Chapter 9: Ringmaster

Charlie took the brush out of Emma's hand and shook it, the way her real mom did sometimes. It meant business. It meant do what you're told or get smacked on the butt with it. Charlie would do it, too.

“Make me a French braid,” Charlie said, making her voice low and serious like her real mom.

“I'm sorry, I can't,” Emma said.

Even though she wanted to hit and show Emma what happened when you said sorry or I can't, Charlie's legs wouldn't hold her up anymore. She fell down on the bathroom floor and sobbed. “Sorry's not good enough!”

“What's this now?” Olivia asked, her voice calm, but losing patience a little. Charlie was good at reading voices, even when she was crying.

“I need a French braid!” Charlie wailed.

It was so important for Charlie to look nice. The most important out of anything ever. Charlie's real mom always said. People make snap judgments. If you look nice you get treated better and taken more seriously. Since Charlie didn't know how to be good on her own, she had to have her clothes and hair looking nice to help her.

“Would another braid do?” Liv asked.

“There is no other kind!” Charlie kicked and Emma moved out of the bathroom really careful.

“Sure, there is. I can make you a regular braid...or a ponytail, or pigtails?” Which one do you think?” Olivia asked.

“Not a messy ponytail...a nice one? With no hair falling out of it?” Charlie asked.

“I'll do my best,” Olivia promised. “We can use a little bit of gel or hairspray to keep it in place. Now, do you want it higher up, like in the middle of the back of your head? Or low by your neck?”

“Higher up,” Charlie specified, finally getting up. She was wasting time. She hoped Olivia was fast.

Charlie stood in front of the mirror and waited for her red eyes and teary face to go away. She wasn't a baby. She wanted her real mom to see that.

“How's that?” Olivia asked.

Charlie squinted. “It's okay... You promise it won't fall out?”

“Well, it will eventually, but we can spray it to help it stay in place. Here, close your eyes and hold your breath.”

Charlie did, feeling very grown up. Her real mom wore hairspray.

After, Olivia said not to touch it so it could dry and hold her hair still.

“My sleeve's still ruined,” Charlie pouted.

“Well, here. Let's roll it just a little. Then we can roll the other one and no one will ever know.” Olivia smiled.

“I'll know.”

“Charlie, your social worker's here,” Emma called.

“Coming!” Charlie ran fast to put her shoes and jacket on. She hoped Olivia was right and her real mom might just think she wanted to try a new fashion thing.

Her social worker was at the door saying hello to her. She said hi and then thought of something. Something else very important to her real mom. Manners. She turned around and looked at Olivia.

“Thank you for fixing my hair and my sweater.”

“You're welcome,” Olivia replied.

Now, Charlie could leave.

[Image reads: "Xtra snac tody plees Carter."]

Oliver walked in Noah's room and gave him a measured look. He had pulled his bed, and Oliver's away from the wall. He knew what Noah was looking for, but he schooled his face to look passive. It wasn't hard, since there were bigger things than lost pictures in the world.

His stomach lurched and he breathed, trying to stay steady. “Are you almost done?” he asked. “I need to lie down.”

“So find a couch. I'm doing something here,” Noah snapped.

Making a face, Oliver walked out. The house was a lot quieter without that little blonde girl. Well...maybe he spoke too soon.

“Daniel,” Josh sobbed. “Want Daniel...”

Oliver's head throbbed. Josh was supposed to be napping now, but Oliver guessed he couldn't if he didn't have that tiger. He glanced half-heartedly around and didn't see it anywhere. He sat down beside Zoey, who was coloring a picture. This one was much more like pictures she usually drew. A happy Pinkie Pie with a smiling stick person next to it.

“Have either of you seen Daniel?” Emma asked.

“No,” Oliver answered.

“No,” Zoey echoed.

“Gosh... Okay. If you do see him, let me know, or just bring him to Josh. He can't nap without him.”

