Chapter 4: Jugglers

 Josh was sleepy. He wanted Mama and Daddy to kiss his owies and rockabye him. Dark was scary but light hurt and noise was too loud. Josh stayed with Daniel and Noah stayed with Josh. Liv and Emma came to talk in soft voices and touch his hair.

They talked and wanted him to talk. He fell down. When he fell it broke his talking. Only for a little. His hands were tired and hard moving, too, but not too tired to hang on tight to Noah so he stayed right here.

“I'm not going anywhere, buddy,” he promised.

Everything hurt, but Josh hung on. He didn't want to be by himself in the scary dark.

–

Liv had been able to breathe a bit easier after Ari calmed down. She had gone into Harper's room to listen to her read aloud to Charlie and Zoey. Cleaning would have to wait for another, less chaotic time. Instead, Liv looked in on Josh. Noah had yet to leave his side. Carter was playing superheroes quietly.

“How is he?” Liv asked softly, touching Josh's forehead.

“Okay,” Noah confirmed. “Doesn't wanna let me go, though, so I'm gonna hang out here.”

“Carter? You okay?”

“Yeah. I'm just gonna hang out here,” he said, mimicking Noah, as he tended to do. If there was anyone Carter looked up to more than William, it was Noah.

From there, she knocked briefly on Noah's bedroom door and waited for Oliver to answer. When he did, Liv found him curled on his bed, facing the wall.

“Can I come in?” she asked.

“It's your house,” he said dismissively.

“Zoey's okay,” Liv reassured, remembering Oliver's piece of paper with Zoey's name written on it. She was who was most important to him. “She's downstairs with the girls reading a book.”

“Whatever....”

“Is there anything I can get you? A cloth for your head?” she guessed.

Instead, there was silence. Liv was sure he'd fallen asleep and was just creeping quietly toward the door when he spoke again.

“We're leaving today?” he asked.

“I think so, yes.”

“Do you know where we'll be going? If we'll be with our other sisters?”

“No, I don't know that. I'm sorry.”

“Well, can you tell me when they call or whatever? We didn't come with anything so there's nothing to pack, I just... I'd like to know.”

“Of course. I'll let you know when I know.”

“Is it okay if I stay here for a while?”

“It's fine. Let me know if you need anything, will you?”

He nodded and turned over. Liv thought he still didn't look well, and what little she knew about him and Zoey led her to believe whatever they had been through was something pretty traumatizing. She wasn't about to ask, though. It wasn't her business.

Collapsing on the couch beside Emma, Liv felt like it was the first time she sat down since she arrived.

“I made sure everybody got a snack who wanted one,” Emma commented.

“Thanks. I just checked on the boys and tried to follow up a bit with Oliver about his paper in the box.”

“Yeah, I got to most everybody else this morning. The only one I haven't talked to is Charlie, so I have to be sure and talk to her before the day is up. But I think we're doing okay? How's Josh?”

“Resting, and attached to Noah.”

“Girls are still reading. I just checked on them. It was nice of Harper to offer to read to them. Ari seemed better.”

“Yeah, we spoke. She did seem better.”

“So, I'm thinking about asking them to write or draw about what worries them and ways we can help. What do you think? Maybe during free time this afternoon?”

“Sounds good to me. We should actually get going on lunch, while the kids are occupied,” Liv decided. “What do you think? Are we bad babysitters if we just stick a couple pizzas in?”

Emma shook her head. “No way. Pizza's good. I was thinking, though. About Josh. He was right next to me when his seizure started. I'd just had the thought that I wished I could have picked him up before it started, but I couldn't. He was making sounds like he was uncomfortable and then he just collapsed. I feel terrible.”

“It's not your fault. Besides, it's safer for him to be closer to the ground when it happens anyway,” Liv reassured. “You holding him might have complicated things even more. He had the helmet on and you were right there to help time it and keep an eye on his color. Between you and Noah, you did everything right. I almost forgot to mention, I called William to give him a heads-up about Josh's seizure.”

“Oh good. Noah was amazing. I gave both him and Harper major helping rings for today. And Charlie, Zoey and Ari some for listening, too. I feel bad I haven't seen much of Oliver, but I did give him one earlier for encouraging Zoey to apologize to Ari.”

