The shower was running.

“Should she be showering?” Liv asked. She loved nothing more than a good marathon of Law & Order SVU or Criminal Minds. She knew evidence could get washed away in the shower. The idea made her insides clench. Who would hurt an eleven year old child?

“It's not current. It's from before she moved here, but she just got her period and it triggered her into remembering the aftermath of her abuse and being forced to wear feminine products at eight to hide the bleeding,” she whispered. “Oh yeah, please tell me Grace has pads or something upstairs. I didn't bring any.”

“I didn't either, but I can run to the store if Grace doesn't have them. Does she know we have to tell CPS?”

“She knows.” Emma nodded.

–

Harper stood under the spray of the shower for a long time. She knew she would never feel clean. She kept shaking her head, wondering if that just really happened? Did she really just tell Emma that that creep hurt her for three years? Did Emma really believe her?

When she finally came out of the shower, she found fresh clothes and a pad on the sink. Emma had knocked partway through and asked if she could reach her arm in and leave the things on the sink. After making sure no one else was there, too, Harper gave permission. It was like the nicest present.

Harper had no idea why Emma was being so nice to her. She ventured out with the plastic bag and Liv offered to take it and clean her clothes and blankets for her. They told her all the kids had gone to Liz and Zee's to have dinner and hang out for the night.

Harper felt like she could breathe easier.

“You said you had something for the police?” Emma prompted gently, knowing they had to get the ball rolling and soon.

“Yeah, it's on my computer. He sends me emails and messages. I kept them all,” she said, walking in the bedroom and putting in the password.

She turned and looked over her shoulder to see Emma and Liv waiting, one behind the other, just to the side of her doorway.

“You guys can come in,” she invited. There was no need to keep everything on lockdown anymore.

Harper was busy opening the document and then stepped back, averting her eyes. She had labeled it Evidence just in case she was brave enough to tell again.

She listened and could hear Emma and Liv gasp at the number of pages.

“I'll call now,” Emma said.

“What if they don't do anything and he finds out and gets mad?” Harper asked, feeling worried. “What if he comes after me? Or the other kids?”

“Child Protective Services job is to protect kids,” Emma said, knowing that no matter what she said, it would likely not put Harper's nerves at ease.

“They won't take me away, will they? I mean, William and Grace haven't hurt me.”

“They're only interested in the person who hurt you. They might have questions for William and Grace, but their focus will be elsewhere. Can you tell me his name?” Emma asked.

Harper shook her head, but nodded to the screen of her computer, where his name was visible in his email address. A message from 2012. When Harper was just eight years old.

--

Emma stepped out, got on the phone, and made the most difficult call she'd ever had to make, knowing that Liv would soon make her own, calling Grace and William to tell them what had happened to Harper.

She was instructed to send an email to a certain address with a detailed account including what was said, Harper's age and date of birth and the names and dates of birth of anyone else living in that household. Emma attached Harper's evidence file as well, explaining in the email that Harper had wanted it passed along.

It took Emma two hours to write up the email and she heard back immediately saying the screeners would look it over and get back to her as soon as possible. They had settled Harper on the couch in front of a marathon of Girl Meets World on the Disney Channel, with water and a few snacks.

Liv came out of Grace and William's room, her face drawn and pale, offering the phone to Harper, who took it and said hello softly.

–

“Honey,” William said, sounding different than Harper had ever heard him. “I'm so sorry.”

She just listened, not knowing what to say. Then, it came to her. “Do I have to leave?”

“Of course not. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. Emma and Liv are taking care of me. Are you mad?”

“Not at you. Never. Grace and I are trying to work things out here so we can be home as soon as possible but it likely will still be Friday morning before we're home.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Will you be okay until then?”

“Yeah.” Harper said. It was weird just how okay she felt. Like the hugest weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Like she could breathe. Like this wasn't all on her anymore. Other people knew. Other people cared. They believed her.

“Okay. I love you. And we're gonna get you help,” William promised.

“Okay,” she answered.

It was more than she could have hoped for.

Harper spent the rest of the afternoon cuddled on the couch with Emma at her side watching Disney shows and taking it easy. Liv had gone to the store and bought her fuzzy socks and some other stuff. It was calm and felt safe. Her Christmas blanket was soaking in the giant utility sink full of Oxy Clean. Liv swore by the stuff. It was gonna be good as new.

She breathed, and winced a little at the cramps she felt.

“You feeling okay?” Emma asked, and it felt so weird to have people just caring about her and how she was doing all the time. She thought of earlier this week and how mad she'd been about Emma talking to Noah and not to her.

“Not really. We can just tell the kids I'm sick, right? We don't have to say...like...everything?”

