Chapter 3: Cages

Oliver walked around the house with a feather duster, swiping it over surfaces here and there. He'd never actually dusted before. It wasn't that he was one of those spoiled kids who never had to do a chore. It's that his other sisters – Royal who was ten and Sage and McKenzie who were eight – often fought over who got to do the easy jobs. He was often left with the most difficult chores. Mowing the lawn. Cleaning the garage with his dad. That kind of thing.

He'd give anything to have hard chores again.

Cleaning clutter around the common rooms was a given. So was cleaning up after breakfast. At home, Zoey usually found ways of getting out of doing chores. McKenzie teased her. Or Royal walked over the spot she was cleaning.

“Ollie!” she sobbed now.

He sighed. Good to know some things never changed.

“What?”

“She's making me apologize!” Zoey clung to him, and Oliver had to fight the urge to push her away. He hated when she got like this, but Dad wasn't here to distract her with a cheesy joke, or explain why she had to do a thing.

“Who?” he asked, distracted.

“Her!” Zoey pointed to Noah's cousin. It was still tough for him to get everyone's names. His brain was too full of other stuff. Oliver shook his head to clear it.

“What do you want me to do about it?” he asked irritably.

“Make me not have to!” Zoey demanded.

Oliver glanced to where Noah's cousin stood back, allowing him space, but he could see by the look on her face that she expected him to push Zoey to do the right thing. He sighed. It wouldn't do her any good to grow up to be a spoiled brat.

“You took that girl's perfume,” he said matter of factly.

“So?” she challenged.

“So?” he echoed, unbelieving. “You know better. You couldn't get Dad to get you out of trouble and you're not getting me to do it either. Do what you're told.”

“I hate you!” Zoey screamed, stalking back to Noah's cousin and the girl and giving her a snotty apology that would have earned her a timeout at home.

Oliver had a headache and his stomach hadn't settled since yesterday. Since before. He couldn't handle all of this. Being the one in charge of his sister at twelve was not something he ever saw coming. He wanted life to go back. To have his dad do what he was told so they wouldn't be in this situation right now. He felt anger building inside him and felt like screaming, but he couldn't. He couldn't care enough to scream. He couldn't care enough to get angry.

He couldn't do anything.

And wasn't that the problem?

–

Emma sat on the couch in the living room watching the progress and keeping the little ones on track as she checked the box. She and Olivia had made sure they would do a more thorough job staying on top of it and following through with the kids about their notes and drawings. She pulled out the only two pieces of paper: a sweet note from Harper, and an angry-looking Hulk character saying “Hulk Smash” drawn by Carter. 

[Image is Harper's note written in pink pen.  It reads:  Emma!  Thx!  I am rly glad you're here (and Olivia too.]

[Image is a a green figure colored in crayon with angry teeth. It reads: "Hulk Smash.  Carter."

She glanced up to check on the kids' progress. Josh was making rounds to the bathroom laundry shoot with one piece of clothing at a time to drop it down the hole. Noah and Carter were supposed to be cleaning the bathroom up here, and Harper was running the vacuum.

The rest of the kids were downstairs being supervised by Liv. So far, Emma figured she must be having a rough time, dealing with Zoey and Ari, who were still angry about being made to apologize. Zoey had just tried approaching Oliver to get out of trouble, and Emma was impressed at the way Oliver stood his ground and insisted Zoey do what she'd been asked to.

Emma figured she'd dropped the ball in not following through more firmly when Zoey had put on Ari's perfume without permission. She just hadn't expected such a blatant rejection of any kind of rules. Emma knew she'd have to do better in enforcing boundaries. Her personality was naturally softer and compassion always won out over an instinct to discipline, but these kids wouldn't thrive if they weren't held to a basic standard of behavior.

“Emma, Carter's not helping. He's got, like, two of the simplest jobs in the bathroom and he's not doing anything,” Noah insisted, frustrated.

“Do your part and leave his for him. Oh, here,” Emma handed Noah his blue Post-It, with a note from her scrawled on the back.

[Image is written on the back of Noah's blue Post-It in black pen.  It reads:  "Noah - Glad you're home safe.  We love having you with us and want to include you.  Emma."]

Noah glanced down, reading the message quickly, and sent her a small smile. “Thanks for this.”

“Send Carter out here for me, please?” she called as Noah headed back to the bathroom.

“Carter. Emma wants to talk to you,” she heard, before she saw him, scrubbing tears off his face.

She patted the couch next to her and he sat down. She held out the drawing of Hulk, and did her best not to react as Carter wrinkled it up, trying hard to keep his tears in check.

“Hulk looked mad,” Emma observed, keeping her eyes on his hands and the paper.

Carter swallowed and nodded. “He is mad,” Carter clarified, wiping his eyes roughly again.

“Did he tell you why?” Emma asked, her tone carefully curious and not reacting to his tears. He seemed so embarrassed to be crying in front of her, but unable to stop.

Carter nodded. “He's starving,” he said, his voice breaking.