“Thanks for staying on top of all the administrative type stuff. I'm feeling like a chicken with her head cut off trying to chase after eight kids all day long. I tend to forget about the box and the rings and everything.”

“Well, it's great for me, because I can't chase after the kids, but checking the box and following up with the kids conversation-wise isn't difficult. Oh! And conversations...” Emma said, casting a worried glance at Carter and Josh's bedroom door just off the kitchen. She forgot how loud she could be sometimes. “I think we should sit down with Josh when he's feeling better and talk to him about the questions we ask the other kids. He's smart and he'd get it if we asked him, I think. But expecting him to hold onto information, and draw something on paper about it might not be something he can do. He'd still be more than welcome to put whatever he wants in the box and we could talk to him about those, too, but I think he should get the chance to tell us what's important and what worries him, too.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Liv said, preoccupied. “Can you take point on that then?”

“Of course,” Emma answered.

Lunch was eaten shortly afterward. The kids were still quiet, casting worried glances at Josh's bedroom door. Noah wouldn't come out to eat until Emma took over sitting with him.

Afterward, the kids were free to play quietly. It was meant to be Josh's nap time anyway, and he was still down for the count. Noah was content to continue sitting with him, and amazingly, Ari, Charlie and Zoey turned down watching a movie to return to Harper's room to hear more Harry Potter.

“It's getting really good,” Charlie passed along on her way downstairs.

“I'm glad,” Liv told her.

Since Carter was bored and Oliver had made a brief appearance to eat more toast at lunch, Liv asked them if they'd like to choose a movie to watch together. She was more than a little shocked when Oliver took the lead and asked Carter if he'd ever seen The Goonies.

“My dad showed it to me. It's great, and I wanna see it again and Zoey's too young to watch it. Don't tell her I said that,” he whispered.

“I won't,” Carter grinned.

With this rare block of time where all the kids were occupied and no major disasters were occurring, Liv did her best to follow up with the cleaning do what she could quietly and without disturbing Josh, while also throwing glances toward the land line and wondering when Oliver and Zoey's social worker would come to pick them up. She threw laundry in to wash. She knew that Emma was going to all the kids now and talking to them about the new question for the box. Liv hoped she wouldn't forget to talk to Charlie, too. Since it was on her mind, Liv stopped briefly to check the box herself and found the sweetest note from Ari tucked inside. It made tears come to Olivia's eyes.

[Image is a pink heart with the message "Thank you Olivia.  Ari"]

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, and Liv had decided on tacos for dinner. That was simple enough and only involved browning hamburger, which was something Emma could supervise just as easily as Liv, if it came to that.

As Carter had asked no less than sixteen times when dinner was going to be, Liv made sure it was on the table and called them all to eat precisely at 5 PM.

Surprising everybody, Noah and Josh came to the dinner table. Josh still looked pale and exhausted. Noah boosted him higher on his hip. “He wanted to see everyone,” Noah explained.

Liv didn't comment, and neither did anyone else, when Noah sat at the table, holding Josh on his lap and feeding him bites of taco patiently. On any other day, Josh could have managed picking up a taco or chips and feeding himself, but Liv had seen just how tired and sore he was afterward. It made sense that he could use a little help.

“So, I wanna thank all of you for finding quiet things to do so Josh could rest,” Liv said.

“Can I have another soft shell?” Carter asked, raising his eyebrows at Emma.

Liv did a double take. They had barely been at the table five minutes and already Carter's first taco (a hard shell) and chips were gone.

“Of course, but try to slow down a little,” Emma cautioned.

“Ollie, you want a taco?” Zoey asked. “I don't want mine.”

“You can't just eat chips,” he corrected mildly.

“Says the one who only ate toast...” Ari remarked sarcastically.

“Yeah, Ollie. I can just have chips if I want,” Zoey insisted.

“I'll eat your taco,” Carter volunteered.

Liv watched Charlie poke Emma in the side. “I see my mom tomorrow.”

“I don't think so. Tomorrow's Sunday. I think you see her Monday, though, right? Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?”

“Sunday then Monday,” Charlie clarified.

“Right.”

“I can hold him,” Harper offered, “so you can eat.” She raised her eyebrows at Noah and held her arms open for Josh. He buried his face in Noah's shirt.