“I think that sounds just right,” Emma nodded.

Harper pulled the blanket on the couch closer around her and Liv came out to join them sitting on the other side of Harper on the couch. She sighed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this safe, surrounded by people who cared about her and what happened to her, and cared enough to actually do something about it.

Maybe the rest of her life could be different now. Maybe it didn't have to be one long, dark road to nowhere. Harper leaned her head on Emma's shoulder and relaxed as Emma stroked her head gently. Harper felt her eyes drift closed.

She wished her whole life had been just like this.

Chapter 14: Fire Breather

 Carter woke up the next morning feeling the worst. Really bad. Not sick. Actually bad. Like, inside. That feeling was the same one that made him have to move four times in a year before he came here. He'd been here too long anyway. His parents didn't want him, so why should anyone?

He got out of bed and walked over to Josh, his best friend since he got here, Josh who would listen to anything and never tell his secrets. Carter pinched him hard on the arm and threw Daniel Tiger across the room.

Josh woke up crying, and Carter made himself not care. People didn't care about him, so why care back? He slammed the door open and stomped across the hall to pound on the bathroom door.

“I'll be a little bit. You'll have to wait or go downstairs,” Emma called.

Carter scowled and kicked the door. She couldn't just take it over and use up all their water. That wasn't fair and he had to pee. He stomped downstairs, knowing Liv had gotten up to check on Josh.

He never usually got to pee downstairs, because it was the girls' bathroom. He left the seat up and he didn't wash his hands.

Then he went right to the kitchen and stood on a chair to get the cereal. He was supposed to let the adults get it but it was 7:42 and too early for breakfast. So the adults said, but Carter could do whatever he wanted.

“Morning,” Liv greeted. “How about if you get dressed first and I'll get you some breakfast?”

“How about not?” Carter challenged moodily. “I can do it myself.”

“Carter,” she said it like it meant something. Like he was just supposed to listen and do what she said.

“Olivia,” he said back in the exact same voice.

She raised her eyebrows. “I know things probably feel very confusing today, but I promise, the same rules apply. We will make sure you have food and we'll take care of you.”

“Whatever,” he shrugged, turning away and bringing the box of Apple Jacks to the table. He didn't believe a word she said. He wasn't going to believe a word any adult said. It used to be that he knew better than to trust them so he wouldn't be let down, but he'd forgotten about doing that because William and Grace and tricked him by being so nice to him. It wasn't fair. Now it hurt worse, remembering that he really couldn't trust anybody.

Carter didn't get dressed, he just started to eat. When he was done, he dragged a chair to the counter and stuck a piece of bread in the toaster. If anybody came up and tried to use it, he was going to make them wish they hadn't.

Josh was crabby – from being pinched awake probably – and he wouldn't let go of that stupid tiger. Carter was glad Josh was going to be gone visiting his real family this morning. Carter didn't want to keep picking on him, but it would be hard if he was right here the whole time.

Olivia had been trying to say stuff to him but Carter blocked her out. He focused on the back of the cereal box. He had his toast, with peanut butter and jelly. He knew it wasn't going to be enough, but oh well.

Carter heard the bathroom door open and knew Emma would be coming out here soon. Olivia was busy trying to get Josh to eat and not looking at Carter. Calmly, he got up with his empty cup, filled it with water and spilled it on the floor right where Emma was going to walk in.

Nobody saw.

Carter didn't care if they did.

Just like he thought, the second Emma put one crutch in the kitchen, and not noticing the floor was wet, it slid right out from under her and she crashed to the floor.

“Sorry,” he said in a mean voice, really not sorry at all.

–

The sound Emma made hitting the ground was epic. It sounded like a giant falling, not a twenty-two year old who was on the small side. Her crutches slamming to the linoleum increased the noise so much. Josh was crying. She wasn't sure if that had been going on before she fell or because of it. She wasn't sure what happened. Obviously, the floor had been wet, but...

“Carter Fox,” Liv said in the most serious voice she had.

Emma was busy backing onto the carpet where she could get some traction and dry off her crutches. She hadn't seen anything suspect prior to falling, but then again, she had been focused on getting to the kitchen to help Liv with keeping an eye on the kids who were already up, or figuring out what they could do for breakfast.

“What?” he said and Emma was thinking the same thing. He was just hanging out in the kitchen in Superman pajamas. Maybe he'd just finished eating early. With his contact going the way it had, it was no wonder if he wanted to eat sooner. But Liv must've seen something Emma hadn't.

“Did you put water on the floor?” Liv demanded, and Emma looked at Carter, questioning.