Oliver laid his head down on the table. It was cool and felt better than not doing it.

Zoey tapped his head with a marker.

“You okay?”

“No...my head hurts....and I feel like I'm gonna hurl.”

“Cheer up, buttercup,” she said, a phrase she'd picked up somewhere that was - as Dad said - undeniably cute. “We got contact.”

“Yeah....I know...”

“So, aren't you happy about that?”

“I guess.”

“It's gonna be okay. I promise,” Zoey patted his head gently and went back to her drawing, putting her sticker right on Pinkie Pie.

[Image is Zoey's picture showing a happy, smiling Pinkie Pie and a blue stick person with yellow hair.  Her name is almost entirely legible, except for the backward Z.]

“So, you guys never told me if I could hang out with Luke...” Ari said, crossing her arms.

“Here's the thing. We talked to Liz and Zee and they said they've never known you to be allowed to go to anybody named Luke's house. The only Luke they know of is a bit of a troublemaker...” Liv pointed out.

Ari scowled.  “You don't understand. I need a social life,” she begged.

“We told you you could have Luke over here. That offer still stands.” Liv maintained.

Ari took a deep breath, ready to protest, and then stopped. She could totally use this to her advantage. Noah and Harper had managed to sneak away for the whole day without being noticed. If Ari left now and was back by 9:00 that would give her almost eight hours, just her and Luke. They could play games on his phone. She could see what he got for Christmas. She could just be with him.

“I'll call him and see if he wants to come over, but I have to find his number, since I'm not allowed to have my cell phone. I wrote it down in my math notebook, she said, the lie coming to her with no trouble at all.

Before Liv could question her anymore, Ari darted downstairs. Harper was in her room with the door closed, Charlie was gone, and Zoey was coloring. Emma and Liv were searching high and low for Daniel and Josh was still crying. They'd be busy for a while.

Ari grabbed her jacket and shoes and eased the back door open. By some miracle they still hadn't gotten much snow. That meant she could ride her bike with no trouble. She rode around the house and looked up and down the street to be sure she was in the clear. Then, she rode in the direction of Luke's.

She didn't notice Zee Sanchez-Brown glancing out the window of their house at the the streak of red that was Ari's coat. She didn't see Zee immediately calling the Gallagher's to inform whomever picked up that Ari had left.

As far as Ari was concerned, she had made it. She was feeling so happy, so free, so powerful. The cold made her feel extra alive.

A horn beeped beside her and Ari glanced left. Her good mood vanished. Liv was driving, like, one mile an hour beside her.

“Turn around,” Liv ordered, her tone leaving no room for argument.

“Why? I'm just riding around...” Ari tried, playing innocent.

“Luke Reyes lives just a few blocks this way, according to Zee, who saw you ride by just now on your bike. Now turn yourself around and ride home or get in the car.”

“But--”

“No buts. Those are the choices.”

“Oh my God!” Ari exclaimed. Her cheeks burned as she turned her bike and rode home, Liv driving at a crawl beside her on the residential street. When she got to the house, Liv walked her in, like she was a toddler.

“This is not happening,” Liv stated, over enunciating each word.

“It's not? Oh good,” Ari said, making a move to disappear to her bedroom.

“Don't even think about it. You got a job to do.”

“You want me to find Daniel?” Ari asked dryly. “I don't know where he is.”

“You,” Liv said, walking into the kitchen, “are writing sentences. 'I will ask permission before leaving the house.' Front and back. Get busy.” She set a piece of notebook paper and a pencil in front of Ari.

“No way!”

Liv crossed her arms.

“No effing way!” Ari insisted.

“Absolutely. You swear again in front of me and I'll make it double.”

“What did she do?” Carter asked.

“Go help Emma look for Daniel. Is Josh asleep.”

“Yeah,” Carter nodded.

Ari took advantage of the distraction and crumpled the paper.

“You should just do the punishment,” Zoey offered, bored by The Croods, which Carter had picked to watch.