“Thanks, but I got him.” Noah insisted.

“What was everyone's favorite part of today?” Emma asked.

“For real not for the box?” Harper clarified.

“For real right now,” Emma insisted.

“I liked reading Harry Potter with the girls,” Harper volunteered. “We got really far into it.”

“Yeah, even though I already read it a bunch, I liked that, too,” Ari admitted.

“Me, too.” Charlie echoed.

“Me, too!” Zoey yelled, not wanting to be left out.

“I liked watching that treasure movie with Oliver,” Carter added, with his mouth full.

Oliver nodded, but didn't comment.

Liv looked at Noah. “Did you have a favorite part?”

“Oh, I thought this was just for the kids...” he admitted.

“It's for all of us,” Emma returned.

“My favorite part was being able to be here when Josh needed me.” Noah glanced down at Josh. “What was your favorite thing about today?” he asked the boy in his lap and he laughed as Josh poked a finger into his chest. “Your favorite part is me?” Noah asked, laughing softly.

Josh nodded.

“Liv and Emma, what was your guys' favorite part?” Harper asked.

“My favorite part was watching you guys help each other,” Emma admitted.

“And mine was when you're able to tell me what's bothering you so I can help,” Liv said, looking at each child in turn. Her gaze stopped briefly on Ari and she looked into her eyes. “I am so proud of you.”

Ari ducked her head.

–

Carter ate two of each kind of taco and put chips and cheese into his pocket when Zoey started screaming about not liking her taco and wanting something else. Because that meant Olive was busy dealing with her, and Emma and Noah left to run Josh's bath. That meant no one was watching him.

Harper was helping clean up and telling all the rest of them to help too, to get more rings. “Just a sec,” Carter said, and stopped off into his and Josh's room. He closed both doors. One went into the kitchen and the other went into the hall. Then, he got down on his hands and knees and moved the boxes of toys he didn't play with that much to check on his secret stash. It was all still there.

A piece of garlic bread from dinner last night, some baked potato chips from snack last night, leftover peanut butter and jelly toast, some Lucky Charms, and half of a granola bar, and three tiny bottles of water from the fridge. Now, Carter added the chips and cheese. He wished he had something to keep it all in, but he didn't. Besides, if containers started missing from the kitchen, somebody would notice.

William always noticed. And then they talked about how Carter would always be fed here, and give him a special place to keep food that wouldn't spoil. That was usually in a drawer in the kitchen but Grace was cleaning it out on Christmas and then she got distracted 'cause Oliver and Zoey came and then the bad phone call came and no one remembered to put food back in.

Then they left.

Olive and Emma didn't know about the drawer maybe. Maybe asking for more food just meant at meals and not for extra.

His stomach gurgled and Carter felt like he might throw up. Zoey was still screaming the house down, and Josh was taking a bath in the upstairs bathroom.

Instead of knocking to come in, he sat against the bedroom door to the kitchen and waited. Sometimes it made him feel better and sometimes not.

“Carter, come on. You gotta help,” Harper called.

Carter closed his eyes. He felt hands grabbing him inside his memory and holding him against a door like this so his arms and the back of his head hurt. He heard screaming – not Zoey's – inside his memory, too. His real mom screamed like that sometimes. And his real dad handled him too rough. He was just a kid. And hurting kids was never okay.

If he was away from it, how come it could still hurt him?

He checked his arms for bruises and his head for a bump. Nothing was there, but it hurt like there was.

“Carter!” Harper yelled, but the sound transformed to a man's voice like his real dad's. He better listen. Or else he'd get his ass beat.

He got up and walked into the kitchen slow.  He was closer to Zoey now and her screaming really hurt his ears.

“Shut up!” he yelled at her. He wasn't ready when Zoey kicked him in the stomach. That hurt really for real, and Carter cried.

Olivia was somewhere else but Emma was here like magic. “What happened?” she asked in a very low voice not like she talked in usually.

“Carter told Zoey to shut up and she kicked him in the stomach,” Ari reported. She was a big tattle tale.

“Say you're sorry,” Emma insisted to Zoey. “We do not hurt each other here. Do you understand?”

Zoey was pouting and Carter was trying to breathe and not puke. It was hard with the crying.