He smiled. “So what if I did? It was funny.”

Emma's cheeks flushed. It was a lot of things, but most definitely not funny. She wasn't hurt physically, but the idea that someone would willingly do something to cause her to fall shook her up. It reminded her a little too much of home, and a culture where she was forced to walk back and forth in front of an expectant church congregation, who all waited for the miracle of Emma being healed.

It didn't seem to matter that her disability was present from birth, or that it was a result of brain damage, which could not be reversed. These people seemed to think it was perfectly okay to encourage her to walk back and forth at the front of the sanctuary, with her walker taken away. Emma remembered trying to keep a grip on the pastor's fingers, as he kept trying to let go.

It had been so embarrassing. And worse, when it didn't work? She had gotten lectured on the way home that she had been the embarrassment. Her lack of faith had been the reason nothing had happened.

Did she like being crippled?

Did she want to live this way?

It hadn't mattered that she was only eight years old.

Emma felt every inch of that shame, staring at Carter's smug expression. The muscles in her legs were extra tight with the emotion she was feeling. She walked around the long way and entered the kitchen where the floor was dry, sitting next to Josh.

“I'm okay,” she reassured him.

“Fall,” he sobbed. “Okay?”

“Yeah, I'm okay. I promise. It was loud, but I'm not hurt,” she reassured patting his hand. He patted hers in return, letting Liv deal with Carter for now. Emma was still too raw for that.

–

“What was that?” Oliver asked, his eyes darting everywhere.

“I slipped and fell,” Emma explained.

This explanation did little to reassure him and Oliver still looked a little panicky until Zoey came upstairs actually laughing.

“Honeys! Guess what?”

Oliver watched as Charlie clapped a hand over her mouth. Oliver remembered doing the same thing less than a week ago. Zoey, it seemed, remembered nothing.

“Gross! Charlie whined. “Emma, she licked me! What if you have rabies?” She turned accusing eyes to Zoey.

“Don't put your hands on people without permission,” Emma shrugged.

Charlie scowled and went to wash her hands.

“Honeys! Listen! Ari? She went to sit down and go pee...and she almost fell in!”

Ari sent a withering look Zoey's way. “Thanks for announcing it.”

“You're welcome,” Zoey smiled sweetly.

–

Meanwhile, Liv was watching the clock, aware that Josh was going to be picked up for contact in a half hour and he wasn't dressed and hadn't had his teeth brushed. Still, she knew Carter needed immediate consequences for what he had done. She set him up at the kitchen island with a pencil and a piece of notebook paper, with the sentence, “I will not hurt people on purpose,” written across the top.

“What's this say?” she quizzed.

Carter shrugged.

“It says 'I will not hurt people on purpose.' You're going to write it on every line of the front of this paper.

“What'd he do?” Noah asked.

“Make...Memma...Fall...” Josh managed, determined to get the message across.

Noah raised his eyebrows. “You made Emma fall? What's wrong with you?”

“Thank you, Noah, I've got it covered.” Liv said, dismissing him to go eat breakfast.

“Anybody seen Harper?” Emma asked.

“No,” the girls chorused.

Liv watched as Emma made her way down the stairs to check on her. Then she got Josh and hurried through brushing his teeth, which he hated, and getting him dressed, which he also hated.

“Here. I'm done,” Carter grunted, walking in twenty minutes later and waving a piece of paper in her face.

Olivia glanced at it. His normally careful printing was barely legible and he had intentionally used pen. That wasn't the only thing he did intentionally.

[Image is: Carter's sentences, which read: I will hurt people on purpose.]

“You're not done. This isn't what your consequence was.” Liv had to hurry. The social worker was going to be there any minute. The second she rushed out to deliver him to the social worker, with Josh crying and trying to hold on to her, still, Carter slammed the bedroom door at her back.

–

“Harper? It's Emma. Are you okay?”

Groaning, Harper rolled over. The little stomachache she'd been battling had turned epic. “I just don't feel good. I think I'm gonna stay home today, is that okay?”

“Sure, that's fine. Do you need anything? Water?”

“No, thanks. I can get it.”

Harper wasn't getting anything.

She planned to curl up in a ball and sleep. But curling up hurt. And so did spreading out. She wished this stupid stomachache would just hurry up and go away. She'd had it forever, but this was the worst yet.

Harper decided she would just stay here and not move until it went away.

–

Carter didn't care what Olivia said. His consequence was all over. He did the stupid sentences and he did them honestly. What was the point of writing a lie for a whole page? Writing it wasn't going to make it true. He sat against the door, wishing there were two of him, so he could block both doors.

Olivia came in and crossed her arms. He threw Legos at her.