“Go watch your movie. And watch the clock, remember. At 3-0-0 your social worker's coming.”

“For my contact, right, Liv?” she asked, hanging on around her waist.

“That's right.”

“We got lots of paper and I got all the time in the world,” Liv said, turning her attention back to Ari.

Ari would just see about that. She said she had to go to the bathroom and locked herself in. She stomped and cried at the unfairness of her life now. Her mom and dad never made her do such pointless things as punishment.

When nobody even cared she was in there, she peeked out and opened Noah's door without knocking. “Your cousin's a total control freak, you know that?”

“Yeah, well you're not being so awesome right now yourself. Maybe you two should spend some time together," Noah muttered darkly.

“I hate your guts," Ari spat.

“I'm crying,” Noah remarked sarcastically. “Now get out before I tell Liv you're in here and you didn't knock.”

–

Noah didn't have time for this. He didn't have time for Ari's fourth grade drama or Josh's lost tiger or any of it. He had enough of his own crap to deal with. Oliver had come in and fallen asleep on his bed even though it was moved and all torn apart. He hadn't even stirred when Ari barged in and started complaining about something, which Noah knew usually happened when she did something she knew was wrong and got caught at it and had some kind of natural consequence.

“Wanna watch The Croods with me?” Carter asked, his brown eyes hopeful.

“No, thanks, I gotta find something.”

God. Every time he looked at Carter now, Noah just felt a pit in his stomach. Especially knowing he was gonna have to see his bio parents tomorrow. He didn't know how Carter could be so fine about it.

“I can help you! I'm good at finding things!”

“Oh yeah? You find Daniel?” Noah remarked and watched Carter's face fall.

“Whatever. Find it yourself, then,” Carter insisted, turning his back.

“It's okay. You can stay and watch this movie with me,” Zoey said putting an arm around Carter. Noah registered briefly that this might have been the first time he'd seen Zoey willingly sit still for any length of time.

He cased the living room and then went to look around the kitchen. “You guys didn't see Dudley eating anything weird lately, did you?”

But Liv didn't answer because Ari had slid out of her chair and was self destructing. Sometimes, it seemed like she did it because she was overwhelmed, but sometimes, he swore she did it to get out of work.

He rolled his eyes and headed downstairs to where Emma was doing laundry.

“You haven't seen Dudley eat anything weird lately, have you? Like paper or something?” he asked.

“No, I haven't. Sorry," Liv said, keeping her attention on Ari.

He stopped and knocked hard on Harper's door, pissed off now. It was all Harper's fault he was driving himself nuts looking for this dumb picture instead of being at the batting cages or with his friends. He didn't have to think about serious stuff then. His punishment was probably double what it would have been because she'd gone out, too. He conveniently ignored the fact that by the time he was out in the yard, Harper had already been there first.

“Harper!” he yelled.

“What's your problem?” she called from inside, annoyed.

“I need to come in.”

“No you don't,” she answered.

“Yes I do! Harper, come on! I have to see if something of mine is in there, okay?”

“You think I stole something of yours? Nice, Noah. Now you're never coming in.”

“Harper! Damn it!” Noah exploded, rattling the handle and kicking the door. “Let me in! I'm gonna break this door down if you don't!”

This was what happened if he wasn't allowed to go out. All his pent up energy built up and made him do things he didn't wanna do. Like pound on Harper's door like some douche with anger issues. Like hurt Carter's feelings on purpose. Jordan, Nick and Marcus still all had their versions of that blackmail video hanging over his head at school. Carter had to go visit his asshole parents who tied him up and chased him with knives. Noah's mom couldn't even be bothered to listen, even though she taught him that he had to tell her right away if one of the kids said something like that. And his only picture of him and his dad was missing. He couldn't keep it together anymore.

Seriously. How much was one guy expected to take?

