Chapter 7: Cotton Candy

 Emma wasn't a coffee drinker, usually. But ever since she had begun this marathon of taking care of so many kids, she had acquired a taste for it. Thanks to Liv also needing it to survive there was almost always a pot brewing, or some leftover.

She must have been emanating waves of caffeine withdrawal because Carter said, “I can make coffee. Want me to make you some?” He was on the living room floor, surrounded by Legos.

“No, that's a nice offer, though, thank you,” Emma replied. She was glad to have a little one on one time with him.

Liv was getting dinner ready, with help from Oliver, Ari, Charlie and Zoey. Josh had eaten a cookie and was playing on the floor in the kitchen. The only one not helping with dinner preparation was Carter.

This fact didn't escape Emma. “So, have you been feeling okay about food today?” she asked carefully.

“Yeah, mostly.”

“You know you can help Liv in the kitchen if you want,” Emma offered.

“It's grown-ups' jobs to make the food. It's part of taking care of us,” Carter said, before making zooming and zapping sound effects as his Lego people battled.

“You're right about that.”

“Do you still mean it about your crutches?” he asked, turning from his toys to look at her.

Behind her on the couch, Emma's had stowed her crutches out of the way, mostly because Josh loved to touch the tips, which was about as gross as touching the bottom of someone's shoe. “Mean what about them?”

“What you said before about...you know...they're just for walking?”

Emma nodded. “Yes, that's still true. It's always true.” She cast a look into the kitchen and saw all the kids busily adding ingredients to a salad. Emma wondered which one of them was going to eat that. The frozen lasagna baking in the oven sounded much more appealing to her. “Do you want to try them?”

Carter raised his eyebrows. “Can I?”

“Sure, for a little bit.” She set them on the ground and Carter slid his thin arms in. They were too tall for him but he smiled anyway.

“These are helping me balance, right?” he asked.

“Well, actually, you already know how to balance, but they help me balance,” Emma laughed.

“They're helping me walk,” Carter said, obviously enjoying the pretending aspect.

“I wanna do that!” Zoey called, dropping the Parmesan cheese and rushing to the living room to pull on the crutches

“You can't just grab these!” Carter exclaimed, incensed. “I might fall! Besides, I got Emma's permission before, and you didn't.”

“No fair!” Zoey pouted.

“Those crutches are the most important thing to me,” Emma explained. “Do you remember when you drew me a picture about what was most important?”

“Yeah.”

“When something's important to someone else we always ask first if it's okay to touch it. And when we use it, we're really gentle, right?”

“FlutterShy's gentle!”

“She is? Can you be gentle like FlutterShy after Carter's done?”

“Yes, I'll be the best gentle!”

“Thank you.”

Carter brought the crutches back to Emma. “I pretended those helped me walk. If I picked one up to hit, I might of fell right over.”

“You said!” Zoey accused. “You said my turn was next!”

“What step are you missing?” Emma reminded gently, but Zoey was gearing up for a full blown tantrum. “Carter, do you remember?”

“Ask before you touch,” he said. “Just say, like, 'Can I try those now?' That's a good sentence, right, Emma?”

Emma nodded, smiling.

“Can I try those now?” Zoey pouted.

“Sure you can, but remember to be gentle like FlutterShy.”

“Okay,” Zoey answered in a tiny voice, that Emma could only guess was supposed to be a pony.

“Stellar Eclipse has a wheelchair. Do you have a wheelchair?” Zoey queried, sliding the crutches in front of her.

“I do. It's not here, though. It's at home,” Emma explained.

“What color is it?”

“It's the color of your favorite pony. What color is that?”

“Pink?” Zoey yelled, excited.

“You got it.”

Emma glanced up at the unmistakable sound of cereal on linoleum.

“Joshua Jacob McDowell,” Liv warned. “I said no Cheerios, didn't I?”

Emma raised her eyebrows at the defiance in Josh's blue eyes as he picked up one Cheerio from the huge pile and ate it, nodding his head. “Want that yummy,” he insisted, picking up another.

“Zoey, I'm gonna need those back.” Emma called.

“Here you go,” Zoey said in her pony voice.

“Now I have a question. Who's a good sweeper?” Emma asked.

“I am!” Charlie said, raising her hand. “Can I?”

“Yep. Charlie I want you to sweep these Cheerios a little at a time into the dust pan Josh is going to be holding.”

“No!” Josh shouted.

“Yes. You make a mess. You help clean,” Emma explained. “Let's hurry. We gotta get this cleaned up before Liv and Ari come with the lasagna.”