“Get out!” he screamed.

“First,” she said, standing her ground. “You need to get dressed. Then, you need to rewrite your sentences correctly. After that, I want you to do your chores.”

“No!” he threw Captain America. “I'm not doing anything you say!”

“I'm not fighting with you. I'm going to be with everyone else. And they are all excited about making cards after snack this morning. You know what do do if you want to participate, too.”

“I still get a snack!” he screamed.

“Yes, you always get a snack,” she confirmed. “If you need to go out and stomp on some cans, you're welcome to, provided your dressed, with your coat and boots on.”

“I'm going outside with nothing,” he challenged. “Just pajamas!” He kicked Legos at her. Then he ran out the door she wasn't in front of.

“Noah, catch him, please,” Liv called, spotting her cousin just coming out of his own bedroom. Wordlessly, and it seemed, effortlessly, Noah snagged Carter by the hand. He went boneless and started sobbing.

“Thank you,” Liv said. “Would you mind sticking around a while longer?” she asked, pleading with her eyes .

Noah sighed. “As long as it's not all day.”

“It won't be,” Liv reassured.

Just when she thought it was okay to walk away from Carter, he made a beeline for the deck door and started pulling. Without being asked, Noah intervened, wedging himself between Carter and the handle and standing guard.

“Move!” Carter screamed, struggling to push Noah out of the way and failing. “I'm running away!”

“The Sanchez-Brown's will see you,” Ari advised. “And then Liv will just take the car and follow you.”

Liv watched and Carter's shoulders sagged. He turned on her. “Then kick me out!” Tears streamed down his face. “Do it! I broke the rules! I was violent!”

Unexpectedly, Noah spoke up. “The other day? I broke the rules, too. I didn't get kicked out. Know what I did do? I did what I was told. And today I can do fun stuff again.”

“You're not a foster kid. They can't kick you out for being bad,” he said losing some of his fire. He sat down on the floor. “I wanna leave!” he sobbed.

--

“Carter?” Emma asked. She put her crutches down and came on the floor next to him. She knew it was all about timing. That trying to confront him right after he'd spilled the water and right after she'd slipped would have been the wrong move. She couldn't confront him when he was so angry. But now that the real emotion was coming up, she could deal with that.

“Leave me alone,” he said, turning away.

“You doing what you did with the water? That wasn't nice, and I think you know that, but it's not going to get you kicked out,” Emma said.

“You don't know!” he gasped.

“I do know. I'm the one who got hurt because of it. You know what is gonna happen?”

Carter shook his head.

“I'm going to get some bruises. I'm going to feel embarrassed,” she explained. “It's probably going to be hard for me to trust you for a while.”

He turned, surprised.

She rolled the leg of her pants slowly until a bruise on her knee was evident. But Emma knew the bruises would be the first things to heal. Everything else would take longer. Some wounds would never heal, like those memories from church with her parents as a little girl. But Carter didn't need to hear about that. She waited, seeing where he would take the conversation.

“Why would you feel embarrassed?” he asked, sounding angry.

Emma shrugged. “I used to fall a lot. People used to make me feel bad about that. When I fall now, sometimes I think about that.” She paused. “I know you're hurting. I know you're angry. But I don't think you're angry at me, are you?”

He shook his head. “I don't wanna talk about it.”

Nodding, Emma stayed quiet for a while and then speaking again. “Can I ask you a question? Did making me fall help you? Did it take away what was hurting you.”

“Made me feel strong. Like I could do something, instead of doing nothing.”

“Picking on people smaller or weaker than you?” Emma said seriously. “That doesn't make you stronger. That just makes you a bully.”

“The Hulk does it,” Carter said quietly.

“The Hulk makes people slip in water and pinches them?” she asked, looking him right in the eyes.

“No, but he gets mad and can't control it and he hurts people. That's like me,” Carter nodded.

Emma cocked her head. “Didn't The Hulk eventually learn to control his anger, and use it only when it would protect other people?”

“I guess,” Carter nodded. “Hey, how did you know that?”

“Did you think you were the only one who liked superheroes?” she asked, sending him a smile. “So what do you think? Can you make a good choice and get dressed right now? I think Noah would really like to give his legs a rest and not have to guard that door all day.”

“I'm gonna put on my Hulk shirt,” Carter nodded. He hoped he could find his green sweatpants and green socks too.

“So, I can go?” Noah asked.

“Yes, you can go,” Emma nodded. “Thanks for the help. Hey, by the way, did you leave Carter some of the bathroom chores to do.”

“Oh yeah,” Noah nodded.