“He hurt my feelings!” Zoey yelled.

Oliver was here, too, towering over Carter on the ground like a giant. Carter curled up, in case Oliver wanted to kick him, too. But instead, he bent down to Zoey and looked her in the eyes. “Apologize. Right now.”

“Sorry,” she whined.

“Say all of it,” he prompted.

“Sorry for kicking you.” Zoey said.

Carter knew she wasn't really sorry. He wasn't really sorry for saying shut up either even though he knew shut up was a bad word. She needed to shut up.

Still, Emma was looking at him. Her crutches looked like big metal sticks. He didn't think she'd hit him but he didn't want to test it out and see. Not when he was already hurt.

“Sorry for saying shut up,” he sobbed.

“Both of you need to think of something nice to do for each other before you go to bed tonight. Carter, if I don't hear from Zoey that you did something nice for her before bed, it's gonna be two nice things tomorrow. Same thing for you, Zoey. If I don't hear from Carter that you did a nice thing for him before the day is over, it'll be two nice things tomorrow.”

“I'm leaving tonight anyway so I don't have to,” Zoey challenged rebelliously.

“Yes, you do. Before we leave, so you'd better get a move on,” Oliver insisted.

Carter finally stopped crying after a million years.  He had to do one nice thing for Zoey superfast otherwise he'd have to do even more tomorrow and Carter was never doing that.  He thought about what Zoey would think was a nice thing. He remembered her only wanting chips at dinner and not eating any tacos. He checked under his bed fast, knowing Josh was gonna go to bed soon, and took out the chips he'd gotten from the kitchen and put them back in his pockets. Then he sneaked downstairs, with Dudley at his heels, smelling him, and shut the dog in the hall while he sneaked into the girls' room.

He tried never to go in there because it even smelled girly, like way too strong of perfume, but he made himself do it this one time. He left the pile of chips on Zoey's pillow and then came out and closed the door again so Dudley wouldn't go in and eat them.

“Those aren't for you. They're for Zoey, so don't even think about it,” he said. His stomach still hurt. Bad. He wished he was three like Josh, just this once, so he could get taken care of good. He sat down at the bottom of the stairs, just as Zoey walked by. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“I did a nice thing for you,” he called in an angry voice. “It's on your pillow.”

“If it's a lizard, I'm telling,” Zoey said back, taunting.

Carter made a face. “It's too cold for lizards, you know. They'd freeze, and...” he trailed off, hearing Emma's crutches as she walked down the stairs to sit by him.

“Is your stomach okay?” she asked. “Can I check?”

He nodded and she lifted his shirt. Carter was sure there would have been a footprint there but there was nothing.

“It looks okay. Is it still sore?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Want some ice?”

He nodded even though he didn't know what the ice was for. Maybe he could crunch it in his teeth if all his other food ran out.

He shouldn't have wasted his chips on Zoey, but sharing food was the nicest thing Carter could think of to do for someone else, 'cause you needed food to stay alive.

Besides, he could hopefully get more later.

[Image says: "Harper, You are awesome!  Great job staying on task with the vacuuming!  Emma."]

Harper smiled at the note she found slid under her door from Emma. It reminded her of how Emma had said she could hang out with Lexie today. Harper had done an excellent job taking care of the girls and doing her cleaning. She had held up her end of the deal.

She checked her phone. 7:21. She could still hang out with Lexie til 10 PM or even sleep over if Lexie said it was okay. She stepped out into the hall, making sure the door to her room was closed. Having Zoey, Charlie and Ari in there earlier had been a major exception, and all of them knew not to mess with anything of hers or she would never invite them in again. Still, she could never be too careful.

Harper waited outside the girls' room and Emma finally came out. “What's up?” she asked.

“Can I go to Lexie's?” Harper asked, bouncing up and down a little.

“I don't think so. Maybe tomorrow,” Emma said making a sad face.

“What?” Harper asked. “That's not fair. You said this morning I could go.”

“I said this morning if you were back in time for dinner, you could go,” Emma clarified and Harper felt herself getting angry.

“You can't just change the rules. You said I could go today and it's still today,” Harper insisted.

“Harper, it's after 7:30 and it's dark. I don't want you riding around on your bike in the dark.”