–

“What are you doing in here?” Emma asked, wondering why she was talking to a stuffed animal, but seriously curious as to how Daniel Tiger ended up buried in the laundry basket at the bottom of the laundry chute.

A sudden burst of noise and Noah's raised voice could be heard from just outside the laundry room. Emma hurried to get her crutches to go investigate.

The last thing she expected to find was Noah threatening to kick in Harper's bedroom door.

“What is going on?” she demanded.

“She won't let me in to look for something!” Noah shouted.

“Well, she has that right. It's her space. I want you to take this upstairs and tuck it in with Josh,” she handed Noah the stuffed tiger. “Get yourself together. Breathe. Then come back down here. I need to talk to you.”

Noah's green eyes flashed hot and angry, but he nodded tightly and took Daniel from Emma, and walked upstairs.

Emma glanced at the clock on her phone and sent Liv a text:

Almost 3. Need to get O and Z ready to get picked up for contact. I need to talk to N. PS Found Daniel. She added a smile emoticon and hit send.

Then Emma tapped on Harper's door, remembering the note she'd found in the box today.

[Note from Harper reads:  Emma- Why are you being so nice to me?  If it's a trick, please stop.  At least if you're angry, it's honest.  If you mean it about respecting me, be honest."]

“Harper, are you okay? Noah's upstairs. He's calming down.” When she was met with silence, Emma kept going. “It's not a trick, okay? I promise. I'm not mad. Now, please answer me. Are you okay?”

Her phone chimed with a text and she glanced down. It was from Harper, and simply read, Fine.

A few minutes later, Noah came back downstairs looking contrite. “I'm really sorry,” he apologized to Emma.

She raised her eyebrows. “I'm not the one you need to apologize to,” Emma said, nodding toward Harper's door.

“I'm really sorry, Harper.”

Emma nodded, and she led the way to the den. “What was that?” she asked, crossing her arms and waiting.

“Me... Losing my temper...”

“I heard. So did Harper. That cannot happen again. I'm not talking to you about this again. There are no warnings. You need to figure out other ways to deal with your anger.”

“It's why I go out...” he mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Emma asked, not understanding.

“It's why I go out,” he clarified. “'Cause I got all this stress and I'll go off on everybody...”

“Is there anything Liv or I can do to help? You can talk to us.”

“I just...can't. It's something I need my mom for, and something else I probably did to myself and something else I just gotta deal with.”

“Sounds like a lot,” Emma commented.

“It is,” he paused, biting his lip. “Can I go out? Please? I know I don't deserve to after how I acted but I really need to.”

“I think you know the answer to that,” Emma said gently. “You need to stay here the rest of the day. If you feel things start to build up inside? That's what crushing those cans on the deck is for. So you have an outlet that doesn't hurt or scare anyone.”

“Thought that was just for the kids,” he shrugged.

“It's for everyone. You're a part of us, Noah.” Emma said and then let the quiet grow around them.

“I scared you?” he asked softly, looking her in the eye.

“Honestly? Yes.”

“I'm really sorry about that,” he said, embarrassed. Noah paused and seemed to be weighing the choice of telling Emma something. “It's just...you know, I thought it was me...but on the way back down here I noticed...”

“Noticed what?”

“A picture's missing. Off the wall in the stairway. One of mine's missing, too. A really personal one. I thought Dudley might've chewed it up and left pieces in other rooms or something, which was why I was freaking out that Harper wouldn't let me in. But...”

“But he can't take a picture off the wall,” Emma finished. “Which picture's missing from the stairwell?”

“Mom and William's wedding photo,” he raised his eyebrows.

“Okay, keep an eye out and let me know if you see any others missing. Chances are, they'll turn up. I'll ask around. But in the meantime, I need you to manage your anger better. Much better. Understand?” Emma prompted, looking him in the eye.

“Yes, ma'am,” he answered, nodding. A pause. “Guess I should've been on Team Hulk, huh?” he asked ruefully.

Emma reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “No. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.”