–

Carter got dressed and got his coat and boots on and then he dumped out all the cans and smashed every single one. He still felt angry inside, but a little bit less. He didn't want to have to redo his sentences, but he also didn't really feel like hurting people on purpose anymore. He didn't want to be a bully. He knew some bullies. His real dad was a bully. He didn't ever want to be like him.

Liv was watching from inside. “Do I still have to do those other things even though I got dressed?” he asked.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“Probably?” he raised his eyebrows.

“You got it.”

Carter rewrote all his sentences the right way this time, even though his hand was hurting from writing too much. He did that and then quick cleaned off the kitchen island and swept the floor and cleaned the mirror and the sink in the bathroom.

It turned out there was more things he had to do, like brush his teeth and make his bed and pick up the toys he threw. But Carter wanted his snack on time and he didn't want to have more consequences and chores to do after snack, so he hurried the fastest ever to get everything done.

He did it all in time for snack and got to have a chocolate chip granola bar. Carter felt tired, and kind of like crying. Everything he did didn't change that his mom and dad didn't come and didn't care about him. Emma and Noah saying he wouldn't get kicked out didn't mean he for sure wouldn't. That was up to William and Grace when they got home.

Carter sat at the table with Oliver, Zoey, Charlie and Ari and a bunch of paper and crayons. Oh yeah, they were making cards. Carter knew who he was going to make his for, especially after Liv explained that cards could be used to express feelings. Like get well soon, or sorry, or encouragement.

Liv was making a card for her grandma. Ari was making a card for Dudley. Oliver was making a card for somebody Carter didn't know. Zoey was making one for Pinkie Pie, of course. Charlie was making one for her mom that was super secret and no one could even look at it. Emma was making one, too, and when he asked she said it was for Liv's grandma, too.

He was going to give his card to Emma.

Carter worked very hard on it, putting all his feelings and being sorry into it. He thought about making ones for Liv and Josh too, but that got his brain feeling too full so Carter stuck with just making one for Emma, who he'd hurt the most and was a bully to.

He thought about putting it in the box for Emma to find and then decided just to give it to her.

[Image reads: Emma I am sorry Love Carter.]

When she gave him a hug, it was the best feeling he never expected. “Thank you. I'm so glad to know you're sorry.”

“Do you still like me?” he asked quietly. “Even though I was a bully to you?'

“Yes, I still like you. You're a great person. You just made a bad choice. So, going forward? Make better ones. If you don't know what to do, ask. Remember? That's what we're here for.”

Carter nodded. “I'll try,” he said. “I'll try to remember that.”

Chapter 13: Send In The Clowns

 “Hi!” Harper called, feeling better than she had in days. “I brought Lexie for dinner!”

Spending most of a day with her best friend was like spending the day in the sunshine after years of living under clouds. It was the best thing for Harper. She was even home fifteen minutes early, to prove to Emma and Liv that they could trust her.

“Hi, Lexie,” Liv greeted. “Come on in, girls, dinner's almost ready.”

“Hi Lexie!” Zoey screeched, coming in from the kitchen and grabbing Lexie's hands.

“That's Zoey,” Harper introduced, not even feeling embarrassed. Lexie knew everything about her family, including Oliver and Zoey's arrival. Lexie didn't think it was weird. She thought it was cool to have a revolving door of possible siblings. She was an only child.

Harper remembered that. She'd grown up an only child, too, until last year. It had been so lonely. Because of that, she loved bringing Lexie over to hang out. It was a bonus that William and Grace weren't home. Liv and Emma were definitely better to have around and more relaxed.

“Hi, Zoey. It's nice to meet you,” Lexie greeted formally, shaking Zoey's hand. “Come on. We're having chips for dinner!”

Harper furrowed her eyebrows. “Pretty sure she's wrong about that...” she said to Lexie under her breath and Lexie laughed.

“We are having chili and grilled cheese sandwiches and green beans,” Liv corrected.

“No! Green beans taste terrible in my mouth!” Zoey whined.

Noah was stirring the pot of chili, and Harper hoped he wasn't in charge of the actual cooking of it or they might all die from being poisoned. Noah didn't know how to cook at all. Unless a miracle had happened when she was gone.

Lexie was busy saying hi to Josh, who loved Lexie and hugged her to death and sat on her lap whenever she came over.

“Hi. Miss you. Hi,” he was saying while smiling so big at her.

“I missed you, too,” she laughed. “I guess I have to come over more, huh?”

Josh nodded.

Oliver was setting the table with Charlie. Harper guessed Zoey and Josh had been helping until she and Lexie came and ruined their concentration.