“I can do it,” Oliver offered.

“Thank you for the offer, but Josh is doing this,” Emma said, bringing a trash can from the little boys' room to put beside Josh. “When Charlie sweeps the Cheerios in your dust pan, you pick it up carefully and spill them in the garbage. Got it?”

Josh pouted some more, and Charlie waited with broom in hand, her other hand on her hip. But eventually he held the dust pan out for Charlie to sweep into.

Emma tied the bag closed, just as dinner was set on the table.

–

Here was the thing. So far, Ari had only freaked out one time in two whole days and an extra night. She'd cleaned up that mess (because Olivia made her, but still) and she'd been helpful with Josh last night. Tonight, she'd even helped make dinner without being asked.

She was due for a reward, and Ari was ready to collect anytime. But preferably tonight. Besides they couldn't really say no to her. Not when they'd let Harper and Noah go out.

“So, can I hang out with my friend?” Ari asked casually over dinner.

“Which friend?” Olivia wondered.

“From school.”

“Do I know this friend?” she asked, sounding just like Grace.

“Not unless you hang around fourth graders a lot...” Ari remarked sarcastically. “But I'll help clean up and everything...and then I'll be home by 9:00 because Harper's and my curfew is the same.” She took a bite of lasagna and made herself chew it. She needed to shut up before all her nervous babbling ruined the whole thing.

“It's dark out. If you'd like to play with a friend sometime this week we can talk about it. You're welcome to have someone over.”

“He won't want to do that!” Ari blurted before she could stop herself.

“Ha ha! Ari has a boyfriend!” Carter teased.

“So what if I do?” she insisted, making herself not care.

“You're not going out when it's dark, and even if you were, there's no way you're staying out until 9:00, that's way too late.”

“That's not fair! Am I only allowed to hang out with friends in daylight?”

“If they're boys, yeah....” Oliver muttered.

Ari gave him a withering look. “Nobody asked you.” She turned on Olivia. “This is so unfair! You let Noah and Harper do whatever they want but I can't even hang out with my boyfriend for less than four hours?”

“If Liz and Zee know who this boy is and where he lives, and they can vouch that you're allowed to go there, we can try it for a few hours tomorrow. If you can be responsible in the meantime.”

“Yeah, that means no Hulk smash, Ari,” Carter insisted.

“Mind your business,” Olivia told him so Ari wouldn't get in trouble for yelling at him.

“Can I be excused then?” Ari sulked, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms.

“Not til everyone's done,” Zoey reminded. “That's the rule, right?”

“That's right.” Olivia nodded.

“So, what else happened today that was good?” Emma wondered, trying to shift the conversation.

“Cookies!” Zoey cheered.

Ari rolled her eyes. She'd just have to inbox Luke on Facebook when no one was around to tell him she couldn't come over tonight. She hoped he'd be okay with tomorrow instead. If they broke up over this, Ari didn't know what she would do.

–

While everyone was cleaning up dinner, Oliver slipped away, with the excuse that he was going to the bathroom. As the upstairs one was occupied with Josh taking a bath, Oliver went downstairs. On the way, he slipped a framed picture off the wall and slid it under his shirt. The glass was cold against his skin.

Instead of continuing to the bathroom, Oliver stopped short in the den, and got down on his hands and knees, shoving the framed picture under the couch. He heard it knock against two others – ones he'd taken and hidden on Friday and Saturday. By doing this just a little at a time, no one would notice.

They hadn't yet.

One was gone from the mantle in the living room. That had been easy to steal the first morning. One was gone from under Noah's pillow. That one was easy to take yesterday, with all his time in that bedroom. That one wasn't even framed, so it had been way easier to steal.

Oliver stopped himself short. He wasn't actually stealing. Or borrowing. Just relocating the pictures. This family could find them. If they cared to look. And in the meantime, Oliver wouldn't have to.

–

Charlie took a long time picking what she wanted at snack. She wouldn't pick a book for Emma to read, but she didn't want Zoey to pick a book either. When Emma said Zoey got to pick, Charlie screamed.

She screamed when Emma started It's Hard to Be Five, because that book didn't have anything about not seeing your mom for a long time, and getting nervous inside because the next day was seeing your mom day.

“Take this book to the couch in the den,” Emma told Zoey and got up.

Charlie stopped screaming. “What?” she asked very serious. “What are you doing?”