“If the Hulk wanted more breakfast, all he had to do was ask and we'd give him more,” Emma explained patiently.

“There's more of us now. I thought...we might run out if I had more,” Carter admitted.

“What would make you feel full?” Emma asked. Pointing out that they'd have a snack soon wouldn't help a boy who had obviously gone hungry at some point in his earlier life.

“A warm thing. William always gives me a warm thing if I have to have cereal,” Carter explained, his breath catching.

“A warm thing like...some toast with peanut butter and jelly?” she guessed, remembering that he ate that with his breakfast one morning just before William left for work.

Carter nodded. Then, he eyed her critically. “Can you make toast?”

Emma laughed. “Yes, I promise. I can make toast. You want to come and watch, or give me a hand?”

Carter hopped up beside her. “I didn't know somebody with crutches could make toast,” he observed.

“Well, you learn something new every day...” she smiled easily.

Josh came careening into the kitchen then. “Yummy?” he asked.

“We'll have a snack in a little bit,” Emma told him, waiting for the toaster to pop. “Did you put all the laundry down to wash?” she asked.

“All,” he said proudly.

“All of it! Wow, you're a great helper!”

“Can I be done?” Oliver asked.

“Is the dusting done?” Emma wondered.

“Yeah, it's done. I'm gonna go hang out in Noah's room.”

“Okay.” Emma walked to the table, where Carter was eating his toast and took a seat across from him. Josh whined at her feet and Emma wished she could trust her balance to bend over and pick him up.

“This is so stupid! Why should I have to clean the room when I didn't even make a mess in it? And I'm not doing anything nice for Zoey, PS. Her apology sucked.” Ari exploded, coming up the stairs in an apparent effort to avoid Liv, who was at her heels.

Emma was about to comment when Josh went stiff and fell.

–

Noah was just headed in after bringing the garbage and recycling out, when he saw Josh stiffen up and tip over onto the kitchen floor.

He didn't think, Noah just reacted. Moving beside Josh, Noah made sure he was on his side, rolling him away from the table and chairs. It wasn't the first time Noah had seen Josh have one of these. He'd lived here almost a year and a half and they happened from time to time, even with the medicine.

They were only scary if you'd never seen one, and if you didn't know what to do. Noah had watched his mom and William look after Josh in the midst of them and knew it was important to stay calm. He heard chaos around him and hoped Liv and Emma would manage it so Josh wouldn't be too stressed and seize more. He hadn't had one of these for months. Not since school started in September. Distracted, Noah wondered if anyone else had connected that Josh's seizures happened when changes in the house happened. All the kids went back to school in September, leaving Josh alone during part of the day with his mom. Now, Noah's mom and William had left suddenly. Josh had probably woken up this morning expecting them. These last few hours nothing had been like it usually was. No wonder Josh was stressed and seizing.

He was glad when he heard Liv gathering everybody else downstairs to finish chores. Noah stroked Josh's face. “It's okay, buddy. It's gonna be okay.”

He tried to ignore the weird noises Josh made, like he was struggling to breathe and grunting. His arm shook a little and some drool came out of his mouth. The scariest part for Noah was how blank Josh's eyes looked. How he couldn't react to anything. All his muscles were tight and all Noah could do was sit with him until it stopped.

“Should I see if Liz and Zee are home?” Harper asked, referring to their neighbors.

“Give him a minute,” Noah advised.

By now, Emma was down on the floor, too, holding Josh's hand. Noah was glad to see she had her phone out and had remembered to time it. Sometimes, things happened a little fast and Noah overlooked important stuff. It was good to be able to count on Emma and Liv to take care of stuff he forgot.

“Josh, it's Noah. Can you hear me?” Noah asked, looking for any kind of response. After what seemed like a million years, Josh's body relaxed and he was able to move his eyes to look at Noah. His hands moved to his face, fingers spread, starting in the center of his face and moving outward. It took Noah a second to realize it wasn't seizure activity. He was signing “tiger.”

“Okay. We'll find Daniel. You ready? Up?” Noah asked, waiting for confirmation. He knew that after a seizure Josh was sore and picking him up before he was ready wouldn't help.

“Up,” Josh managed, quietly.

Carefully, Noah scooped up Josh, letting his head rest against Noah's shoulder. It was still way too loud out here. He took Josh to his bedroom and tucked him in bed with his Daniel Tiger. He kept the lights off, closed the door and turned on the white noise machine, hoping it would block out some of the absolutely crazy noise Noah was hearing. He sat next to Josh, holding his hand.

“Mama,” Josh said, his voice weak and monotone.

“Mama loves you,” Noah reassured.

When the door opened at his back, Noah expected Carter, who made it his duty to protect Josh, or at least, sit with him until he felt better.

Is he okay? You guys need anything?

The text was from Emma, and Noah forgot they had swapped numbers, in case he was out and wanted permission to stay out longer and Liv was busy or something.

Needs quiet and rest. Thx 4 timing it, Noah typed back.

“Sorry I didn't help clean,” Carter whispered.

“It's fine. Don't worry about it,” Noah said back softly as Josh's breathing deepened and evened out.