“Hi, I'm Harper's best friend, Lexie,” Lexie was introducing herself, shaking hands with Emma, who was sitting at the table. Harper felt bad she forgot to introduce them. She talked about Emma so much to Lexie it seemed like they for sure had met before.

“Hi, Lexie, it's so nice to meet you,” Emma said shaking hands with Lexie.

Harper was so glad Emma didn't say anything embarrassing like she had heard so much about her, and that Lexie didn't stare or ask embarrassing questions about Emma's crutches. Harper had told Lexie about them but mostly she talked about Emma taking time to talk to her, her notes and how she shared with Harper like they were the same age and she wasn't just some kid. Lexie was impressed, too.

When dinner was on the table, Harper took a seat next to Lexie. It was weird and quieter without Carter and Ari around, but Zoey more than made up for it.

Right now, she was looking around for Dudley – probably to feed him her beans – but Dudley didn't like them either. Put a bowl of chili down, though and he'd be there in two seconds, and it would be gone.

“I hate green beans really bad,” she whined.

“I want you to eat at least five,” Emma said seriously.

“No!” Zoey begged.

“Hey,” Lexie whispered, bumping Zoey with her arm and lowering her voice to a whisper. “Did you know green beans have magic powers?”

“No, they don't...” she pouted. “You're just tricking me.”

“I'm not. I promise,” Lexie said seriously. “They have magic in them that helps you heal faster when you get hurt and they make your bones stronger.”

Harper watched as Zoey cast angry, but curious glances around the table. “Ollie, is that true?” she asked. Obviously, Zoey wasn't gonna take the word of some stranger over her own brother.

“It is,” he nodded, and he looked so believable. Harper didn't know if he remembered everything he read like Lexie did, or remembered the exact day in sixth grade Family and Consumer Science where they learned about nutrition, but at least he knew that it was a good idea for his sister to eat more than chips.

Harper picked at her chili and ate a few chips. She'd had an upset stomach for most of a week, and nothing sounded good. Luckily no one made a big deal.

“I'm eating all my beans so I can have dessert!” Charlie announced.

“Me, too!” Josh added.

Harper seriously doubted there was anything for dessert, because there usually wasn't unless William was around to bake a cake or a crumble or a pie. When Liv took out frozen bananas on sticks, Harper was confused. Until she saw the chocolate chips Emma took out of the fridge and put in the microwave.

It didn't make Harper anymore hungry for dinner, but she might be able to manage a chocolate banana... Zoey choked down five beans when she saw what was coming, too.

Liv and Noah cleared away the pots and bowls of food and everybody took their plates to the sink and then she laid out the bananas and the melted chocolate chips with instructions for everybody to be careful and take turns dipping one banana in the chocolate and then laying it back on the wax paper to freeze.

“Carter nana?” Josh asked.

“Ari, too!” Charlie insisted.

“Definitely,” Emma said. “Josh, you make two bananas, okay? One for you and one for Carter. Charlie, make two, too. One for you and one for Ari.”

“Can I make one for Pinkie Pie?” Zoey asked and Harper rolled her eyes at Lexie. But Lexie laughed. She thought Zoey was cute.

“No extras for invisible horses,” Noah grumbled.

“What about if I make one that's 'visibe for Pinkie Pie?” Zoey challenged, smiling endearingly.

“If you make an invisible one,” Harper advised, taking a page from Lexie and leaning toward her, “you can put extra special ingredients in it. Like stardust and sunshine...”

“Okay!” Zoey answered.

Liv hurried the process by telling them the bananas had to freeze for an hour before they could be eaten. And just like that, everyone's bananas were ready to go. They cleaned, with Lexie's help, and then Harper and Lexie gathered everybody who wanted to in the living room for makeovers.

–

There was no way Noah was going to do any stupid makeovers. It was fine if everybody else wanted to. He was fine just keeping his head down and doing whatever Liv told him until 9:30 when he could legitimately go to his room and be done with this awful day. He hoped he'd been good enough so he would get to go out tomorrow. Staying at home totally sucked.

He was busy doing actual laundry when Liv stopped him.

“You've done a good job today. I've noticed,” she said.

He didn't thank her. He just nodded.

“I wanted to be sure that you haven't forgotten about doing something Harper thinks is nice.”

Noah sighed. “I didn't forget. I'm gonna talk to her about it tonight.”

“Good. Did you get to talk things through with your mom?” she asked.

“Yeah, a little. It was unrelated but...Carter told me some stuff that day Josh had his seizure. Stuff Mom should know. I thought knowing it might impact his going to contact, but I guess not.”

“I'm glad you told. When you're done with this, make sure you find Harper and talk to her about what you want to do.”