“Reading a book in a room with no screaming,” Emma said, and Charlie jumped down from her top bunk where she had been throwing stuffed animals off and grabbed Emma's crutch.

“You can't go!”

“We can't stay here if you're going to keep screaming. You can stay and scream if you want. Or you can join us and hear a bedtime story. Those are the choices.”

“You're not the boss!” Charlie yelled. “My friend, Ssssstephanie will come and bite you! She's a rattlesnake! Then you'll be poisoned and die!”

“Let go of me. Now,” Emma said in a low voice.

“She's invisible so you won't see when she's coming! She'll bite you with her fangs and you'll die the worst death ever!” Charlie's heart beat fast. She did not let go.

“Zoey, come here, please!” Emma called.

That made Charlie happy. If Zoey was back, they were staying after all. Charlie smiled. Then she screamed her highest and loudest. It was her best scream ever.

“I need you to go get Olivia,” Charlie heard.

Right then, Charlie didn't know what to do. She wanted to keep Emma here, and Zoey here, but she couldn't. She wanted Ari.

No, she wanted her real mom.

Charlie couldn't see her til tomorrow and what if something else happened tonight and Charlie wasn't there to help?

Her screams turned into crying and Charlie hid underneath the bottom bunk. It was dark. Ssssstephanie loved the dark. Ssssstephanie loved Charlie, even if nobody else did. Even if she was very hard to love.

Even though her ears were blocked from crying noise, Charlie heard Olivia come in and take Zoey with her upstairs. Emma was still here. Charlie didn't know if she could climb under beds or not. She didn't care.

“Charlie, come out, okay? Let's talk.”

“I don't want you! I want my real mom!” Charlie cried.

All of a sudden somebody was underneath with Charlie. It wasn't Emma. Charlie knew that right away. The person took her hand and squeezed.

Ari.

She didn't say any words, just stayed until Charlie wanted to come out. Charlie thought that time would be never but as long as Ari was here, Charlie might be able to.

When she did, they went over to Ari's bed, so Emma could sit down too and all of them could talk. Charlie didn't want to. But that was okay. Ari knew what she was thinking anyway. She could tell Emma.

“She gets nervous before contact,” Ari told Emma. “You know that's normal, right?” Ari asked Charlie sitting next to her.

Charlie didn't do anything. Ssssstephanie disappeared. She only came when Charlie really needed her. Usually when she got very mad.

“I mean, do you see me before contact? I freak out all the time. It's okay,” Ari said like it really was. Ari was in foster care, too, so she knew what it was like. That meant Charlie had to believe her.

“I think I can go to sleep now,” she said calmly, and climbed up into her bed.

“Okay. I think Zoey's gonna sleep upstairs for tonight, so it'll be just the two of you. I'll see you in the morning.” Emma said.

Charlie watched as Emma stopped outside of Harper's door and knocked, and waited.  Charlie looked outside and saw her bike was back.  Noah's wasn't.  Harper didn't wanna talk, obviously.  Because Emma made her stay home.  Emma stayed a long time in the hall, and tried calling inside on her cell phone.  Harper's phone rang Out of the Woods, but she didn't answer so Emma slided a tiny piece of paper under Harper's door, like a secret message.

She wished there was a way to get a secret message to her real mom.

[Note from Harper reads:  "A lot of things worry me.  Knowing the right thing to do.  Ppl not liking me.  I don't think anyone can help."]

[Note from Emma reads: Harper, I'd like to help if I can.  If you think of anything, please let me know?  Need to talk ASAP so don't disappear.  No matter what, I'll always like you.  Emma."]

Noah walked in the front door at 9:59. He cut it close tonight, but he still made it home by curfew. The living room was dark, but there were sleeping bags on the floor. The couch was empty. Liv probably finally decided sleeping on the couch was a raw deal and went to sleep in his mom and William's room instead.

“Noah? Come here, please?”

He jumped, startled. Damn, he thought for sure he was in the clear.

Walking to the kitchen, he went straight to the refrigerator, to avoid sitting and looking at Emma. But she waited until he did anyway.

“We didn't hear from you all day.”

He brought the secret stash of assorted donut holes and set it on the table, open between them. He snagged a cinnamon-sugar one. “That was kinda the idea.”

“I know Liv talked to you.”

“Where is she, by the way?” Noah asked quietly.

“William called. She's on the phone in their bedroom. I'm sure she'll let you know what she finds out about your grandma.”

Noah nodded.

“I know Liv talked to you,” Emma began again. “About letting one of us know before you go out. About how important it is to know where you are.”