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered except his family's safety. Doing this reminded him of being young. Around Carter's same age, and looking out for his mom. Back when she used to need him. Oh, well. At least he was needed now. He felt for the note in his pocket, and was glad Liv and Emma were here. It made Noah feel like, for the first time in a long time, he wasn't invisible.

–

Harper tried distracting Charlie when Josh started shaking all around. Harper said Charlie and Zoey could come in her room for special and she would read them a story. But Charlie didn't want a story, not when Ari was screaming.

She probably didn't like it when Josh shaked.

It probably made her break stuff and not let people be close to her and hurt herself, like one time else when she had to go in a car. Olivia was trying but she didn't know the best way.

Only Charlie knew that.

Ari was in their room, destroying it all. Charlie heard her just say a minute ago how she didn't make any of the mess but now she was making all the mess. She wrecked her bed and threw her perfume bottle so it broke and the smell of apples almost choked Charlie.

Olivia was telling Ari to stop. She didn't understand that Ari couldn't. Not when she got her nothing face on. By now, Ari was sitting against the wall, rocking hard against it so her head banged. When Olivia tried to get close, Ari kicked and pushed, but Charlie could come and sit right next to Ari.

“I know what to do,” Charlie said, waving Olivia off. “Just leave it to me.”

“As the grown up, Charlie, I can't do that,” Olivia said back making Charlie very mad.

And she watched as Olivia worked to pull Ari away from the wall and then did so Olivia was in the way of the wall and Ari was rocking against her, not the wall. Usually Grace and William just told her that's not how they solved problems and that was it. Charlie heard them say on the phone to somebody it might be for attention.

Only Charlie knew Ari did it if people were paying attention or not.

It wasn't for attention. It was what happened when Ari's feelings got too big to keep inside.

Charlie knew because the same thing happened to her.

She got on her knees and whispered right into Ari's ear so Olivia couldn't hear: “Some people are worth melting for.”

–

The sounds Josh made and the way he went all stiff and fell...nobody else seemed to know...that's what dying sounded like. No one made a big deal about it, they were just making a big deal about her and that didn't make any sense.

She couldn't lose someone else. Not after she already lost the person that was her whole world.

It was bad enough to lose her dad the way she did. Bad enough to be there with him, waiting for help and having none come until it was too late. Josh was just a baby. He couldn't die.

Ari had lashed out, losing control and destroying everything she touched. She tore apart her bed and shattered her secret bottle of perfume so it smelled like she was standing in the middle of an orchard in the fall, when the apples were the very ripest. She rocked hard against the wall, fighting against Olivia when she got too close.

She didn't trust Olivia. She only just got here a few hours ago. Somehow, though, she got behind Ari and held on tight, rocking with her, and taking the impact of the wall for her. Charlie was at their side and got on her knees to whisper in her ear.

It was stupid. A stupid line from that stupid Disney movie, but there were tears in her eyes, and then rolling down her face. She could not stop shaking.

“Charlie, could you give us a minute?” Ari heard from behind her.

“Yes,” Charlie said, and Ari could hear her distantly, knocking on Harper's door, finally deciding to give in and be around Zoey if it meant she got to hear Harry Potter.

Ari couldn't stop crying.

But Olivia didn't make her. She just held on tight, which helped somehow. It made Ari feel less like she was flying apart. It was like Olivia knew that Ari needed someone to help her get back in control.

She cried until she couldn't anymore. Until she just leaned heavily on Olivia and tried to match her breathing. “Is he dead?” Ari managed, her voice flat. She wanted Dudley. He would be able to make her feel better. But all her screaming probably freaked him out. She imagined him hiding somewhere in the house, probably shaking just like she was.

“Josh? No. He has seizures sometimes. If you've never seen one they can be scary, but he's okay.”

“Sounded like he was dying.”

When Olivia didn't get offended or tell her not to say rude things, Ari confessed, “It's how my dad sounded.”

“I'm sorry,” Olivia said like she really meant it. “I promise you, Josh is okay. Emma would have texted me if he wasn't. If you want, you and I can go check on him together when he's had a chance to rest.”

Ari didn't say anything right away. There was no point. Of course she wanted to check on Josh, but she was also terrified that what if Olivia was wrong. She hadn't seen with her own eyes that Josh really was okay. What if he wasn't?

“I hate it here,” Ari commented instead, all the fight gone out of her. “I wanna go home. I wanna go backward in time and just have it be September 24^th forever so nothing bad can ever have happened to me,” she paused.

“I want that for you, too. I'm sorry bad things happened to you. I'm sorry you had a hard Christmas.” Olivia was stroking Ari's hair but Ari didn't mind, as long as no one else came in to see.

“Santa's not even real. Nothing good is real. I'm just stuck in this crappy place without my family and little kids who make dying noises. Sometimes, I just can't take it.”

It was silent for a while and then Olivia said something. It wasn't a stupid thing adults said to make kids feel better and it wasn't a lie.

What she said was, “I've got you.”