Noah folded the jeans really slowly. He searched the pockets for money but didn't find any. Liv and Emma were good about doing that before they put anything in to wash. His mom, though, would wash actual electronics. She said if they didn't care about their stuff enough to clear out their pockets before it went through the wash, they deserved to lose it. She had washed his first cell phone when he was eleven. He thought he'd be without one forever, but they'd given him a cheap one that Christmas and he had to take care of that thing like it was made of gold and jewels. This year on his birthday he got a real smart phone. Now, Noah always knew where it was. He also never left money in his pockets.

“Harp,” he called, when he was done. She glanced up from where she was putting blue eye make up on Charlie and grimaced.

“Don't call me Harp. What?”

“Can I talk to you, please?” he asked, aware that Emma was watching. Liv was down the hall, giving Josh his bath, but he knew she heard everything that went on.

She got up and walked over, leaving Lexie to apply super intense blush to Zoey's cheeks. Noah looked around for Oliver and found him on one of the couches, blending in with the furniture.

Harper was standing there in front of him. Noah felt awkward. He tucked his hands in his pockets and looked down. “Um...so I gotta make up for freaking you out. I was thinking...I saw some, like, dressy clothes on Amazon. You could pick something and I could pay for it and--”

“No.”

Noah blinked. “Seriously? What girl doesn't like clothes?”

Harper stared at him. “Um, this girl. Plus, you don't think it's weird for a girl to get clothes from her brother?”

“No, I thought you'd like it.”

“Well, I don't. I don't want you to buy me anything. Buying me something's not gonna change what you did.”

Noah spread his hands, completely lost. “I don't understand what you want me to do Liv says I have to do something for you for my punishment to be over. How can that happen if you reject every idea I have?”

“You literally had one idea,” Harper pointed out.

“Fine. What do you want?” he asked, figuring belatedly, that's where he should have started in the first place. “You want me to say I'm sorry? I said it already.”

“I want you to be sorry, Noah! I want you to not apologize from behind my bedroom door like a coward! Look me in the eye, be sorry, and never ever do something like that to me again. That's what I want.”

Noah's cheeks burned. This was so humiliating. He knew the whole house could hear them now and was waiting for him to step up and be a decent human being and not a screw up. This was the worst. But it was either grow a pair and do this, or stay at home and work his ass off until his mom came back, and one day was already more than he could take.

Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head and looked Harper in the eyes. He expected her to look smug, but she didn't. She looked hurt, and a little scared. She had her arms crossed, and couldn't look him in the eye back. “I am sorry, Harper. I swear. I'll never do anything like that to you again. Do you believe me?”

“You're not just saying it to get out of punishment?” she challenged, looking him in the eyes now.

“Well, yeah, obviously, but I'm also saying it because I mean it. I don't wanna be the kind of person that does that to people. I know how it feels,” he added, under his breath.

“And you'll knock like a normal human from now on?” she checked, cracking a smile.

“Yeah, promise. I mean, if there's a zombie attack or something, I figure you might wanna know ASAP so you can get out, but I mean, other than that, yeah, totally,” he smiled, too.

“Okay,” she nodded, and turned to walk down the hall to the open bathroom door to where Liv was and called inside.

“Noah and I are good now. You can let him off punishment if you want.”

He rolled his eyes. Nice vote of confidence. Noah walked through the kitchen and peered in the freezer checking on the bananas.

–

Ari made her way inside, breathless. That car ride had been a special kind of torture, but the blanket and the music had helped a little. She'd been wearing the headphones again so she hadn't really noticed that Carter had been quiet the whole ride home, except when he lifted one headphone and whispered, “My parents didn't come, but don't tell.”

Of course Ari would tell. She knew better than to keep something like that to herself. But she wasn't gonna do it to Carter's face or anything. He was acting like everything was fine, but Ari knew he wasn't. She spent most of her life these days faking okay.

The second they were in the house, and Emma asked how contact was she surprised him, smiling. “It was fine. But I just wanna go to bed.”

“Josh made you a chocolate banana,” Liv offered. “Everyone had one at snack. Charlie made yours, Ari.”

She smiled. Her first honest smile in hours. Maybe since yesterday. She went to the freezer and took out the bananas.

“Did you guys have dinner?” Emma asked, sitting at the table with them.

“I did,” Ari nodded. “My mom brought Chipotle.” It had been the one good thing about the visit. She missed her mom and loved her, of course. But it was hard to believe that her mom missed and loved Ari back. Or else why wouldn't she have tried harder to take care of her after the car accident?

“Carter?”

“Sure,” he said shrugging, but even Ari could see how he was wolfing down that chocolate banana. His backpack seemed light when he got back in the car, but he was eating like he hadn't seen food in ages.