“No one cared before. Mom says I can do what I want. She knows I won't do anything bad.”

“We care, and this is very serious. Did you know Harper was gone all day, too?”

He looked away, the donut feeling like paste in his mouth. He hadn't though she'd actually stay out for fifteen hours. He knew he wouldn't get in any trouble but what about her? What if she was out doing bad stuff?

“She left the same time I did,” he admitted softly.

“Which was what time?”

“A little after six this morning,” he muttered. “I knew if I wanted to get out at all I had to do it before breakfast otherwise sh-- stuff would start to happen and then I wouldn't be able to go out without feeling like a jerk.”

“We don't mind you going out and being with your friends. But where were you today?”

“Riding around. McDonald's, the batting cages, Target, the park, then some friends' houses.”

“Why?” Emma wondered, and there was so much feeling in her eyes – like she cared so much – he had to look away.

“Just needed to breathe. It's been kinda intense around here lately.”

Emma nodded. “That's fair, but Noah, we need to be able to trust you...and right now I don't.”

He blinked, shocked. This was really sucking.

Emma took a donut hole – powdered sugar – and dipped it in her coffee. She drank it black, like William did. “I want you to stay home tomorrow. You and Harper, both. Hang out here, with us.”

“Is this, like, optional?” he asked.

“No.”

He sighed, frowning.

“Tuesday, assuming you stayed home Monday, you can go out after breakfast, say 9:00. I'd like you home by dinner at 5:00. And one of the conditions of your going out is that we know where you are. So text me or text Liv. If we don't get texts, we'll know you're not ready to be on your own and we'll have to work something else out.”

“What if something's going on later, or if one of my buddies needs me? Our baseball team is really tight. We're there for each other.”

Emma thought about it, taking a plain donut hole this time, and dunking it. It made Noah want to try coffee. He didn't drink Starbucks like Harper and Ari (even though no one was supposed to know Ari drank it) but he'd be willing to try some, plain.

“I think allowances could be made. If it's a special circumstance, like you said, come to me or Liv and let us know what's up and where you're going. If it's after 5:00 in that case, we'll expect you home no later than 9:00.

Noah opened his mouth. Then he closed it. He could see that he'd gotten on Emma's last nerve and knew that was hard to do. This wasn't the time to complain. He was just grateful he wasn't grounded for the rest of the week or something. William was known to be strict about stuff. A day at home sounded mostly okay, as long as Harper had to stay in, too, and as long as Josh didn't have anymore seizures.

“Can I have some of that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at Emma's cup.

“There's a little left in the pot if you want that,” Emma offered. “I didn't know you drank coffee.”

“I just wanna see if I like it.”

Just then Liv walked back in the kitchen.

“Gram's okay. She had a minor stroke, and Grace and William are just staying the rest of the week until they can set up home health care for her.”

“Okay. Good,” Noah nodded, taking his coffee in a Star Wars cup to his room and closing the door, glad it was just him in there again.

He found a note on his pillow and picked it up recognizing his own handwriting on the front, before turning it over and reading the back.

[Note from Noah reads: "Liv and Emma- Even though school's out, I am always worried about it.  A new brain might help, don't think you can do that, tho.  Noah."

[Note from Emma reads:  Noah, I hear that!  8th grade can be tough!  If you need any help with geography, I'm kind of a genius at it.  Emma."]

Noah sipped his coffee and tried dunking the cinnamon-sugar donut hole he'd snagged. It didn't taste that bad. Dudley nosed his way in the room, no doubt smelling that Noah brought food in here and wanting to see if he could get in on it.

“I saw what you did this morning,” Noah said disapprovingly. “Don't even think about trying to get in on this.”

Still, Dudley stayed until the donut and coffee were gone, and then jumped up on Noah's bed, which Noah allowed, since Dudley was his dog. They'd got him from the humane society when Noah was eight, right after his mom and William got married.

“You know, I'm not even worried about school?” Noah confessed, scratching Dudley til he rolled over to have his belly rubbed. “That was a lie...” He crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash. He changed into sweats and got into bed, trying to stretch out around Dudley, who took over way more of the bed than he should have.

Out of habit, Noah unearthed his bear from the crevasse between the wall and his bed. Then he felt under his pillow and stopped short.

He picked up his pillow and looked underneath it. He looked on the floor and took all the blankets off his bed. Dudley was watching him, reacting to Noah's nerves.

He looked everywhere, but the picture – which nobody else even knew existed – was missing.