“You let Noah. Last night. He got to stay out 'til way late when his curfew is so why can't I stay out til mine? 10:00 would still give me two hours to hang out, and I was so good today and you promised I could go. How come I have to be home by dinner and he gets to stay out until 11:00? Because I'm a girl?” she challenged.

“Noah left without permission, and he knows not to do that again. No one let him stay out late. We want to know all of you are safe, and there's nothing safe about going out after dark in the winter. You can hang out with Lexie tomorrow.”

“This sucks!”

She ran to her room and slammed the door, so mad she didn't notice her phone slipping out of her pocket in the hall. So mad she didn't notice Charlie tiptoeing out of her room to pick it up and sneaking back in their room with it.

–

“Are you checking for bad guys?” Zoey asked.

“No,” Charlie answered. “Go to sleep.”

But Zoey couldn't. She climbed the ladder to Charlie's top bunk and peeked in. Charlie had a phone! She could call her Daddy on that phone, or maybe...

“Can we play Candy Crush?” Zoey asked.

That reminded her of tonight and snack when she gave Carter her chocolate chip cookie. She had eaten all the chips he left her speedy fast and the salt was the yummiest part. Liv said at snack everybody could have one cookie. And even though Zoey loved cookies the most of any ever, she knew from the collection of it she saw under his bed when she was 'vestigating today during cleaning, that he liked food best of all.

They both had told Emma they had done a nice thing for each other and then their consequences were done. The social work lady hadn't called so Zoey had to go to bed here again. Away from Ollie. Even though she really wanted to sleep next to him in the living room like last night.

“This isn't for games,” Charlie said, in her important voice. “It's for emergencies.”

“Like if someone dies?” Zoey wondered. Her tummy did a flip like she was on a roller coaster but not the fun kind.

“Or almost dies,” Charlie nodded. “Ooh, a text! From L-e-x-i-e...” Charlie read.

All at once the door banged open. Zoey screamed even though it was just Harper. She was mad.

“You stole my phone! Give it!”

“No, I need it,” Charlie insisted. “But oh by the way? Lexie texted you.”

That just made Harper madder. She yelled for Liv but it was Emma who came. Harper made a face but still told, “Charlie stole my phone!”

“I didn't steal it. It was on the floor in the hall.”

“But you knew it was Harper's. You need to give it back right now,” Emma insisted.

“I need it. I told Harper already. Just for one night, okay, Harper? Then it's yours again.”

Zoey listened.

“It's mine right now,” Harper said with her teeth together.

“Charlie, it's Harper's. You know that. Give it back to her or you'll have a consequence,” Emma said like it was a promise.

“Do it, Charlie,” Zoey whispered. “You don't wanna give up your cookie at snack.”

“But I said yesterday I need a phone! On the important note! Remember? Liv made us make it.”

“She said it's for emergencies,” Zoey added helpfully, “Like if someone dies.”

“Or almost dies and you need to call 911 for help to save them,” Charlie added.

“Okay. I hear you and I understand. Give me Harper's phone and we'll talk about this.”

Zoey watched and Charlie did the right thing. Harper stomped out of the room just at the same time as Ari came in, her hair wet from showering.

“What's going on?” she asked.

“We're talking about what to do in an emergency,” Emma said.

“Oh, I already know that,” Ari said and got into bed, checking all her stuff to be sure Zoey didn't touch it. (And she didn't.)

“If there's an emergency while Olivia and I are here, and you need to call 911? You can use the phone in the kitchen. Only for emergencies, though. Phones aren't for playing on and calling 911 isn't a joke.”

“I know,” Charlie nodded. “I would only use it for real.”

“Good.”

“Now, I want you girls to go to sleep, okay? I'll see you in the morning.”

Emma left and Zoey got under the covers very far so no bad guys could see in case they broke in. Then she wished very hard that she could go where her Daddy was to bring him to the Magic Pool in Ponyville to make another Daddy and then get a unicorn to magic him back alive.

Baby unicorn magic could break chains and move things. Maybe they could change her daddy's deadness back to aliveness and make him move again.

Zoey yawned thinking about that time Pinky Pie made too many of herself by going in the Magic Pool.

She didn't need lots of Daddies.

Just one would be enough.