“I'll heat you up a bowl of chili, and a grilled cheese,” Liv said without a second thought.

“Thank you,” Carter answered, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Ari excused herself and went downstairs to get her pajamas on and brush her teeth. She walked in the bedroom and found Charlie still awake.

“Harper's friend came over,” Charlie said excited, as soon as Ari climbed in bed. Zoey was asleep. Ari knew because she snored the loudest of anyone in the house.

“Lexie?”

“Yeah.”

“Lucky.”

“She gave Zoey a makeover. Harper gave me one. Then Harper took pictures on her phone. She's not allowed to post them anywhere though, so she said she's just gonna get prints at Target and keep them in her room or something. We looked funny. Oh! Did you have your banana?”

“I did,” Ari yawned.

“I made it for you.”

“Yeah, nice, thanks,” Ari managed, nodding off.

“Love you, Ari.”

“Love you...”

–

Liv sat across from Emma eating a chocolate banana, while Emma did the same. A cup of coffee stood beside them both. Didn't matter that it was 9:30 PM. Everybody was finally in their rooms, presumably sleeping. They could finally talk.

“These are so good,” Emma moaned. “Where did you learn to make these?”

“Preschool? Kindergarten? I don't remember, but it was so much fun I knew these kids would enjoy it.”

“Mmm,” Emma nodded. “So, Lexie seems nice.”

“She is. Lexie's a good girl. I'm glad they have each other. Both being the youngest in their grade and all. Harper seemed better today.” Liv observed.

“Yeah, I think seeing Noah got some real consequences helped her see that we were serious and that she matters as much as I keep trying to tell her she does.” Emma laughed to herself. “Did you see Noah and Harper trying to get through that apology she wanted? I mean, she deserved to get a legitimate apology, but they bickered their way through even that.”

“Lord, you couldn't pay me to be their ages again...”

“I know... Does Carter usually not get fed at contact, do you know? Is that why he's so worried about having enough to eat?”

“I don't know. I can't imagine it would help matters, though.”

“Right...” Emma sipped her coffee. “So, are you doing okay? With your grandmother and everything?”

“I just wanna be there with her. But I know I'm helping out by being here. I want to be sure to send her a card soon. Maybe we can do that with the kids. Make it a project. Not get well cards, per say, not all of them know Gram personally. Oliver and Zoey just got here when it happened. But making cards is a nice thing to do.”

“It is.” Emma nodded.

“How are you?” Liv returned.

“Overwhelmed. Tired. But good. I mean aside from having to army crawl my way out of that tub every morning,” she laughed.

“Sorry. I wish there were an easier way for you to go about that.”

Emma shrugged. “It works.

“So, Grace mentioned that they planned to be home Friday morning. Think we have a little more than two days left in us?”

“I hope so!” Emma laughed. She grew serious, thinking. “Being around these kids, it's been kind of bringing things up for me,” she admitted. “I mean, it's been great, especially being around Josh and getting to show him that it's okay to be different, but I was talking to Harper the other day and I ended up telling her some stuff about when I was her age. How my parents never seemed to accept me.”

“Right,” Liv nodded, understanding.

“And on the other hand, doing this? It kind of makes it obvious just how hard parenting must be. I mean, we're in charge of these kids for what, a week? And I already feel like I've experienced that thing where parents do their best and still end up letting somebody down.”

“I don't think that's a parent thing,” Liv smiled. “I think that's a human thing.”

“You think it's okay that Harper slept in my bed last night?” Emma asked suddenly.

“What? She did?” Liv looked surprised.

“Yeah, I told you. Last night when she had that nightmare?” Emma clarified.

“And where did you sleep? ...Oh... Well, did she seem better?”

“Her heart was pounding and she was shaking but she was able to fall back asleep and didn't wake up again.”

“Good,” Liv nodded. “I mean, not that she had such a bad dream, but that she could be resettled.”

“I'm probably gonna turn in,” Emma offered. “Do some devos.”

“You just drank a whole cup of coffee,” Liv pointed out.

“Yeah, I need to stay awake through Numbers.”

“I don't envy you. Hey, will you help me keep an extra eye on Carter for the time being? Ari mentioned he said something to her about how his parents didn't show up for contact tonight. So it was just him and his siblings.”

“Ouch. Yeah, definitely. And Noah's free to go out tomorrow as long as he's home for dinner?” Emma asked just short of the stairs.

“That's the plan.”

“Sounds good. Praying for a peaceful night. I need to catch up on some sleep here.”

“Good luck with that,” Liv laughed.

“Yeah, you too.”